Welcome visitor

I slept fairly well and was up at eight, wishing I could have slept for longer, but wasn't quite warm enough to doze off again. Clare, on the other hand, complained of being too hot in the other single bed. We walked to the town market after breakfast, where there's a lovely organic veg and wholefood shop. The wholesale veg delivery hadn't yet arrived, so we went to Tesco's to buy bread, pasta and passata, then returned for a cup of coffee. Clare had a dish of crab salad, while we waited. After buying veg we needed, we returned to Croft Court, in a headwind which blew light rain into our faces. As Clare had eaten I cooked a veggie sugo with tagliatelli for my lunch.

On our way to meet Ann at Tenby train station we went to the market to buy local potatoes, then to Tesco's for wine and prosecco, though not for me because of the meds. We mis-timed the walk to the station and were three quarters of an hour early arriving there. It's unstaffed. The waiting room and toilets were locked so we sat outside in the sun until the train arrived.

We walked back to Croft Court with me dragging Ann's suitcase. Clare cooked the fresh sea bass fillets bought yesterday. I scrubbed new potatoes, recently pulled from the ground. Both delicious! After supper we sat around chatting, catching up for the rest of the evening. 

Tenby Sunday

I slept quite well and got up slowly for breakfast at eight. Cloudy with a cold north west wind today.  We allowed ourselves half an hour to walk to Saint Mary's Church for the Eucharist. It took us about ten minutes, which meant we could sit quietly and enjoy the atmosphere of people being welcomed as they gathered for worship. I read most of Morning Prayer before the fifteen strong choir sang Bruckner's 'Locus Iste' from the vestry behind the organ before entering in procession. It seemed to me that the congregation of about sixty adults were mostly of grandparent age, with a dozen children of Junior School age, taking an active part in the service taking the collection, accompanied by an older adult. The stately ritual of a town centre church Sung Eucharist was relaxed and prayerful, the children walked around looking at ease,  comfortable to belong and be included in worship. Retired clergy preached and presided. Tenby's Ministry Area Leader was at another church today. It was a good  experience of parish liturgy well done. The only thing striking me as odd in a rural coastal community where fishing is still feature of the local economy, was no mention of today being Rogation Sunday.

We had a cup of coffee on our way back to Croft Court in a restaurant overlooking the sea and out of the strong cold wind. China cups instead of disposable ones, and a large slice of choccy cake for Clare. While I was preparing lunch, she baked flapjacks, to use up some of the large packet of oats, bought on Friday. We had broccoli with rice and cod perfectly poached in almond milk, with clementines and flapjacks to follow.

As the lining of my jacket pocket had come apart I had a repair job to do after lunch. This went well until I ran out of thread, and needed Clare's help to finish it off for me. On removing my wallet from the jacket I discovered my rail card and tickets weren't there where they should be. I searched  everywhere and started to panic - out of control again. Clare started checking her wallet in case she had picked up mine at the last ticket check before arriving at Tenby. She found her rail card, but not her ticket. More chaos! Eventually, I found my rail card and tickets in a hidden compartment of the wallet I don't normally use. Clare's tickets then turned up in a compartment of her mobile phone case. Panic over.

We walked into town again to enjoy the colourful aspect of the townscape, the harbour and vast expanse of golden beach illuminated by the afternoon sun. There's a fishmonger's stall in a small old building, open for fresh fish, or crab sandwiches if you prefer. Clare bought sea bass fillets for tomorrow's supper when Ann arrives to join us.

I went out again after supper for some fresh air and completed my daily distance, following the road away from the beach uphill towards the place where we stayed on our last visit. It's a matter of reconstructing my visual memory map of the area. This afternoon's panic over misplace tickets left me feeling very tired and incoherent, so it's early bed for me, even before Clare, who's usually first to surrender to sleep.

Carten 100 challenge

I wish I could have slept for longer, as the after effect of running on adrenalin yesterday left me tired and struggling. Clare was up and active, keen to go out and explore after breakfast. Her uncertain memory and poor sense of direction meant she needed me to go with her. We walked down to the harbour, then up into the old town. 

A big black Americano at a bar in Sergeants' Lane revived me somewhat. It's a lively and busy area, with a few art galleries plus pubs and restaurants, including one belonging to the Tenby based Harbwr brewery. As I was taking photos of the street, a lad welcoming customers told me his uncle owned properties there. All are old buildings with different trade histories, sympathetically renovated and adapted for the purpose of hospitality - this perhaps explains why it works well, architecturally speaking. Clare has her eye on a harbour painting in one of the galleries! 

We visited Tesco's and an artisan bakery to shop for decent rye bread and ground coffee, then found a fish and chip restaurant for lunch before returning to Croft Court with me feeling desperately in need of a rest. I slept for an hour and a half, then went to Tesco's again to buy a few more food items we'd missed earlier. The trouble with a holiday letting is that you have to bring all your own food supplies with you - fine if you have a car - but buy everything you need from scratch if you prefer cooking for yourself, and that takes time.

As we walked to and from the shops this afternoon, we saw scores of cyclists passing by, all participants in the Carten 100 charity ride from Cardiff to Tenby. The finish line was down in the harbour, not that we were around when this happened, but apparently it is a popular public event. It's not a race but a hundred mile 'challenge' ride through the very varied coastal terrain of South Wales. A rather tough 'fun run' you might call it.

After supper, I went out for a breath of fresh air, walking uphill on the road above North Beach to where I could get a better view of the west facing bay with the town spread out on the promontory behind it, and took a few photos. Just after I returned the setting sun illuminated the crowds an unexpected bright pink colour. Cue for a few more photos! 

Disappointed at being unable to find decent marmalade in Tesco's, Clare took a lemon and cooked a small portion of marmalade with it. A treat for tomorrow's breakfast. Early bed for me tonight. Still tired from getting here and settling in yesterday.

Westbound to Tenby

I woke up early and couldn't get back to sleep. I got up, finished packing my bags and after breakfast went to the pharmacy to get the clot busting medication I failed to collect last night. Fortunately I didn't feel as bad as I thought I might, and dozed in my armchair until Ann arrived to hand over the keys and maps to take us to their Croft Court holiday apartment  in Tenby where we'll be spending the next two weeks. She drove us to the station for the 12.51 train. We took the lift from the car park down to the station entrance, only to learn that the train departs from Platform Zero, right next to the car park, so we had to get back in the lift and make our way through a tide of passengers leaving the train we were about to board. The train itself is one of a new fleet of Swiss Stadler FLIRT 756 tri-mode electric metro trains, being introduced to the South Wales rail network by Transport for Wales. 

These trains are equipped to run on lines not yet electrified, using battery or diesel power and look smart in bright red and pale grey livery. The rolling stock interior gives them a European feel to them with bright video screens displaying journey info, with slightly over-loud announcements in Welsh and English. It seems a bit strange to me, sitting on a train of this design and not hearing French, German or Spanish. The two and three quarter hour journey runs along the coast for half the journey. The leaves are out, as is the May blossom and views of the shoreline and tidal rivers glinting in the afternoon sun are wonderful. The train was full with uni students going home for the weekend I think. Ann gave us the number of a taxi firm, but making contact by mobile phone, even when attached to TFW wi-fi wasn't successful, so we dragged our cases along on the twenty minute walk from Tenby station to the Croft Court apartments overlooking the harbour, called 'Sandy Reach' except that the road along North Beach is flanked by tall trees, and we're staying at first floor level, with a lawn outside the lounge window. It's a sun trap with a resident blackbird foraging for worms and insects.

After depositing our cases and emptying our rucksacks, I added our various digital devices to the house wi-fi network, then we walked to Tesco's in the main street to stock up on basic food supplies. It was very crowded. For months I've had difficulty shopping in supermarkets with so much movement and visual stimulus causing my slow brain to feel overwhelmed. I made a shopping list but didn't need to use it, I found everything I needed from memory except Ryvita (none in stock, I was told). We both had heavy rucksacks walking back to Croft Court. Only when I stopped to reflect on all this did I realise that on this occasion I wasn't feeling overwhelmed. 

The first thing we had to do when we returned to Sandy Reach was to learn how to control the induction hob cooker. We both found its touch controls difficult to master,  but eventually I boiled some potatoes and cooked a sauce with carrots, fresh coriander and cannelli beans, to go with hake fillets which Clare fried perfectly. We used sesame seed oil, which Clare bought in Tesco's - a first for both of us and different in flavour from sunflower, rape seed and olive oil.

It was dusk by the time we'd eaten supper. We didn't go out again but spent the rest of the evening relaxing settling in and starting to feel physically tired, but thankfully not overwhelmed by the varied stimuli of a day of change on the move.

Talking of change, the Senedd's First Minister Eluned Morgan lost her seat in yesterday's elections. Plaid Cymru is now the majority party in Wales, and across Britain, Conservative, Labour and Liberal parties have been swept aside by Reform voters. Heaven help us. 

Getting ready to go

Another night of broken sleep punctuated by worries about sorting out medication before we go away, but waking up to sunshine and hazy blue sky. I went to the surgery after breakfast feeling somewhat worse for wear, as if I'd just been rudely awakened from deep sleep, though I'd been up for a couple of hours already. I explained to the receptionist in a less than coherent way the problem I was having with the timing of my prescription repeat, and she kindly went on the prescription website and dealt with the matter immediately. All I need to do now is return to the pharmacy opposite the surgery at the end of today to collect it, then my most immediate worry will be over.

I went to the pharmacy immediately to get throat sweets and soluble aspirin for Clare and was told they had none in stock. Thankfully I was able to buy some at 'Savers' drugstore on Cowbridge Road. Not only was my brain lethargic, but my legs were stiff, slow to warm up. While I was out Clare cooked a pasta dish for lunch. After we'd eaten I went into town on the 61 bus, to book train tickets for our Tenby trip. This involved renewing my rail card at a cost of thirty five quid, a third of the cost of the return journey for both of us.

After returning home, I was rather slow to remember that I needed to pick up my prescription from the pharmacy. Too slow in fact. I walked as fast as I could but arrived at half past five to find the lights were out and the front door locked. Previously I've had to wait for a particular ordered item to arrive. I don't know if this might be the case again. If so, it'll mean I can't leave for Tenby as planned tomorrow. I don't need any more uncertainty, worry and lost sleep. Life seems to slip out of control easily when my ability to concentrate fails and disrupts the coherence of my memory and my mind goes blank. Mental fatigue and stress leave me feeling so vulnerable, especially in public. It's just as well my core strength is still good.

Packing holiday travel bags after supper this evening. Not an easy job - clothes, tech' gear, medical stuff, a few books. Collecting stuff needed, packing and checking everything with a slow brain, not very good at dealing with complexity - it's an ordeal nowadays. I went out and walked for twenty minutes as it was getting dark, to clear my head. It promises to become warmer this week. Bed early tonight, hoping for as much good sleep as I can get.

Medication muddle

Slightly warmer today, mostly sunny with fewer clouds moving around in the sky. I was awake worrying about changing my survival routine when we go to Tenby but didn't surface from sleep until after nine. My head was clear, but my brain was half asleep and slow to get going. It meant I was late starting out for the Eucharist at St Catherine's, and I arrived just in time for the Gospel. There were nine of us this morning. Jeremy our ordinand on placement gave a brief homily. I was pleased to see him, as I remembered to take with me Hans Kung's master work on Islam, which I promised to give him. As we're away for the next fortnight, I'll miss his farewell to the Parish.

After coffee and chat, I went to the Coop on my way home to buy veggies and cough mixture for Clare, who sent me a text message while I was in church. I returned from shopping and cooked our lunch, then completed recording and editing Morning Prayer audio made the video slideshow and uploaded it for two weeks time. Now I won't have to prepare anything more until we return home from Tenby. It wasn't easy or straightforward. My thought processes were much slower. 

Ashley called me and we chatted for an hour while I was working. The break in my workflow and poor concentration made it difficult to pick up where I left off. It affected my memory badly as well. I was minded to check I have enough medication to cover the period when I'm away. Just as well I did. I'm a couple of days short of having enough to cover the full period, and not enough time to re-order, as repeat prescription processing takes a week. It's only the clot dispersal medication I'm lacking. I'll have to visit the pharmacy tomorrow to find out what I can do about this. Otherwise, I'll have to return home to collect mid-holiday or leave Tenby a few days early, just before I run out. I don't want to take the risk of running out. I wonder if this is what I've been worrying about unconsciously  during the past few nights of lost sleep.

My head began to clear after supper, so I went out and walked briskly for an hour as it was getting dark. I met Roger and Keith in Llandaff Fields, the first time on my way up. I overtook them on the way down, as they were walking at a slower pace, eliciting a comment from Keith about how fast I was. Normally when I walk briskly I'm the one that gets overtaken by everyone else between the ages of thirteen and sixty! I'm just grateful that I'm walking briskly most of the time without getting breathless. If I need to stop, it's not to catch my breath but to ease stiff legs by letting the blood circulate through relaxed muscles.

While the US blockades Iranian ports, America is depriving Iran of revenue to sustain the war. Cease-fire talks continue. No wonder there is talk of 'progress'. Trump has ordered an armed escort for commercial shipping, forcing a passage through the Straight of Hormuz, closed by Iran. Fifteen hundred ships are trapped there.  Attacks on departing ships were successfully repelled. The next day, this military operation is halted. Peace talks continue. I imagine America has proved what it can do, albeit at great risk, and also great expense. Some military commentators are observing that US weapon stocks are being used faster than they can be replaced, creating such a vulnerability with Russia watching with interest. Despite the cease-fire talks between Israel and Lebanon, Israel continues to attack Lebanese territory in its effort to root out Hezbollah militias. Will the pressure on Iran lead to withdrawal of its background support for Hezbollah? Israel's flagrant disregard for Lebanese territory and its Arab population could make it harder to dislodge embedded Hezbollah fighters. Israel is doing itself no favour with its treatment of Lebanon. The same is true with Gaza too. It merely perpetuates mutual hatred on the ground, and indignation far and wide.

The ethics of diagnosis

Mild air and cloudy sky, but not overcast this morning. I went to bed too late last night, pursuing a line of thought to conclusion in writing a reflection. I woke up feeling clear and sharp from an average night's sleep, but was light headed after breakfast, and before taking all my meds. Serves me right for lacking discipline about stopping work and relaxing late in the evening when it's nearly bed time. I felt lethargic and didn't do much all morning apart from writing Sara a long email, and reading the first fifty pages of the book, evaluating the impact modern medical diagnosis, which Ann sent me.

Clare has developed a cold and didn't go to here study group in Penarth this morning. After cooking fish pie for lunch, she went to bed and slept for a couple of hours. I walked in Llandaff and Pontcanna Fields in the afternoon. One of the chestnut trees which doesn't bear conkers in the autumn is in full bloom with red flowers, a striking difference to all the others with their white 'candle' blossoms. The horse paddock behind the stables that stretches all the way down to the river bank is covered in a carpet of buttercups and daisies at the moment, a spectacular sight in the sunshine.

Much to my surprise, this evening's episode of 'The Archers' was about DNA testing that can reveal if a person carrying it is likely to develop cancer. This was what I was reading about this morning, with reference to diagnosing Huntington's Disease, and the ethical question of whether or not to inform family members about the findings, whether or not it's necessary to know, and what impact knowing will have of quality of life. Such a coincidence! Is this Art imitating Life? As Ann said when I told her. We chatted with Owain on WhatsApp after supper. He's got a gig in Cardiff next weekend. Such a pity we'll be in Tenby and won't be able to enjoy his company.

My memory and concentration has been particularly sluggish today. It's most frustrating. I've not been able to do much. I think, I hope it's just accumulated brain fatigue.

Inconvenience store

 I woke up to an overcast sky, quite clear headed for a change, but my brain seemed to become overcast as a result of the medication, leaving me with erratic concentration. I spent the morning combining the five Adventures of Reggie Rabbit stories into a fifty page text. The task was frustratingly difficult. It was if my memory was only working intermittently. 

Clare went shopping for veggies after breakfast, only to find the greengrocers' shops were shut. Neither of us remembered it was Spring Bank Holiday. I cooked curried lentils for lunch, with broccoli, baby corn cobs and carrots. An interesting combination, not too starchy.

After we'd eaten I went to the Pontcanna Street Co-op to stock up on a few essentials. It's not an easy shop to navigate, as the aisles are narrow and signage is poor. It was busy, as it was one of the few food stores open on a Bank Holiday. It was crowded, making navigation difficult to different shelves, not all of them well lit. I couldn't stand back far enough with my impaired vision to survey shelves crammed with an arrangement of products not well displayed. As a result it takes longer to find everything on the shopping list, so the turnover of shoppers is that much slower. The only alternative is to walk the extra mile to a larger store, but that's not always convenient.

Later, I walked to Thompson's Park, where I was hailed by Andrew and Martin. I've not seen them since Andrew started his ordination training at St Padarn's.. He's on pastoral placement this year at St Theodore's Port Talbot, loving it and its parishioners. It's an example of a deep rooted urban industrial community that is more  like a village where everyone knows everyone else, and takes an interest in each other. It's an impoverished area with steel production shut down, pending the construction of new electric arc blast furnaces, leading to many redundancies ad interim. Nevertheless, it's a community rich in its relationships, gifted people and characters with a passion for making something good in time of adversity.

After a circuit of the park, noting the increase of noisy green parakeet activity, I walked over to Llandaff Fields and did a circuit there before returning home in time to get the table ready for supper. My head had just about cleared by then, I was surprised at how little traffic there was on the roads. The parks weren't busy either. Did this mean there was an exodus to the coast? Without the convenience of a car, getting to the seaside by public transport takes time and planning. Alas the limitations of age and infirmity!

Worries

It's warmer today, sunshine and clouds but no rain. I was awake for over an hour in the night, worrying  about how I'm going to cope on our fortnight's holiday in Tenby next week. My head is clearer, but the combined effect of the meds often blunts my senses and leaves me feeling less alert. I'm not sure how well I'll cope with the stimulus of a change of environment and routine. My memory works but sometimes it's slow and my concentration lapses if I'm distracted. Am I going to feel out of control in a place I remember well in general, but am unfamiliar with in detail? Am I going to be at risk of an accident? These thoughts go through my head when discomfort in my bladder and intestines wake me up at four in the morning.

We went to the Parish Eucharist at Saint Catherine's after breakfast. There were about forty of us present and half a dozen children. Next week is ordinand Jeremy's last week with us on placement. I promised him some books. As I forgot to take them with me today, I must take them with me to Mass on Wednesday for him to collect next week. We didn't stop for coffee and chat after the service but came straight home. I lost sight of Clare in the street outside. I waited for her outside the Co-op but couldn't see her anywhere, so I walked home on my own. I can imagine this happening when we're in Tenby after a concentration lapse on my part. 

After lunch I slept for an hour in my armchair, and then went for walk along the Taff in Pontcanna Fields. I got a photo of a female cormorant in breeding plumage, standing on a rock in the river stretching her neck upwards to the sun, and another of a pair of mallards swimming down river with a brood of six ducklings, almost fully fledged. This year I missed seeing the newly hatched yellow fluffy offspring altogether. I suppose that reflects a change in my habitual walking routes since I started recovering from the stroke. I don't walk as often along the river these days.

I made the Rogationtide Morning Prayer video slide show and uploaded it to YouTube before supper, and watched a new episode of 'Panda' after we'd eaten, while Clare watched 'Call the Midwife' on telly. There were a few other chores I should have done, but I didn't have the mental energy. That's what happens when worry adds to sleep deprivation. It adds to the unfinished business I need to tackle - a vicious cycle.

Talking of vicious cycles, Peace talks between America and Iran have led to a plan to end the war being proposed by Iran. Although under review, Trump says it's unacceptable. Industrial supply chains disrupted because of the closure of the Straight of Hormuz will have a far reaching economic effect. Uncertainty over the outcome is driving inflation, and it will take months for production cycles to return to normal if marine traffic does return to normal. This will make Trump and his coercive tactics even more unpopular. America's alliance with Israel continues, undermining and devaluing partnership with Arab allies. Trump is withdrawing US troops from Germany in response to EU criticism of his war. This weakens NATO's defensive posture toward Russia. I wonder how long it will take for Russia to take fresh advantage of this?

Feedback

A cloudy day, but slightly warmer than previous days. Awake for only an hour and a half out of nine in bed I slept well and my head was fairly clear as a result though my concentration and alertness was variable, making me feel as if I was unstable, even if I wasn't.

Pancakes for breakfast, lovingly cooked by Clare, who was awake well before I got up. For no apparent reason, while I was editing a reflection after breakfast, I dozed off in my armchair and slept for another hour. Yesterday I walked more than my daily step goal. Did it lead to added sleepiness? Clare had cooked lunch by the time I came around. I did the washing up, then walked in Llandaff Fields. It started drizzling after I'd walked for an hour, so I arrived home wet and annoyed that I had to cut short my exercise time. I had another exchange of emails with Roy today about the portrayal of the antichrist in the book of Revelations which he's studying at the moment.

Clare was out shopping when I got back. With the house to myself, I recorded Daily Prayer the week after next. I need to get ahead as we'll be away in Tenby for two weeks, with no guarantee of working internet to use. I edited the audio after supper.

Rachel called and we had a chat about her experimental YouTube song launch. I left comments about the Kintsugi song, and so did Clare. We both found it rather difficult to post comments from the phone app as the user interface isn't friendly. It's too crowded and full of distraction. Not good for anyone with mental fatigue. The laptop version is much easier to use.

By the time the audio edit was finished, it was time to bring this damp day to a conclusion and escape into sleep.

Diabolical

A return to overcast sky and occasional showers today. Despite getting to bed earlier I still lost three hours' sleep out of ten in bed, making it harder to get started. Eventually, I started preparing veg for lunch and realised we were out of carrots, so I went to the Jason's greengrocer's to buy some, and met Clare on her way home from shopping elsewhere. I cooked when I returned. For the first time in ages I hoovered the carpets. I was a bit nervous about using an unwieldy weighty machine, given changes in coordination and variability in muscle flexibility. Although I'm still strong enough, I need to be extra cautious to avoid the risk of over reaching myself and having an accident.

I had an email from Roy in Madrid asked me about John the Seer's letter to the church in Philadelphia in Revelations 6.8 and the idea of the anti-christ in the New Testament. This gave me something interesting to examine and explain, given the current US war with Iran and Trump's behaviour as a war leader.

When I was out walking in the park at tea time, I sat on a bench to listen to Rachel on YouTube, launching a new song, recorded when she was playing to a live audience - a beautiful song immaculately performed and produced called Kintsugi, named after the Japanese art of repairing broken pots using lacquer mixed with powdered gold to highlight rather than hide the damage, revealing the random beauty in the repaired cracks. The song reflects on ageing and how there's beauty in the life of a worn and broken person. Publicising the song launch as widely as possible and soliciting positive responses aims to influence the algorithm that recommends viewing to other YouTubers, boosting popularity and hopefully sales. I hope so. Rachel deserves artistic recognition. She's such an excellent musician and performer.

At supper time, we were nearly out of fresh fruit so I went to the Coop to re-stock the fruit bowl before settling down for the evening.

Lots to think about today. Following anti-semitic attacks on synagogues and in the Golders Green area, a surge of anger and fear is being expressed by Jewish community members. It's understandable given the long history of persecution and intolerance experienced by Jews in 'Christian' countries.

Legislation against hate speech doesn't prevent people from thinking racist thoughts or propagating their ideas and plans on encrypted social media. Sick angry people can easily be motivated to violent actions, alone or conspiring with others. No matter how effective police extremist and anti-terrorist surveillance may be, no matter how alert Jewish security intelligence gathering teams may be, there's an element of randomness about when and where violence may break out and who the perpetrators may be. Freedom, openness, a high degree of social responsibility and participation as British citizens, are vital expressions of Jewish faith and values. A defiant bright light in the long dark shadow cast by Nazi persecution and the Holocaust. It's not just up to the police and security agencies to protect Jews and Jewish community institutions, all citizens of good will must be ready to denounce and resist the toxic rhetoric of extremist racist violence tolerated under the disguise of free speech today. 

An interview with Archbishop Rowan appeared on the 'Unherd' news website in which he reflects on the 'diabolical' nature of contemporary political discourse, taking aim at Trump's contemptuous foul mouthed,  often inaccurate misleading language, aiming to sow chaos and divide people. The word diabolical from the Greek means forcing division. 

In an interview given 30 years ago, Comedian John Cleese speaks about why extremism feels good for all the wrong reasons and is so tempting: it hands you a list of enemies, and a feeling of righteousness to go with it. Suddenly every frustration has a target and every harsh word feels justified. But when we sort the world into heroes and villains we lose something important: the ability to grapple with complex issues. I wonder how far Trump and his associates really understand this? His coercive war strategy is driving the global economy into recession with fertilizer shortages ending up reducing food supplies which will hit poor countries hardest, including America's poor. The Middle East war will only move out of crippling deadlock by diplomatic dialogue and negotiation. Trump's coercive tactics have failed and dangerously so. 

I had a nice chat with Rachel just before bed time, discussing her music promotion campaign. It's too soon for the results to indicate success. It a matter of wait and see, and learn from the experience.

 

Shredding

A beautiful sunny spring day, with a milder breeze today. I had my usual broken night, losing three hours sleep out of ten in bed. I was clear headed when I got up. I blew my nose and a large blood clot came out in the mucus. Later in the morning I had a further brief nose bleed. It's rather upsetting, but inevitable with my blood pressure volatile influenced by stress, still high, clot thinning meds and wounds in my nostrils and nasal cavity which are not well healed. I spent a few hours recovering from the shock. 

Then I tackled a particular chore I've been avoiding for months. I have a thick pile of A4 paper documents containing information about the 289 funerals I've taken since we returned to Wales. Many are annotated with handwritten pastoral details. I retained them in my file cabinet in case I was asked to minister again following another death in the family. I needed to shred them into anonymity, as they're sensitive confidential documents. It took me an hour, and yielded a large green recycling bag. Yesterday's rubbish collection emptied wheelie bins, but fortunately the content of sorted recycling bags is yet to be collected.

Clare went shopping and I cooked veg, rice and fish for lunch. Then, I had a half hour phone conversation from a member of the NHS stroke team, following up on the survey I responded to last week, asking how I was getting on with medication issues and managing everyday tasks in the light of visual impairment and memory coherence. I spoke about losing confidence in dealing with digital details. Cognitive behavioural therapy was suggested. I spoke about my feeling of losing control, echoes of anxiety and panic that are a legacy of the botched attempt to deal with the first catastrophic nose bleed after the stroke. From my experience, I don't think this can be addressed by reason and will power alone. A minor nose bleed can reawaken the same emotions. It left me wondering if I might benefit from hypnotherapy. Then after a short siesta, I walked in Llandaff Fields. All the chestnut trees are magnificent now, in full leaf with their characteristic 'candle' blossoms, lit up by afternoon sunshine. I went out again after supper to enjoy the sky as the evening light changes the colour of small clouds, and completed my daily step quota. I'm tired this evening, so earlier to be for me.

Appointment annoyance

I woke up from a good night's sleep to a clear blue sky, sunshine and strong gusts of wind making trees in leaf move energetically. Thick light blue and purple lilac blossom appeared from a distance like a banner being waved. A delightful sight. I posted today's Morning Prayer YouTube link to WhatsApp after Thought for the Day, then got up for breakfast feeling rather light headed and slow thinking, even before I took my daily doses of medication. It seems so random.

There were nine of us at the St Catherine's Eucharist in honour of St Catherine of Sienna. Unusually, the high altar reredos hosts figures of Catherine of Alexandria Martyr and Catherine of Sienna Doctor of the Church. It paid homage at the time to Catherine Vaughan, wife of the Dean of Llandaff, a benefactor of the church who laid the foundation stone. After coffee and a chat I returned home. Clare had started cooking lunch already and laid the table in the garden. Fortunately the garden is sheltered enough to allow us to watch the trees dance in the breeze.

A letter arrived from the UHW Cardiology department to arrange wearing an ambulatory blood pressure monitor for twenty four hours. The date given is when we're in Tenby on holiday. I called the appointment booking number to re-arrange it six times, The number rang, but  no reply. I was cut off twice, and got an out-of-office automatic response twice again. I returned a copy of the appointment letter with one of my own reporting this, stating when I am not available and asking for an acknowledgment by email or SMS. I don't look forward to wearing one of those devices as they are so disruptive, day and night and stressful to have to wear. It's hard to see how accurate they can be. There are smart watches that can monitor blood pressure. They may not be as accurate, but either way, what are they going to produce except a lot of high readings which will prompt another medic to recommend a pharmaceutical solution which is reduces my quality of life even further.

Most of today my head felt as if I'd been aroused from deep sleep and not yet woken up, my brain slow and dull. Writing the letter and printing it was an effort in being patient with myself. The task was eased by using my Linux workstation, which is very responsive - no latency. Having to wait for the phone or a Windows device to respond can produce lapses in concentration and transient memory, requiring a repeat of the procedure and train of thought in order to make progress. It's so frustrating and tiring.

Enough for today. Straight to bed now.

I went out and posted the letter I'd written after supper and enjoyed a beautiful pleasant sunset walk under a clear sky streaked with clouds shaped by high pressure air producing random gusts of wind at ground level. It was cold, so I stayed out long enough to complete my step quota on arriving home. 

Health check

Overcast this morning, but the sky cleared later in the day. I was grateful for a good night's sleep for a change. Clare's study group arrived at ten. I sat in the lounge, preparing the text  to record for another Morning Prayer, with the sound of lively conversation from the dining room in the background. While I was writing, Clare cooked prawns with rice for lunch. I set out by bus in good time, or so I thought, for my three fifteen hospital appointment at UHW. I didn't get the timing right, however, as the bus from the city centre takes fifty five minutes. 

Rather than being late I took a taxi from Central station. The driver was Iraqi. His accent was familiar. He reminded me of Basma speaking English. We had an enjoyable chat during the journey. Although I arrived in good time at the concourse I made a mistake about my destination clinic, and reached Cardiology Outpatients at the right time, confusing it with General Medicine Outpatients. I ended up ten minutes late as a result, with my blood pressure sky high. I had to wait a while to be seen, allow me to calm down. I'm not good under stress. Navigating my way around the maze of anonymous UHW corridors is something I have difficulty with every time. There are maps of the layout displayed prominently on each floor, but none of them actually tell you unambiguously where you are in the hospital.

I was seen by Consultant Dr Tom Hughes, who had received the report I emailed him, I had to consult the one on my phone to start the report, as he'd not yet found the one printed out for him in my case folder. He was please that the medication review had improved the situation. His colleague did psychometric and simple 'field of vision' tests. Having drawn attention to last Friday's chest muscle spasm and my concern  about a diaphragm hernia, he gave me a physical examination, which gave him no concern. The chest and diaphragm muscles are less painful today, thankfully. He said I'd made an excellent recovery and was in good health, but reiterated Dr O'Neill's opinion that I'd need to have a pacemaker fitted sooner or later. 

As it's based not on physical symptoms but on a electro-cardiogram readings. Are those taken periodically in the past few years consistent with the same anomaly?  I wanted to ask this, but wasn't quick thinking enough. I remember a friend telling me of an ECG reading taken on admission to hospital triggering a crisis alarm, when it turned out that the electrodes weren't positioned correctly. I have another meeting with cardiologist  Dr O'Neill soon. I must remind myself to ask this question about evidence consistency.

If only the way I feel truly reflected my state of health I'd feel reassured by Dr Hughes' opinion. Having said that, I remember Rufus telling me that after his TIA it took nine months for him to feel right in the head again. I suppose the same may also be true for severe concussion sufferers.

I walked towards the bus stop to start the return journey, but as the sun was shining, although I was a bit tired I thought a walk would be more beneficial than rattling around for nearly an house on a bus. I walked to the Gabalfa roundabout and caught a number two bus which dropped me off by Cardiff Met at the top of Llandaff Fields. That way I got some fresh air and didn't overtire myself physically. 

I went out to stretch my legs and walked for twenty minutes under a waxing half moon in a clear sky with Venus also bright and visible. It's cold tonight without clouds, a real breath of fresh air before bed.

Still recovering

Another miserable night's sleep in my new bed. To avoid stress getting out of bed on my still painful right side, Clare  pulled out the bed from the wall, so I could get out on my left side. As the bed was now free standing, the duvet wouldn't stay covering me for long. I've felt unwell for much of the day after so much disturbance. I have an appointment for a review with stroke consultant Dr Tom Davies at UHW tomorrow, and spent much of the morning writing a report to prepare for the meeting and send in advance, to make sure I mention all that's necessary rather than have to talk too much and risk missing out key issues. 

Clare went out shopping and I prepared veg for cooking, but was unsure what Clare planned to have for protein. I phoned her, but she didn't answer. I was distracted by my preoccupation with writing the report, so nothing was cooked by the time she returned, but she improvised a savoury quorn dish for protein and cooked the veg I prepared. After we'd eaten I went back to bed and slept for an hour, Then went out and walked slowly in the park with little energy until it was time for tea and the evening news. Clare went to choir practice. I went out as the sun was setting, walked down to Tesco's and withdrew some cash to pay for a taxi tomorrow, hoping that a bit more low key exercise would clear my sleepy head. 

Recovery from the rib cage muscle spasm is taking its time.  It's been an unwelcome set back. The pain has almost gone, but perhaps because of the shock, I'm reminded of how I felt when first admitted to A&E with the stroke. Thankfully, my heart beat is steady. It's not playing up despite these stressful days and nights.

The military stalemate over control of the Straights of Hormuz has resulted in the extension of the cease-fire, and American peace talks with Iran have produced an offer from Iran to open the Straights and end the war. America's insistence on radical reduction of Iran's enriched uranium stocks, has been deferred until a future date. Russia has supported Iran in the background all along, but now emerges opently in the as a power broker it seems, with a well published meeting between Putin and Iran's Foreign Minister. Trump's choice of negotiators who are not professional diplomats but cronies, whom Trump trusts, has come under criticism. They lack expertise in addressing a range of issues relating to nuclear deals. Heaven help King Charles and Queen Camilla on their American visit this week, given the disrespect Trump has shown for Britain's stance on the war he started, and for the British military. As Colonel in Chief of all our armed forces, this is a difficult and demanding visit for our Sovereign. The media world wide is waiting to see how he handles this awkward encounter on the 250 anniversary of the American declaration of independence. 'O Lord save the King: and mercifully hear us when we call upon thee'

Earlier than May

Cloudy today with occasional sunshine. Overnight news of a failed assassination attempt on Trump at a Press Association banquet in Washington. He tried to shoot his way into the lobby of the banqueting hall where security credentials were to be inspected. It happened in the same Hilton hotel where an attempt was made on the life of Ronald Reagan in 1981. The perpetrator had actually stayed overnight in the hotel beforehand, having travelled by train to Washington from California heavily armed. The story is so crazy it sounds as if it could have been written for a comic book. Trump thinks (or maybe hopes) it is, as he declares a crazy lone actor stopped by brave Secret Service agents putting their lives on the line. With so many reputable journalists witnessing the scene, this cannot be dismissed as fake news, but it's the second time in Trump's regime than an assassination attempt has been made against him. So much of his rhetoric is violent in character, is he becoming a magnet for political violence himself?

I slept fairly well and woke up slowly. I was quite clear headed when I eventually got up for breakfast just before nine. I went on my own to the St Catherine's Eucharist, as Clare decided to attend the afternoon Welsh Eucharist instead. Jeremy our ordinand on placement in the Parish is coming to the end of his stay with us. He worked with the half dozen children of Sunday Club and with them gave a cute presentation on Jesus the Good Shepherd to the forty strong congregation after Communion. One of the congregation's teenage Girl Scouts spoke to the congregation about being chosen to attend the 26th World Jamboree next year in Gdansk. She's raising her own funds to cover the cost and held a little sale during the coffee and chat session that followed. 

The sun was out for long enough for us to have lunch in the garden. Then the sky clouded over, so we did the washing up and siesta'd in our arm chairs until it was time for Clare to leave for church. Then, I walked and Llandaff and Pontcanna Fields, down to the Taff and back. In places where tents and walkways were installed for last week's Urdd rugby tournament, oblong patches of bleached grass  stood out against their rich green grass surroundings. Crows and gulls seemed particularly drawn to these patches, perhaps because of a potential feast of worms or insects surfacing in the absence of sunlight. A curious sight.

Despite my legs taking their time warming up slowly to the task of keeping me on my feet, I walked for an hour and a half and completed my daily step quota which I wasn't able to, the last couple of days when gut spasms laid me low and I needed to do less and recover. There's more early cherry blossom decorating the fringes of footpaths than there is on trees which have burst into the leaf quickly this week. May-trees and starting to blossom and there are other white flowers coming out on the river bank I can't identify. All are early, due to climate change, but lovely to look at and photograph.

In today's London Marathon a couple of runners achieved for the first time the extraordinary feat of completing the course in two hours. It's as significant as the day I remember well when I was a nine year old boy, when Roger Bannister ran the world's first four minute mile.

I spent the evening writing a review of my first six months since the stroke, to send to Consultant Tom Hughes before I see him in the coming week. Rachel called and we had a brief catch-up chat before I had to admit to her that I needed to get to bed.

Recovering

That must have been the worst night's sleep I've had in years, with muscle spasms causing sharp pain in my stomach every time I moved.  It was exhausting. I slept in the double bed so I could get out of bed on my left side when I needed to pee. It was a nightmare, but I was able to cope without having an accident. by first light pain from the spasm subsided enough to allow me to relax and slip into unconsciousness. I won't be able to do much apart from recovering. Thankfully the rib cage and shoulder spasms eased by the time I got up slowly at eight. it took me the best part of an hour to dress, working around residual stomach muscle pain. Clare cooked our usual Saturday pancake breakfast and the morning sunshine and clear sky lifted my spirits.

I lay low for the rest of the morning, avoiding putting stress on my painfully sore stomach muscles, too tired to think or do much. After lunch I went back to bed for a couple of hours, then went out and walked slowly for over an hour. I fell far short of my daily step quota today. A Red Admiral butterfly rested in a patch of sun on road by the stable and I took a photo of it which was adequate but not very sharp at full lens extension on my Panasonic TZ90. 

I took a slow release dose of ibuprofen at tea time, and this took away most of the discomfort. After supper, I spent time transcribing more of the notes from my Jamaica travel diary. I'm not sure how accurate the timeline is for some entries. I may well have mistaken the dates, unless a few pages are missing. I can only do a few pages at a time on any day. Transcribing I find mentally tiring. Reviewing what I've done so far reveals so many typos and maybe a few missing passages that need relocating in the correct place.

Trump has set out on a course to 'punish' Britain  and Spain for resisting his illegal declaration of war again Iran. His inflated ego is turning him into a dictator, wedded to the idea that might is right, and  'My will be done'. His attention is focused on 'reviewing' the status of the Falkland Islands as a British Dependency, making trouble between the UK and Argentina which continues to claim sovereignty despite defeat in Britain's Falklands invasion in 1982. He also advocates the expulsion of Spain from NATO, with no legal basis for breaking a treaty in force since 1949. "The defence alliance is based on consensus, not run by the United States"  said one senior NATO official yesterday. Undermining NATO unity when he doesn't get his own way makes me wonder if Trump is secretly working for the Russians. 

Ceasefire negotiations between the US and Iran have been extended. American envoys were about to be sent to talks in Islamabad, Pakistan, and then Trump cancelled their visit. Although America has blockaded Iranian ports, select shipping is being let through the Straight of Hormuz by Iran, while others are being attacked. Iran still has control of the Straight, despite being deprived of oil revenue to fund the war. 

It's hard to imagine how sufficient trust can be established between negotiating parties while Trump engages in capricious gestures towards allies and adversaries alike. The hard-line Iranian Revolutionary Guard Corps seems intent on imposing its will by repressing its critics, overruling those advocating negotiation and diplomacy. Mixed messages are coming from the government about peace talks. Trump can't resist deriding Iranian 'infighting' and shifting his own bargaining position, sabotaging possible diplomatic initiatives. This is likely to lead to the resumption of hostilities. Neither Iran nor America can afford economic damage. Iran will tough it out, knowing this will add to Trump's deepening unpopularity.

Meanwhile in Lebanon the ceasefire has been extended which means that negotiations between Israel and the Lebanese government continue, while Israel continues to wage war against Hezbollah and the civilian death toll continues to mount. 

Muscle misbehaviour

A woke up at eight to another bright sunny day with a cloudless sky. I slept awkwardly on my right side straining a ligament in my shoulder. In addition, my rib cage muscles and diaphragm hurt as if I'd been crushed by a wrestler. I had fair night's sleep, but it was unfair in terms of the outcome. I transcribed a few more pages of my Jamaica travel diary, promising Clare I'd cook lunch, but was so absorbed in making sense of my own hand writing that she'd returned from shopping before I realised it was nearly one. 

Nevertheless, I got to work on cooking a  savoury dish from scratch with frozen chick peas, while Clare prepared the veggies. We sat down to eat by twenty past. Although my head was clear enough during the morning, I felt tired and sleepy after we'd eaten and dozed uncomfortably in my armchair for half an hour before going out for a walk. I felt stiff and needed to walk slowly stopping at benches around Llandaff Fields to sit for a few minutes to let my limbs recover. I wasn't out of breath thankfully, but feeling light headed and sleepy due to the medication.

The muscular pain in my right shoulder, rib cage and diaphragm worsened. I think I may have had wind trapped in my intestines as well as muscle spasms that made me yelp with pain when moving about. After Clare and Ruth left for an Anthroposophical talk in Bristol at five, I went out for a walk to see if this would relieve the pain, but it didn't. I returned home, rubbed arnica oil into my rib cage, drank chamomile tea and ate oats with kefir for supper, so I wasn't taking my evening capsule on an empty stomach. Drained of energy, I tried to relax and contain the pain until I'd recovered enough to get myself up to bed. 

Demoralised

I woke up to clear blue sky and sunshine, with my head fairly clear.  Kath called while she was driving to work and we chatted for twenty minutes. She's just booked a trip to Denmark to attend a children's theatre conference, part of her Arts Council funded research into work with young children. I told her how mental slowness makes me struggle to retain coherent concentration, affecting my confidence dealing with some on-line tasks though not all, strangely enough. She works with old people, and listens with understanding when I moan, bless her!

I resolved to prepare the documents I need to file my tax return, starting with downloading my CofE P60 pension statement. Clare sat with me while I did this, just for reassurance and to check I did it correctly. So many routine habitual mental tasks I did confidently before the stroke I still remember how to do, but it's as if the chain of actions in any procedure has to be reassembled and made into a routine. Medication that slows my thinking and concentration undermines my ability to do this. It reminds me that I'm not good at being patient with myself. 

Anyway, I accessed the pensions website and retrieved the document without error or confusion.  I delayed taking my blood pressure pill until we had eaten a big pasta lunch, cooked by Clare while I went out for some fresh air in Llandaff Fields. The effect of taking the pill later in the day  wasn't as pronounced as usual, maybe slower to absorb on a full stomach, it persisted for longer, slowing me down mentally and physically.

I walked for another half an hour before supper. My head cleared enough for me to be able to transcribe another day's worth of notes from my Jamaica travel diary. I turned in early for the night demoralised by fatigue, both physical and mental, due to the effect of the meds, and the difficulty I have getting things done, particularly my journals. I long see stories of my travels completed while I still can. Sometimes I wonder if I can get some satisfaction from doing this before my time is up.

War that nobody wins

Bright sunshine and clear sky to wake up to. I posted the YouTube link to WhatsApp for today's Morning Prayer video then got up. The meds really slowed down my thinking and reactions after taking them with breakfast. It wasn't dizziness, and I didn't lost my sense of balance. It was just a disturbing light headed drowsiness. 

Although it's nearly a month of polling day in the Welsh Senedd elections, I thought I'd better deal with my postal vote. This arrived a few days ago. Clare has made hers and has been reminding to do likewise to reduce the risk of losing the envelope. I opened the voting pack, thinking I would recall from last time the procedure involved, but looking at the instructions stopped me in my tracks. My drowsy head was so slow in processing the instructions and acting upon them that I needed to ask Clare's help to complete the task. This is cognitive impairment, whether caused by medication or insufficient sleep.

A walk to church for the Eucharist cleared my head, but not completely. Nobody apart from Fr Sion and I turned up, but we continued as usual. Instead of a homily we discussed the scripture readings for the day. It was a refreshing change. Afterwards we made ourselves coffee in the church hall and chatted until it was time for Sion to leave for the service at St John's.

I returned home and cooked lunch while Clare was out shopping. I didn't feel hungry or slightly faint with low blood sugar, as I sometimes do when preparing lunch. The light headed sensation diminished as we ate. Then, a walk to my acupuncture appointment on Cathedral Road with Peter at two thirty. I think it helped stabilise me. I felt more awake and sharper as I walked home. 

Clare had an appointment with Peter following mine. She was about to leave for it as I arrived home. Ten minutes later, a panicked call from her, walking up and down, unable to identify the clinic. It's not easy as  house numbers are poorly displayed and variable in their visibility. I had the same problem finding it, the first few visits I made there. Parkwood clinic has a big blue panel sign in the garden which you can only see when you're about fifteeen metres from it. Clare didn't have the house number written down, only 'Parkwood Clinic'. My fault, as the sign outside says 'Parkwood Chiropractic Clinic'. I recognised it by the fact that it was big, coloured blue with white lettering. I memorised it imperfectly. Ooops! She arrived  one minute late.

Trump announced an extension of the cease-fire between America and Iran whilst maintaining a blockade of its ports. He says that it might be possible to resume peace talks in the next few days. Meanwhile Iran is attacking and seizing ships in the Straight of Hormuz. Both sides are trying to assert control  by pulling economic levers. It's a a nobody wins situation.

Israel's war against Hezbollah in Lebanon has so far cost 2,300 lives with over a million displaced, homes destroyed and land seized to create a buffer zone with Israel. A cease-fire and peace talks are taking place between Israel and Lebanon, aiming to engage Lebanon in disarming Hezbollah. Meanwhile two UNIFIL soldiers have been killed by Hezbollah fighters. The United Nations Interim Force in Lebanon has served as peace keeper during the cease-fire in the civil war between Christian and Shi'ite militias in Lebanon since the war ended, and Israel withdrew from Lebanon in 1978. Concern is being expressed about rising tension between factions leading to civil war again. All parties distrust, hate and fear each other. Israel is determined to neutralise the threat from Iran backed Hezbollah, regardless of the suffering and death of its Arab neighbours.

Nothing I wanted to watch on telly so I made the Morning Prayer video slide show I started yesterday, uploaded it to YouTube and then went up to bed noticing how brain fatigue slows if not stalls a normally coherent thought process. 

Foolish utterances

A bright but cloudy morning, as the cloud was uneven and not low. Only six hours sleep, not enough for me. Serves me right for not getting to bed early enough. Thankfully my intestines are not as irritated now, but I seem to wake up at first light and am restless, thinking about what I intend to do and what I've not yet succeeded in doing. Low level anxiety is still driving me.

I didn't do much. I just tried to grab some more sleep in my arm chair, but with no success. I gave up in the end and occupied myself with transcribing a few more pages of my Jamaica travel diary. Clare didn't go to her study group, and cooked a veggie pasta dish for lunch instead of me. She went to her meditation group after we'd eaten. I recorded another biblical reflection and Morning Prayer in advance, then walked in Llandaff Fields for an hour. Today's session of the Urdd schools rugby tournament was in full swing over the wall in Pontcanna Fields. Noise from bilingual announcements on the public address system could be heard echoing far and wide, perhaps because quite a strong wind blew from the east this afternoon. I came home stiff and tired for tea, though I don't think I pushed myself all that hard.

Peace talks between America and Iran haven't made significant progress. As the cease-fire period expires. Trump is threatening to resume bombing Iranian bridges and energy production targets. The blockade of  Iranian oil ports has led to the closure of the Straight of Hormuz again. The longer this war goes on, the greater the cost to those who use million dollar missiles, against adversaries who can deploy fifty cheap drones for the same price. At what point does making war become un-affordable for one side or the other? 

Trump's coercive rhetoric leads to oil market price rises and a ripple effect runs through financial markets. Analysts are noticing this is leading to profitable anticipatory moves by market traders and alleging this is evidence of illegal insider trading. While there are bound to be attempts to discredit Trump by his political opponents, I have yet to hear any dismissal of such allegations on the grounds that AI analysis of financial market activity could to predict Trump's utterances and reactions to them to inform traders of most likely investment options. His efforts to keep competitors and adversaries guessing about his next move are now working against him. If only Trump would think before he speaks and say less!

After supper, I did a bit more Jamaica travel diary transcription and edited together the Morning Prayer audio recorded yesterday, then went to bed feeling tired.

Stocking up

A lovely spring day to rejoice in, despite the clouds that play hide and seek with the sun. The sweet scent of lilac on a mild breeze wafts into the garden from a neighbouring tree. Having taken the precaution of  not eating much high fibre bread, I make a better start to the day. Blood pressure medication affects me as ever. light headed, a bit slow thinking, but clearer. My intestines are not as irritated so I don't feel as poorly as I have been. The pills seem to amplify the stressful distracting effect of bowel irritation, just as irritating noise does.

After breakfast, we walked to the King's Road pharmacy to collect our prescription medications. Two month's worth for me. In case I forget, I now add a reminder to my phone calendar a week before I run out. I had just one day's supply left, as last time I found out that I had to initiate a repeat prescription with a week's notice. I have the new NHS digital app on my phone and should be able to re-order using it, but I have yet to master it. The app won't remember my password automatically, even if this is probably for security reasons. I have yet to figure out how to enter a pass-code without making a mess of it. When my brain is working slowly, I get nervous about making mistakes and locking myself out of the system. I'm over-cautious and my confidence ebbs. I haven't got much further than admitting that I have a problem trusting myself in these circumstances. I need hand-holding to get used to tackling new things and doing them habitually.

Clare had a problem with her repeat prescription for eye drops. The UHW eye clinic failed to communicate properly with the GP surgery and sent a letter to the pharmacy which the surgery her to call to call the clinic to ask for an explanation of what was meant to happen. She had to buy eye drops of the required composition to tide her over until she can sort out the issue with the eye clinic.

We went to Jason's greengrocer's shop on our way home. The sun was shining so I erected the garden sun brolly and we drank our morning coffee and had lunch sitting beneath it, listening to the neighbourhood blackbird sing. 

After lunch, a walk in Llandaff Fields. Pontcanna Fields was taken over by the Urdd national schools' rugby tournament for boys and for girls teams. Hundreds of youngsters playing enthusiastically in  afternoon sunshine. Great to see.

After supper, apart from a chat with Owain, I wrote a Gospel reflection on two healing stories presenting the approach and method of Jesus the healer. It took me rather a long time to condense my thoughts, so it was late by the time I headed for bed. Grateful for a clear head and no gut irritation.

An afternoon with the WNO

Cool and mostly cloudy today. I slept fairly well but woke up early with irritated bowels, denying me a lie-in. I'm coming to the conclusion that it's the combined effect of the slow release medication capsules and too much high-fibre bread that's triggering irritation and diharrea. When I took my daily blood pressure pill after a lower fibre breakfast the unpleasant sensation of intoxication was minimal my head was clearer my thinking was less sluggish and stayed like that for the rest of the day.

We went to the Parish Eucharist at St Catherine's. Ordinand Jeremy preached well on the Road to Emmaus story. As he spoke about the disciples realising that the risen Christ was making himself known in the breaking of bread. This reminded me of the day thirty years ago when I was in Syria, travelling by shared taxi from Aleppo to Damascus. We stopped at a village bakery to collect several kilos of fresh baked pitta bread. Its aroma filled the minibus, and the man who brought it on board began tearing off strips of it to share with fellow passengers. After saying shukran, all ate in an appreciative silence as we drove on. A similar moment of realisation for me in a predominantly Muslim country, a moment I treasure.

We did some shopping  at the Coop before returning home for lunch. We both snoozed for a while before a taxi arrived to take us to the Millennium Centre for a matinee performance of Wagner's 'Flying Dutchman. I wondered how I would cope with my first outing to this familiar much loved venue. It was busy with people on the move. I was reminded that visual impairment has affected my spatial awareness by the nervousness which accompanied navigating my way through the crowd. My impression of the auditorium was that it's smaller than my recollection of it. My hearing seems more sensitive since the stroke. The sound of a thousand people chatting before curtain-up I found disturbing and difficult to adjust to. The loudness of the orchestra however, didn't bother me. The singers' German diction was excellent and added extra emotional power.

The minimalist staging of the performance was clever but hardly nautical. The heroine's back story was presented on stage in a striking visual way during the overture, but the significance of this was squandered by the absence of any reference in the synopsis to this key element in the entire drama. While there is a mysterious element to this maritime story, I don't think it helped that is was inadvertently mystifying. This was the final opera to be conducted by Tomáš Hanus, who is now moving on. I wonder who will replace him?

A crowded number six bus was waiting outside when we left the Millennium Centre, which took us to the town centre bus station where a number sixty one was waiting to take us to Pontcanna. We were home for supper just after the Archers started. I went for a sunset walk in need of exercise. After spending much extra time sitting down on a hard theatre seat my buttock muscles were stiff! 

Changing electoral scene in Wales

Sunshine but also clouds this morning. I felt better for getting to bed by eleven, but still lost a couple of hours' sleep during the night. The blood pressure pills make me feel sleepy and slow thinking. I feel worse in the morning if I don't fall asleep quickly. Rarely do I sleep for more than three hours before my bladder disturbs me. Sometimes tiredness accumulates, just like mild dehydration if I don't notice I haven't drunk enough. Getting the balance between rest and activity is daunting.

Our postal voting papers for the Senedd elections arrived in today's mail. Clare has put up a Green Party poster in the bay window already. There are several other houses in the street displaying them as well. Forthcoming Senedd election opinion polls predict Labour will lose power, with the Greens, Reform, Plaid Cymru and Conservative candidates all contending. The age of eligibility to vote is now sixteen. How first time youngsters will vote may turn out to be unpredictable and interesting.

Clare started cooking brown rice for lunch. I prepared the veggies, and savoury prawns. The meal made me sleepy. It was an effort to get started on my afternoon walk with a sleepy head, but it cleared the longer I exercised. The sun and warm wind made it a pleasant afternoon for walking, especially along a stretch of the Taff, where I saw a goosander and a pair of cormorants. The river bank is carpeted with wild garlic and bluebells a beautiful sight.  After a circuit of Pontcanna Fields I went to the shops on the way home to buy a few things we needed. After a good eight kilometer walk I was bothered that my feet hurt. It's unusual for me. No ankle swelling fortunately. Sometimes I can't figure out what's happening with my body.

After supper, I made the prayer video for the Wednesday after next, the feast of Catherine of Siena, and uploaded it to YouTube. We chatted with Rachel. I watched another episode of 'Blanca'. It was an interesting idea to have a blind person with superior sense of smell as well as hearing as part of a detective team, but it errs in being over-sentimental, not only in terms of romantic entanglements but also in terms of her relationship with a guide dog. The snappy multi-screen cinematic presentation of some parts of the story reminds me of avant garde movies of the sixties, and adds little if anything to the story.

Talks during the cease fire between Iran and America led to the Straight of Hormuz being re-opened under tight Iranian control and payment of a shipping toll. American blockading of oil exporting ports to exert pressure on Iran at the negotiating table has led to the Straight being closed again to most traffic. Iran has not yet agreed to a further round of negotiations as it regards American demands as excessive and will not preserve the country's rights under international law.

Trump's continued coercive threats merely add to the uncertainty of the outcome of peace negotiations. Strategic experts think he has overplayed his hand, because he is desperate to be seen as winning the war. Iranian leadership highlights lies and inconsistencies in his social media utterances. He's too fond of keeping everyone guessing and ignores the fact that he's being dealt with as untrustworthy and a liability by allies and adversaries.

Action inertia

Overcast with drizzles of rain this morning. I woke up before daybreak and heard a solitary blackbird sing in the garden. I went back to sleep, slept until after nine and felt quite well when I got up, but the blood pressure pills soon delivered the usual light headed feeling, impairing concentration. 

Pakistan brokered cease-fire talks between Iran and America have resulted in a resumption of maritime traffic through the Strait of Hormuz with pressure being exerted on Iran by US blockades of oil exporting ports. Keeping the Straight open is of vital importance. There's now an international shortage of jet fuel which is going to have a critical effect on transport and trade. If energy exports from the Middle East  were to resume immediately it would take time for global supply chains to recover. Trump's war initiative has proved to be a colossal miscalculation.

Peace talks between America and Iran will continue over the weekend. Israel and Lebanon are holding talks during a ten day truce with Hezbollah. This is linked to Iran easing pressure on Hezbollah to prevent retaliation on its behalf during the cease fire. Russia is feigning concern about the peace talks alleging America is stalling for time to regroup its forces to add to uncertainty and tension on the battle front. Russia has been supplying drones to Iran and its allies to sustain the conflict, a lucrative business for a malicious stakeholder in the conflict.

After breakfast, I wrote a long email to Sara, which took me ages to compose as I was thinking so slowly. Then I walked for three quarters of an hour in Llandaff Fields to try and clear my head while Clare was cooking lunch. 

Each day the leaf canopy looks denser. Some of the horse chestnut trees are now coming into bloom with their distinctive tall white flower spike 'candles' opening. A lovely springtime sight. From our back garden we can see blue lilac blossoming in a garden opposite. Another tree has burst into leaf in the past few days so you can't see through it any more, for the first time since last autumn. I returned home and dozed for an hour after we'd eaten. Then I went for another walk in a vain effort to clear my head and it started to drizzle. The jacket I was wearing wasn't waterproof so I had to return home to avoid getting soaked. Then I absorbed myself in transcribing more of my Jamaica travel diary until the sky cleared of clouds and the sun shone an hour later. I went out again, with my head clearing at last, and took a few photos of trees in leaf, luminous as the sun approached the horizon, and completed my daily step quota before supper. 

We chatted with Owain later, he reminded me about preparing a Lasting Power of Attorney document for signing and registration. Clare's done hers but I haven't. Delayed and then lost in the brain fog when this was first proposed a month after the stroke - and that's now six months ago. Writing each day is something I can still do, but attending to detailed legal and financial information is still something that carries with it a fear of failure due to misunderstanding or simple undetected error. In many ways I've made a good recovery so far, but it's far from complete when my head swims, concentration evades me and I feel half awake, or just plain poorly. Sometimes I doubt I can improve any more than I have done already.

Jamaica revisited through my travel journal

A cloudy day with occasional sprinkles of rain, but not overcast. I had a fair night's sleep, but could have done with more. I woke up thinking about transcribing another of my travel journals. My previous writing project was reconstructing the Reggie Rabbit stories I wrote when the children were little. Rachel has been my editor, going through them in detail. I may not get around to seeing anything of my literary legacy published, but I would like my experiences and stories to be passed on to our children and grandchildren.

I recently found an assortment of writings made on my study tour of Jamaica in 1981. Most are on pads of airmail letter paper bought while I was travelling. All are in my thin spidery cack-handed script. The last time I referred to any of these after my return was in preparing talks about the role of the education system in Jamaican culture, and its influence on Jamaican family expectations of schooling in Britain forty five years ago. The country was Third World poor in those days, next to bankrupt. Bob Marley was alive then, singing his commentary on social injustice and the struggle of poor people to remain fully human against terrible odds. It was a life changing journey for me, visiting extended family members of Jamaican parishioners in Bristol, learning about their lives, what motivated some to emigrate and others to return disillusioned with social climate as much as the miserable British weather. 

Working on those papers wasn't easy and took over the day as the meds really slowed down my thinking. Clare cooked lunch, than sent me to collect my jacket from the dry cleaners afterwards,while she went out  on a different shopping mission. Coincidentally, we met each other twice in the course of our expeditions. Later at home, when I was trying to recall what I'd done during the day, my mind was a complete blank for a while, light headed too.  Eventually my memory yielded with two clear images of Clare in places where I'd recognised her in the street, wearing her distinctively coloured magenta puffer jacket. Then the memory of the afternoon fell into place.

Reading my travel notes and transcribing them is a lovely experience. It awakens strong images of place and time and people for me. Not least because my Practika SLR camera accompanied me. I took over 300 slide photos during my visit which I used in making educational presentations in subsequent years. Twenty years ago I digitized them all and they're now a treasure in my Google Photos archive. I didn't bother to transcribe the notes before as I always had the photos to remind me. In an amazing way, the notes awaken sensual memories of scents, sounds and atmosphere from fifty five years ago. 

I continued transcribing in the afternoon and early evening. Finally I walked for an hour to clear my head and get some vigorous exercise as darkness fell. After supper another couple of hours writing, needing to resist the temptation to keep writing way past bed time

Digital deprivation of liberty

Clouds and cloudbursts punctuating the day, but the air is warmer. Typical April I suppose. I slept fairly well but not long enough despite my new mattress. It's hard to shake off the sleepy light headed sensation the blood pressure meds produce, but I posted today's YouTube link to the Parish Daily Prayer thread on WhatsApp before getting up.

I had a red patch on my left wrist beneath the wrist strap of my Fitbit. As sweat accumulates beneath it dries out it becomes very acidic and leaves a sore mark on my skin. After processing medications the body exudes toxins through kidneys and bladder to eliminate them and through sweat. What comes out burns.

I went to St Catherine's for the Eucharist with half a dozen others. Over coffee afterwards Paul told us of his encounter with the new EU electronic entry and exit system, which is causing chaos all around fortress Europe with long queues and missed flights due to the electronic fingerprint recognition system's inability to read so many individuals' prints, particularly people whose ageing skin conductivity is low. Anto had this problem in his last encounter with EU passport control. Reports suggest the vast networked passport system is prone to crashes, not surprisingly if there's a large volume of read errors in scanning devices.

Nearer to home, new parking regulations are obliging us to pay for a visitor parking permit, which obliges users to register a vehicle and their eligibility by residence to apply and pay via a phone app or by SMS. Double yellow no-parking lines and white parking bay lines have recently been painted and yesterday new poles were installed displaying an information panel about the regulations. The regulations will be in force from the first of August. It's a far more complex arrangement than the existing physical permit for display in a vehicle windscreen. The text display in the 'mi-permit' phone app is tiny and contains far too much information poorly displayed. You can pay over the phone, or by SMS to use a free parking space if you can find one. I can imagine the system getting overwhelmed when a big sporting event takes place in the city centre. 

Increasing dependence on impersonal digital systems to manage every aspect of our lives with the promise of greater efficiency causes me much concern, as it's all too easy to get excluded from the digital world by complex demands to self-identify, or inability to use digital devices due to physical impairment. The impersonal element facilitates fraud, system hacking can steal or destroy vital data. The rapid expansion of AI capability adds another layer of vulnerability and threatens to reduce control over our lives.

After lunch I walked for and hour in Llandaff Fields and got caught in a heavy downpour, as I did on my way home from Mass earlier. I avoided the worse sheltering under a tree but then rumbles of thunder made me nervous, so I stepped clear of the tree instead of leaning against it. Fortunately the rain stopped soon after and the gentle breeze was a little warmer.

I recorded and edited Morning Prayer with a Reflection for the last Wednesday of the month after supper. As I can't tell in advance how well I will feel to tackle the task if my thinking slows down, and impairs my concentration I aim to prepare them well in advance so that all I have to do is post the YouTube link to WhatsApp. It's not been a particularly good day for me today, but the after-effects of medication diminish following exercise, and I can focus well enough to work in the evening. I just have to be careful not to keep working close to bed time or it will affect my sleep quality.

Medication feedback

Back under cloud cover again today, but I slept well, benefiting from slowly changing routine to get to bed an hour earlier. Despite this the blood pressure meds left me feeling light headed, mildly intoxicated and unsteady, though my balance was unaffected

Clare went to Penarth for her study group after breakfast. I spent the morning writing a biblical reflection and preparing another Morning Prayer edition for recording. I was slow to realise it was lunch time already when Clare got home and had done nothing to prepare lunch. She got busy quickly and ate at one o'clock as we usually do. 

Sil the pharmacist phoned, just as I started the washing up, so I had to return to it after the call. Reports on fasting blood cholesterol tests taken a month ago showed how high it had been and how much a lower dosage of statin had reduced the cholesterol level, though not quite as much as hoped for. It seems my diet is not exacerbating the problem. Rather than change medication he agreed I could continue taking the statin every other day, as the reduced dose makes a difference to how well I feel. I told him about the effect of the clot dispersing meds on my bowels, not that there's anything that can be done about that it seems. 

I also told him about the negative impact of being told I need heart surgery and a pacemaker, when I'm not experiencing noticeable cardio vascular symptoms, except perhaps when under additional stress, something which I avoid as much as possible. Living with the uncertainty of a random crisis is far from stress free if you're fairly fit and active as I am.

Today's blood pressure medication is affecting me more than usual, making my head swim. As I said to Sil, it feels a bit like taking a shot of raki on an empty stomach. Heaven knows why. Unfortunately, we have tickets for the WNO opera 'Blaze of Glory' for this evening. I felt anxious about how I'd cope with a late night and asked Clare to find someone to take my place. After half an hour's frustrating phone calls she found that her friend Gail is free and willing to take my place. I feel bad that I didn't think of this earlier when she was at study group this morning and could have asked if any of the members would like to join her. I'm not very alert today, just plodding along.

After lunch a new mattress from John Lewis' bedding department was delivered for the single bed I sleep in. It was uncomfortably hard to lie on and gives uneven support, even though it seems soft enough on initial contact. It replaces one which is so heavy it's difficult to manage. I hope the new one will be more forgiving. I need all the good sleep I can get to cope with brain fatigue.

I walked around Thompson's Park for an hour before supper. The grass on the lower level is carpeted with flowering wild garlic. The pond is fringed with harebells. A pair of moorhens are working on building a nest in the same spot as previous years. Three water pipes, part of a defunct fountain, project above pond water level close to each other. The birds collect twigs and lodge them in the triangular space between the pipes establishing a raft to serve as a foundation for the nest. Some years they incorporate a plastic bag in the structure which the wind has blown into the water. So ingenious.

There are patches of bluebells and a few primroses in the grass as well. A few red tulips stand out in the undergrowth next to a boundary wall. I wonder who planted bulbs there in an unlikely uncultivated spot. I spotted a couple of green parakeets which screeched high above me in the tree canopy and heard nuthatches calling to each other. All the delights of early Spring.

I called in the Co-op on my way home to buy a can of baked  beans to eat with a sprinkling of pimenton picante, on toast for supper. Fresh air and exercise helped to reduce the light headed sensation. I don't understand why the impact is so much worse on some days and not others.

For the first time in decades there are diplomatic exchanges between Lebanon and Israel. Talks between Iran and America could resume this week, following last week's diplomatic impasse. There are many uncertainties given Iranian backed Houthi insurgents and Lebanese Hezbollah. Threats from both are not yet eliminated, and Iran's distrust of America for starting the war when negotiations had only just started is not going to facilitate progress. 

Apart from wide ranging economic repercussions, Trump's closure of the Straight of Hormuz to tankers exporting oil from Iranian ports, starves Iran of income. Blockage of the Straight would violate the law of the sea regarding an international maritime highway open to the world. Supply shortages of oil and gas inflate costs and threaten global recession. Britain's dependency on oil and gas imports will be disastrous for the UK economy. I had a message from nephew Jules saying that Ireland is being hit hard by fuel shortages with price rises leading to protest from the farming community.

Trump's popularity is plummeting. Trump posted on his Truth Social platform 13 times from 9pm to 4:10am.  So he can't be getting much sleep. Is he losing the plot? He and his team had not thought through his coercive strategy in sufficient detail to yield positive results. Where will this lead? 

Digital blasphemy

I woke up to a bright sunny day after a poor night's sleep, plagued by worries about what the cardio consultant had to say on Friday, implying that I'm less stable physically than I thought I was. This hit home just as I thought my body was adjusting to  the impact of various medications, as I'm recovering a degree of resilience in coping with stroke after-effects. Losing a third of a night's sleep affects me cognitively. More typos when I write, not attentive enough to notice potential accidents. It's as bad as it was three months ago, very upsetting and demoralising.

Peace negotiations between America and Iran have failed to reach agreement. Some tanker traffic is passing through the Straight of Hormuz with Iran's permission, but Trump is now forcing the issue with a blockade on Iranian oil exports, which may well result in an end to the existing cease-fire. He has scathingly criticised Pope Leo's continuing criticism of the war. "Not even Hitler or Mussolini attacked the Pope so directly and publicly." said Italian church historian Massimo Fagioli. Extreme fundamentalist Christians and Zionists are hailing Trump as a Messiah figure fulfilling biblical prophecy. An AI generated image of him portrayed as a latter day saviour and healer has appeared on his social media. This digital blasphemy aroused so much negative comment it was deleted later. Another case of TACO: Trump Always Chickens Out. Let's hope this foolishness results in him losing conservative Christian support.

Five years ago John Bell of the Iona community went on record, denouncing Trump as a bogus messiah when he was wooing the American religious right, posing with a bible in his hand making his pitch for the presidency. No truly messianic figure could ever promote salvation by violence and causing suffering to others. He thrives on coercive behaviour, propagating lies and deceiving the masses. But you can't fool all of the people all of the time. By the time his supporters realise he's not the saviour they believe him to be, terrible destructive things could happen which affect the whole world.

Clare and I went to the King's Road Pharmacy after breakfast to order our next batches of medication. This requires a week's notice in person. I'm not yet sure about ordering through the NHS app, not sure if I trust myself to do it correctly with swimming light headedness and poor co-ordination. It means planning well ahead if I find I can't rely on working the app properly. 

After putting in our medication orders we went to Jason's greengrocer's shop to stock up on fresh veggies, then went to  the recently opened Coffi Lab for a drink. The website tells a detailed story that would appeal to aficionados and dog lovers, but neither of us thought much of the flavour of their own roast coffee, said to have been grown in Costa Rica.

When we returned home I cooked a sugo of lentil and veg to accompany pasta for lunch, then I went to bed and slept for an hour until I felt fresh enough to go to the pharmacy and buy some aspirins. The number I have left doesn't match the number I need to take with the remaining dipyridamole, of which I have enough to last until the prescription is ready to collect.

Clare went to choir practice after an early supper. Just after she left, Rachel called and we had a lovely long WhatsApp chat. After a busy musical weekend she was in good spirits, as her gigs went well and were well appreciated. She got a hundred dollar tip in addition to performance earnings and was much encouraged by the feedback she received. We discussed the Beatles' song 'Eleanor Rigby' which she'd been asked to accompany on 'cello a singer using a digital keyboard with an auto-transpose setting. She was finding the fingering difficult, and no wonder, as it was in D flat minor!

After a little walk for some fresh air, bed very early tonight. 

Museum of the Moon

 I slept a good seven hours last night. The double bed is far more comfortable than my single one. I was more relaxed and Clare and I didn't disturb each other much at all. I enjoyed the company. I felt lonely sleeping on my own, when I was unwell after rounds of bum surgery seven years ago. Even more so over the past six months.

A cold cloudy day with occasional sunshine. After a family breakfast I went on my own to St Katherine's for the Eucharist, with about forty others. With so much to give thanks for, I just couldn't stay home and miss the service, so I took them with me in heart and mind. lunch was ready when I got back as I'd stayed chatting for a while after the service. After lunch Owain, Kath and Anto walked into town to the National Museum of Wales, while Clare and I waited for a bus to take us. The other were already waiting for us when we arrived.

The museum was crowded, busy and very noisy, enough to make me wonder if I'd cope with the intense stimulus of the moment. Well, it took time, but I did adjust to it. There's a big model of the moon hanging beneath the central dome of the entrance hall, the space branded as 'The Museum of the Moon'. You can to walk around it at ground floor and gallery level - a perfect photo opportunity for many, including Kath and Owain. I contented myself with watching and enjoying being there with them enjoying themselves. We spent time in a quiet gallery looking at some of the collection of Turner paintings. Clare and I resolved to return for the current Gwen John exhibition of painting another day. Clare and I then went to a Coffee#1 on the Friary for a cup of tea while the others looked at an exhibition of fossils and reconstructions of prehistoric creatures, and joined us later. Owain then took his leave of us and went for a train back to Bristol. Kath and Anto walked back while Clare and I took a very crowded bus back to Canton to walk home.

A young mum wearing a burka and a face mask kindly offered me the folding seat her small boy was sitting on. He was looking a bit overwhelmed by crowd. I thanked her and declined, as I had acquired an overhead strap plus a nearby pole to hang on to. We chatted briefly. She sounded as if she'd been raised and educated in Britain, and was at ease and confident about chatting to a male stranger on a crowded bus. It was a brief moment of courteous respect and humour, which lifted my spirits.

Kath and Anto arrived home after we did. Having already packed the car, we said our goodbyes and waved them away on their journey back to Kenilworth. What a lovely couple of days. They passed by so quickly. Now the house is quiet again, with a tinge of sadness and a few tears. I uploaded photos of the weekend wrote for half an hour then headed for bed, wishing we all lived closer together.

Unique birthday

Heaven help us, eighty one today, a number with special properties. Three to the power of four. Eight and one makes nine which is two squared. Did I stop to wonder if I'd make it this far when my life changed due to the stroke? I'm not sure I did, as I was too busy observing myself, taking note of the changes, and making an effort to write, and develop good new habits of noticing and compensating for mild visual impairment. It's been far harder to live with the impact of the various medications, and yesterday's verdict from the cardio consultant.

I lost a lot of sleep last night, distressed by yesterday's consultation. Waking early up to a bright sunny day didn't help. Fortunately my head was fairly clear without the medication having an adverse effect. I had birthday cards to open, greeting messages and the gift of a new novel from Clare to go with Saturday breakfast pancakes. I tried without success to doze in my arm chair to make up for lost sleep, and  cooked myself a quick pasta dish with mushrooms, garlic and passata for lunch to fend off the effect of low blood sugar. 

Kath and Anto arrived shortly after, then we went out together and walked in the cold wind for three quarters of an hour. Clare came with us part of the way, then made an excuse to return home to prepare my birthday cake, and let Owain in when he arrived from Bristol. When the three of us arrived home he was there to greet us, and the cake with candles lit was waiting in welcome for sharing with a cup of afternoon tea. Then there was a lengthy discussion about ordering special take-away food for supper, as I didn't think I could cope with eating in a noisy restaurant, feeling so tired.

We ordered food from a Lebanese restaurant, an assortment of dishes, mostly vegetarian. but including grilled halloumi and spicy chicken pieces. I settled for an interesting mixed salad as I wasn't feeling like a heavy meal, but tasted some of the other mezes as well. We drank a bottle of Beaujolais Villages, a good quality Gamay. It's the first glass of wine I've drunk since Christmas day with lots of water, not knowing what impact it might have on me, given the disruptive effect of the clot busting meds on my digestive system. I enjoyed the taste. It reminded me of life in Switzerland. although Bourgogne Gamay was more to my taste than supermarket Gamay de Geneve thirty years ago.

It was lovely to sit around en famille and chat until bed time, although we all missed having Rachel with us, of course. Clare and I went to be early and shared a bed for the first time in a long while, taking the risk of disturbing each other, so that Owain could sleep in my bed with Kath and Anto in the attic - rather noisy tonight with the wind and rain.