Lethargy

Sunshine and blue sky to wake up to after a much needed good night's sleep, but it was still cold. I spent  the morning writing and reflecting on news about the war in the Middle East, avoiding going out. I cooked a savoury chick pea dish with aubergine, courgette and butternut squash for lunch, and was quite pleased with the result. 

I felt light headed and lethargic after lunch but didn't sleep. I went for a walk in Llandaff Fields before tea. The afternoon sun seemed to warm up the wind enough to make it tolerable, but walking was hard going and slower with leg stiffness I'm convinced is a statin side effect. Or else I'm ageing noticeably faster. I had a chat with neighbour Dave, the same age as me if not older. We stood on sycamore avenue, indifferent to scooters, pedestrians and cyclists passing us on either side. No benches were near enough to propose sitting down. I didn't have enough energy to do more and returned home. 

After supper we watched the live news broadcast from the Artemis II spacecraft as it starts to orbit the moon to survey its dark side.  It's already travelled further from earth than any other crewed spacecraft. It's a landmark moment in twenty first century science with NASA preparing to establish the world's first lunar base. Trump is proposing to reduce government NASA funding presumably on the grounds that commercial space projects will be less expensive in the long run, and more efficient, managed by his super-rich allies. We'll see how it turns out. It seems Pakistan is attempting to engage America in cease-fire talks with Iran. Trump's latest belligerent outbursts and confused messages about opening the Straight of Hormuz by force have produced a stubborn response from Iran. Concern is being expressed about the state of Trump's mental health, has his tantrums and coercive efforts meet with resistance. Israel is being hit hard with retaliatory attacks by missiles and drones following its assaults on Iran and Lebanon. This will erode support for the Netanyahu government.

After a short walk in the dark to complete my daily distance and clear my head, I got ready early for bed.

Easter under the clouds of war

A sunny day despite clouds and cold wind. Despite a good night's sleep, I had a hard time getting going, unable to shake off accumulated tiredness from yesterday. Despite this, my head is clearer and my attention not so blunted by the effect of medication.

I listened to the Sung Eucharist from Canterbury Cathedral on Radio 4 before getting up. Archbishop Sarah preached a fine sermon both pastoral and poetic, around the text 'While it was still dark'. The fact that she called for prayer that the war in the Middle East would come to a speedy and just end made the day's news headlines. Nothing was reported about the actual content of her sermon apart from this. The Cathedral choir sang a Latin Mass setting so full of dissonance it verged on being irritating. The congregation sang hymns half heartedly. No wonder, at eight o'clock in the morning. Pope Leo's 'Urbi et Orbi' address also appealed for an end to the war. It was good to learn about the exchange of greeting messages between Rome and Canterbury. Ecumenical dialogue and co-operation will continue as churches globally learn to live with their differences. A positive example in a conflict ridden world.

Trump continues with bullying rhetoric, now foul mouthed, to threaten the obliteration of Iranian energy and industrial infrastructure unless the Straight of Hormuz is re-opened. Iran promises equally devastating retaliation, which it has already shown it can deliver with far reaching consequences. Trump is being publicly reminded by international legal experts that such actions constitute a war crime. Argument weak shout louder on Trump's part. There is little trust between Iran and America for pursuing peace talks in the light of the US and Israel attacking Iran while negotiations were going on. Rescue of a missing American airman has been a success which will no doubt be dramatized in a movie eventually. It's been a costly success in terms of aircraft losses, but avoids the embarrassment of a hostage crisis.

We attended the St Catherine's Eucharist with a congregation of over eighty adults and children, pleasing to all who have been concerned about a decline in attendance which hasn't fully recovered since the pandemic. There has been a turnover in the local population in the past few years with young families moving into the area, and the welcoming nature of the church's ministry to them suggests attention is being attracted to a well looked after, well presented traditional Parish church.

We had a quiet lunch on our own. The Owain, Kath and Anto are coming next weekend for my birthday, but we had phone conversations with them during the day. Clare baked an apple pie with puff pastry to follow our usual salmon and veg for Sunday lunch. The leftover pastry she filled with custard for a tea time treat. No simnel cake this year.

My afternoon walk in Llandaff Fields was physically hard going, there was no spring in my step and the cold wind didn't help. After supper I watched another episode of 'Blanca'. It's an interesting idea, to have a blind person with highly sensitive hearing and sense of smell participating actively in police investigations, but if the resolution of the story is poorly presented, it lacks plausibility. 

Easter Vigil surprise

How cheering to wake up to bright sunshine and a clear sky, feeling bright and clear after a good night's rest, despite getting to sleep later than intended. After chatting to Rachel before going to bed, I wrote her a long message which could have waited until morning after getting into bed. Serves me right when I know how important is the first hour of rest to sleep quality.

Clare made pancakes for our Saturday breakfast, with the delicious extra of last year's blackberry jelly. She stewed some blueberries as well. The difference in taste between the two dark blue juicy fruits was notable, with the blueberries not possessing the subtle underlying 'woody' flavour of the blackberry.

A letter arrived from the City Council announcing the imposition of parking permits in this street and the neighbouring ones. We'll need a  'guest'  one for occasional visitors. Kath and Anto are the only car owners in the immediate family. We are now car-less. It's not good news for Clare's study group guests. It's £35 a year or £90 for a second permit. 

Will this improve the frequency and reliability of buses? Or prevent trafic congestion? Some households rely on a second car to earn enough to pay the morgage on their over inflated house prices. So relieved I no longer drive as the cost of using and owning a car increases. On a pension that would be another drain on resources.

Iran has shot down two American planes. Not all members of their air crew have been rescued yet. On top of this, two search and rescue helicopters have been shot down as well. It's likely to provoke questions from Trump supporters, and make it tougher for him to continue justifying the war to his right wing populist base, after claiming 'control of the skies', and that the war was 'nearly over.' 

His forty eight hour deadline for Iran to reopen the Straight of Hormuz is about to run out. What will happen to his threat to destroy Iran's energy infrastructure if they don't comply remains to be seen. Iran's air defences are not as degraded as Trump alleges. Dare he risk ordering the use of B52 heavy bombers if there's no certainty that fighter support can operate safely? Not only would further losses be very expensive, they would further demonstrate the foolishness of his rhetoric and his decisions.

Israel continues in its effort to conquer Hezbollah, with South Lebanon and the Bekaa Valley infrastructure and population suffering what is tantamount to war crime. Iran and the Houthis rain down missiles and drones on Israel. It won't do much to improve Netanyahu's political support.

By mid morning the sky clouded over again and the wind from the north west remained cold. I stayed indoors, recorded and edited audio for the daily office and reflection in two weeks time, rather than going out for a walk. I didn't go for a circuit of Llandaff Fields until after a lunch of prawns and veg with rice.

The decision about where to attend the Easter Vigil service occupied me for a while, with services set to start in the dark at seven thirty or eight and lasting up to two hours. I would have preferred St German's but with half to three quarters travel time there and back, it was out of the question. Likewise, going to the Cathedral and back, thirty five minutes walk each way. The Ministry Area service at St David's Caerau at eight, with buses up and down Cowbridge Road East promised to be the least demanding on my energy.

Wind and rain on the way there and back was demanding enough. We were forty adults plus children. A congregation of familiar people from Ministry Area churches in which I have taken services from time to time, plus several new Asian Christian families that have made their home in the area.

When I was welcomed at the door, I was asked if I'd read a lesson and said 'Yes' without thinking. Other than when I said Wednesday's Mass over two months ago, I haven't  been asked to read at a service for over a year. First I had to read through the text several times. It was in an unfamiliar translation with a few contentious turns of phrase to get used to. I had to read by candle light, but despite visual impairment, so  often a problem in low light, I read with confidence and vigour, just one little stumble when my memory tried to override direct text to speech! I felt greatly blessed to read Paul on the mystery of the Resurrection in the light of my recovery journey and without nervousness. I just had to laugh, being teased by the Spirit, landing me in a familiar exposed role, sustaining my confidence and concentration. A real gift!

The service ended at twenty to ten. I felt too tired to stay for the festivity that followed, and returned home by bus and walking home from the old Canton Police station stop. I got in at ten past ten, and went straight to bed, grateful that I was able to participate in and contribute to the proclamation of Christ's resurrection one more time.

Semana Santa - Llandaff and Malaga

Mercifully, I had a fairly good night's sleep. With the effect of the covid vaccination diminishing and my stiff neck and shoulder no longer painful, a better start to the day. Overcast, with the odd rain shower this morning. I had an email notifying me of a letter from Welsh Water, with no indication of its subject. I had to log into my on-line water bill account to find it. It wasn't straightforward as it was necessary to hunt for a web page location, not flagged to attract attention, in order to download a .pdf to read. It was information about a forthcoming change of water meter. Why not just send me an email directly? They have my email address. I use it to log in. Come to think of it, the NHS app uses a circuitous route to deliver letters too.

I walked to Llandaff Cathedral to attend the Good Friday Vigil at the Cross at twenty five to eleven. I was surprised to find the service had started. It was ten past eleven. I assumed it would take me twenty five to thirty minutes at my usual pace. Even allowing for the strong cold wind blowing I had no idea I'd slowed down so much. When I approached the cross for the act of veneration and went to kneel  My sense of balance is still good but my quad muscles without pain are uneven in elasticity. I have a tendency to wobble when bending my knees. Extra support needed. There was nothing within easy reach to offer stability. I had to settle for a deep bow instead, to avoid keeling over. A second indication within the hour of how old I am rather than how old I feel.

As I was leaving after the service, I was tapped on the shoulder by Mother Jan Gould and Father Peter. It's the first time we've seen each other since she took early retirement. They are living happily in St Nicholas Parish looking east from the escarpment above West Cardiff, and both looking fit and well. They expressed disappointment at the long delay in appointing a replacement priest at the 'Res', a church community which relies on pastoral continuity and having its priest living locally. It reveals just how vulnerable a poor working class community can be if there's nobody for people to look up to, nobody to speak for them. It's not inevitably about personality dominant leadership. A community champion can also be self-effacing, working quietly in the background enabling others to step forward and take the lead. It takes time for a new pastor to know people and be known, less easy if there's a team of clergy serving on rotation.

When I got home I found fish and chips from the local chippie waiting for me. Clare bought them for a late lunch on her way home from the Good Friday service at St John's. The rich batter in which the fish was cooked was slow to digest, so I went out and walked a circuit of Llandaff Fields to help it on its way and make room for supper, fortunately without ill effect. I can't fast like I used to. I get light headed and feel that it impairs my judgement. I don't want to have an accident because of this.

Iran is doing deals to allow shipping that meets their criteria through the Straight of Hormuz and charging for this. It will give them a revenue stream other than the one which Iranian oil provided. It can be used for continuing to wage war, or for urgent infrastructure repairs. Discussions are taking place on the other side of the conflict divide to construct a pipeline to take oil out of the region to shipping ports that can be protected, eliminating the Straight of Hormuz entirely. 

A coalition of European nations is seeking to negotiate a re-opening by diplomatic means rather than by force, while Trump presses on with threats to bomb Iran back to the Stone Age by destroying its industries and infrastructure and seizing its oil wells unless his demands are complied with. Such belligerent rhetoric simply results in another oil price rise which will further diminish his popular support. He's not only a loud mouthed bully but a fool if he persists in a war of words he cannot win. Even his own military experts doubt this is achievable. Iran has shot down an American war plane. One pilot is missing, the other has been rescued. Despite the military onslaught against it, Iran and its allies still launch missiles and drones at Israel and Gulf States. It still has military capability and its government, albeit repressive and cruel is still functioning. So much for the war ending "real soon" as Trump is fond of saying.

I spent the evening after supper watching Semana Santa processions broadcast live from Malaga in the 'Malaga Hoy' news streaming channel. I have such a strong memory of witnessing this in the flesh eight years ago, it seems very recent. Does time flow faster as we get old? Rachel called too. She's been reading the collection of Reggie Rabbit stories I wrote for her when she was a kid, going over them with an editor's eye. I hope she's not too disappointed nearly half a century later.

 

Confirmation the night of the St Paul's riot remembered

I had a message from Amanda remembering that today is the forty sixth anniversary of her Confirmation at St Agnes Church on the night of the St Paul's riots. We'd been chatting about a housebound parishioner of St Agnes Church, who was a real character with an unusual post-war history. I had then sent Amanda a copy of the short story I wrote about her, which mentioned the service at St Agnes on that same night at which both of them were Confirmed. Amazing to think it all happened half a lifetime ago!

Yesterday afternoon's covid jab hit me hard when I went to bed. I couldn't lie on my left side as the jabbed muscle was inflamed. I couldn't lie on my right side a torn ligament is painful. Lying flat on my back I dropped off but couldn't breathe properly, woke up with a loud snore to find my nose leaking blood. It was a shock, but the bleeding didn't last long. It was an uncomfortable night altogether, and I woke up feeling tired and ill - a nasty reaction to the vaccination - plus a stiff neck.

After breakfast, a phone call from a HMRC Help team member who guided me through reinstating my tax account. I explained that I was unwell, and he guided me with gentleness and patience through the tricky process of resetting the password to my Government Gateway account. It's such a relief to get this done.

A letter arrived from the Stroke Unit at Llandough hospital containing a questionnaire aiming to review my condition after six months in recovery. I wasn't impressed with the way questions were framed. There was nothing to enable a patient to report on the impact of medications taken, and the names of two mentioned did not fit what I was prescribed. I'll have to fill it in and append comments to clarify this box ticking exercise covering nine single sided A4 sheets of recycled paper. There was no place in the survey to mention visual impairment, surely a key issue in terms of confident mobility on foot, quite apart from fitness to drive. 

Questions about bladder and bowel control were too vague to be of use if it's not an issue of weak muscle control, but of the destabilising effect of medication taken. Questions asked about the names of specialists making assessments were unanswerable months after the event. I found the whole process annoying. A lot of this information is in my medical record. Don't these teams consult each other? Or consult the hospital's computer system? No wonder some services in NHS Wales are in a mess.

I sat up in my armchair and dozed for an hour after lunch, then went out for some fresh air  The cold wind was debilitating. I only walked for half an hour. The evening Mass of the Lord's Supper was at St Luke's, so I walked there for the seven o'clock service, at which Fr Jesse was the celebrant with a congregation of thirty. Appropriately, It got dark during the service. I didn't stay for the Vigil of the Passion, as I didn't feel well enough, and my legs felt a bit wobbly from sitting down for most of the day. I walked part of the way home with David, talking about our respective medication regimens and their unpleasant effects. It's what old men do I reckon, and I'm feeling old and tired today. I intended to watch a little of the Semana Santa processions in Malaga, but ran out of energy. I didn't get around to preparing the breakfast table before going to bed at ten.

Covid jab time again

I got up at eight and posted today's Morning Prayer video YouTube link to the Parish What'sApp thread. The meds didn't affect me quite as badly as they have done. I remained fairly clear and sharp. Getting to bed earlier does seem to make a difference. 

We were a dozen for the Eucharist at St Catherine's. We stood around a nave altar for Communion and I was standing in front of it with a full view of the Holy Table. I noticed that I could see the candlestick and lit candle to the right of me, but on the left side I could see most of the candlestick and candle but not the fact that the candle was lit until I raised my head. It shows where my field of vision is impaired. It's good to be aware of this and consciously look up when checking what I think I'm looking at. I've learned to double check when I cross a road in case I've not noticed a car entering my immediate vicinity. 

Almost all of us stayed for coffee and chat afterwards. I can't have slept as long as I needed last night, as I dozed for an hour in my armchair after lunch. I went out for a walk when I woke up. Fortunately a phone notification reminded me that I had a Covid jab in half an hour's time, at the Riverside Health Centre. On my way home I called at Tesco's to buy a few food items that we're running out of. Then I went out again to do a lap of the park and complete my daily step quota. Ashley called as I arrived home and we chatted for an hour and a half about our ailments and reminiscing.

An email arrived from HMRC this morning acknowledging receipt of my letter of complaint sent three weeks ago. At least it didn't get lost in the post. It will take a while to get an answer, but it's important that I have started the process. Owain advised me about the letter I sent, and this caused him to look at 'extra help' provisions for the disabled, access to the complaints procedure and information about how to obtain technical assistance. His inquiries and conversations with relevant team members have led to him to work on how to deliver this information in the most user friendly way on-line. It's complex, to say the least, as he explained when we chatted after supper.

Trump claims that Iran has asked for a cease-fire. and that the war will end soon. Iran says this is 'false and baseless'. After so many insults to NATO allies, he now threatens to take America out of NATO altogether in retaliation for members' lack of support for his Iran invasion proposals. The King and Queen are going to make a state visit the USA on the 250th anniversary of America's declaration of independence. Trump has high regard for the Royal Family, but how will he behave when the visit takes place? He's notorious for his embarrassing off-script random remarks and unreliability. Meanwhile several Israeli cities have been subjected to a barrage of missiles from Iran and Hezbollah in response to Israel's war on Hezbollah waged at the cost of Lebanese lives and loss of homeland, as swathes of the country are turned into a battlefield.

I'm confident Charles and Camilla can do the right thing in an awkward diplomatic encounter. Trump is so vain and self centred he may undermine his own populist appeal. He's already losing a significant amount of support due to his prosecution of a war which has caused such economic chaos and effectively ceded power to Iran, which still controls the flow of oil and gas from the Middle East to the world. Even Iran's president warns in an open letter to the American people of the cost of continued war. If at any time Trump declares he's won, it will be seen as a pyrrhic victory. What will happen, who will take over if it becomes evident he's completely lost his grip and is unfit to lead?

  

Bot spotting

A blue sky littered with hazy cloud dimming early sunshine. I paid for going to bed a bit later than usual; last night. Although I woke up clear-headed, the meds made my head hazy too. Will I ever discipline myself to get to sleep early enough to ward off their ill effect? Clare's study group arrived after breakfast. A quick excursion to the Coop was necessary to buy coffee and plant milk, as we forgot to stock up. That helped to clear my head. 

As I was settling down to write after returning with supplies, I had a call labelled 'nuisance?' on the phone handset call display - a useful monitoring service provided by BT. "Good morning this is James calling you .." said  a southern British educated voice alleging to represent a green energy company with a forgettable name. "Who are you?" I asked. "Good morning this is James .." the voice repeated. "What do you want?" said I. "Good morning this is James ...". "No you're not, you're only a bot." I replied, and put the phone down. Not so smart AI technology, badly designed or malfunctioning, unable to respond to a couple of essential business communication questions. The digital era has saddled the world with a host of attempts to win trust and steal assets with lies and deceit. 

Fraudsters and confidence tricksters have been a part of the world for millennia. In the past, scamming people was a face to face activity. Reliance on all things digital has made this crime largely impersonal. In different ways, we're all exposed wide open to fakery, constantly needing to question the trustworthiness of others, as well as needing to prove who we are, and that we too are trustworthy. No wonder institutions of government, finance, medicine and science are scrutinized, often distrusted, due to a pervasive climate of fear, uncertainty and doubt, in which truth and lies are readily confused, and people are failing to care about the impact this has on our lives. The so-called 'post-truth' era in human relationships is a diabolical invention designed for the entrapment, manipulation and domination of others.

Trump continues to insult those who won't automatically do his bidding in mounting assaults against Iran, threatening the future of the NATO alliance. He's not only a bully but a fool, unreliable, untrustworthy. In spite of all the damage done to Iran and its military capability, retaliatory attacks persist, in alliance with Iran's Houthi insurgents, on Israel and the Gulf States. Some ships get through the Straight of Hormuz but attacks on others deter use of Persian Gulf. The Red Sea with its long Saudi Arabian coastline provides an alternative oil transport route, but at its south eastern coast is Yemen. Houthis control entrance through the Bab al Mandab Straight. It's a strategic choke point for traffic between India and Europe whose name translates as 'Gate of Tears'. Asia is being badly affected by lack of Middle Eastern oil and gas.

I was expecting a call from the Consultant Pharmacologist this afternoon and stayed in until late afternoon before taking walk in Llandaff Fields and enjoying the sunshine. No call, however. I must have been mistaken about the day. After supper I joined the congregation of fifteen at St Catherine's for a healing Eucharist, led by Mother Sue. It was held in the side chapel where the grand piano is kept. Music was provided by a 'cellist accompanying Mother Sue on the piano. The story of the anointing of Jesus at Bethany was read, then the oil of Holy Unction was passed from hand to hand so each member of the congregation could anoint their neighbour with the sign of the cross on the palm of the hand. A bit messy, but effective. I appreciated the calm reflective nature of the occasion.