Covid jab time again

I got up at eight and posted today's Morning Prayer video YouTube link to the Parish What'sApp thread. The meds didn't affect me quite as badly as they have done. I remained fairly clear and sharp. Getting to bed earlier does seem to make a difference. 

We were a dozen for the Eucharist at St Catherine's. We stood around a nave altar for Communion and I was standing in front of it with a full view of the Holy Table. I noticed that I could see the candlestick and lit candle to the right of me, but on the left side I could see most of the candlestick and candle but not the fact that the candle was lit until I raised my head. It shows where my field of vision is impaired. It's good to be aware of this and consciously look up when checking what I think I'm looking at. I've learned to double check when I cross a road in case I've not noticed a car entering my immediate vicinity. 

Almost all of us stayed for coffee and chat afterwards. I can't have slept as long as I needed last night, as I dozed for an hour in my armchair after lunch. I went out for a walk when I woke up. Fortunately a phone notification reminded me that I had a Covid jab in half an hour's time, at the Riverside Health Centre. On my way home I called at Tesco's to buy a few food items that we're running out of. Then I went out again to do a lap of the park and complete my daily step quota. Ashley called as I arrived home and we chatted for an hour and a half about our ailments and reminiscing.

An email arrived from HMRC this morning acknowledging receipt of my letter of complaint sent three weeks ago. At least it didn't get lost in the post. It will take a while to get an answer, but it's important that I have started the process. Owain advised me about the letter I sent, and this caused him to look at 'extra help' provisions for the disabled, access to the complaints procedure and information about how to obtain technical assistance. His inquiries and conversations with relevant team members have led to him to work on how to deliver this information in the most user friendly way on-line. It's complex, to say the least, as he explained when we chatted after supper.

Trump claims that Iran has asked for a cease-fire. and that the war will end soon. Iran says this is 'false and baseless'. After so many insults to NATO allies, he now threatens to take America out of NATO altogether in retaliation for members' lack of support for his Iran invasion proposals. The King and Queen are going to make a state visit the USA on the 250th anniversary of America's declaration of independence. Trump has high regard for the Royal Family, but how will he behave when the visit takes place? He's notorious for his embarrassing off-script random remarks and unreliability. Meanwhile several Israeli cities have been subjected to a barrage of missiles from Iran and Hezbollah in response to Israel's war on Hezbollah waged at the cost of Lebanese lives and loss of homeland, as swathes of the country are turned into a battlefield.

I'm confident Charles and Camilla can do the right thing in an awkward diplomatic encounter. Trump is so vain and self centred he may undermine his own populist appeal. He's already losing a significant amount of support due to his prosecution of a war which has caused such economic chaos and effectively ceded power to Iran, which still controls the flow of oil and gas from the Middle East to the world. Even Iran's president warns in an open letter to the American people of the cost of continued war. If at any time Trump declares he's won, it will be seen as a pyrrhic victory. What will happen, who will take over if it becomes evident he's completely lost his grip and is unfit to lead?

  

Bot spotting

A blue sky littered with hazy cloud dimming early sunshine. I paid for going to bed a bit later than usual; last night. Although I woke up clear-headed, the meds made my head hazy too. Will I ever discipline myself to get to sleep early enough to ward off their ill effect? Clare's study group arrived after breakfast. A quick excursion to the Coop was necessary to buy coffee and plant milk, as we forgot to stock up. That helped to clear my head. 

As I was settling down to write after returning with supplies, I had a call labelled 'nuisance?' on the phone handset call display - a useful monitoring service provided by BT. "Good morning this is James calling you .." said  a southern British educated voice alleging to represent a green energy company with a forgettable name. "Who are you?" I asked. "Good morning this is James .." the voice repeated. "What do you want?" said I. "Good morning this is James ...". "No you're not, you're only a bot." I replied, and put the phone down. Not so smart AI technology, badly designed or malfunctioning, unable to respond to a couple of essential business communication questions. The digital era has saddled the world with a host of attempts to win trust and steal assets with lies and deceit. 

Fraudsters and confidence tricksters have been a part of the world for millennia. In the past, scamming people was a face to face activity. Reliance on all things digital has made this crime largely impersonal. In different ways, we're all exposed wide open to fakery, constantly needing to question the trustworthiness of others, as well as needing to prove who we are, and that we too are trustworthy. No wonder institutions of government, finance, medicine and science are scrutinized, often distrusted, due to a pervasive climate of fear, uncertainty and doubt, in which truth and lies are readily confused, and people are failing to care about the impact this has on our lives. The so-called 'post-truth' era in human relationships is a diabolical invention designed for the entrapment, manipulation and domination of others.

Trump continues to insult those who won't automatically do his bidding in mounting assaults against Iran, threatening the future of the NATO alliance. He's not only a bully but a fool, unreliable, untrustworthy. In spite of all the damage done to Iran and its military capability, retaliatory attacks persist, in alliance with Iran's Houthi insurgents, on Israel and the Gulf States. Some ships get through the Straight of Hormuz but attacks on others deter use of Persian Gulf. The Red Sea with its long Saudi Arabian coastline provides an alternative oil transport route, but at its south eastern coast is Yemen. Houthis control entrance through the Bab al Mandab Straight. It's a strategic choke point for traffic between India and Europe whose name translates as 'Gate of Tears'. Asia is being badly affected by lack of Middle Eastern oil and gas.

I was expecting a call from the Consultant Pharmacologist this afternoon and stayed in until late afternoon before taking walk in Llandaff Fields and enjoying the sunshine. No call, however. I must have been mistaken about the day. After supper I joined the congregation of fifteen at St Catherine's for a healing Eucharist, led by Mother Sue. It was held in the side chapel where the grand piano is kept. Music was provided by a 'cellist accompanying Mother Sue on the piano. The story of the anointing of Jesus at Bethany was read, then the oil of Holy Unction was passed from hand to hand so each member of the congregation could anoint their neighbour with the sign of the cross on the palm of the hand. A bit messy, but effective. I appreciated the calm reflective nature of the occasion.

Diplomacy in the Holy City

Sunshine and a clear sky, but cold throughout the day. I slept well and my head was clear when I woke up. Then I began to feel slightly light headed but felt better after eating breakfast however, and no worse after taking my meds. My slow foggy brain was somewhat clearer than usual early in the day, and remained so. What exactly brought about this change isn't obvious. Will this 'improvement' continue? At least I have something to report in tomorrow's phone consultation with Sil the clinical pharmacist.

In the news, Israeli police denying access to sacred sites in Jerusalem for yesterday's Palm Sunday Liturgy led to widespread international criticism. Formal protest in a dignified but forthright diplomatic manner  pushed security authorities to reverse the decision. Careful dialogue by the Latin Patriarchate, custodian of Holy Places with Israeli authorities, has overcome an impasse which put inter-faith and community relations at risk of undermining goodwill and future co-operation, not to mention international opprobrium. 

Carefully worded press statements acknowledged the serious health and safety concerns that need to be addressed. The willingness of church communities to comply with regulations designed to protect the public indicated an effort by city authorities to prevent anyone from benefiting from what occurred. A side effect of this mini-crisis, is highlighting concern over anti-Christian incidents affecting Palestinian Arab Christians by Zionist and Islamic extremists.

I worked on my fifth Reggie Rabbit story, then went for a walk around Llandaff Fields before lunch, and  emailed the completed text to Rachel to read and comment about what I made of her notes on the original version she remembered so clearly. Then another walk in the park making the most of the sunshine despite the cold, grateful it didn't rain. Later Rachel and I chatted, and she sent me a file of a duet she recorded with Bill of the Black Forest Society band. A nice piece of music. 

When I was passing by the recently opened Coffi Lab cafe, our Spanish neighbour Miriam and her partner Pascal were at an outside table, and waved to me. She started speaking to me in Spanish. It's been a while since I last saw her, and I told her about having a stroke. We chatted for five minutes in a mix of English and Spanish. It was cheering to find that I hadn't forgotten all that I've learned in the past ten years, even if my memory was a bit slow retrieving the detail. Speaking or thinking in Spanish in a rudimentary way takes me back to a happy place full of sunshine - the Costa del Sol inside my head, always there even if I never visit again in the flesh.

After supper, I watched another episode of 'Blanca' until it was time for bed.

Passiontide under the shadow of war in the Holy Land

Having got to bed early to avoid sleep loss due to clocks changing to Summer Time, I slept well, and the meds didn't have such an unsettling impact on me. An overcast start to the day, with a cold wind blowing on my way to St Catherine's for the Parish Eucharist. I was relieved our procession with palms took place indoors for this reason. Walking around the church singing from a hymnbook while feeling light headed felt slightly precarious, thanks to my field of vision impairment, but I didn't trip over or bump into anyone. By the end of the service, slow reactions and the light headed sensation started to diminish I was able to chat with people over coffee before returning home.

Listening to the St Matthew Passion reading, the bystanders' words 'This man is calling on Elijah' after Jesus cried out "Eli Eli lama sabachthani" caught my attention afresh in a way they didn't when I was busy reading them aloud. Those Aramaic words open Psalm 22. 'Eli Eli' translates as 'my God, my God' but it seems the bystanders think that Jesus is addressing Elijah (which means 'my God is Yahweh') the prophet expected to return and save his people. They mistakenly assume Jesus appeals to Elijah to rescue him and are nervously joking about it as nobody knows what might happen next. 

That opening verse may be heard as a cry of desolation and abandonment, but despite the expressions of suffering in verses which follow, Psalm 22 ends in an expression of triumphant victory emerging from complete trust in God's power and mercy. The death of Jesus is far from the tragedy it may seem to be. The bystanders and his murderers have no control of unfolding events. The humble self sacrifice of Jesus is what determines their outcome and reveals the power of God's merciful love in Him.

After lunch, I completed writing the Reggie Rabbit story for which I could only find a drafted outline in my archives. I was quite pleased with the result, but I have no idea of how I might have intended the story to be told in the first place. Then I went out for a walk. The cold wind turned into a damp wind, so I only walked for half an hour, reluctant to get completely soaked through. I went out after supper and walked again in the dark before settling down for the night, trying to recall how the story about Reggie Rabbit and the Magic Chocolate Carrots might have unfolded when I first told it to the girls.

Having mentioned this to Rachel, she proceeded to recall the outline of a story, I told her more than forty years ago in enough detail to enable me to fill in the narrative detail. Letting my imagination go to work on this was great fun, but I had to stop and not press on into the night re-writing it. I rely on the right quality of sleep to cope with another day on this wretched medication.

Trump's popularity rating has slumped further, his leadership blamed for rising fuel and commodity prices. He and his envoys press on with forcing peace negotiations, reassuring critics with vague remarks about the war being over soon as an invasion force of American Marines is being deployed. His credibility and trustworthiness as a war leader are doubted by military experts. 

Iranian backed Houthi insurgents in Yemen as well as Hezbollah in Lebanon continue to attack Israel with missiles and drones. Gulf State energy production facilities, a key factor in both regional and global economies are likewise targeted, affecting manufacturing and food production. Fertiliser supply shortages lead to lower crop yields. Energy costs will increase food prices. People in poor countries suffer most. 

Houthi attacks, whether intentional or not, resulted in shrapnel from a missile shot down hitting the church of the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem. For 'safety reasons', including the lack of bomb shelters, the Western Wall and the Al Aqsa compound have been forced to close in addition to the church. There is, in any case, a restriction on gatherings of more than fifty people in all public places. Worshippers were barred from making the traditional Palm Sunday procession in the very place where the entry of Jesus into Jerusalem took place as well as celebrating the first Mass of Holy Week in the Holy City. The Maundy Thursday Mass of the Chrism, usually a large gathering, has been cancelled. It's not entirely without precedent. Similar enforced closures took place during the covid pandemic. Holy Week observances will take place, albeit subject to the restrictions imposed.

Sorting out stuff

I woke up in sunshine after a fairly good night's sleep. I was light headed and clear when I woke up, but became even more light headed after taking my morning meds. My goatee beard needed trimming, but my thirty year old electric hair trimmer with beard attachments turned out to be no longer up to the job after I dropped it a while back. I used the trimming blade on the back of my electric razor. This too was rather hit and miss. I think I need a new trimmer more suitable for the job. A birthday present maybe?

We had our usual Saturday breakfast of pancakes with the unusual addition of pureed strawberries. very pleasant indeed. I didn't feel like going out with such a light head, and worked instead for most of the morning on a reflection for Morning Prayer about the Visitation of Mary and Elizabeth.

Clare cooked lunch, then went to town to have an ear wax removal treatment. I walked for an hour in Llandaff Fields, before tea and the sky began to fill with clouds but it didn't rain. 

I spent some time going through paper files in my study, in search of paper drafts of Reggie Rabbit stories. The ones I found were digitized in 2010  the one I needed had no paper draft, just digital version of page of sketchy notes being worked upon. I found a series of travel notebooks: Greece, Jamaica, Mongolia, Syria and Jerusalem. Greece is already transcribed into a digital file, the first I did after retirement. The rest need doing. Another writing project from times before I started post retirement blogging. 

After supper I started reconstructing from notes taken the fourth of the Reggie Rabbit stories. Not easy as I don't recall what I had in mind when I first made them up. 

Early bed tonight as the clocks go forward. 

Bed time stories rediscovered

I woke up two hours after going to bed to the slow torturous bleep of a smoke alarm. It was impossible to get back to sleep in between, getting up to empty my bladder, and I couldn't find the pack of ear plugs that Kath bought for me when I was last in A&E. Sheer torture. I had flashbacks about the three nights I spent in A&E following the stroke with different devices bleeping warning sounds as nurses did their night time rounds, an experience akin to a disturbing waking dream. Having lost three hours sleep, I got up at eight thirty loaded a rucksack with a breakfast picnic of fruit cake, banana and morning meds, then walked to St David's Hospital for a fasting blood cholesterol test. 

It was windy with an unpleasant drizzle of rain, weather to wreck a brolly with. I knew a 61 bus was due when I set out, and went to the nearest stop with a shelter, only to see the bus pass me by. If I'd turned toward the stop in the other direction, where the bus was headed, I'd have caught it as the road was blocked for several minutes by a large van, and the bus had to wait at the next stop before continuing its journey. I had to walk the full mile to the hospital. Fortunately it wasn't a timed appointment. Two other patients were queuing to have their blood taken at the outpatients phlebotomy clinic. I didn't have to wait long and was soon eating my picnic breakfast before leaving. Rather than wait fifteen minutes for a bus I walked home and had a second breakfast. 

The bleeping smoke alarm was still punctuating household peace, but Clare found the missing pack of ear plugs to relieve the anxious agony it generates. My hearing is still quite sensitive, to the point that loud high pitched sounds take me to the verge of pain, I was so grateful the ear plug pack wasn't missing, just hidden. It gave me an hour's respite before Darren, a 'Care & Repair' worker arrived to change the battery. Clare had contacted their help line while I was out. 

Matt the plumber's apprentice arrived at noon to install the replacement bidet we ordered a few weeks ago. Unfortunately the one we had installed eight years ago after my surgery to treat anal infection started to leak a few months ago and couldn't be repaired. I don't think either of us would want to do without a bidet now, as we got so used to using it. It turned out the job couldn't be completed as the piping attachments for joining the bidet to the water supply are American not European specification. A workaround or some kind of adapter is needed. This leaves us without an upstairs toilet over the weekend. We must be grateful the house has two.

While Clare was out after lunch, I recorded and edited Morning Prayer and Reflection for the second week of Easter, and made the video slideshow to go with it for posting to YouTube. Then I walked in Llandaff Fields for the best part of an hour, and finished watching the episode of 'Blanca' which I started last night, rather too late to finish before bed.

When Rachel and I last talked, she'd just read 'Jack's Tale', about her Great Grandfather's time in America, and worked with me to correct the typos she found. She mentioned the Reggie Rabbit stories I wrote and read to her and Kath at bed time when they were young. I promised to extract them from my digital archive and send them to her. Tonight I got around to doing this, and re-read them for the first time since I transcribed and digitized the original written texts when I retired fifteen years ago. They were written to read aloud and entertain the girls before they settled down to sleep. When I read sections aloud to Clare I could hear my voice again as the young story telling dad I was fifty years ago. I was quite touched by this reminder of who I once was. So much to give thanks for at the end of a difficult day. And now bed.

Coffee, coffee, coffee!

Cold and cloudy today. Early bed at half past nine last night despite the usual broken sleep, improved the way I felt on waking up. After taking the blood pressure pill I felt light headed and slow thinking until I went for a walk and had lunch. That 'toxic head' feeling wasn't as intense as it used to be. I'll try whatever change of routine makes a consistent difference. Only taking a statin every other day seems to spare me the worst of the awful sensation I've been living with since the stroke. Tomorrow morning I return to St David's hospital for a second fasting blood cholesterol test.

Radio Four's 'In our time' programme this morning was all about the element silicon, its importance in the making of the universe, its physics and chemistry and its use in semiconductors and electronics. It took me back to my time as a chemistry student sixty years ago, when fresh discoveries about silicon compounds and how to synthesise them were being made. This was just before the revolutionary innovation of silicon based products began to be commercialised. It was an exciting time to be in a scientific environment. The inquisitive and imaginative nature of scientific enterprise attracted me. I'm not sure that I would have become sufficiently disciplined and competent enough as a practitioner to make a worthwhile contribution to science, however. I was more interested in people, how they think, what they think and believe, always interested in the bigger picture, and how everything works together for good.

Clare soaked and cooked a batch of beans to make a curry with some of them for lunch. They are soft enough to use for making our own hummus as well. I fell asleep in my armchair for an hour afterwards. I didn't realise I was that tired since I slept fairly well last night, but I felt better as a result.

I walked around Thompson's Park for an hour. The old park keeper's hut, converted into the 'Lufkin' coffee kiosk seven years ago, closed last year. It's being given a makeover and is about to re-open, re-branded as 'Ground' the sixth in a small chain of local coffee and pastry shops around Cardiff and Penarth. 

Another coffee shop, one of a chain of twelve under the 'Coffi Lab' brand, has just opened opposite the Half Way pub, competing with Coffee #1 further down the street, plus 'Cafe Castan' and 'Square and Fair' in Llandaff Fields. That's a remarkable number of coffee shops within five minutes walk of each other, with two of them pitched at dog walkers. 

It will be interesting to see how long they last, given the rising price of coffee beans due to the effect of climate change, plus energy costs due to economic fall-out from war in the Middle East. Fashionable matt black is the paint colour used in the latest of these renovated retail outlets. I wonder how comfortable it will prove to be sitting indoors if we have summers of extreme heat? Pontcanna has been featured in recent news items as a top ranking trendy lifestyle residential area. I wonder how that affects local house prices?

Trump's threat to destroy Iran's energy infrastructure is meant to put pressure on negotiations to end the war. Pakistan is acting as a go-between. As a sign of good faith, Iran has let ten oil tankers pass through the Straight of Hormuz. Meanwhile, The United Arab Emirates have been attacked by Iran while Hezbollah continues to attack Israel with missiles. Russia is supplying drones to Iran in the background. No matter how successful Israel and America are at destroying Iranian weapons production and stocks, this is bound to prolong Iranian retaliation and resistance. The Iranian regime although hit hard has not collapsed. Its assassinated leaders have been replaced by other hard-liners determined to maintain the oppressive status quo. Coercion and violence have produced much suffering and death, but succeeded only in prolonging conflict and a descent into global economic recession.

I found a new Italian crimmie to watch from 'Walter Presents' called 'Blanca'. It's about a young blind woman who becomes an intern at police headquarters. She has a highly developed sense of hearing from her job transcribing courtroom audio, and puts it to use in an investigative team. A clever idea showcasing  blind people's potential to be active participants in team work. The accents caught my attention. I guessed Northern Italy correctly, as the  setting of the drama was the port city of Genoa, with obligatory mention of pesto!  Listening to it through headphones was a really good thing, as the well crafted stereo sound track made the experience of the blind protagonist come alive.

Lady Day

I woke up to a bright sunny day with a cold strong wind, feeling quite clear headed, after a good night's sleep, benefiting from getting to bed earlier. Can I turn this into a regular habit? I posted today's YouTube Morning Prayer link to WhatsApp as Giles Frazer spoke about the Divine Feminine and the inauguration of the first female Archbishop of Canterbury on 'Thought for the Day'. It's highly appropriate that it's the Feast of the Annunciation to Our Lady

In Middle East news, Iran is now allowing non-hostile shipping through the Straight of Hormuz, while retaliating against Israel as it invades Lebanon to deal with Iran's ally Hezbollah. Trump alleges that negotiations between allies and Iran are going on in the background. This is not reflected in what Iranian spokesmen are saying. Despite American threats and attacks, Iran's response is causing physical and economic damage to Saudi Arabia and the Gulf States and the Straight of Hormuz is under Iran's control. Will Arab states move from their current defensive posture to the risk of an attack that could make things worse in the long as well as short term?

By the time I went to St Catherine's to join six others for the Eucharist, the meds were causing me to feel light headed and slow as if I was in the process of waking up from deep sleep, though the usual sensation of toxicity was absent. After coffee and chat, I called at Jason's greengrocer's shop to buy some veggies on my way home. Clare cooked prawns with reheated left-over rice and spuds for lunch then I walked briskly to Parkwood clinic for an acupuncture session with Peter. I told him about my debriefing with the Stroke Association worker yesterday, and he echoed the opinion that I'm making good progress in recovery. Also  learning new lessons about myself. I walked home, as I generally do from a treatment, with a spring in my step, feeling fully awake again, despite the meds.

When I got home from church, a covid jab notification letter was waiting for me. It's the same date as my next cardio consultant appointment, in a different location and almost at the same time. It seems the various medical services offered don't use an integrated patient centred appointment diary. I had to call and rearrange the date. I was eighteenth in the phone queue, and twenty minutes waiting. The NHS app has a note of appointments pending. I wondered how it would handle the diary clash. Each department is something of an administrative 'silo' it seems to me, so maybe there's no  data handling measure that can flag up anomalies of this kind.

I went out for another walk at tea time, having noticed the rapid change in trees everywhere. The cherry blossom in trees along Penhill Road bordering Llandaff Fields has emerged spectacularly. Likewise the tall silver birch at the entrance to Meadow Street, whose leaf canopy appeared from nowhere in just a few days. A strong cold north wind takes the pleasure out of being outdoors on a Spring evening however. Early to bed again tonight.

Messages about messages

Cloudy and damp today. I slept quite well and remained clear headed after waking up and taking my pills with breakfast. My Fitbit sleep tracker reports that I sleep better with fewer interruptions in the first half of the night. Wakefulness in the second half is due to medication induced churning bowels and trapped wind. Winding down and going to bed earlier seems to be worth the effort.

I had a notification from the NHS app when I switched on my phone. On logging in, another notification stated that I would expect to receive a letter by mail from the GP surgery. It was unclear what this is about. A waiting list was mentioned at the top of the notification, but which waiting list? For what purpose?  This assumes I know I'm on a waiting list but doesn't take into account the fact that I may be on several waiting lists for different things at the same time. No matter how smart the communications technology may be, if the message conveyed leaves you guessing it's useless. Another instance of 'Garbage in, garbage out'.

Clare went to her study group in Penarth this morning and I cooked sausages and veg for lunch. She went out again by taxi straight after we'd eaten for a clinic appointment at Llandough. I stayed in to welcome the meditation group she belongs to, meeting chez nous today, double booked accidentally. There were just three of us, sitting in silence together for half an hour with the words 'love wins'. I sat with my eyes open, gaze directed without inquiring or reflecting towards a leather pouffe opposite my armchair, trying to be consciously present in the moment without turning in on myself or dozing off. No insight, no feelings. Few prayerful words. No discussion afterwards. No pasa nada.

After the session I walked in Llandaff Fields for three quarters of an hour. A cold strong blustery wind tried to blow me over. In the last stretch a heavy shower soaked my hat and top jacket, so I didn't go as far as I wanted to and reached home feeling annoyed.

Rachel rang up at supper time. She told us that Jasmine is in Copenhagen, but unfortunately she's unwell, probably 'flu. I hope it's not serious as she's a long way from family support. 

After supper, I completed writing a Reflection on the Morning Prayer passage from Colossians due to be read in a couple of weeks time, then I made an effort to get to bed even earlier, to see if it makes any difference.

Reflecting on stroke recovery

Sunshine in a hazy sky this morning. A poor night's sleep losing three hours out of ten in bed. Fortunately I didn't feel too bad once I got up, and had breakfast with my usual meds.  I felt alert enough to record Easter Morning Prayer for Easter Week, then went out food shopping and cooked lunch when I returned. 

We had a meeting at home after lunch with a couple of workers from the Stroke Association, reviewing the progress of my recovery so far. I told them the story of how I was before the stroke, what had changed as a result of the stroke, what the course of recovery had been like so far, problems with medication, and how this is related to brain fog and fatigue. From their perspective it seems I'm doing well. From my perspective, nothing abnormal was flagged up. The challenging thing was talking coherently to a couple of strangers while feeling light headed. 

My take-away from the conversation was the need for awareness of mental fatigue. It's more subtle than physical tiredness. Being more patient, not driving myself or being hard on myself when I have difficulty in getting things done, is something I need to work on. I find it hard to stop and take a step back when I'm keen or anxious to get something done properly or correctly.

The session lasted an hour and a half. The stimulus of reflecting, thinking things through and talking about them was helpful, and my head was clearer when I walked in Llandaff Fields for three quarters of an hour after we finished. I wonder if poor quality rest and mental fatigue become more evident when my blood pressure medication starts to work. More importantly, what's the best way to mitigate the effect?

News of an arson attack last night on a Jewish voluntary run ambulance service in Golders Green London. Four vehicles were set on fire. At the moment it's being attributed to Iranian agents by Jewish community security officials. Iran is firing missiles at Riyadh, threatening to lay mines throughout the Persian Gulf if its coastline is attacked, further threatening the global economy, already hard hit by the blockage of oil tankers in the Straight of Hormuz. 

With Trump threatening to obliterate Iran's energy infrastructure, Putin has weighed in, expressing concern about the danger of attacking Iran's nuclear power plant. Not much has been said about this in the news. It's interesting that Trump has postponed his ultimatum and now talks of 'constructive negotiations' taking place. What it amounts to in reality remains to be seen. It's hard to know if anything he says is trustworthy. Iran has denounced Trump's pronouncement as 'fake news' aimed at easing the price of oil. He persists in making up plans as he goes along, with no clarity about what the ending of hostilities looks like.

Clare went out to choir practice after supper. While I had the house to myself, with no distractions, I worked on editing the Morning Prayer audio for Easter week, made a video slideshow with it. and uploaded it to YouTube. Being ahead of schedule at this time of year especially means I have no deadlines other than sending a link to the Parish WhatsApp daily prayer thread, and can relax and appreciate the time of year which means most to me in the run-up to my birthday, and maybe succeed in getting to bed earlier regularly.

Coercion

A sunny start to the day, but it didn't last. Clouds took over the sky mid morning. My head was fairly clear when I woke up and the meds didn't affect me quite as badly as they usually do. I went to the Eucharist at  St Catherine's on my own as Clare opted for the Welsh language service this afternoon, after a morning spent preparing a garden bench for re-varnishing.

Trump has issued an ultimatum to Iran, threatening to destroy its power generation infrastructure unless it stops attacking ships in the Straight of Hormuz. Iran has shown that it has long range ballistic missiles and threatens to use more of them in attacking not only cities in the Gulf States but America and Israel's allies in Europe, widening the scope of the conflict. Trump is a leader who attempts to control relationships with individuals and nations by coercion. It doesn't work when others have power and confidence to push back but it creates a tense situation that could easily spin out of control. American propaganda machine videos promote support for the conflict as if it was a video game. It's what's to be expected from a former game show host, with a messiah complex, convinced might is right. General Sir Richard Barrons, former NATO commander and military defence expert, is openly critical of Trump, saying he cannot be trusted to handle this conflict without making things worse. Leaders of European nations are saying openly they don't want  to be drawn into Trump's war. 

Israel joined America's attack on Iran and took initiatives without consulting Trump. Israel's attack on Lebanon, looks like it will turn into invasion with the aim of eliminating Iranian backed Hezbollah, but it's leading to retaliatory missile strikes on Israel from Iran and its allies. On top of killing over a thousand Lebanese and displacing a million, Israeli occupation of Lebanon could provoke unintended reactions and sow unmanageable chaos. How is this going to be brought to an end? 

After lunch and a snooze, I worked on an Easter Week Reflection and recorded it, then walked in Llandaff Fields, somewhat quieter than yesterday, as the weather was dull and cold. I edited the audio after supper, and watched an episode of 'Patience' to finish the day. 

European romance

Yet another lovely day waking up to sunshine and a clear blue sky after a fair night's sleep with a clear head which remained quite clear after taking my meds with our Saturday pancake breakfast. I received a message from Veronica saying she had heard from a local church leader that a new Costa Brava Chaplain has been appointed. It seems my visit to celebrate the Eucharist with the congregation at Madremanya last May was remembered, and that I would be welcome to join the congregation for the licensing of their new pastor. It would be a lovely pretext for another visit, but given the uncertainty about my condition, plus the fast rising cost of travel and insurance it's not a prospect I can envisage. I'll be living off happy memories of ministry on the Costas and my locum photo albums in future. 

I felt sleepy after lunch and slept in bed for half an hour before going for a walk in Llandaff Fields, busy with children playing and family groups enjoying a post-Eid picnic. I found it an effort to sustain a modest pace. I wasn't breathless, my legs felt leaden, but not painfully stiff. I don't know why. It rather spoiled a pleasant hour in the afternoon sun.

Military installations overlooking the Straight of Hormuz have been destroyed by American forces. Iran has retaliated, firing missiles which didn't succeed in hitting their target, the Anglo American base on the Indian Ocean island of Diego Garcia. Britain's military bases are being used by American warplanes as a contribution to the defence of Gulf States, the Straight of Hormuz and UK military bases. 

British resistance to being sucked deeper into a conflict it didn't start and is slipping out of control with far reaching economic consequences, will be made clear by Parliament voting to endorse the government's defensive initiative and its justification. Trump ordered attacks on Iran unilaterally without formally presenting war aims for endorsement by Congress. He has criticised and insulted NATO allies for not following suit. His potential allies are less than willing to trust his judgement because he is unpredictable.

After supper, I watched another feel-good episode of 'Lolita Lobosco', a delightful mix of crime thriller, domestic comedy and romance. The final scene was set on the quayside of Bari's ferry terminal with a huge ship with the 'Piraeus' written on its stern. It awakened the memory of taking a ferry back in 1967 to Piraeus from Brindisi, seventy miles south of Bari after a day and a night's train journey from London to Athens with a pioneering student travel business taking us to a month's backpacking holiday in Greece. The romance of that adventure and the wild beauty of my first rural Mediterranean country was for us a treasured life changing experience, the beginning of my love affair with the rich diversity of European life and culture.

Spring Equinox

Waking up to a sunny spring Equinox morning, what a pleasure! Despite insufficient sleep the impact of the meds wasn't as bad as I feared, even if it did persist all day.

The world continues to reap the whirlwind of economic chaos from Netanyahu and Trump's belligerence towards Iran. The number of allied nations reluctant to respond to Trump's call to arms to take the offensive to keep the Straight of Hormuz open to tanker traffic is notable. Gulf States continue to  suffer bombardment from Iran and its allies. It's not only Trump who capitalises on uncertainty with his threats of assault on his enemies. Iran is waging economic war on western nations with its own brand uncertainty about when and how its retaliatory drone and missile strikes will affect Middle Eastern oil and manufacturing industries and its clients in the wide world.

In church news this morning, the appointment of Rod Green, Archdeacon of Llandaff as Suffragan Bishop of Stepney was announced. The former Bishop June brought him in from the Diocese of London. It will be interesting to see who Bishop Mary appoints as his successor. 

I started preparing the text of an Eastertide edition of Morning Prayer, prior to thinking about a brief reflection on the mystery of the resurrection in 1 Corinthians 15. Then I cooked a lentil, mushroom and courgette dish for our lunch, and dozed in my armchair for an hour after. On my afternoon circuit of Llandaff Fields the aroma of barbecued meat hung in the air near a tent with a banner celebrating Eid al-fitr, with family groups sitting on the grass nearby, and ball games being played by adults and kids. 

In a stand of trees opposite Howells School, the haunting sound of a green woodpecker calling. I could hear when it changed position but couldn't spot where it was, to photograph it. On the way home I called in the Coop and bought a pair of iced cinnamon buns for a teatime treat. After supper I spent the rest of the evening writing long emails to friends. Then I went for a ten minute walk in the dark around the block to clear my head before getting ready for bed.

Hairdo, long overdue

I woke up early on another bright and sunny day. Getting to bed earlier to compensate for losing sleep isn't easy for me, a creature of habit. Kath called and chatted on her way to work. I was clear headed but slow thinking, and took my blood pressure pill with breakfast an hour later, to see what difference it made to everyday light headedness. It was slower to develop this morning and not as intense. A brisk hour's walk in the spring air before lunch to get my circulation going was refreshing. Still a bit light-headed, but I didn't feel any worse. 

After lunch we took a taxi to visit Rumney for hairdo appointments with Chris. His shop front has been rebuilt at last following last year's attack by a local ram raider. It looks very smart and has reinforced steel rods planted in concrete in a row across the shop front to protect it against further aggression. I walked around Parc Tredelerch, while Clare was having her hair trimmed, enjoying the mild weather and the sight of prolific white blossom on hawthorn bushes around the lake. Traditionally known as 'May Blossom' it's March blossom nowadays.

I saw two peacock butterflies in separate places, their vivid colours standing out against the creamy colour of the reed bed. Unfortunately I wasn't quick enough with my camera to take a photo. Then it was my turn for a haircut, the first since my stroke six months ago. Chris kindly drove us home afterwards in rush hour traffic afterwards and I walked for half an hour in Llandaff Fields as the sun was setting before having supper. All afternoon I felt slightly light headed, but this didn't impair my enjoyment of chatting with Chris or the sunny afternoon.

In the news, bombing of military sites in the Straight of Hormuz and the assassination of Iran's security chief has led to more revenge attacks on Gulf States industrial infrastructure. It will raise the price of gas and oil, depressing the global economy even further. In addition to attacking Hezbollah in Lebanon, Israel has attacked Iran's energy production facilities without telling Trump in advance. Is the Netanyahu regime taking a leaf out of Trump's playbook by acting unilaterally? Is it a sign that there are differences between allies about how the war is meant to end, and what it aims to achieve? Escalation of the war seems to be the only outcome.

After supper I watched the last two episodes of 'Gli Indagini de Teresa Battaglia' set in the mountains of North Eastern Italy near the border with Slovenia. I was pleased to find how much of the Italian dialogue I could understand, given that it's fifty years since I learned the language and rarely had the opportunity to use it since - the last time was when I did a locum in Taormina fourteen years ago. Since then I've learned Spanish from scratch, and the similarities of the languages make understanding them both easier. And now bed.

Concentration lapse

I woke up to a clear blue sky and a mild spring day, and posted today's Morning Prayer YouTube link to WhatsApp at seven. Although I slept fairly well, until then, but couldn't get back to sleep. I just don't sleep for long enough to avoid foggy head again, and it gets worse when I take my blood pressure meds. I needed to take an aspirin with my clot dispersal capsule when I got up. The prescription aspirins finished yesterday and there were none left in our medicine box. 

Oddly enough, we have several packets of paracetamol and ibuprofen accumulated from the time when Clare was having a lot of hip joint pain. While I struggled to wake up properly, eat breakfast and get myself going, Clare popped out to the shops, called at the King's Road pharmacy and collected my prescription, bless her. Then I went to the Eucharist at St Catherine's. There were eight of us today.

I returned home and started cooking lunch as Clare was out shopping. Although I received an acupuncture notification on my phone while I was busy cooking, I dismissed it and forgot the appointment altogether. It was only after doing the washing up and sitting down feeling drowsy after eating that I realised, far too late to get there. 

I called Peter immediately to apologise and we re-scheduled for next Wednesday. It's one of those days when my concentration and speed of responses affect my ability to remember coherently and I'm easily distracted. I feel powerless, out of control. Is this the effect of the medication or inadequate sleep, or just mental deterioration? People talk about having good days and bad days in recovery. It seems so random to me. I can't think of anything different I'm doing in my daily routine that could lead to such a change in my alertness and ability to think coherently. I've noticed this state of mind wears off towards the evening. It must be something to do with the meds. 

By the time I went out for an hour's walk at four, my head was starting to clear and my cognitive cohesion returned. In the coppice at the top end of Llandaff Fields, the Merlin Bird app identified seven different birds in the vicinity, one of which was A Great Spotted Woodpecker. Its call was distinctive enough to work out where the bird was on a tree branch above me, and I got a photo of it at the camera's maximum magnification. It wasn't sharp, but a minor achievement given the brain fog. It was such a lovely afternoon to be out walking. I saw neighbour Rob on his crutches near the Penhill Road shops, feeling frustrated at being confined to home, but glad to be outdoors in the mild Spring air.

After supper, I spent the evening relaxing, watching a couple of crimmies. 'Astrid - Murders in Paris' and 'Gli indagini de Teresa Battaglia'. It's the nearest I'll get to going abroad until the random brain fog stops sabotaging my days. 

One small step in the fog

It was good to wake up to sunshine breaking through the clouds this morning. My brain wasn't as foggy as it was yesterday, but still slow after a fair night's sleep. Clare went out to her study group meeting. I spent the morning making a Passiontide Morning Prayer video slideshow and then cooked lunch in time for her return.

News of key figures in Iran's military and security leadership being assassinated by the Israelis. Trump is using threats about the future of the NATO alliance in an attempt to coerce other nations to back America in fighting for control of the Straight of Hormuz. Trump wants to fight but nobody else does it seems.  He behaves like a bull in a china shop.

The impact of closure is having big repercussions for the world economy as well as that of the Gulf States. The effect on the American economy  Reluctant responses to anything Trump proposes are to be expected. His leadership is regarded as unreliable, his unilateral launching of attacks on Iran without a declaration of war is deemed illegal by many. "This is not our war, we have not started it" said the German Defence Minister. Britain retains a defensive posture and is discussing with allies how it may be possible to get the Straight open to traffic again. Diplomacy rather than threat of force is preferred. 

Israel, backed by America wages war on Iranian backed Hezbollah displacing a million people from their homes, killing over 880 in attacks around Beirut - 5,200 have been killed in Lebanon since the October 7th attack two and a half years ago. It's like a repeat of the war on Gaza. Iran retaliates with drone attacks on Gulf States wherever it can undermine welfare and security. In the background, Russia supplies drones and target intelligence to Iran. Both countries are subject to heavy sanctions and have a close military and economic alliance.

Today's Radio Four programme 'Inside Health' had an article about the rise of antibiotic resistant bacterial infection. Medical research identifies a link between heavy metal pollution weakening the body's immune system reaction to bacteria. This has been noticed in war zones where munitions with armour piercing tungsten hardened tips are in use. The modern battlefield is a very toxic environment. Bacteria travel far and wide in contact with humans. So do heavy metal toxins. Concern has been expressed recently about atmospheric pollution generated by rockets and satellites burning up on re-entry, raising the concentration of lithium in the air. The carbon footprint of industrial scale computer data processing servers used for AI is also a growing cause for environmental concern given the increasing pace of global heating and climate instability. Modern warfare, industry and technological progress are achieved at the cost of mother earth. One way or another, human beings are in danger of destroying the planet and making themselves extinct.

I walked around Thompson's Park and Llandaff Fields after lunch. Our neighbour Rob was out walking in the street again, a few days after a hip replacement operation. I saw him again later sitting on a park bench in Llandaff Fields, enjoying the sun and fresh air after a few days of confinement. Muscle stiffness made going up the occasional gradient a bit laborious and left me mildly breathless. Unusual for me.

When Rachel was here after Christmas she worked on the guitar that belonged to my late niece Kay. One of the tuning keys was broken and needed replacing. Clare purchased one several months ago but I've not got around to fitting it until now. It was a slightly tricky job as there was a small square hole in the key and the end of the tuning peg was round and slightly larger than the hole. An effort to insert the key forcibly would risk shattering it. A month ago, I discovered a set of tiny drill bits of different sizes used by Clare in making jewellery. A few of them were small enough to make it possible to widen the square hole in the key just enough to accommodate the end of the tuning peg. It meant using a heavy electric drill on the key wedged into a jewellery vice, using one of the tiny abrasive drill heads. Although I was uncertain that my concentration would hold for long enough, I succeeded in making a tiny circular hole in the key that was a right fit for the tuning peg, without breaking it. Good for my confidence. One small step in the brain fog!

Fogged up

Damp and overcast yet again. Although I slept fairly well and my head was quite clear and sharp when I woke up, after taking my morning meds my brain slowed down and clouded over and stayed like that all day. I walked for an hour before lunch but my head didn't clear. It was a real effort to concentrate and complete recording and editing the audio for Passiontide Morning Prayer and Reflection, but I did over the day. 

I went shopping at Tesco's after lunch and found concentrating on the task in hand a struggle. It's a bit more demanding than the narrow focus of working on a digital screen. 

Sara sent me a picture charting the assortment of brain fog symptoms. It fitted well the way I was feeling. I don't know what I've done or not done to this set back to occur.

Clare went out to choir practice and I had supper on my own. Then Rachel called having finished reading and enjoying 'Jack's Tale' . She spotted half a dozen typos and we spent two hours on WhatsApp making corrections. She's thorough and perceptive. I thought I'd already corrected the text before I had the stroke, but it shows my concentration on detail back then wasn't as good as I thought it was. I was tired when we finished, but went for a short walk to clear my head to finish the day .

Motherfest

Overcast and drizzly today. A poor night's sleep, three hours awake out of eight and a half in bed. Clare and I went to the Eucharist at St Catherine's. Owain took over the cooking and made a fuss of his mother. The girls called her and organised wee gifts as well.

Jeremy our ordinand on Parish Placement preached well. During the Creed after finishing his sermon, he fainted without a hint of a warning. Ruth, an altar server who was sitting beside him and Jean one of the sides-persons, both trained nurses,  took charge of him without a fuss and discreetly looked after him until he was stable enough to walk from the church and be taken back to his accommodation in St Padarn's. The service continued without interruption as it was clear Jeremy was being well cared for in a safe place while worship continued. The congregation, aware of what happened, prayed for him quietly. I was reminded of the way I was looked after by congregation members the Sunday I had a stroke two months ago. 

After the service we went outdoors to bless the church garden. The rain held off until it was time to head for home after coffee, and then it rained, every step of the way. Owain cooked us roast veg, ratatouille and baked salmon with lots of lemon. Then he took Clare out for coffee and cake, and took his leave of us when the two of them returned. His parting gift to me, a large sausage roll. Bless him! 

For me the legacy of sleep lost was mild drowsy light headedness. I stayed home and slept in my arm chair for three quarters of an hour. It helped to clear my head enough to go for a walk down to Blackweir bridge. A strong cold wind blew in gusts with occasional showers, parting the clouds to reveal the sun low on the horizon. A huge tree fell into the river several months ago. It got stuck over the weir fish ladder when the level of the Taff was very high. Finally it's been cut up for removal. Two sections of the trunk remain to be taken away. Much of it was partly immersed in running water. This has the effect of stripping off the bark over time, and its colour has changed from dark grey to yellowish white. The trunk becomes waterlogged and will sink if it can. As the bark softens it peels away, minerals leach out. This preserves the wood and prevents it rotting. Very useful for preparing timber for use in construction work.

I don't understand why, but light headedness hasn't diminished as it usually does in the afternoon. It's been a struggle to retain focus and concentrate. Is this merely fatigue? Bed early, in any case.

Clear headed six months after

Ah! The return of sunshine and blue sky, with pancakes for breakfast to lift the spirits. An average broken night's sleep, but I woke up with my head clear. Taking the meds didn't leave me feeling light headed or as slow thinking as I've come to dread this past couple of months. I've no idea what's changed to give me a  respite from my usual morning ordeal. I went out just after eleven and walked in Llandaff Fields for two hours, enjoying the sunshine and the subtle scent of Spring on the mild morning air. New leaves bursting through blossom on bare branches, such a blessing.

While I was out, Clare had a message from UHW about attending an outpatient clinic after lunch. It's not clear what this is all about. Her attempt to contact the relevant outpatient unit to find out ended in failure. Not enough weekend staff to answer calls? I googled the unit mentioned in the appointment message and  conclusioned that it's about  the outcome of a colorectal scan she had. A brief descriptive remark by the caller would have sufficed to eliminate confusion from the communication. Is any training given to messengers, human or digital, about how to deliver content intelligibly? After an early lunch, she took a taxi to UHW. Nothing new to report. She's been discharged now.no further treatment required.

After lunch I started work on Morning Prayer for Wednesday in Holy Week and wrote a reflection about reactions to uncertainity among characters portrayed in the Passion story. Then I went out for another walk in Llandaff Fields to make the most of the late afternon sunshine and my clear head. While I was out, a Mothering Sunday bouqet of flowers for Clare arrived from the children, and so did Owain. 

After supper he was most helpful in the process of making a complaint to TalkTalk which charged me a hundred quid severance fee for quitting at the end of contract after I had advised the company that I wanted to leave and did not intend to re-negotiate my contract up for renewal due to the poor quality of service provided. I have been putting this off for ages but feel I can face doing it now. 

I've had a good day. It's six months today since my stroke. It's said to take nine months for the brain to recover and adjust to any permanent damage. I'm tired now and ready for sleep, but my head feels no worse than it would after a disturbed night in bed. It is something to give thanks for. 

Trump's dangerous game

Sun broke through the clouds briefly several times after I woke up. I could have done with another hour's sleep. As I started breakfast, a spectacular shower of hailstones started, lit up by sunlight. My Olympus PEN delivered a few interesting shots.  Hailstones captured at a hundredth of a second looked like white rods ten centimetres long.

The WhatsApp Daily Prayer thread announced that Archdeacon Mark Preece has been appointed as an honorary King's Chaplain. In his former role as Rector of the Canton Team Ministry, three parishes of the present Ministry Area were drawn together into a United Benefice by his quiet relaxed diplomacy. There are diplomatic and pastoral elements attached to this new role in public life that call on him to engage with political, military and civil leaders in hospitality as well as in ministry of the Word. A safe pair of hands.

In the news about the Middle East, more about Putin meddling, providing intelligence support to Iran's retaliation on America and Israel. America is meddling with the global oil market in a crowd pleasing effort to mitigate the impact of the price rise. It's now at a hundred dollars a barrel. 'Temporarily' lifting sanctions on Russian oil in an effort to lower market prices will boost Russia's flagging economy and ability to wage war on Ukraine, as if this was of little concern to anyone else. Whose side is Trump on? The UK and EU have reacted with strong criticism. Britain has refused to lift its embargo on Russian oil. 

Trump's gesture aims to boost his flagging popularity and win votes in mid-term elections that could influence the balance of power between the two main parties in a way that would make it much harder for him to push through his policies. Trump's belligerence from the outset and the violence of the attacks on Iran, in the hope of precipitating regime change have yielded instability and chaos, with Iran and it's allies steeling themselves to resist by disrupting in any way they can not only the Gulf states, but the global economy. Having been told they have everything to lose by not surrendering to America's iron will, Iran will make sure the price to be paid will be high in the long term.  Questions are increasingly being asked of Trump and answered vaguely, causing even more dissatisfaction. How and when this war will end has been unclear from the outset. Has Trump lost his grip on the situation?

Ashley called and we chatted about our ailments and medical treatment regimens for nearly an hour and a half. It took my mind off the brain slowing, concentration impairing impact the meds are having on me. I'm not having a good day today and worried about the effect this is having on my everyday activity.

After lunch, I walked in Thompson's Park. I was pleased to see a moorhen had returned to the pond, having been driven away by the pruning of bushes and vegetation around the pond a few weeks ago. Shoots of the grasses and water lilies emerging from the muddy debris are already a foot tall. It won't be long until there's enough leaf cover to provide hiding places where the moorhens can rebuild their nests. A couple of fellow bird watchers said that a heron had put in an appearance at the water's edge just before I arrived. I could hear but not see a green parakeet perched in a weeping willow covered in a fuzz of pale green leaves nearby. 

I noticed yesterday that I only have a week's supply left of the clot busting meds. Rather than placing  a prescription order using the NHS app, which I'm unsure of doing correctly, I popped into the King's Road pharmacy and made the request in person. It seems the drug in question is not common enough for stocks to be held routinely and has to be ordered. My prescription details are held electronically, and I can phone or ask in person for a new supply. It's cutting it a bit fine, but I can pick up a new supply on Wednesday when I attend the Eucharist at St Catherine's

I walked to Llandaff Fields and did a circuit, returning home at sunset. A cold wind was blowing, and I didn't fancy being out with the threat of rain showers as the sun reached the horizon. Owain phoned while we were having supper to let us know he's coming to stay for this weekend's Mothering Sunday. He may be able to help me with some digital troubleshooting. I'm not alone in having trouble with the Government One Login app, on top of the public annoyance with the imposition of digital i/d for employees needing to access public services. What a shambles!

I fancied watching a new episode of 'Astrid - Murder in Paris' after supper, but I was too tired for entertainment and finished the day an hour earlier than usual. It's happened to me several evenings recently. Somehow the effort to cope with the impact of the meds is draining away my spare energy.