Encouraging news for Clare

Early mist dispersed, and the sun shone through high cloud patches. A good night's sleep, but not long enough. Another day when I don't seem to be able to drink water enough to avoid feeling slow and thick headed. A letter from the Post Office announcing a revamp of my on-line Post Office Money Card account arrived in the morning mail. This meant logging in, but the login routine rejected the memorized password and refused to recognise the email address used to set up the account. Owain kindly emailed the helpline with an enquiry that would reveal if the letter I received was genuine or a fake, attempting to steal security details. I received an email later in the day advising me to phone the helpline. I made up my mind to visit the Post Office and report this occurrence, cancel the Money Card and close the account. 

The card only has two dozen euros on it, and it's unlikely I'll be travelling abroad in the foreseeable future, given the inevitable rise in holiday travel insurance I'll face now. I've accepted that my European locum duties are at an end. Concern about the health risks entailed in deploying elderly clerics was expressed when I offered to take a Sunday service at Madremanya last Spring before the stroke. It's been a lovely experience of voluntary ministry in Switzerland, Italy and mainly in Spain for the past fourteen years for which I'm most grateful. I don't want to risk being a liability to others, aware I'm not really well enough to engage in public ministry or make plans that look a long way forward. Christmas involving train travel to  Kenilworth and a hotel stay will be enough to look forward to over the winter months. It's disappointing to lose independence and become risk averse - unavoidable in the light of what I'm living through these days.

I went shopping before lunch and bought some AAA batteries as the one in our voltage detector was dud.. A pack of them I thought were dead were all unused, fully charged.

Owain Clare and I visited the Memory Clinic in St David's Hospital for a consultation with specialist about Clare's memory loss condition - what she sometimes calls her 'forgettery'. It didn't start well, being directed to the wrong clinic on arrival. Owain was proactive about enquiring after sitting in an empty outpatients' waiting room for a quarter of an hour. Eventually we were directed to the right place and met the medic who was waiting to see us. He reviewed the results of Clare's detailed psychological testing many months ago, and was positive about data which showed how little cognitive decline there had been. He showed us brain scan results from a PET scan, which reflected her good test performance. There had been a problem arranging a follow up scan, due to administrative changes which had not been communicated to Clare, but somehow lost in the system. Just as well the kids chased the Memory Clinic for answers. The follow up scan will now take place, but there's less anxiety about it now. The specialist conducted a follow up memory test which showed little change in cognitive performance. Though the PET scan is still needed, it will provide physical data that will corroborate the psychological test findings.

At the end of the session, Owain left us to return to Bristol for  a team festive social event post budget and Clare and I walked home in the dark, feeling better for the reassurance given us by the Memory Clinic visit. When I returned home from a short walk to complete my daily step quota, Kath was on the phone explaining to Clare how to get the new telly to complete an aerial scan, which it couldn't. I tried without success to get the telly to scan the antenna input after inserting the aerial cable in the back of the set. What I didn't understand was that it now needs a digital signal antenna plugged as analogue signals are no longer broadcast.  Thankfully Kath understood this and explained it to me. It's not been a good day for me technically. I'm finding these things too stressful at the moment.

I relaxed with an episode of 'Juge Marianne' on Channel Four Walter Presents after supper and was ready for bed by the time it was over, tired out.

New Telly installed at last

Cold, bright and sunny with frost on car windows when I posted today's YouTube link to WhatsApp Daily Prayer thread, but another night of sleep loss, making for a miserable start. I was delighted to see an Instagram posting from Kath, showing the cover of the Heart of England Community Foundation annual yearbook which features her successful Sonrisa Arts production 'Dance in the Dark' with an accompanying article about the show aimed at families with early years children. Impossible not to feel proud of my daughter's innovative artistic work with children, and on other occasions with old people too.

I went to the Eucharist at Saint Catherine's. We were seven this morning. After coffee and a chat I collected this week's veggie bag from Chapter and cooked rice, savoury veg and prawns for lunch. Clare was shopping in town. I couldn't shake off the tiredness and needed a couple of hours sleep in the chair to rid myself of the drowsiness. Then I walked down Cathedral Road to Parkwood Clinic for an Acupuncture appointment with Peter Butcher at half past five. Another good session, so walking home was less effort than walking there. He said the tiredness I was experiencing could well be the body's natural response to a lower level of adrenalin, the genuinely physical call to convalescence, more rest, a slower pace and so on. People tell me to take it easy but it's not easy when you have a lot that needs sorting out to get your affairs in order. I admit I'm prone to frustration and panic if I feel I can't get things under control.

As we were relaxing after supper, Owain turned up, straight from work to spend a couple of days 'working from home' here. Hopefully he can help me get a few things sorted out when he's off duty. In fact, he made a good start by setting up the new Sony Bravia Android internet telly which has been in its box since I bought it a fortnight ago. I haven't felt confident about doing this with poor concentration and fatigue haunting me for months. Owain unboxed it and ran the set-up routine. This requires use of a phone or laptop to sign into the channels we have an account with. Owain did this for me as fatigue was slowing down my perception and thought processes causing me unwanted stress. It only took half an hour with him in charge. I would have taken far longer if I'd been muddling through on my own and struggling to read small print text on screen or paper.

We enjoyed watching an episode of 'Shetland' and the ten o'clock news and then it was bed time, and more much needed rest.

Gecko in the ski bag

Another grey rainy day after another night short of sleep. At least my sleep quality is better so I don't feel quite so bad when I get up. Clare's study group arrived for their session after breakfast, and I sat in the lounge and edited Morning Prayer audio recorded last night. Then I went out to get some fresh air before lunch and walked for an hour without realising. Long suffering Clare had cooked lunch by the time I got home. I went to bed and slept for an hour. I seem to need seven hours a day to have enough good energy to enjoy the rest of the day's activity.

As my best reading spec's fell apart on Sunday after losing an essential screw, I thought it would be a good idea to take them to the University School of Optometry for repair, and book an eye test as well. I'm due for my annual eye test this time of year, but should have had another cataract operation a few days after I had the stroke so it had to be cancelled and remains on hold. Blood thinner medication causes problems with the drugs used in eye operations apparently. Hopefully this will be reviewed in the light of the eye test, to allow me back on to the list for cataract surgery.

I took a bus as far as Sophia Gardens aiming to walk through Bute Park to Corbett Road to my destination but found the direct route through the park to Cathays closed, fencing in the Winter Wonderland 'son et lumiere'. Following the cycling route add a half mile to the walk. I think it's outrageous to deny citizens access to a public park given by Lord Bute a century ago. It's the second time this year public access has been curtailed for commercial purposes. It may be due to the Council's attempt to shore up City finances ruined by inflation and past government cut-backs, but it ends up generating resentment and ill-will, which does nobody any political good. It added twenty minutes to my journey to the Optometrists, too close for comfort with closing time approaching.

I was glad to have my spec's repaired and returned to me in the short amount of time I was arranging the eye test appointment for next week. I didn't fancy walking home through the park in the dark with the noise and garish illumination of the fenced off Winter Wonderland in the background. I walked to North Road to take a bus to the town centre and another from the bus station back to Romilly Road. Not a pleasant experience in the pitch dark having to wait for every time consuming change of pedestrian traffic lights on the route. Just as well it wasn't raining or cold and windy. The route indicator on the bus wasn't working to announce the stops. It was difficult to work out where the bus was going to stop next as street lighting didn't help to make places distinguishable, looking out from inside a well lit bus. It was a relief to get back to the neighbourhood streets I know better from walking in the dark.

After supper, Clare watched a video on our telly and I worked on next week's Morning Prayer slide show video for uploading to YouTube. I like to be ahead in preparing this in case something goes wrong and I'm not feeling as well as I must be to get stuff ready well before it's needed.

I had a phone call with Rachel who's in the throes of de-cluttering her shed. She found a disintegrating ski bad with Clare's cross country ski kit and several sets of rusting downhill skis and batons, dating from our trip to Canada when I retired in 2010. The bag was also home to a charming family of geckoes! I've walked a lot and done a lot today, and am ready for bed.

 then needed to get a bus

Mint print glitch

A dark day of persistent wind and rain, so demoralising. A night plagued by stiffness in my neck muscles affecting my head and more sleep loss. I went back to bed after meds and breakfast. It made no difference. It was just a struggle against exhaustion and frustration. I had a document to print, but Linux refused to cooperate with my multi-function lazer printer, and no amount of troubleshooting could persuade it to do anything at all. The ink cartridge needed changing, which I did. The printer showed I'd done it correctly, but it still refused to accept a print command. Then I tried printing a document from the Chromebook over wi-fi, which I've done successfully before. Nothing. Fortunately I found a workaround solution. There's a couple of USB-B ports on the Chromebook for attaching a printer cable. It recognised the device and then printed the document immediately. If I can't find a way to uninstall and reinstall the Linux print software, I'll have to go through the hassle of reinstalling the full operating system.

Clare cooked mackerel fillets with corn-on-the-cob for lunch, an unusual combination. After a frustrating morning, I had to rest after eating and slept for an hour and a quarter. It was getting dark by the time I went out for a walk in the wind and the rain fighting with a brolly. Utterly miserable. It wouldn't have been so bad if I'd been able to find my rain trousers. They turned up after the event in a bag I don't recall putting them in. Clare went out to choir practice after supper. As it had stopped raining I went out and walked for an hour to get some fresh air.

Then I chatted with Owain and watched a couple of episodes of 'Juge Marianne' until bed time.

Advent recollection

A sunny start to the day, a good night's sleep though not really long enough. I woke up feeling refreshed but the combination of meds I'm taking still made me feel woozy until I'd eaten breakfast and started my walk to church in the fresh air. 

I love Advent Sunday, its readings and hymns. It has been special for me since I was a first year student on my first retreat with St Paul's CofE Society organised a Chaplaincy retreat in a Salisbury convent run by a small community of nuns. That Advent Sunday was the climax of my first 48 hour weekend in silence, aged 18. It was an initiation into the mystery of keeping vigil during hours of darkness, sensing the divine presence, discovering the Word in silent stillness, wonder and even quiet humour, an invitation to look at the world in a different way. It awakened me to priesthood and a call to become an ambassador for Christ present in our midst, while still coming to meet us, in the natural world, in each other and the majesty of the cosmos.A time of quiet joy vividly recalled sixty years later. Though not as intense as Easter Day, it shed light on the risen Lord's affirmation - "Lo I am with you always, to the end of time." 

After lunch I slept for three quarters of an hour, then went out feeling refreshed and walked until dusk. I started recording next Wednesday's Morning Prayer when I returned, while I had the energy to do so. Then we went to the Ministry Area Advent Carol service at St Catherine's. We were about fifty in the choir and congregation combined. Numbers were less than expected as there was a concert in St John's this evening. I don't understand how a date clash like that can occur. It's not much of an advertisement for collaborative ministry,

After the service I felt tired. I had a headache, and was in need of food as I did when I got up this morning. Low blood sugar maybe? I felt chilled and needed to stay wrapped up warm. Is it the onset of 'flu? I hope not. Rachel called after supper and we chatted for an hour, until it was time to go to bed, wondering what's going to happen next.

Photos - informing or story telling?

Waking up to a cold sunny day after a broken night's sleep, leaving me to start the day feeling tired and unusually hungry, which is rather strange, but may be something to do with the impact of the medication mix on my digestive system. I had a bowl of porridge oats with almond milk and walnuts, to get me going, followed by Saturday breakfast pancakes. Clare went out to the Steiner school Christmas fayre leaving me to languish in an armchair and recover enough energy to face the rest of the day. 

Ann asked me in church last Wednesday about staying in Nerja. She and Paul are booking a holiday there. I promised to send her some photos I've taken when I've been there on locum duty. Many of the albums are no longer on Google Photos for space saving reasons. I don't want to pay for space. Google is already making enough money out of me by harvesting usage data for analysis of trends that can be used to pitch promotional adverts to me. A large proportion of my thousands of archived photos now occupy space on devices I own. I still keep a lot in Google Photos or in a Microsoft account - whatever seems convenient to me if I need handy access to them. I decided it would be better to go through my Nerja photos and collect the ones of interest into one labelled Google Photos album. Easier said than done however. It took several hours to retrieve the ones I wanted and upload them and the concentration required was tiring. After a tuna and mayo sandwich lunch, I completed the job and sent an album link to Ann. 

I found myself looking at the photos in a detached way, wondering if they would convey an impression of the place and its round of community events and activities in several key venues. Many of my photos are of flowers, birds and landscape that caught my attention. They don't really add much to the visual story of a lovely holiday venue for someone who has yet to visit the place. I realise these photos serve as a prompt for my place memories, and this would work differently for each person viewing the album depending on whether they have visited Nerja or had their interest and curiosity aroused. We'll see.

After all that intense concentration I needed to walk for a couple of hours to clear my head. The sunset was less than an hour away when I started, and it was dusk when I got home. I cooked fish with crinkly cabbage, carrots and couscous for supper. I realised as we ate that I was much more thirsty than I noticed earlier. Perhaps the reason for feeling tired since I got up. It's hard to get the balance right. I spent the rest of the evening relaxing, watching a couple of episodes of 'Juge Marianne' on Walter Presents, until bed time.

Too complex

I slept soundly, but not really for long enough, though I can't complain at waking up to clear sky and bright sunshine. I didn't wake up in time to phone the surgery at eight, but relaxed sleeping without being driven by the anxiety of an eight o'clock phone queue deadline may be more beneficial. Clare went out to a physio appointment after breakfast. I recorded Advent Morning Prayer and a Reflection for Wednesday next and was still editing when Clare returned, and was grateful she got busy cooking lunch while I finished the job. I slept in an armchair for a refreshing hour and a quarter after we'd eaten, then walked for an hour and a half until dusk.

I had a phone chat with Owain. I only picked up his call because the phone was vibrating in my pocket, with no ringtone, for no reason I could discern. We started our chat with Owain taking me through a WhatsApp troubleshooting session. Problem sorted now hopefully. Until the next time there's an update.

After supper I made the video slideshow for next week's Morning Prayer and uploaded it to YouTube. The job was made annoyingly difficult by the refusal of the Microsoft cloud based Video maker app to display added images saved in the project. The OneDrive file system synchronisation can be quirky on times, making copies of existing files that aren't needed, consuming file space and making it more difficult to find a file in the mess left behind. I would gladly replace the Microsoft video making app with one that runs on Linux, but there's nothing I can find that isn't more complex and demanding than it needs to be. Oh for elegant simplicity and user friendliness to enhance routine workflow! When I'm offered a plethora of configuration choices in any app, I risk forgetting what I need to use the app for anyway. So many more things seem difficult to get to work or have control of nowadays. Perhaps it's just my advancing age.