Concentration lapse

I woke up to a clear blue sky and a mild spring day, and posted today's Morning Prayer YouTube link to WhatsApp at seven. Although I slept fairly well, until then, but couldn't get back to sleep. I just don't sleep for long enough to avoid foggy head again, and it gets worse when I take my blood pressure meds. I needed to take an aspirin with my clot dispersal capsule when I got up. The prescription aspirins finished yesterday and there were none left in our medicine box. 

Oddly enough, we have several packets of paracetamol and ibuprofen accumulated from the time when Clare was having a lot of hip joint pain. While I struggled to wake up properly, eat breakfast and get myself going, Clare popped out to the shops, called at the King's Road pharmacy and collected my prescription, bless her. Then I went to the Eucharist at St Catherine's. There were eight of us today.

I returned home and started cooking lunch as Clare was out shopping. Although I received an acupuncture notification on my phone while I was busy cooking, I dismissed it and forgot the appointment altogether. It was only after doing the washing up and sitting down feeling drowsy after eating that I realised, far too late to get there. 

I called Peter immediately to apologise and we re-scheduled for next Wednesday. It's one of those days when my concentration and speed of responses affect my ability to remember coherently and I'm easily distracted. I feel powerless, out of control. Is this the effect of the medication or inadequate sleep, or just mental deterioration? People talk about having good days and bad days in recovery. It seems so random to me. I can't think of anything different I'm doing in my daily routine that could lead to such a change in my alertness and ability to think coherently. I've noticed this state of mind wears off towards the evening. It must be something to do with the meds. 

By the time I went out for an hour's walk at four, my head was starting to clear and my cognitive cohesion returned. In the coppice at the top end of Llandaff Fields, the Merlin Bird app identified seven different birds in the vicinity, one of which was A Great Spotted Woodpecker. Its call was distinctive enough to work out where the bird was on a tree branch above me, and I got a photo of it at the camera's maximum magnification. It wasn't sharp, but a minor achievement given the brain fog. It was such a lovely afternoon to be out walking. I saw neighbour Rob on his crutches near the Penhill Road shops, feeling frustrated at being confined to home, but glad to be outdoors in the mild Spring air.

After supper, I spent the evening relaxing, watching a couple of crimmies. 'Astrid - Murders in Paris' and 'Gli indagini de Teresa Battaglia'. It's the nearest I'll get to going abroad until the random brain fog stops sabotaging my days. 

One small step in the fog

It was good to wake up to sunshine breaking through the clouds this morning. My brain wasn't as foggy as it was yesterday, but still slow after a fair night's sleep. Clare went out to her study group meeting. I spent the morning making a Passiontide Morning Prayer video slideshow and then cooked lunch in time for her return.

News of key figures in Iran's military and security leadership being assassinated by the Israelis. Trump is using threats about the future of the NATO alliance in an attempt to coerce other nations to back America in fighting for control of the Straight of Hormuz. Trump wants to fight but nobody else does it seems.  He behaves like a bull in a china shop.

The impact of closure is having big repercussions for the world economy as well as that of the Gulf States. The effect on the American economy  Reluctant responses to anything Trump proposes are to be expected. His leadership is regarded as unreliable, his unilateral launching of attacks on Iran without a declaration of war is deemed illegal by many. "This is not our war, we have not started it" said the German Defence Minister. Britain retains a defensive posture and is discussing with allies how it may be possible to get the Straight open to traffic again. Diplomacy rather than threat of force is preferred. 

Israel, backed by America wages war on Iranian backed Hezbollah displacing a million people from their homes, killing over 880 in attacks around Beirut - 5,200 have been killed in Lebanon since the October 7th attack two and a half years ago. It's like a repeat of the war on Gaza. Iran retaliates with drone attacks on Gulf States wherever it can undermine welfare and security. In the background, Russia supplies drones and target intelligence to Iran. Both countries are subject to heavy sanctions and have a close military and economic alliance.

Today's Radio Four programme 'Inside Health' had an article about the rise of antibiotic resistant bacterial infection. Medical research identifies a link between heavy metal pollution weakening the body's immune system reaction to bacteria. This has been noticed in war zones where munitions with armour piercing tungsten hardened tips are in use. The modern battlefield is a very toxic environment. Bacteria travel far and wide in contact with humans. So do heavy metal toxins. Concern has been expressed recently about atmospheric pollution generated by rockets and satellites burning up on re-entry, raising the concentration of lithium in the air. The carbon footprint of industrial scale computer data processing servers used for AI is also a growing cause for environmental concern given the increasing pace of global heating and climate instability. Modern warfare, industry and technological progress are achieved at the cost of mother earth. One way or another, human beings are in danger of destroying the planet and making themselves extinct.

I walked around Thompson's Park and Llandaff Fields after lunch. Our neighbour Rob was out walking in the street again, a few days after a hip replacement operation. I saw him again later sitting on a park bench in Llandaff Fields, enjoying the sun and fresh air after a few days of confinement. Muscle stiffness made going up the occasional gradient a bit laborious and left me mildly breathless. Unusual for me.

When Rachel was here after Christmas she worked on the guitar that belonged to my late niece Kay. One of the tuning keys was broken and needed replacing. Clare purchased one several months ago but I've not got around to fitting it until now. It was a slightly tricky job as there was a small square hole in the key and the end of the tuning peg was round and slightly larger than the hole. An effort to insert the key forcibly would risk shattering it. A month ago, I discovered a set of tiny drill bits of different sizes used by Clare in making jewellery. A few of them were small enough to make it possible to widen the square hole in the key just enough to accommodate the end of the tuning peg. It meant using a heavy electric drill on the key wedged into a jewellery vice, using one of the tiny abrasive drill heads. Although I was uncertain that my concentration would hold for long enough, I succeeded in making a tiny circular hole in the key that was a right fit for the tuning peg, without breaking it. Good for my confidence. One small step in the brain fog!

Fogged up

Damp and overcast yet again. Although I slept fairly well and my head was quite clear and sharp when I woke up, after taking my morning meds my brain slowed down and clouded over and stayed like that all day. I walked for an hour before lunch but my head didn't clear. It was a real effort to concentrate and complete recording and editing the audio for Passiontide Morning Prayer and Reflection, but I did over the day. 

I went shopping at Tesco's after lunch and found concentrating on the task in hand a struggle. It's a bit more demanding than the narrow focus of working on a digital screen. 

Sara sent me a picture charting the assortment of brain fog symptoms. It fitted well the way I was feeling. I don't know what I've done or not done to this set back to occur.

Clare went out to choir practice and I had supper on my own. Then Rachel called having finished reading and enjoying 'Jack's Tale' . She spotted half a dozen typos and we spent two hours on WhatsApp making corrections. She's thorough and perceptive. I thought I'd already corrected the text before I had the stroke, but it shows my concentration on detail back then wasn't as good as I thought it was. I was tired when we finished, but went for a short walk to clear my head to finish the day .

Motherfest

Overcast and drizzly today. A poor night's sleep, three hours awake out of eight and a half in bed. Clare and I went to the Eucharist at St Catherine's. Owain took over the cooking and made a fuss of his mother. The girls called her and organised wee gifts as well.

Jeremy our ordinand on Parish Placement preached well. During the Creed after finishing his sermon, he fainted without a hint of a warning. Ruth, an altar server who was sitting beside him and Jean one of the sides-persons, both trained nurses,  took charge of him without a fuss and discreetly looked after him until he was stable enough to walk from the church and be taken back to his accommodation in St Padarn's. The service continued without interruption as it was clear Jeremy was being well cared for in a safe place while worship continued. The congregation, aware of what happened, prayed for him quietly. I was reminded of the way I was looked after by congregation members the Sunday I had a stroke two months ago. 

After the service we went outdoors to bless the church garden. The rain held off until it was time to head for home after coffee, and then it rained, every step of the way. Owain cooked us roast veg, ratatouille and baked salmon with lots of lemon. Then he took Clare out for coffee and cake, and took his leave of us when the two of them returned. His parting gift to me, a large sausage roll. Bless him! 

For me the legacy of sleep lost was mild drowsy light headedness. I stayed home and slept in my arm chair for three quarters of an hour. It helped to clear my head enough to go for a walk down to Blackweir bridge. A strong cold wind blew in gusts with occasional showers, parting the clouds to reveal the sun low on the horizon. A huge tree fell into the river several months ago. It got stuck over the weir fish ladder when the level of the Taff was very high. Finally it's been cut up for removal. Two sections of the trunk remain to be taken away. Much of it was partly immersed in running water. This has the effect of stripping off the bark over time, and its colour has changed from dark grey to yellowish white. The trunk becomes waterlogged and will sink if it can. As the bark softens it peels away, minerals leach out. This preserves the wood and prevents it rotting. Very useful for preparing timber for use in construction work.

I don't understand why, but light headedness hasn't diminished as it usually does in the afternoon. It's been a struggle to retain focus and concentrate. Is this merely fatigue? Bed early, in any case.

Clear headed six months after

Ah! The return of sunshine and blue sky, with pancakes for breakfast to lift the spirits. An average broken night's sleep, but I woke up with my head clear. Taking the meds didn't leave me feeling light headed or as slow thinking as I've come to dread this past couple of months. I've no idea what's changed to give me a  respite from my usual morning ordeal. I went out just after eleven and walked in Llandaff Fields for two hours, enjoying the sunshine and the subtle scent of Spring on the mild morning air. New leaves bursting through blossom on bare branches, such a blessing.

While I was out, Clare had a message from UHW about attending an outpatient clinic after lunch. It's not clear what this is all about. Her attempt to contact the relevant outpatient unit to find out ended in failure. Not enough weekend staff to answer calls? I googled the unit mentioned in the appointment message and  conclusioned that it's about  the outcome of a colorectal scan she had. A brief descriptive remark by the caller would have sufficed to eliminate confusion from the communication. Is any training given to messengers, human or digital, about how to deliver content intelligibly? After an early lunch, she took a taxi to UHW. Nothing new to report. She's been discharged now.no further treatment required.

After lunch I started work on Morning Prayer for Wednesday in Holy Week and wrote a reflection about reactions to uncertainity among characters portrayed in the Passion story. Then I went out for another walk in Llandaff Fields to make the most of the late afternon sunshine and my clear head. While I was out, a Mothering Sunday bouqet of flowers for Clare arrived from the children, and so did Owain. 

After supper he was most helpful in the process of making a complaint to TalkTalk which charged me a hundred quid severance fee for quitting at the end of contract after I had advised the company that I wanted to leave and did not intend to re-negotiate my contract up for renewal due to the poor quality of service provided. I have been putting this off for ages but feel I can face doing it now. 

I've had a good day. It's six months today since my stroke. It's said to take nine months for the brain to recover and adjust to any permanent damage. I'm tired now and ready for sleep, but my head feels no worse than it would after a disturbed night in bed. It is something to give thanks for. 

Trump's dangerous game

Sun broke through the clouds briefly several times after I woke up. I could have done with another hour's sleep. As I started breakfast, a spectacular shower of hailstones started, lit up by sunlight. My Olympus PEN delivered a few interesting shots.  Hailstones captured at a hundredth of a second looked like white rods ten centimetres long.

The WhatsApp Daily Prayer thread announced that Archdeacon Mark Preece has been appointed as an honorary King's Chaplain. In his former role as Rector of the Canton Team Ministry, three parishes of the present Ministry Area were drawn together into a United Benefice by his quiet relaxed diplomacy. There are diplomatic and pastoral elements attached to this new role in public life that call on him to engage with political, military and civil leaders in hospitality as well as in ministry of the Word. A safe pair of hands.

In the news about the Middle East, more about Putin meddling, providing intelligence support to Iran's retaliation on America and Israel. America is meddling with the global oil market in a crowd pleasing effort to mitigate the impact of the price rise. It's now at a hundred dollars a barrel. 'Temporarily' lifting sanctions on Russian oil in an effort to lower market prices will boost Russia's flagging economy and ability to wage war on Ukraine, as if this was of little concern to anyone else. Whose side is Trump on? The UK and EU have reacted with strong criticism. Britain has refused to lift its embargo on Russian oil. 

Trump's gesture aims to boost his flagging popularity and win votes in mid-term elections that could influence the balance of power between the two main parties in a way that would make it much harder for him to push through his policies. Trump's belligerence from the outset and the violence of the attacks on Iran, in the hope of precipitating regime change have yielded instability and chaos, with Iran and it's allies steeling themselves to resist by disrupting in any way they can not only the Gulf states, but the global economy. Having been told they have everything to lose by not surrendering to America's iron will, Iran will make sure the price to be paid will be high in the long term.  Questions are increasingly being asked of Trump and answered vaguely, causing even more dissatisfaction. How and when this war will end has been unclear from the outset. Has Trump lost his grip on the situation?

Ashley called and we chatted about our ailments and medical treatment regimens for nearly an hour and a half. It took my mind off the brain slowing, concentration impairing impact the meds are having on me. I'm not having a good day today and worried about the effect this is having on my everyday activity.

After lunch, I walked in Thompson's Park. I was pleased to see a moorhen had returned to the pond, having been driven away by the pruning of bushes and vegetation around the pond a few weeks ago. Shoots of the grasses and water lilies emerging from the muddy debris are already a foot tall. It won't be long until there's enough leaf cover to provide hiding places where the moorhens can rebuild their nests. A couple of fellow bird watchers said that a heron had put in an appearance at the water's edge just before I arrived. I could hear but not see a green parakeet perched in a weeping willow covered in a fuzz of pale green leaves nearby. 

I noticed yesterday that I only have a week's supply left of the clot busting meds. Rather than placing  a prescription order using the NHS app, which I'm unsure of doing correctly, I popped into the King's Road pharmacy and made the request in person. It seems the drug in question is not common enough for stocks to be held routinely and has to be ordered. My prescription details are held electronically, and I can phone or ask in person for a new supply. It's cutting it a bit fine, but I can pick up a new supply on Wednesday when I attend the Eucharist at St Catherine's

I walked to Llandaff Fields and did a circuit, returning home at sunset. A cold wind was blowing, and I didn't fancy being out with the threat of rain showers as the sun reached the horizon. Owain phoned while we were having supper to let us know he's coming to stay for this weekend's Mothering Sunday. He may be able to help me with some digital troubleshooting. I'm not alone in having trouble with the Government One Login app, on top of the public annoyance with the imposition of digital i/d for employees needing to access public services. What a shambles!

I fancied watching a new episode of 'Astrid - Murder in Paris' after supper, but I was too tired for entertainment and finished the day an hour earlier than usual. It's happened to me several evenings recently. Somehow the effort to cope with the impact of the meds is draining away my spare energy.

 

NHS on my phone

Another dull overcast day with occasional showers and strong gusts of wind. Kath phoned on her way to work, and we had a chat while I was still in bed. She told me of Rhiannon's tech hassles at University. For some reason, she is obliged to do course work on an Apple Mac using Adobe's 'In Design' app, which is used on campus. It's not easy for her to work at home using her new iPad. She has a Mac Book Air. It needed an operating system update to match the software requirement but it's under-powered in any case. Fortunately, Kath has a Mac Mini from her technical work on the 'Dance in the Dark' show. After an operating system update and 'In design' app installation, all Rhiannon needs is a monitor, keyboard and mouse for a home based work station. The cost of hardware to engage fully in course work must make course participation highly expensive and potentially deter talented students. It's outrageous that education is now so expensive that students are indebted for decades after graduation.

I think I benefited from getting to bed last night an hour earlier, even if I woke up earlier. On taking my blood pressure pill, the light headed sensation and drowsiness weren't as pronounced as usual. Maybe that's something to do with sleep quality. 

After breakfast, I installed the NHS app on my phone for the first time. It offered face recognition as an alternative to an email login, but this refused to work for me, although I now use face recognition to open my phone. The app content is comprehensive. I can order repeat prescriptions, but I found this to be a bit complex. Maybe it's my slowed down brain.

Fears rise about the Middle East War spiralling out of control, as the Iranian choke hold on oil traffic through the Straits of Hormuz, results in price inflation and shortages of domestic fuel gas supplies The rambling inconsistency of Trump's interview commentary on the war is a matter of concern as it could trigger reactions from Iran and its allies that would make things worse than they already are. His tactic of keeping his audience guessing about his war plan is confusing and seems aimless. Is he just making it up as he goes along? Or is he failing to grasp the realistic assessments of his military and economic advisors? One thing is certain - high oil prices will benefit the American oil industry.

I spent the morning working on the Wednesday Morning Prayer video for the week after next, then cooked lunch. It was windy and drizzling rain when I went out for a walk late in the afternoon. As the temperature is a bit warmer too, buds on the trees are swelling. It won't be long before they burst into leaf. Some trees are showing both blossom and leaf a couple of weeks early this year.

We had a long conversation with Rachel after supper. She's in the throes of selling up furniture and other goods and chattels in preparation for moving back home and settling in Wales. She faces much uncertainty about her future and is having a tough time making ends meet and disengaging herself. We'll do whatever needs to be done once her exit plan takes shape. Naturally, nuestra casa es su casa.