Surprise turn

The weather gradually gets warmer each day, under a thin layer of high cloud, but it's cooler at night. The house stays relatively cool as the building itself takes a long time to warm up and stay warm. I notice this as I'm more sensitive to cold than I used to be, and need to wear extra layers until it becomes really hot. I remember my mother quoting the proverb "Never cast a clout until May is out." or was it 'the May is out' meaning May blossom, which already appeared before the end of April. We're already in the last week of May and it's possible to go out with no top coat at last, even if there's a wind. I notice other walkers more thinly clad than me. I don't generate as much heat walking slower and aim to stay comfortably warm in whatever way I can. 

Although I had a fair night's sleep, I wasn't comfortable, losing three hours to bladder interruptions, and I'm not fully awake until well after breakfast - Saturday pancakes this morning followed by doing nothing until it was time for lunch. Clare went out shopping, leaving a bag of frozen chick peas to thaw. I assumed this was intended for lunch and got busy with making a veggie sauce to cook them in. I didn't notice the   message  arriving to say she was bringing home fish and chips for lunch. Ooops! My savoury dish will have to wait until tomorrow, or go in the freezer.

After we'd eaten I walked in Llandaff Fields, and my head began to clear of sleepiness that slowed down my brain and reactions. As I walked back along Penhill Road, a man wearing a rucksack reversed out of his front gate on my left hand side without looking, hauling a push chair behind him right into my path  when I was just two paces behind him. Not only did I see him, but responded quickly enough to swerve and avoid a collision. He appeared in the corner of my left eye where my field of vision was impaired by the stroke. The sun was bright, he was partly in shadow. My physical reaction didn't lag behind my perception of a possible collision and I wasn't thrown off balance. 

This unexpected gift astonished me. There have been other moments too lately. Occasionally in this spell of bright sunshine, I started to experience  faint sparkles of coloured light in the left hand corner of my field of vision, the area which was darkened enough in the early months of recovery for me not to notice things on the upper and lower periphery of my vision. It led to collisions or near misses with overhanging foliage, rubbish bins and a protruding gate parapet, but it has slowly improved with the passage of time. The neuro-plasticity of the brain as it's called means repair happens with suitable stimulus. Something special to thank God for this afternoon.

I went out again and walked around Thompson's Park to complete my daily distance. The moorhen pair are taking turns to sit on their nest in the pond. I watched them change shifts. I don't think their eggs are  hatched yet. 

Owain returned from his excursion to Lisbon and sent us photos. Then after supper, he video called and told us all about it. He was impressed by the low cost public transport system, metro, trams, cheap taxis and buses. The city  is apparently very hilly. No wonder he sounded tired after his trip. It reminded me to take myself to bed earlier.

Google imposes unwanted upgrade

My right shoulder is weak from ski injuries thirty years ago and I strained my right shoulder carrying travel cases on our Tenby trip. Lying in bed on my back last night was painful. Propping myself up to get out of bed for a pee several times made it worse. I tried swapping direction - head to toe - so that I could prop myself up with my left arm instead and that helped, but I still lost four hour's sleep after ten in bed, and thankfully didn't feel worse for wear after taking my meds, just tired, as if I was on a long haul flight. A message from Ann said that her phone charger had arrived in today's mail. Next day delivery from West to East with first class post is still possible it seems.

I recorded and edited next Wednesday's Morning Prayer and Reflection before lunch, then slept for a while before an hour's afternoon walk in Llandaff Fields. I walked again for half an hour after supper. When my legs and brain are tired, I try not to push myself too hard or in too sustained a way. 

When I checked my fitbit phone app for the first time today, I was shocked to find it had been supplanted by the Google Health app. There was a warning notification a few days ago that this would happen, and it didn't say the user had no choice about this. The fancy user interface is not as simple, and it takes time to find your way around. I noticed that the phone app showed an estimate of an hour and three quarters more sleep than the Fitbit's smart watch dial. How long I wonder, before Google ends support for the device and effectively turns it into another piece of electronic waste?

Rachel called us from an airport departure lounge in Las Vegas early in her morning, waiting for a flight to Sacramento in California to spend some time relaxing and making music with a percussionist friend. She used her accumulated Air Miles to cover the cost of an internal flight. It's amazing when you think about it, and useful in a time when Trump's war  with Iran has pushed up prices, and brought the western world to the brink of aviation fuel shortages.

 

A new use for sand

In addition to the usual broken sleep I had a nose bleed when I got up in the night. Fortunately it didn't last long. Will I ever be able to shake off this wretched tiredness? All I can do is rest, relax and try to recover.  Ann took her leave of us at midday and went to the station by taxi. I found her phone charger, left behind in a bedroom socket when rearranging the room. Clare found a suitable mailing envelope and I went to the Post Office and sent it off to Ann after lunch. 

The sky is blue with scattered clouds today, and it's eighteen degrees. Being used to unpredictable weather, I went out to the Post Office wearing a rain jacket I didn't need, and felt the heat. I didn't drink enough when I got up this morning, which added to my feeling poorly with slow reactions. I made up for it when I got back home however, and slowly improved.

I had an exchange of messages with Owain, who's currently on holiday in Lisbon, networking with techno buddies he's met on-line. He's having a good time, and I look forward to hearing about it when he returns.

After a lunch of prawns with mushrooms, onion, and cabbage, I responded to an invitation to attend Ty Mawr's annual meeting of Associates explaining that since my stroke traveling to the convent isn't possible for me any longer, and large social events with a group of friends and strangers are too much stimulus for me to cope with at present. I have to be honest about my limitations. Our Tenby holiday was far too tiring for me, and will take me a week to recover from. it's a real shame, as the speaker is Canon Ali Grey, a Associate priest and psychiatrist whose subject is 'Eco-anxiety: A Christian response to the impact of the climate crisis .... If you are not disturbed by this, then you are not paying attention.' Intriguing.

Although the Americans express optimism about peace talks with Iran, despite the unstable cease-fire, deadlock in the conflict continues. Trump's coercive rhetoric and unpredictable behaviour have yielded no progress. Israel continues its war against Hezbollah in which over 3,000 have been killed in Lebanon, despite on-going peace talks between Lebanon and Israel. Meanwhile, the Saudis are working on an oil pipeline that will circumvent the Straight of Hormuz. The sale of solar panels to plug the energy gap will be hugely beneficial to China. While these are work-around solutions to this crisis, this could well end up changing the economics of energy production in the Middle East. Saudi Arabia's oil wealth enables it to invest in alternatives to fossil fuels and innovate. The Finns have developed 'sand batteries', to store heat energy from electricity generated by wind or wave power. This can be converted back into electricity by means of steam turbine electricity generators. Saudi Arabia is not exactly short of this raw material!

I walked in Llandaff Fields until supper time. I sat on a park bench in the sunshine and nearly dozed off. I hope I sleep better tonight.

Sleep starved

I had the usual broken night's sleep and woke up at first light as the Velux blind wasn't completely closed. My strained right shoulder was painful and it wasn't easy to manoeuvre in and out of bed to empty my bladder. Thankfully the bed is comfortable so I slept fairly well despite the disturbances. At eight thirty I posted today's YouTube Morning Prayer link to What'sApp then got up for breakfast. I was up before the others, having a lie-in after yesterday's journey, then went to the Eucharist at St Catherine's. There were six of us this morning, with several regulars away. I felt tired and stressed out when I got to church, but much calmer afterwards.

Clare and Ann went off to the National Museum to view the exhibition of Gwen John's paintings and had lunch there, leaving me to cook Tagliatelli with a tuna sugo for myself. I started preparing Wednesday Morning Prayer in the Octave of Pentecost, and a reflection on the Gospel about the child with an unclean spirit, who has a tantrum and shocks onlookers with his foul mouthed rant. Jesus rebukes the spirit. Earlier Jesus is reported as rebuking a storm - the word means to sharply criticize someone, or express strong disapproval, which seems rather odd when addressed to a force of nature. Rebuking a spirit is not exactly a telling off for the person, but rather the negative energy their behaviour conveys - chaotic energy in other words. God's Word orders the primordial chaos at the beginning of creation. You could say it 'rebukes' the chaos. This rather figurative use of language reminds the reader or listener of who is being revealed by the works and words of Jesus. A kid in a tantrum spoken to in a quiet sympathetic way can have calm restored in the midst of emotional turmoil.

After reflecting on this and writing about it, I went for a slow walk in Llandaff Fields though I felt very tired. I needed the fresh air and the birdsong to lift my spirits. Clare ordered a take away from Stefano's for supper. After my large pasta lunch, I didn't feel like eating much more today. I slept for an hour while they ate their meal, which finally cleared my head. Then I got up and just ate fruit with yoghourt. A light meal before returning to sleep once more. One way or another I'll get the rest I need.

False Alarm

Another night of broken sleep, and not enough of it, but at least the couch was more comfortable. After breakfast we packed our bags and stripped the beds. We were more or less ready to leave by nine thirty when there was a fire alarm test, like one we had last week, only this time the alarm didn't stop, and it was painfully loud. Fortunately we could remove our belongings from the apartment and leave as intended for the walk to the station. I had to walk around as much as possible with fingers in both ears, as the alarm was located in the corridor a metre above us and I didn't want to rupture an ear drum. Another loud alarm was ringing outside as well. Apartment residents gathered in the courtyard and waited. There was no sign of fire in the property. We had to leave and there was no indication that there would be any head count, but I rang Ann and left her a message to tell her what happened in case she had a call from someone asking for an account of the occupants of each apartment. After ten minute or so, a fire engine arrived, and we were told, as we were leaving that it had been a 'false alarm', presumably a fault in the alarm network revealed something wasn't working as intended.

Clare called for a taxi but found that none were available, so we walked to Tenby station - downhill most of the way thankfully. We had to walk over a footbridge to reach the eastbound platform, not easy with a heavy suitcase, then waited half an hour for a train. The weather was good and the view of the coast was equally lovely on the return trip. We had a picnic lunch and I was able to relax and unwind. Throughout the return journey I noticed many lighter shades of green in the variations of passing landscape. What a joy to behold!

After my conversation yesterday with Ann about connection timing, I timed the walk from getting off the train on platform zero to the ticket barrier accessing platform 1. Five minutes with a crowd of passengers, all needing to use the same lift. I'm sure there used to be stairs here. According to Google Maps this transit takes one minute. From ticket gate to platform 1, add another 2-3 minutes. Heaven help anyone with mobility issues or a pushchair for kiddies to manage. I must report this, as it seriously affects people expecting to use an eastbound fast connecting train. We took a taxi home and arrived at three.

Before unpacking, I went to the GP surgery to deliver A&E discharge documents ordering a blood test. Coincidentally a GP letter arrived in the morning mail asking me to book an appointment for a a blood test and blood pressure test. There was also a follow up letter about an appointment to fit me with a blood pressure measuring device for a week in the same batch of mail. I anticipate the outcome will be that I'll be prescribed another blood pressure reducing medication, adding to the misery I experienced previously. What I would most benefit from most would be a quieter less stressful life with fewer disruptions and distractions with more time to sort out my life. The past couple of weeks have exhausted me.

After a supper of savoury rice with salmon, I walked for half an hour in Llandaff Fields. The trees' leaf canopy is noticeably denser after two weeks away. Little light gets through the branches, and the trees appear a darker green. 

Breaking routine and getting to bed in the attic required a bit more organising than usual. Although we all retired at ten, I gave way to the others and was last. It took me an hour to organise myself, as I'd not yet unpacked my case. I hope I can settle in an unfamiliar room which I've not slept in since before the stroke.

Desperate for more sleep

Another bad night's sleep on the couch. The Fitbit or the app may be faulty, which wouldn't be surprising as Google has imposed Google Health, whatever that is, on the working of the fitbit app. It may be that the app just stopped working for four hours. It could be something to do with an internet connectivity glitch interrupting the device telemetry. At least I don't feel terrible! 

When I woke up at daybreak, I peeped out of the lounge curtains and saw a bullfinch poised on the garden bench nearby. It's the first time I've ever seen one, let alone at close quarters. 

Ann and Clare have decided to return to Cardiff tomorrow and stop with us  overnight before travelling to London. It's the best way to reduce the uncertainty about the train connection on a Bank Holiday. 

When I was in the bathroom I had a phone call from Withybush A&E about coming in for a blood test. I said the journey was too stressful after a bad night of sleep, and I need rest and quietness. A note will be sent to our GP. I can book a blood test when I get home.

I had savoury black beans cooked with fried onion and mushroom, Ann and Clare had omelettes. They went to the train station afterwards to buy tickets for tomorrow. I slept for another hour and went for a slow walk as the drizzle had stopped

I had a WhatsApp message exchange with Kath at tea time, and an hour later a voice call with Rachel. She sang me a song she's practicing for a gig.  The recording app on my phone refused to record the song live, so I recorded it on my digital dictator and changed the .wma file format to .mp3 using Google's Cloud Convert to email it to her instead.

We all went to bed by ten. I was too tired, and didn't want to fight the wind and rain to walk my full daily distance. I found a thick blanket and folded it in layers to serve as an extra cushion for the couch in the hope of a less uncomfortable and longer night's sleep.

Ascension Baptism at St Mary's

A very disturbed night. I ended up sleeping on the sofa and being woken up at eight when Ann and Clare got up at eight. We went to the St Mary's Parish Eucharist at ten. In addition to the regular congregation of about seventy, there was a large family group attending for a baptism during the service. Fr Steve preached a stirring Ascensiontide sermon, as well as celebrating and baptizing a baby girl named Lola. He wasn't wearing a radio mic. and used his strong voice to announce and give instructions, quite a strain nevertheless, as it's a big church with two aisles as well as the nave and chancel

There was a buzz of excited chatter to start with. After the Christening it was much quieter as the baptism party left the church during the exchange of the Peace. It reminded me of hearing Greek Orthodox clergy declare 'The Doors, the Doors!' before the Peace, the moment at which Cathechumens were excluded from the eucharistic Mysteries and left the church after the Liturgy of the Word in the Byzantine rite. 

I returned to Croft Court straight after the service rather than go with them for coffee and a snack lunch. I was feeling the after effects of sleep loss and in need of peace and quiet. I dozed for a while, then cooked myself tagliatelli with the remains of the black bean sugo I made a few days ago. Clare and Ann returned and I went out for a walk as far as South Beach calling in Tesco's to buy a couple of tins of fish. I'm staying in tonight, while they eat out. I still find restaurants uncomfortable, especially when I'm tired. Too much stimulus to cope with. I just crave peace and quiet.

I had the apartment to myself for supper with rye bread and sardines  then went out for a sunset walk. Ann and Clare returned satisfied with their enjoyable meal. Ann had to prepare for her return journey on a Bank Holiday weekend, involving a change to the Paddington train in Cardiff. Not as simple as it sounds. TFW Metro system trains arrive at the peripheral platform zero, from which a lift descends to the booking hall for access to main line platforms. Allow for a five to ten minute walk, depending on the number of people on the move at that time and there's an element of uncertainty about making the connection. Best for an older person walking slowly, lugging a case to avoid or plan for. 

In addition a timetable change had taken effect making it more difficult to establish the accuracy of information provided when booking the ticket. The TFW website isn't user friendly, too much information, no place where you can view a train timetable directly of the kind you'd see on a station platform. You can only access information by giving information about the ticket you propose to buy. There's an assortment of train apps which are equally complicated. Google provides a schedule summary fortunately, but this doesn't always display unless the right wording is used. We could find no reassurance to the uncertainty this produced. In the end, we all attempted to get an early night.