Stocking up

A lovely spring day to rejoice in, despite the clouds that play hide and seek with the sun. The sweet scent of lilac on a mild breeze wafts into the garden from a neighbouring tree. Having taken the precaution of  not eating much high fibre bread, I make a better start to the day. Blood pressure medication affects me as ever. light headed, a bit slow thinking, but clearer. My intestines are not as irritated so I don't feel as poorly as I have been. The pills seem to amplify the stressful distracting effect of bowel irritation, just as irritating noise does.

After breakfast, we walked to the King's Road pharmacy to collect our prescription medications. Two month's worth for me. In case I forget, I now add a reminder to my phone calendar a week before I run out. I had just one day's supply left, as last time I found out that I had to initiate a repeat prescription with a week's notice. I have the new NHS digital app on my phone and should be able to re-order using it, but I have yet to master it. The app won't remember my password automatically, even if this is probably for security reasons. I have yet to figure out how to enter a pass-code without making a mess of it. When my brain is working slowly, I get nervous about making mistakes and locking myself out of the system. I'm over-cautious and my confidence ebbs. I haven't got much further than admitting that I have a problem trusting myself in these circumstances. I need hand-holding to get used to tackling new things and doing them habitually.

Clare had a problem with her repeat prescription for eye drops. The UHW eye clinic failed to communicate properly with the GP surgery and sent a letter to the pharmacy which the surgery her to call to call the clinic to ask for an explanation of what was meant to happen. She had to buy eye drops of the required composition to tide her over until she can sort out the issue with the eye clinic.

We went to Jason's greengrocer's shop on our way home. The sun was shining so I erected the garden sun brolly and we drank our morning coffee and had lunch sitting beneath it, listening to the neighbourhood blackbird sing. 

After lunch, a walk in Llandaff Fields. Pontcanna Fields was taken over by the Urdd national schools' rugby tournament for boys and for girls teams. Hundreds of youngsters playing enthusiastically in  afternoon sunshine. Great to see.

After supper, apart from a chat with Owain, I wrote a Gospel reflection on two healing stories presenting the approach and method of Jesus the healer. It took me rather a long time to condense my thoughts, so it was late by the time I headed for bed. Grateful for a clear head and no gut irritation.

An afternoon with the WNO

Cool and mostly cloudy today. I slept fairly well but woke up early with irritated bowels, denying me a lie-in. I'm coming to the conclusion that it's the combined effect of the slow release medication capsules and too much high-fibre bread that's triggering irritation and diharrea. When I took my daily blood pressure pill after a lower fibre breakfast the unpleasant sensation of intoxication was minimal my head was clearer my thinking was less sluggish and stayed like that for the rest of the day.

We went to the Parish Eucharist at St Catherine's. Ordinand Jeremy preached well on the Road to Emmaus story. As he spoke about the disciples realising that the risen Christ was making himself known in the breaking of bread. This reminded me of the day thirty years ago when I was in Syria, travelling by shared taxi from Aleppo to Damascus. We stopped at a village bakery to collect several kilos of fresh baked pitta bread. Its aroma filled the minibus, and the man who brought it on board began tearing off strips of it to share with fellow passengers. After saying shukran, all ate in an appreciative silence as we drove on. A similar moment of realisation for me in a predominantly Muslim country, a moment I treasure.

We did some shopping  at the Coop before returning home for lunch. We both snoozed for a while before a taxi arrived to take us to the Millennium Centre for a matinee performance of Wagner's 'Flying Dutchman. I wondered how I would cope with my first outing to this familiar much loved venue. It was busy with people on the move. I was reminded that visual impairment has affected my spatial awareness by the nervousness which accompanied navigating my way through the crowd. My impression of the auditorium was that it's smaller than my recollection of it. My hearing seems more sensitive since the stroke. The sound of a thousand people chatting before curtain-up I found disturbing and difficult to adjust to. The loudness of the orchestra however, didn't bother me. The singers' German diction was excellent and added extra emotional power.

The minimalist staging of the performance was clever but hardly nautical. The heroine's back story was presented on stage in a striking visual way during the overture, but the significance of this was squandered by the absence of any reference in the synopsis to this key element in the entire drama. While there is a mysterious element to this maritime story, I don't think it helped that is was inadvertently mystifying. This was the final opera to be conducted by Tomáš Hanus, who is now moving on. I wonder who will replace him?

A crowded number six bus was waiting outside when we left the Millennium Centre, which took us to the town centre bus station where a number sixty one was waiting to take us to Pontcanna. We were home for supper just after the Archers started. I went for a sunset walk in need of exercise. After spending much extra time sitting down on a hard theatre seat my buttock muscles were stiff! 

Changing electoral scene in Wales

Sunshine but also clouds this morning. I felt better for getting to bed by eleven, but still lost a couple of hours' sleep during the night. The blood pressure pills make me feel sleepy and slow thinking. I feel worse in the morning if I don't fall asleep quickly. Rarely do I sleep for more than three hours before my bladder disturbs me. Sometimes tiredness accumulates, just like mild dehydration if I don't notice I haven't drunk enough. Getting the balance between rest and activity is daunting.

Our postal voting papers for the Senedd elections arrived in today's mail. Clare has put up a Green Party poster in the bay window already. There are several other houses in the street displaying them as well. Forthcoming Senedd election opinion polls predict Labour will lose power, with the Greens, Reform, Plaid Cymru and Conservative candidates all contending. The age of eligibility to vote is now sixteen. How first time youngsters will vote may turn out to be unpredictable and interesting.

Clare started cooking brown rice for lunch. I prepared the veggies, and savoury prawns. The meal made me sleepy. It was an effort to get started on my afternoon walk with a sleepy head, but it cleared the longer I exercised. The sun and warm wind made it a pleasant afternoon for walking, especially along a stretch of the Taff, where I saw a goosander and a pair of cormorants. The river bank is carpeted with wild garlic and bluebells a beautiful sight.  After a circuit of Pontcanna Fields I went to the shops on the way home to buy a few things we needed. After a good eight kilometer walk I was bothered that my feet hurt. It's unusual for me. No ankle swelling fortunately. Sometimes I can't figure out what's happening with my body.

After supper, I made the prayer video for the Wednesday after next, the feast of Catherine of Siena, and uploaded it to YouTube. We chatted with Rachel. I watched another episode of 'Blanca'. It was an interesting idea to have a blind person with superior sense of smell as well as hearing as part of a detective team, but it errs in being over-sentimental, not only in terms of romantic entanglements but also in terms of her relationship with a guide dog. The snappy multi-screen cinematic presentation of some parts of the story reminds me of avant garde movies of the sixties, and adds little if anything to the story.

Talks during the cease fire between Iran and America led to the Straight of Hormuz being re-opened under tight Iranian control and payment of a shipping toll. American blockading of oil exporting ports to exert pressure on Iran at the negotiating table has led to the Straight being closed again to most traffic. Iran has not yet agreed to a further round of negotiations as it regards American demands as excessive and will not preserve the country's rights under international law.

Trump's continued coercive threats merely add to the uncertainty of the outcome of peace negotiations. Strategic experts think he has overplayed his hand, because he is desperate to be seen as winning the war. Iranian leadership highlights lies and inconsistencies in his social media utterances. He's too fond of keeping everyone guessing and ignores the fact that he's being dealt with as untrustworthy and a liability by allies and adversaries.

Action inertia

Overcast with drizzles of rain this morning. I woke up before daybreak and heard a solitary blackbird sing in the garden. I went back to sleep, slept until after nine and felt quite well when I got up, but the blood pressure pills soon delivered the usual light headed feeling, impairing concentration. 

Pakistan brokered cease-fire talks between Iran and America have resulted in a resumption of maritime traffic through the Strait of Hormuz with pressure being exerted on Iran by US blockades of oil exporting ports. Keeping the Straight open is of vital importance. There's now an international shortage of jet fuel which is going to have a critical effect on transport and trade. If energy exports from the Middle East  were to resume immediately it would take time for global supply chains to recover. Trump's war initiative has proved to be a colossal miscalculation.

Peace talks between America and Iran will continue over the weekend. Israel and Lebanon are holding talks during a ten day truce with Hezbollah. This is linked to Iran easing pressure on Hezbollah to prevent retaliation on its behalf during the cease fire. Russia is feigning concern about the peace talks alleging America is stalling for time to regroup its forces to add to uncertainty and tension on the battle front. Russia has been supplying drones to Iran and its allies to sustain the conflict, a lucrative business for a malicious stakeholder in the conflict.

After breakfast, I wrote a long email to Sara, which took me ages to compose as I was thinking so slowly. Then I walked for three quarters of an hour in Llandaff Fields to try and clear my head while Clare was cooking lunch. 

Each day the leaf canopy looks denser. Some of the horse chestnut trees are now coming into bloom with their distinctive tall white flower spike 'candles' opening. A lovely springtime sight. From our back garden we can see blue lilac blossoming in a garden opposite. Another tree has burst into leaf in the past few days so you can't see through it any more, for the first time since last autumn. I returned home and dozed for an hour after we'd eaten. Then I went for another walk in a vain effort to clear my head and it started to drizzle. The jacket I was wearing wasn't waterproof so I had to return home to avoid getting soaked. Then I absorbed myself in transcribing more of my Jamaica travel diary until the sky cleared of clouds and the sun shone an hour later. I went out again, with my head clearing at last, and took a few photos of trees in leaf, luminous as the sun approached the horizon, and completed my daily step quota before supper. 

We chatted with Owain later, he reminded me about preparing a Lasting Power of Attorney document for signing and registration. Clare's done hers but I haven't. Delayed and then lost in the brain fog when this was first proposed a month after the stroke - and that's now six months ago. Writing each day is something I can still do, but attending to detailed legal and financial information is still something that carries with it a fear of failure due to misunderstanding or simple undetected error. In many ways I've made a good recovery so far, but it's far from complete when my head swims, concentration evades me and I feel half awake, or just plain poorly. Sometimes I doubt I can improve any more than I have done already.

Jamaica revisited through my travel journal

A cloudy day with occasional sprinkles of rain, but not overcast. I had a fair night's sleep, but could have done with more. I woke up thinking about transcribing another of my travel journals. My previous writing project was reconstructing the Reggie Rabbit stories I wrote when the children were little. Rachel has been my editor, going through them in detail. I may not get around to seeing anything of my literary legacy published, but I would like my experiences and stories to be passed on to our children and grandchildren.

I recently found an assortment of writings made on my study tour of Jamaica in 1981. Most are on pads of airmail letter paper bought while I was travelling. All are in my thin spidery cack-handed script. The last time I referred to any of these after my return was in preparing talks about the role of the education system in Jamaican culture, and its influence on Jamaican family expectations of schooling in Britain forty five years ago. The country was Third World poor in those days, next to bankrupt. Bob Marley was alive then, singing his commentary on social injustice and the struggle of poor people to remain fully human against terrible odds. It was a life changing journey for me, visiting extended family members of Jamaican parishioners in Bristol, learning about their lives, what motivated some to emigrate and others to return disillusioned with social climate as much as the miserable British weather. 

Working on those papers wasn't easy and took over the day as the meds really slowed down my thinking. Clare cooked lunch, than sent me to collect my jacket from the dry cleaners afterwards,while she went out  on a different shopping mission. Coincidentally, we met each other twice in the course of our expeditions. Later at home, when I was trying to recall what I'd done during the day, my mind was a complete blank for a while, light headed too.  Eventually my memory yielded with two clear images of Clare in places where I'd recognised her in the street, wearing her distinctively coloured magenta puffer jacket. Then the memory of the afternoon fell into place.

Reading my travel notes and transcribing them is a lovely experience. It awakens strong images of place and time and people for me. Not least because my Practika SLR camera accompanied me. I took over 300 slide photos during my visit which I used in making educational presentations in subsequent years. Twenty years ago I digitized them all and they're now a treasure in my Google Photos archive. I didn't bother to transcribe the notes before as I always had the photos to remind me. In an amazing way, the notes awaken sensual memories of scents, sounds and atmosphere from fifty five years ago. 

I continued transcribing in the afternoon and early evening. Finally I walked for an hour to clear my head and get some vigorous exercise as darkness fell. After supper another couple of hours writing, needing to resist the temptation to keep writing way past bed time

Digital deprivation of liberty

Clouds and cloudbursts punctuating the day, but the air is warmer. Typical April I suppose. I slept fairly well but not long enough despite my new mattress. It's hard to shake off the sleepy light headed sensation the blood pressure meds produce, but I posted today's YouTube link to the Parish Daily Prayer thread on WhatsApp before getting up.

I had a red patch on my left wrist beneath the wrist strap of my Fitbit. As sweat accumulates beneath it dries out it becomes very acidic and leaves a sore mark on my skin. After processing medications the body exudes toxins through kidneys and bladder to eliminate them and through sweat. What comes out burns.

I went to St Catherine's for the Eucharist with half a dozen others. Over coffee afterwards Paul told us of his encounter with the new EU electronic entry and exit system, which is causing chaos all around fortress Europe with long queues and missed flights due to the electronic fingerprint recognition system's inability to read so many individuals' prints, particularly people whose ageing skin conductivity is low. Anto had this problem in his last encounter with EU passport control. Reports suggest the vast networked passport system is prone to crashes, not surprisingly if there's a large volume of read errors in scanning devices.

Nearer to home, new parking regulations are obliging us to pay for a visitor parking permit, which obliges users to register a vehicle and their eligibility by residence to apply and pay via a phone app or by SMS. Double yellow no-parking lines and white parking bay lines have recently been painted and yesterday new poles were installed displaying an information panel about the regulations. The regulations will be in force from the first of August. It's a far more complex arrangement than the existing physical permit for display in a vehicle windscreen. The text display in the 'mi-permit' phone app is tiny and contains far too much information poorly displayed. You can pay over the phone, or by SMS to use a free parking space if you can find one. I can imagine the system getting overwhelmed when a big sporting event takes place in the city centre. 

Increasing dependence on impersonal digital systems to manage every aspect of our lives with the promise of greater efficiency causes me much concern, as it's all too easy to get excluded from the digital world by complex demands to self-identify, or inability to use digital devices due to physical impairment. The impersonal element facilitates fraud, system hacking can steal or destroy vital data. The rapid expansion of AI capability adds another layer of vulnerability and threatens to reduce control over our lives.

After lunch I walked for and hour in Llandaff Fields and got caught in a heavy downpour, as I did on my way home from Mass earlier. I avoided the worse sheltering under a tree but then rumbles of thunder made me nervous, so I stepped clear of the tree instead of leaning against it. Fortunately the rain stopped soon after and the gentle breeze was a little warmer.

I recorded and edited Morning Prayer with a Reflection for the last Wednesday of the month after supper. As I can't tell in advance how well I will feel to tackle the task if my thinking slows down, and impairs my concentration I aim to prepare them well in advance so that all I have to do is post the YouTube link to WhatsApp. It's not been a particularly good day for me today, but the after-effects of medication diminish following exercise, and I can focus well enough to work in the evening. I just have to be careful not to keep working close to bed time or it will affect my sleep quality.

Medication feedback

Back under cloud cover again today, but I slept well, benefiting from slowly changing routine to get to bed an hour earlier. Despite this the blood pressure meds left me feeling light headed, mildly intoxicated and unsteady, though my balance was unaffected

Clare went to Penarth for her study group after breakfast. I spent the morning writing a biblical reflection and preparing another Morning Prayer edition for recording. I was slow to realise it was lunch time already when Clare got home and had done nothing to prepare lunch. She got busy quickly and ate at one o'clock as we usually do. 

Sil the pharmacist phoned, just as I started the washing up, so I had to return to it after the call. Reports on fasting blood cholesterol tests taken a month ago showed how high it had been and how much a lower dosage of statin had reduced the cholesterol level, though not quite as much as hoped for. It seems my diet is not exacerbating the problem. Rather than change medication he agreed I could continue taking the statin every other day, as the reduced dose makes a difference to how well I feel. I told him about the effect of the clot dispersing meds on my bowels, not that there's anything that can be done about that it seems. 

I also told him about the negative impact of being told I need heart surgery and a pacemaker, when I'm not experiencing noticeable cardio vascular symptoms, except perhaps when under additional stress, something which I avoid as much as possible. Living with the uncertainty of a random crisis is far from stress free if you're fairly fit and active as I am.

Today's blood pressure medication is affecting me more than usual, making my head swim. As I said to Sil, it feels a bit like taking a shot of raki on an empty stomach. Heaven knows why. Unfortunately, we have tickets for the WNO opera 'Blaze of Glory' for this evening. I felt anxious about how I'd cope with a late night and asked Clare to find someone to take my place. After half an hour's frustrating phone calls she found that her friend Gail is free and willing to take my place. I feel bad that I didn't think of this earlier when she was at study group this morning and could have asked if any of the members would like to join her. I'm not very alert today, just plodding along.

After lunch a new mattress from John Lewis' bedding department was delivered for the single bed I sleep in. It was uncomfortably hard to lie on and gives uneven support, even though it seems soft enough on initial contact. It replaces one which is so heavy it's difficult to manage. I hope the new one will be more forgiving. I need all the good sleep I can get to cope with brain fatigue.

I walked around Thompson's Park for an hour before supper. The grass on the lower level is carpeted with flowering wild garlic. The pond is fringed with harebells. A pair of moorhens are working on building a nest in the same spot as previous years. Three water pipes, part of a defunct fountain, project above pond water level close to each other. The birds collect twigs and lodge them in the triangular space between the pipes establishing a raft to serve as a foundation for the nest. Some years they incorporate a plastic bag in the structure which the wind has blown into the water. So ingenious.

There are patches of bluebells and a few primroses in the grass as well. A few red tulips stand out in the undergrowth next to a boundary wall. I wonder who planted bulbs there in an unlikely uncultivated spot. I spotted a couple of green parakeets which screeched high above me in the tree canopy and heard nuthatches calling to each other. All the delights of early Spring.

I called in the Co-op on my way home to buy a can of baked  beans to eat with a sprinkling of pimenton picante, on toast for supper. Fresh air and exercise helped to reduce the light headed sensation. I don't understand why the impact is so much worse on some days and not others.

For the first time in decades there are diplomatic exchanges between Lebanon and Israel. Talks between Iran and America could resume this week, following last week's diplomatic impasse. There are many uncertainties given Iranian backed Houthi insurgents and Lebanese Hezbollah. Threats from both are not yet eliminated, and Iran's distrust of America for starting the war when negotiations had only just started is not going to facilitate progress. 

Apart from wide ranging economic repercussions, Trump's closure of the Straight of Hormuz to tankers exporting oil from Iranian ports, starves Iran of income. Blockage of the Straight would violate the law of the sea regarding an international maritime highway open to the world. Supply shortages of oil and gas inflate costs and threaten global recession. Britain's dependency on oil and gas imports will be disastrous for the UK economy. I had a message from nephew Jules saying that Ireland is being hit hard by fuel shortages with price rises leading to protest from the farming community.

Trump's popularity is plummeting. Trump posted on his Truth Social platform 13 times from 9pm to 4:10am.  So he can't be getting much sleep. Is he losing the plot? He and his team had not thought through his coercive strategy in sufficient detail to yield positive results. Where will this lead?