Losing track

A warm and windy day under a thin layer of cloud. I slept well, over eight hours and don't understand why I was left feeling drowsy. We went to the Eucharist at St Catherine's after breakfast. Yesterday's Summer Fayre raised over three thousand pounds we were told, and the turnout was remarkably good, helped by the fine weather. A young girl about eleven years old read the Epistle, a difficult passage to make sense of, from St Paul's letter to the Romans. She did well, and despite stumbling on one really tricky sentence, she stopped and corrected herself without faltering. I was impressed, and told her so over coffee afterwards.

A quick visit to the Co-op for wine and kefir on the way home, then we had tasty filleted sardines poached with a little olive oil for lunch. I couldn't shake off the drowsiness and dozed in my armchair for half an hour while my smart watch charged. When I went out for a walk I forgot to put the watch back on and had to resort to my phone's pedometer app to check how far I walked. I try to cover five miles each day to make sure I make the physical effort on those days when my leg muscles are tired and stiff or drowsiness and lethargy deprive me of motivation to exercise. I walked in Llandaff Fields and in Thompson's Park with a tea break in between. I know how much I need to keep moving for the good of my heart and physical mobility. It's hard to get back if you lose the habit.

After supper, my head cleared sufficiently enough to read another chapter from 'El Amor in los Tiempos del Colera'. It's slow going. Sometimes I need to savour the humour and insight of Gabriel Garcia's Marquez writing, looking up as few as possible words I don't know. I'd rather do that than buy an English translation. This way it's more of a voyage of discovery.

Another anniversary day to recall

A warm day 21C with a breeze from the west driving clouds across the sky. Shoulder pain robbed me of an hour's sleep again. Despite the heat I don't sweat enough during the day to reduce the frequency of having to get up to empty my bladder. I long for a really decent night of uninterrupted sleep. 

It's Kath and Anto's 34th wedding anniversary today. Lovely memories of a big family gathering in Pontyclun. It was the first time a video of such a family occasion was made by Brian the husband of my cousin Ros. It wasn't long before Clare's mother died in that year when we moved to Geneva. How few of the people in that video are still alive. I found the digital album of photos taken with my old Praktika SLR camera. Lovely photos showing how sharp photos taken with a post war Zeiss lens and Kodak Ektachrome film could be.

Niece Veronica posted video of a wildfire in her district of Catalunya. A concert performance her choir was about to give had to be cancelled, along with the meal for a hundred to follow. Bomberós crews fighting the fire benefited from the banquet instead. A nice touch.

It's St Catherine's Summer Fayre today. Clare baked a fruit loaf and a cake yesterday, and took them down to church before lunch. We went to the Fayre mid afternoon. The church grounds were busy, noisy with kids being entertained, a good atmosphere. I wasn't best equipped to enjoy the event as brain fatigue sensitized me to the chaos of sound and movement and stressed me out, so I went home and tried to rest. Later I walked in the quiet of Llandaff Fields and tried to clear my foggy brain with little success. 

We had a chat with Rachel after supper, which cheered us up. I made a video slideshow for next Wednesday's Morning Prayer and uploaded to YouTube, then got ready for bed, hoping for a better night. 

Schism

Cloudy and mild to start the day, but a warm wind blew away the clouds and sent the temperature up to 23C. It wasn't humid overnight. I slept quite well and woke up with a clear head. If only I could succeed in getting a succession of good nights of sleep I think it would boost my recovery. Often I feel as if I'm at a standstill just treading water but not sinking so to speak. Having said that, others say they notice an improvement in me. It's a battle against physical and mental tiredness. Making sure not to skimp on sleep time and quality is vital.

Yesterday the Vatican declared the traditionalist Catholic faction known as the Society of St Pius the tenth (aka SSPX) to be in schism and excommunicate for ordaining four bishops without papal mandate. Pope Leo appealed to the group not to do so for the sake of Christian unity, but they went ahead anyway. Based at Econe in the Swiss Valais, SSPX started as a fraternity of traditionalist clergy who opposed the liberal drift of second Vatican Council teachings, rejecting the Missa Normativa in favour of the old Tridentine Latin rite of Mass. 

Pope Benedict didn't suppress SSPX but made concessions to avoid schism, and appease conservative Catholics. Fifty years later, the traditionalist Bishops associated with SSPX are dying off. New bishops were needed to continue a mission extending beyond conservative clergy to a growing group of laity. Unilateral action by SSPX establishing independent leadership sets up a 'church within the church' an act of schism.  

It's interesting to note that Switzerland was one of the places where there was schism in reaction to the declaration of the dogma of Papal Infallibility in 1870, leading to the foundation of the Christian Catholic Church of Switzerland and the Old Catholic Church of the Utrecht Union. Both are strongly associated with the Anglican Communion. Conservative evangelicals within Anglicanism, having taken a strong position against liberal theology, oppose gay marriage and women's ordination, some of them siding with Anglo-Catholic traditionalists, but for different reasons. Maybe schismatic moves are inevitable on the long term journey of Christians learning to live together with differences in a world whose agenda is different from how it was in centuries past. Adherence to religious faith and support for historic institutional churches continues to decline. Is this exacerbated by lack of unity and consensus in witness and mission? At least Christians aren't persecuting each other under state patronage any longer, with a few exceptions maybe. 

Christian factions today may or may not discuss their differences in a way that commends faith to others. Seekers after a life of faith may fail to find the discussion relevant, meaningful or attractive. Our world is going through a huge phase of cultural upheaval, questioning and redefining meaning and purpose in all kinds of ways. Can Churches and interpreters of Christianity engage constructively in dialogue in this secular materialistic ethos, and move beyond talking among themselves about things that are of little concern to others? 

Clare cooked tagliatelli with a veggie sugo for lunch. I don't know why, but I started to feel tired after the meal and slept for half an hour. It didn't do me much good however. When I walked to the Post Office to bank a cheque I felt a bit unsteady. My balance and strength were OK but my legs felt wobbly, as if I was close to the end of a long distance run. I sat down to rest and dozed off for another twenty minutes. I've been sleepy headed all day for no reason I can understand. It's perplexing and frustrating.

After supper, I watched another couple of episodes of 'Panda', uninspiring detective romantic comedy fiction. Then bed. 

Inconvenient shopping

A warm day with a blue sky. I didn't sleep well as my strained right shoulder was painful when I moved in bed, disturbing my rest. At least my head was clear. I had a dental appointment at ten, and took a taxi to get to Llandaff North as I wasn't prepared to rely on buses. The taxi deposited me at the dental practice in good time, and I was seen immediately. I had to report to the dentist about my stroke medication. Apart from de-scaling, my teeth didn't require any other attention. I didn't have to wait long for a bus to take me to Llandaff Fields, but it took me twice as long for the return trip, as temporary traffic signals were in use adding to rush hour congestion. 

Owain returned to Bristol shortly after I returned, needing to make the most of his few remaining days of leave. It's pleasing to see him in good form at the moment, enjoying his job and success with his techno record label. He's involved with his apartment block tenants association in a technically difficult to navigate situation regarding property management. His analytic skills acquired as a civil servant are proving useful, and giving him confidence in supporting a tenants' initiative. I'm proud of him.

Clare cooked a chick pea curry for lunch. I went to Tesco's afterwards to buy a few items on her shopping list. She wanted some baking powder, and although she showed me the empty container, it was a challenge to locate it on the 'Baking' supplies shelf. Sometimes I have difficulty identifying products if shelf position or label design has changed. If I've seen something I usually remember it. Today I came across a printed label on a shelf, but no baking powder visible behind it just a space which looked empty but wasn't in fact. The cardboard tray holding half a dozen packs appeared empty until I bent down and peered into the void behind the label. The sole remaining pack was there, right at the back of the shelf, and I had to pull out the almost empty tray to retrieve the remaining one. 

Little details of stock shelf management like this can add to the frustration of shopping, especially if you're visually impaired or have problems bending down to look. I've had similar issues in small Co-op stores where products are packed on shelves at levels that make it difficult to identify what you're searching for, due to the way they are arranged. It must be hard for wheel chair or buggy users to go shopping. People have to stand and stare, maybe bend down and block aisles that are too narrow. It's not a spacious big supermarket issue, but a disadvantage of mini-markets and convenience stores.

I walked in Llandaff Fields for an hour before supper and afterwards watched the last couple of episodes of 'Blanca'. An interesting idea, to have a blind police woman with extraordinary skills in listening and detecting what is happening. The background story however, was convoluted, increasingly melodramatic adding nothing of real interest to the story of a highly functional disabled woman in an all male workplace. The acting was wooden, more an exercise in posing before the camera in scenic settings with anguished faces. It was followed by the first ever episode of 'Astrid - Murder in Paris'. Oh no, not again! It must be time for bed. 

Birthday visit

A warm day, clouds and sunshine. I woke up in time to hear 'Thought for the Day', then posted today's link to my YouTube Morning Prayer video on the Parish WhatsApp prayer thread. It's Owain's 48th birthday today so I sang 'Happy Birthday' to him on WhatsApp. Another night of broken sleep left me feeling half awake and unwell with a foggy head. It was an effort to get myself to the Eucharist at Saint Catherine's after breakfast. There were six of us today. 

When I got home I cooked rice, butternut squash and carrots with mackerel for lunch, then I walked to Parkwood Clinic for acupuncture with Peter which cleared the brain fog, but didn't entirely disperse that 'toxic head' sensation. I've no idea what I do differently to cause me to have such bad days when I'm getting plenty of rest, if not proper sleep.

Owain arrived at tea time to spend his birthday and stop with us overnight. Clare produced a surprise candle bedecked chocolate cake and a glass of Cava to welcome him. Later, we went out to supper at Stefano's. Owain watched World Cup football on the Chromebook until he started to fall asleep. Then it was time for bed for all of us. 

Reflecting

Cloudy and humid at 20C today with the promise of rain. I hung a load of washing in the bathroom after breakfast, but rain didn't arrive until after lunch. I had a good night's sleep and started the day with a clear head. After taking the clot dispersal medication I noticed the light headed sensation develop. I previously associated this with tiredness or a clash with other medications. I think it's due to the impact of the slow release capsules on my stomach whether I've eaten or not.

Clare went by taxi to her study group in Penarth. With the house to myself, I recorded and edited Morning Prayer and Reflection for the week after next. It was impossible to escape intrusive background noise from vehicles in the street and banging from a loft conversion job going on a couple of doors away. This seems to have been going on daily for several weeks now. Audacity's noise reduction filters reduce some but not all of the background noise, unless you're an expert user, which I'm not, but I have found a way to remove the worst of it.

When Clare returned, she cooked a fish pie for lunch and then went out to a meditation group. I continued with the essay I started yesterday, then walked for an hour and a half before supper, finished writing it afterwards and sent a copy to Ali Gray. Goodness, that day passed quickly, it's sunset already.

A lifetime perspective on the environment

Cool and cloudy this morning. I slept fairly well though not well enough for me to feel clear headed when I got up. The irritating effect of clot dispersal medication on my bladder and bowels was worse than usual. It may be to do with a change in the rate at which blood cells disperse from the occipital lobe clot, due to heat or variation in blood pressure. The medication reacts to prevent these stray cells from degrading blood circulation. There may be no way to avoid the mildly toxic side effects which slow me down and take half a day to clear from my head.

I had a phone call after breakfast from one of the Stroke Association support team to inquire how I'd been during the red alert hot days. We discussed an assortment of matters relating to life in the aftermath of a stroke and reflected together on them. She thinks I've made progress in coming to terms with life that has a different set of limitations. It hasn't stopped me from being impatient with myself and constantly feeling that I'm running out of time to set my life in order. It's a side effect of running out of control I guess.

America and Iran keep exchanging strikes in the Straight of Hormuz. The number of ships passing through went down from seventy to forty one over the weekend. Truce talks are said to be continuing as the agreed Memorandum of Understanding contains a detailed agenda of issues on which negotiation between Iran and America is required. A change of location for the talks from Switzerland to Oman was announced by America stating it was at Iran's request. This was disavowed by Iran. American and Lebanese armies have agreed to work together to disarm Hezbollah in Israeli occupied south Lebanon. it's a precondition of Israeli withdrawal. This move has been denounced by Sunni Lebanese as a surrender to Israeli and American demands. No alternative proposal is offered to end the occupation or reunite the country.

Clare went shopping this morning and I attempted to finish a brief autobiographical essay I'm writing on the environmental legacy of the coal mining industry, I grew up with, and what this has to teach us. She called me when she was on her way back, giving me an opportunity to cook veggies for lunch so the fresh hake from Ashton's she brought home with her could be poached swiftly in olive oil to complete the meal with perfect timing.

I found walking was an effort when I went out to the park mid afternoon, my legs were stiff and tired and took a long time to warm up. I didn't push myself hard and wasn't breathless, but I needed to stop and sit on a park bench until the resistance in my muscles subsided. I may not be getting enough physical rest at night to recover from the previous day's activity. I'm not sure what to do about this. I'll talk to Peter about it at this week's acupuncture appointment.

I spent the evening checking and adding to the essay I started yesterday, reflecting on the destructive impact on the planet of industrialised mineral extraction. A slow job. It was dark by the time I finished, and definitely time for bed.