Remembering my father's passing

A refreshing night's sleep, waking to a clear sky and bright sunshine for breakfast pancakes which Clare had cooked by the time I got up. I had a dream in which I was being recruited to join a ministry team at a church in Cardiff which I didn't recognise from the image of it the dream presented. I appreciated the fact the team was interested in having me join them and dreamt I was fit and well enough, but had misgivings I couldn't identify about doing so. Does this echo the feeling that I now miss being an active contributor to the life of the church, since I had to discontinue taking services and offering weekly Morning Prayer and Reflection a month ago? 

The house needed cleaning, as Jorja wasn't able to come and clean for us this week. Having hoovered down stairs I put the batter on charge and detached the dust container for emptying. When I came to re-attach it, I couldn't work out how to do it. It's something I've done many times automatically, relying on visual and body memory. I needed Clare's help to do this. This is symptomatic of the way the medication is messing with my head, slowing down or disrupting completely habitual connections the brain makes.  It was most distressing and frustrating.

We drank our morning coffee sitting in the garden under the sunshade, watching bees and other insects visit the Potentilla bush, covered with scores of small yellow flowers - a reassuring sight. A gentle cooling breeze prevented the garden from being too hot for comfort.

At lunchtime, Clare cooked rice and ratatouille with added smoked salmon for flavour. Then we walked to the Summerhouse café in Bute Park for a cup of tea. The waters of the Taff are low due to the drought, exposing rocks in the river bed and pebble beaches seldom seen. I wonder how the river salmon will fare?

On returning home, I had enough energy and clarity to transcribe a few more pages of my 1974 Ulster travel diary. It records that my father and I talked on the phone on the 19th August, the night before he was due to go into the Heath hospital for the fitting of a pacemaker following a heart attack months earlier. He had another heart attack that night and was taken into intensive care in Llandough hospital where he died on the 25th.  The root cause, an untreated strangulated hernia, very much an industrial injury from a physically tough life for a skilled man. His expertise was working with steel haulage ropes, on which he wrote a technical book and had it published. A remarkable feat for a man who left school literate and numerate at fourteen, and illustrated the book with his own detailed drawings.

My journal detail is vague at this point but suggests we started for home a few days early due to his illness. June was there with him to the end. It wasn't easy to stay in touch with her for updates in those days, long before mobile phones. It all happened too quickly to say goodbye at such a distance, but I remember that he was apprehensive about surgery when we talked on the phone for the last time, fifty two years ago. He met his grand daughters, Kath and Rachel, but Owain, also named John after him, he never knew for he was born four years after his death.

Toxic legacy

On one of the half a dozen occasions I woke up I'd been dreaming of skiing confidently down a long slope on short Alpine skis without using poles, the way you often see young children doing. Something I was never able to do back in the day. It was an unexpected moment of delight in the middle of the night. Then I woke up early and couldn't get back to finish sleeping as much as I needed. I had to make up for it by going back to bed for an hour after breakfast. The medication has caused me to feel drowsy and unwell for most of the day. I feel as if I'm sleepwalking. It's most unpleasant. Is this something to do with the drugs doing their clot dispersal job?

We had trout for lunch filleted in such a way that initially I thought it was a piece of salmon, but it could be something to do with the effect on the medication on my perception. My ability to rely on memory is undermined, not by totally forgetting, but by my slowness of recall. The afternoon was cloudy with brief spells of drizzle, pleasantly cool. After we'd eaten I went to Tesco's to withdraw cash from their ATM and buy some mushrooms. Then I walked up and down Llandaff Fields for an hour, and again for a short while after supper, contending with ankle joint pain which occurs if my leg muscles aren't warmed up enough. 

We watched the second part of Michael Sheen's documentary 'Buried' about the scandalous dumping of toxic PCB chemicals, exposing publicly and formally the seriousness of contamination with a presentation made at a meeting in the Senedd. The appeal for urgent action has been made, but responses from public authorities have been lukewarm and evasive to say the least, so things are likely to get worse. Monsanto Chemicals whose dumped toxic products are the source of the problem, have yet to be called to account and made to pay for clearing up the environment affected by chemical leaks. I hope the airing of this most serious issue will lead to a government response and action. The entry of PCBs into the food chain and in all our bodies is a threat to the health and welfare of all inhabitants and to wildlife. 

On a more cheering note, after this we watched another fascinating edition of 'Fake or Fortune' about the authentication of a couple of sketchbooks filled with drawings and water colours by the young Henri Toulouse-Lautrec. It was partly in French, which made it even more enjoyable to end the evening.

Blocked

I thought I'd have to go out and buy a new fitbit today, but when I woke up at half past seven and picked it up, I found that it had rebooted overnight. The clock time was out by fifteen minutes, but corrected itself once it synced with my phone after switching it on. Such odd behaviour. At least I had what felt like a decent night's sleep, but the benefit of that was short lived. After taking my morning meds the drowsiness and sensation of faintness returned to ruin the day yet again, no matter what I do to mitigate the impact of this drug on my digestive system and brain.

Lucy Winkett's 'Thought for the Day' was about the evil of modern slavery. She started by telling the story of 18th century abolitionist  Ottobah Cugoano, kidnapped as a child at play in Ghana, trafficked to Grenada to be a slave exploited on a sugar plantation, then bought by an English merchant who brought him to England where eventually he gained his freedom, learned to read and write, and published a book witnessing to his experience of slavery, and advocating an end to the slave trade. He joined with his friend, Olaudah Equiano, another freed slave, to campaign for abolition. He began in England by seeking baptism, having understood the Gospel truth that all people are equal in the body of Christ. It gave him confidence to make the case against slavery and people trafficking in a way that reached the hearts and minds of those whose decisions could make a difference by changing the law and setting people free. Two centuries later we're still working at genuine equality for all God's children. Society is still overshadowed by the spectre of racism in different guises.

Mid morning, Clare discovered the kitchen drain was blocked with clumps of congealed and solidified fat and heaven knows what else underground. This happened before - three years ago. Then I was able to clear the blockage after opening up the sewer cover. This time I couldn't. We no longer have suitable tools to open the hatch. There was nothing we could do, apart from calling out a drain clearance service to deal with it. I find it humiliating, being helpless in the face of problems I once took in my stride. Despite the drain crisis, Clare went ahead with cooking a veggie pasta lunch which included freshly picked runner beans from Linda's garden.

At two thirty a woman from SR Drainage arrived in a van equipped with suitable unblocking tools and a device with a video camera and light at the end of a long cable attached to a rugged laptop console. This made it possible to see inside the drain past the choke point, using florescent dyes and record the water flow. The blockage occurred in the opposite direction to the kitchen sink drain to the one I presupposed. Water from upstairs at the back side of the house flows beneath the house and out into the street. I guess the cause of this was the amount of toilet paper I used when I had my last nose bleed. If there's a next time it must go in a bin, not down the toilet.

I walked for an hour in Llandaff Fields at tea time. There was a fresh westerly breeze blowing occasional light showers, but fortunately it stayed dry while I was out.

I had a message from Rachel announcing that today is Jasmine's first day at University in Phoenix. Both grand daughters are now undergraduates! Amazing how time flies.

Trump has announced a campaign of 'economic warfare' against Iran threatening to punish any company that trades with the regime. It's a tacit recognition that America has failed to subdue Iran and take control of the Straight of Hormuz, despite all the aggressive rhetoric of the past few months. His popularity keeps declining along with Republican prospects in the mid term elections.

Trump's excuse for persisting with warmongering is the intention to deprive Iran of the ability to make nuclear weapons. It suggests US intelligence cannot be certain if strikes on Iranian nuclear facilities have been sufficiently successful in destroying the industrial capacity required. And there's the matter of the stockpile of enriched uranium still held by Iran despite the past three months of unfruitful truce negotiations. Is there any prospect of peace in the Middle East until Trump and Netanyahu are voted out of office and replaced by leaders with wisdom and respect for their adversaries not just hatred and contempt?

It rained during supper time and stopped as the sun set, so I went out and walked the streets for half an hour in cool fresh air. The sky was overcast, dusk seemed to arrive unexpectedly.  Leaves dried out by heat and lack of rain are falling early, carpeting grass with golden brown leaves. The rain of recent days has brought back some hint of green to parched turf. A hint of autumn and longer nights to come. Early bed tonight.

Acupuncture to the rescue

Rain again in the night, but the sun shone through parting clouds by the time I got up after a fair night's sleep. My head was clear and my senses sharp to start with, but the meds had their usual toxic effect which I will never get used to. At the Eucharist at St Catherine's with nine others, I found it hard to concentrate and engage. Over coffee afterwards Sue noticed and asked me if I was all right. I had to admit I was in a drugged stupor, hearing everything but finding it hard to engage and respond. 

Afterwards, I went across the road to the GP surgery for the phlebotomist to take blood for testing after last week's failed attempt to extract any from me. OK this time. I cooked rice with prawns and veg for lunch, then walked to Parkwood clinic for an acupuncture appointment. It was certainly effective. I felt as if an invisible wrapping had been removed from me, restoring my senses and sensitivity, although my head still wasn't clear. I walked home in a tired way, without a spring in my step, but feeling better nevertheless.

After supper, I walked up and down Llandaff Fields and got caught in a shower of light rain. It was quite a pleasant experience. Then we watched a documentary about the scandal of PCB pollution and high level cover up of the ever present danger of carcinogenic chemicals dumped by Monsanto Chemicals in the soil at different sites around the country, including a couple of sites in the South Wales valleys. It was presented by actor Michael Sheen, who got to know whistleblower Douglas Gowan before his death and filmed an interview with him. Very disturbing watching.

I put my fitbit on charge before getting ready for bed. When I came to check it had charged I found that it was dead after only three years in daily use.

Escalation resumes

I woke up in the night and heard the sound of rainwater dripping from the gutter outside my window. Even so, I had a good night's sleep - not quite refreshing as it took me a while to chase away sleepiness when I got up. As part of breakfast I had a slice of bread covered in olive oil, mixed with cayenne pepper to stimulate my digestion, faced with the assault on my stomach of the medication. If this reduced the impairment of my senses and slowness of reactions, I might be able to concentrate better and be more confident in getting on with everyday life.

The morning sky was full of clouds on the move, so more rain is likely. The official drought has lasted three weeks after a longer dry spell, before summer heatwaves dried vegetation to the point that it easily catches fire. Hopefully there won't be monsoon like cloudbursts that dry ground cannot absorb, causing flash floods. 

Yesterday the sixty day period of negotiation between America and Iran expired without agreement being reached. Trump is demanding surrender. Iran has closed the Straight of Hormuz until the US lifts its naval blockade of Iranian ports, releases Iranian frozen assets and stops military threats. Trump has threatened to bomb US ally Oman if it gets in the way of American efforts to dominate the Straight of Hormuz. Oman recently helped to facilitate a safe passage for shipping through the Straight. What does Trump hope to achieve by his unpredictable coercive behaviour, especially as American polls show his approval rating is low? The conflict is escalating again. The price of oil has gone up again and America will suffer economically. American stocks of armaments are running low, and Iran still hasn't relinquished control of its geographically strategic waterway. What will happen in the mid-term congressional elections if the Republicans lose control in both Houses?

The US backed Gaza peace plan depends on the disarmament of Hamas, the withdrawal of Israeli troops and the rebuilding of Gaza under a new Palestinian civil administration, but Netanyahu obstructs progress, distrusting Hamas to honour any peace deal. Israel is now attacking Syrian targets as well. Is Netanyahu advertising his independent and belligerent stance with forthcoming elections in mind? 

I started thinking about the time I spent in Jerusalem back in 2000, wondering what happened to any writing I did when I was there. I can't remember what sort of record I made or in what format. In a digital archive of the year 2000 I found a copy of an email written as I was about to return from Jerusalem which sums up and reflects on the experience. If there's more, I have yet to locate it.

After lunch and a rest, I went to Tesco's and bought a packet of cayenne pepper, as I used up the remainder of a small spice jar at breakfast this morning. The piano tuner was in session when I got home, so I went out again and walked up and down Llandaff Fields until supper time to complete my daily distance.

We watched another intriguing episode of 'Fake or Fortune' again after supper. It was about identifying a sixteenth century Venetian depiction of the pieta which had been hanging in Tunstall Parish church in  rural Lancashire for two centuries. Cleaning and restoration of the painting revealed its history and led to its attribution in another amazing piece of historical detective work to Francesco Montemezzano of the school of Tintoretto. It's now valued at £100,000. I imagine this must add considerably to the cost of church security and insurance. Glad I don't have to worry about things like that any more.

Cayenne

After a good night's sleep, I woke up to an overcast sky. A cooling breeze from the north and west brings with it the prospect of much needed rain. It's been a very demanding weekend for firefighters bringing wildfires under control across the heights of the South Wales coalfield plateau through which the Valleys were carved by the Ice Age. Seeing fires rage on hilltops above towns and villages must be a terrifying experience. A change of wind direction has driven the stench from fires north of Cardiff in an easterly direction. Even if rain is plentiful when it arrives, it will take time to extinguish upland peat fires kindled by vegetation burning above ground. The emergency services teamwork response to this widespread major incident has been brilliant, admirable.

Rachel sent me a link to a short YouTube video recommending the medicinal use of cayenne pepper in small doses to stimulate blood circulation and promote wound healing. It sounded quirky, but it made me wonder if it would help me, given that some of the side effects of the medication I'm taking is to upset my stomach and give me a mild headache. The medication was already having its negative effect, making me drowsy and faint if not dizzy. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, I thought, and took a pinch of cayenne. It must work on the stomach, as it dispersed the drowsiness and left me feeling to some extent, less worse.

We shared the cooking of lunch. I went to bed and slept for an hour afterwards, then we walked up to the Padel courts and had a cup of tea in the Square and Fair cafe next door. 

An email arrived from Alan Stott to say they'd been spared the wildfire in Stourbridge, although it broke out in a coppice not far from where he lives. He thought it was a bonfire when it started, he said.

I went out again after supper and walked up and down Llandaff Fields to complete my daily distance. I drizzled olive oil on a slice of Clare's bread and mixed some cayenne pepper into it, for an experiment. It tasted quite pleasant. Maybe I haven't been so drowsy today, but the mild background headache hasn't gone away. 

Gracelands album celebrated

A warm sunny day, following quite a good refreshing night's sleep, not that the feeling lasted long. Once I took the medication I felt the usual sensation of faintness and drowsiness combined, making everything an effort. Thankfully it doesn't affect my breathing or my heart, I just feel unwell. We went to the Eucharist at St Catherine's after breakfast with about three dozen others. Sadly attendance is low in school holidays. 

As well as selling produce from the church garden after the service, Hilary has been busy making chutney and grape jelly - the grapes are from a vine in the garden of the Robin Hood pub which backs on to the church garden. Clare bought a jar of the grape jelly. Now we have to decide which cheese meat or fish goes best with it.

We had cold cooked trout for lunch. Afterwards, I slept for an hour afterwards, then walked in Llandaff Fields until tea time. The sky was clouding over and the air cooler, but it will be several days more before there's any prospect of the drought ending. Soldiers are supporting firefighters in bringing wildfires under control in 14 places across Wales. There was a huge wildfire in Stourbridge yesterday destroying several homes. Our friends Alan and Marin live there. I sent them a message of concern and had no reply. The phone line was busy when I called. I hope they're safe.

Another short walk after supper to clear my head. The setting sun turned small fluffy clouds a salmon pink colour. Then I joined Clare watching the BBC Proms concert tribute to Paul Simon's 'Graceland' album, forty years after it was released, starring the Ladysmith Black Mamabaza choir and a couple of singers I hadn't heard of before. I had the impression the tempo at which upbeat songs were taken was faster than my musical memory recalled. Is it a reflection of an ageing 'stroke brain' I wonder? A wonderful concert.