Carten 100 challenge

I wish I could have slept for longer, as the after effect of running on adrenalin yesterday left me tired and struggling. Clare was up and active, keen to go out and explore after breakfast. Her uncertain memory and poor sense of direction meant she needed me to go with her. We walked down to the harbour, then up into the old town. 

A big black Americano at a bar in Sergeants' Lane revived me somewhat. It's a lively and busy area, with a few art galleries plus pubs and restaurants, including one belonging to the Tenby based Harbwr brewery. As I was taking photos of the street, a lad welcoming customers told me his uncle owned properties there. All are old buildings with different trade histories, sympathetically renovated and adapted for the purpose of hospitality - this perhaps explains why it works well, architecturally speaking. Clare has her eye on a harbour painting in one of the galleries! 

We visited Tesco's and an artisan bakery to shop for decent rye bread and ground coffee, then found a fish and chip restaurant for lunch before returning to Croft Court with me feeling desperately in need of a rest. I slept for an hour and a half, then went to Tesco's again to buy a few more food items we'd missed earlier. The trouble with a holiday letting is that you have to bring all your own food supplies with you - fine if you have a car - but buy everything you need from scratch if you prefer cooking for yourself, and that takes time.

As we walked to and from the shops this afternoon, we saw scores of cyclists passing by, all participants in the Carten 100 charity ride from Cardiff to Tenby. The finish line was down in the harbour, not that we were around when this happened, but apparently it is a popular public event. It's not a race but a hundred mile 'challenge' ride through the very varied coastal terrain of South Wales. A rather tough 'fun run' you might call it.

After supper, I went out for a breath of fresh air, walking uphill on the road above North Beach to where I could get a better view of the west facing bay with the town spread out on the promontory behind it, and took a few photos. Just after I returned the setting sun illuminated the crowds an unexpected bright pink colour. Cue for a few more photos! 

Disappointed at being unable to find decent marmalade in Tesco's, Clare took a lemon and cooked a small portion of marmalade with it. A treat for tomorrow's breakfast. Early bed for me tonight. Still tired from getting here and settling in yesterday.

Westbound to Tenby

I woke up early and couldn't get back to sleep. I got up, finished packing my bags and after breakfast went to the pharmacy to get the clot busting medication I failed to collect last night. Fortunately I didn't feel as bad as I thought I might, and dozed in my armchair until Ann arrived to hand over the keys and maps to take us to their Croft Court holiday apartment  in Tenby where we'll be spending the next two weeks. She drove us to the station for the 12.51 train. We took the lift from the car park down to the station entrance, only to learn that the train departs from Platform Zero, right next to the car park, so we had to get back in the lift and make our way through a tide of passengers leaving the train we were about to board. The train itself is one of a new fleet of Swiss Stadler FLIRT 756 tri-mode electric metro trains, being introduced to the South Wales rail network by Transport for Wales. 

These trains are equipped to run on lines not yet electrified, using battery or diesel power and look smart in bright red and pale grey livery. The rolling stock interior gives them a European feel to them with bright video screens displaying journey info, with slightly over-loud announcements in Welsh and English. It seems a bit strange to me, sitting on a train of this design and not hearing French, German or Spanish. The two and three quarter hour journey runs along the coast for half the journey. The leaves are out, as is the May blossom and views of the shoreline and tidal rivers glinting in the afternoon sun are wonderful. The train was full with uni students going home for the weekend I think. Ann gave us the number of a taxi firm, but making contact by mobile phone, even when attached to TFW wi-fi wasn't successful, so we dragged our cases along on the twenty minute walk from Tenby station to the Croft Court apartments overlooking the harbour, called 'Sandy Reach' except that the road along North Beach is flanked by tall trees, and we're staying at first floor level, with a lawn outside the lounge window. It's a sun trap with a resident blackbird foraging for worms and insects.

After depositing our cases and emptying our rucksacks, I added our various digital devices to the house wi-fi network, then we walked to Tesco's in the main street to stock up on basic food supplies. It was very crowded. For months I've had difficulty shopping in supermarkets with so much movement and visual stimulus causing my slow brain to feel overwhelmed. I made a shopping list but didn't need to use it, I found everything I needed from memory except Ryvita (none in stock, I was told). We both had heavy rucksacks walking back to Croft Court. Only when I stopped to reflect on all this did I realise that on this occasion I wasn't feeling overwhelmed. 

The first thing we had to do when we returned to Sandy Reach was to learn how to control the induction hob cooker. We both found its touch controls difficult to master,  but eventually I boiled some potatoes and cooked a sauce with carrots, fresh coriander and cannelli beans, to go with hake fillets which Clare fried perfectly. We used sesame seed oil, which Clare bought in Tesco's - a first for both of us and different in flavour from sunflower, rape seed and olive oil.

It was dusk by the time we'd eaten supper. We didn't go out again but spent the rest of the evening relaxing settling in and starting to feel physically tired, but thankfully not overwhelmed by the varied stimuli of a day of change on the move.

Talking of change, the Senedd's First Minister Eluned Morgan lost her seat in yesterday's elections. Plaid Cymru is now the majority party in Wales, and across Britain, Conservative, Labour and Liberal parties have been swept aside by Reform voters. Heaven help us. 

Getting ready to go

Another night of broken sleep punctuated by worries about sorting out medication before we go away, but waking up to sunshine and hazy blue sky. I went to the surgery after breakfast feeling somewhat worse for wear, as if I'd just been rudely awakened from deep sleep, though I'd been up for a couple of hours already. I explained to the receptionist in a less than coherent way the problem I was having with the timing of my prescription repeat, and she kindly went on the prescription website and dealt with the matter immediately. All I need to do now is return to the pharmacy opposite the surgery at the end of today to collect it, then my most immediate worry will be over.

I went to the pharmacy immediately to get throat sweets and soluble aspirin for Clare and was told they had none in stock. Thankfully I was able to buy some at 'Savers' drugstore on Cowbridge Road. Not only was my brain lethargic, but my legs were stiff, slow to warm up. While I was out Clare cooked a pasta dish for lunch. After we'd eaten I went into town on the 61 bus, to book train tickets for our Tenby trip. This involved renewing my rail card at a cost of thirty five quid, a third of the cost of the return journey for both of us.

After returning home, I was rather slow to remember that I needed to pick up my prescription from the pharmacy. Too slow in fact. I walked as fast as I could but arrived at half past five to find the lights were out and the front door locked. Previously I've had to wait for a particular ordered item to arrive. I don't know if this might be the case again. If so, it'll mean I can't leave for Tenby as planned tomorrow. I don't need any more uncertainty, worry and lost sleep. Life seems to slip out of control easily when my ability to concentrate fails and disrupts the coherence of my memory and my mind goes blank. Mental fatigue and stress leave me feeling so vulnerable, especially in public. It's just as well my core strength is still good.

Packing holiday travel bags after supper this evening. Not an easy job - clothes, tech' gear, medical stuff, a few books. Collecting stuff needed, packing and checking everything with a slow brain, not very good at dealing with complexity - it's an ordeal nowadays. I went out and walked for twenty minutes as it was getting dark, to clear my head. It promises to become warmer this week. Bed early tonight, hoping for as much good sleep as I can get.

Medication muddle

Slightly warmer today, mostly sunny with fewer clouds moving around in the sky. I was awake worrying about changing my survival routine when we go to Tenby but didn't surface from sleep until after nine. My head was clear, but my brain was half asleep and slow to get going. It meant I was late starting out for the Eucharist at St Catherine's, and I arrived just in time for the Gospel. There were nine of us this morning. Jeremy our ordinand on placement gave a brief homily. I was pleased to see him, as I remembered to take with me Hans Kung's master work on Islam, which I promised to give him. As we're away for the next fortnight, I'll miss his farewell to the Parish.

After coffee and chat, I went to the Coop on my way home to buy veggies and cough mixture for Clare, who sent me a text message while I was in church. I returned from shopping and cooked our lunch, then completed recording and editing Morning Prayer audio made the video slideshow and uploaded it for two weeks time. Now I won't have to prepare anything more until we return home from Tenby. It wasn't easy or straightforward. My thought processes were much slower. 

Ashley called me and we chatted for an hour while I was working. The break in my workflow and poor concentration made it difficult to pick up where I left off. It affected my memory badly as well. I was minded to check I have enough medication to cover the period when I'm away. Just as well I did. I'm a couple of days short of having enough to cover the full period, and not enough time to re-order, as repeat prescription processing takes a week. It's only the clot dispersal medication I'm lacking. I'll have to visit the pharmacy tomorrow to find out what I can do about this. Otherwise, I'll have to return home to collect mid-holiday or leave Tenby a few days early, just before I run out. I don't want to take the risk of running out. I wonder if this is what I've been worrying about unconsciously  during the past few nights of lost sleep.

My head began to clear after supper, so I went out and walked briskly for an hour as it was getting dark. I met Roger and Keith in Llandaff Fields, the first time on my way up. I overtook them on the way down, as they were walking at a slower pace, eliciting a comment from Keith about how fast I was. Normally when I walk briskly I'm the one that gets overtaken by everyone else between the ages of thirteen and sixty! I'm just grateful that I'm walking briskly most of the time without getting breathless. If I need to stop, it's not to catch my breath but to ease stiff legs by letting the blood circulate through relaxed muscles.

While the US blockades Iranian ports, America is depriving Iran of revenue to sustain the war. Cease-fire talks continue. No wonder there is talk of 'progress'. Trump has ordered an armed escort for commercial shipping, forcing a passage through the Straight of Hormuz, closed by Iran. Fifteen hundred ships are trapped there.  Attacks on departing ships were successfully repelled. The next day, this military operation is halted. Peace talks continue. I imagine America has proved what it can do, albeit at great risk, and also great expense. Some military commentators are observing that US weapon stocks are being used faster than they can be replaced, creating such a vulnerability with Russia watching with interest. Despite the cease-fire talks between Israel and Lebanon, Israel continues to attack Lebanese territory in its effort to root out Hezbollah militias. Will the pressure on Iran lead to withdrawal of its background support for Hezbollah? Israel's flagrant disregard for Lebanese territory and its Arab population could make it harder to dislodge embedded Hezbollah fighters. Israel is doing itself no favour with its treatment of Lebanon. The same is true with Gaza too. It merely perpetuates mutual hatred on the ground, and indignation far and wide.

The ethics of diagnosis

Mild air and cloudy sky, but not overcast this morning. I went to bed too late last night, pursuing a line of thought to conclusion in writing a reflection. I woke up feeling clear and sharp from an average night's sleep, but was light headed after breakfast, and before taking all my meds. Serves me right for lacking discipline about stopping work and relaxing late in the evening when it's nearly bed time. I felt lethargic and didn't do much all morning apart from writing Sara a long email, and reading the first fifty pages of the book, evaluating the impact modern medical diagnosis, which Ann sent me.

Clare has developed a cold and didn't go to here study group in Penarth this morning. After cooking fish pie for lunch, she went to bed and slept for a couple of hours. I walked in Llandaff and Pontcanna Fields in the afternoon. One of the chestnut trees which doesn't bear conkers in the autumn is in full bloom with red flowers, a striking difference to all the others with their white 'candle' blossoms. The horse paddock behind the stables that stretches all the way down to the river bank is covered in a carpet of buttercups and daisies at the moment, a spectacular sight in the sunshine.

Much to my surprise, this evening's episode of 'The Archers' was about DNA testing that can reveal if a person carrying it is likely to develop cancer. This was what I was reading about this morning, with reference to diagnosing Huntington's Disease, and the ethical question of whether or not to inform family members about the findings, whether or not it's necessary to know, and what impact knowing will have of quality of life. Such a coincidence! Is this Art imitating Life? As Ann said when I told her. We chatted with Owain on WhatsApp after supper. He's got a gig in Cardiff next weekend. Such a pity we'll be in Tenby and won't be able to enjoy his company.

My memory and concentration has been particularly sluggish today. It's most frustrating. I've not been able to do much. I think, I hope it's just accumulated brain fatigue.

Inconvenience store

 I woke up to an overcast sky, quite clear headed for a change, but my brain seemed to become overcast as a result of the medication, leaving me with erratic concentration. I spent the morning combining the five Adventures of Reggie Rabbit stories into a fifty page text. The task was frustratingly difficult. It was if my memory was only working intermittently. 

Clare went shopping for veggies after breakfast, only to find the greengrocers' shops were shut. Neither of us remembered it was Spring Bank Holiday. I cooked curried lentils for lunch, with broccoli, baby corn cobs and carrots. An interesting combination, not too starchy.

After we'd eaten I went to the Pontcanna Street Co-op to stock up on a few essentials. It's not an easy shop to navigate, as the aisles are narrow and signage is poor. It was busy, as it was one of the few food stores open on a Bank Holiday. It was crowded, making navigation difficult to different shelves, not all of them well lit. I couldn't stand back far enough with my impaired vision to survey shelves crammed with an arrangement of products not well displayed. As a result it takes longer to find everything on the shopping list, so the turnover of shoppers is that much slower. The only alternative is to walk the extra mile to a larger store, but that's not always convenient.

Later, I walked to Thompson's Park, where I was hailed by Andrew and Martin. I've not seen them since Andrew started his ordination training at St Padarn's.. He's on pastoral placement this year at St Theodore's Port Talbot, loving it and its parishioners. It's an example of a deep rooted urban industrial community that is more  like a village where everyone knows everyone else, and takes an interest in each other. It's an impoverished area with steel production shut down, pending the construction of new electric arc blast furnaces, leading to many redundancies ad interim. Nevertheless, it's a community rich in its relationships, gifted people and characters with a passion for making something good in time of adversity.

After a circuit of the park, noting the increase of noisy green parakeet activity, I walked over to Llandaff Fields and did a circuit there before returning home in time to get the table ready for supper. My head had just about cleared by then, I was surprised at how little traffic there was on the roads. The parks weren't busy either. Did this mean there was an exodus to the coast? Without the convenience of a car, getting to the seaside by public transport takes time and planning. Alas the limitations of age and infirmity!

Worries

It's warmer today, sunshine and clouds but no rain. I was awake for over an hour in the night, worrying  about how I'm going to cope on our fortnight's holiday in Tenby next week. My head is clearer, but the combined effect of the meds often blunts my senses and leaves me feeling less alert. I'm not sure how well I'll cope with the stimulus of a change of environment and routine. My memory works but sometimes it's slow and my concentration lapses if I'm distracted. Am I going to feel out of control in a place I remember well in general, but am unfamiliar with in detail? Am I going to be at risk of an accident? These thoughts go through my head when discomfort in my bladder and intestines wake me up at four in the morning.

We went to the Parish Eucharist at Saint Catherine's after breakfast. There were about forty of us present and half a dozen children. Next week is ordinand Jeremy's last week with us on placement. I promised him some books. As I forgot to take them with me today, I must take them with me to Mass on Wednesday for him to collect next week. We didn't stop for coffee and chat after the service but came straight home. I lost sight of Clare in the street outside. I waited for her outside the Co-op but couldn't see her anywhere, so I walked home on my own. I can imagine this happening when we're in Tenby after a concentration lapse on my part. 

After lunch I slept for an hour in my armchair, and then went for walk along the Taff in Pontcanna Fields. I got a photo of a female cormorant in breeding plumage, standing on a rock in the river stretching her neck upwards to the sun, and another of a pair of mallards swimming down river with a brood of six ducklings, almost fully fledged. This year I missed seeing the newly hatched yellow fluffy offspring altogether. I suppose that reflects a change in my habitual walking routes since I started recovering from the stroke. I don't walk as often along the river these days.

I made the Rogationtide Morning Prayer video slide show and uploaded it to YouTube before supper, and watched a new episode of 'Panda' after we'd eaten, while Clare watched 'Call the Midwife' on telly. There were a few other chores I should have done, but I didn't have the mental energy. That's what happens when worry adds to sleep deprivation. It adds to the unfinished business I need to tackle - a vicious cycle.

Talking of vicious cycles, Peace talks between America and Iran have led to a plan to end the war being proposed by Iran. Although under review, Trump says it's unacceptable. Industrial supply chains disrupted because of the closure of the Straight of Hormuz will have a far reaching economic effect. Uncertainty over the outcome is driving inflation, and it will take months for production cycles to return to normal if marine traffic does return to normal. This will make Trump and his coercive tactics even more unpopular. America's alliance with Israel continues, undermining and devaluing partnership with Arab allies. Trump is withdrawing US troops from Germany in response to EU criticism of his war. This weakens NATO's defensive posture toward Russia. I wonder how long it will take for Russia to take fresh advantage of this?