Check-up

The sky is filled with clouds on the move again today, with occasional glimpses of sunshine and the threat of rain. I slept quite well, despite irritation of my bladder and bowels robbing me of rest, leading to diarrhea and a miserable start to the day yet again. It's not due to a bug but to the impact of clot dispersal drugs on my digestive system. It's always worse if my diet has been protein rich. Heaven knows why.

After breakfast I went to the GP surgery for blood and blood pressure tests and a urine sample as well. I'm losing so much fluid at night, despite drinking a pint of water to compensate, my veins aren't easy for the phlebotomist to access and it took two separate attempts to draw blood. My blood pressure is very high. It's not surprising given the shock my digestive system is subjected to. My senses are dulled, thinking and reactions are lethargic. To recover, I have to rest though I'm not really tired, but feeling incoherent. Clare cooked lunch, and after more rest I made an effort to walk in Llandaff Fields for over an hour. There was a strong wind again. It cleared my head somewhat and boosted my energy. 

When I arrived home, Clare was out having an acupuncture and massage treatment. Her repaired hip joint is painful, and cause for concern. Why this should be happening has yet to be diagnosed. My concentration was good enough to record and edit the audio for next week's Morning Prayer. 

I spent the evening watching a couple of episodes of 'Les Invisibles', the French crimmie set in Lille. The series is about a team of detectives that focuses on identifying murder victims about whom nothing is known. The predominant accent of the characters is that of north eastern France, and is less familiar than the accents of the Midi, Paris or the Alps often heard in TV dramas, glimpsing the sub-titles to check what saw said was more necessary than usual.

Creative defence

I woke up at half past eight  to the sound of hammering and the whine of an electric screwdriver from the loft conversion work next door but one. Then the sound of torrential rain, which sounded like someone was spraying the bedroom window. I had a good night's sleep despite the usual disruptions nevertheless, but I didn't feel much benefit from it. When I was preparing to post today's Morning Prayer YouTube link to the Parish WhatsApp group, I noticed a typo in the title. I couldn't figure out how to edit this on my phone, so I got up and corrected it on my Chromebook before posting.

Despite the sun shining through the clouds, there was a drizzle of rain when I walked to St Catherine's for the Eucharist, and a downpour when I set out for home afterwards. There were eight of us this morning. Jean spotted that my face was drained of colour and asked if I was all right. I admitted that I wasn't. The clot dispersing medication I take upsets my bowels badly from time to time and drains me of energy. I didn't realise it was noticeable to others.

Clare cooked fish for lunch. I had a siesta afterwards, then went for an hour's walk in Llandaff Fields. It was very windy, but it didn't rain again, and I didn't feel so unsteady on my feet as I did earlier in the day. 

Despite peace talks in the Middle Eastern conflict and Trump claiming progress is being made, the reality makes him look foolish, and he faces mounting criticism as the mid term elections draw near. America has disabled a tanker exporting Iranian oil from the Straight of Hormuz. Iran has retaliated with missile and drone strikes on US supporting Gulf States including Kuwait Airport and Bahrain. 

In the past six months or so, news from conflict zones has been dominated by reports about military use of drones. Ukraine has succeeded in containing Russian advances in the Donbass region in a way that has been very costly to Russian casualties and equipment. The use of remote controlled drones to observe and fire on adversaries has advanced remarkably on both sides, benefiting defenders more than attackers. Into the fray now, remote controlled armed vehicles are appearing. The development and use of artificial intelligence in deploying aerial drone swarms is making a significant difference to what can be achieved on the battlefield tactically and strategically. 

Ukraine's ability to hit Moscow targets is dispelling the popular illusion of Russian invincibility. A drone strike on an oil terminal and a warship in St Petersburg last night occurred while an international economic forum opened in the city. A confident message from Ukraine that nowhere under Russian rule is safe. Last winter Ukrainian energy infrastructure and the city of Kyiv were bombarded by Russian and drone attacks at the coldest time of year. Ukraine's capability to hit long range targets, especially oil and munitions production facilities undermines Russia's ability to wage war, draining its resources. Putin's 'special military operation' led to courageous and determined resistance by Ukraine. Not only that, but it led to a surge in technological creativity and military innovation. Ukraine's experience and expertise in drone warfare is now being sought by those coping with conflict in the Middle East.

Israel continues to attack Hezbollah within Lebanese territory it has invaded and occupied. Talks between  the governments of Israel and Lebanon continue, though it's hard to see how progress can be made when Lebanon is fragmented and not strong enough to disarm Hezbollah, when under duress from Israel with Iran backing Hezbollah. The situation is unstable and chaotic to the benefit of Iran with its own expertise in drone warfare capable of wreaking havoc regionally. Despite the American blockade, it's still Iran that effectively controls traffic in the Straight of Hormuz, propagating an economic crisis that is affecting the world, especially poor underdeveloped countries.

Hopefully when a stalemate in conflict is reached that is too costly and unsustainable for all parties, with warmongers and demagogues discredited and support lost, there will be no alternative left to seek peace other than by dialogue and diplomacy. That's a day I pray will arrive soon.

No response

I had a terrible night's sleep. Each time I got up to empty my bladder I began to feel anxious about the hospital appointment I was facing at midday, to wear a blood pressure monitor for a day. It was a stressful uncomfortable experience last time, and I'm not sure what was gained from it anyway.

An email reply from the dental receptionist arrived telling me to phone for an appointment, though the reason I had emailed was because I had tried phoning twice and got no response. It was third time lucky however. I now have a checkup booked in a month's time.

Clare's study group arrived at ten. I was still feeling exhausted, and came to the conclusion that getting myself to UHW and subjecting myself to this procedure would only make me feel worse. I discussed this with group members and decided to call the cardiology unit to say I wasn't feeling well. I tried the two different contact numbers given for the cardiology unit and got no response. I couldn't even leave a message, so I rang the main switchboard and also got no response. I wrote a letter to the consultant explaining what happened and posted it first class mail before lunch. 

My anxiety dissipated and I slept soundly for an hour after eating, though brain fatigue dulled my senses and made me feel a little unsteady on my feet. I have a surgery appointment booked on Thursday this week for a blood test and blood pressure check in any case, a follow up on the mini-crisis in Tenby. In the end, I'm the only person who can protect me from exhaustion and getting over stressed. If it means saying 'No' to a medical system which makes exacting and complex demands on time and energy, and accused of being an uncooperative patient, so be it.

I walked to Thompson's Park, under a sky filled with fast moving clouds driven by a strong wind. Rain was threatened in the forecast but there was none. I counted five moorhen offspring, almost as big as their parents but not fully fledged around the weed strewn big pond. Sadly, I had left my camera at home. I only stayed out for half an hour, as I found the gusts of wind unnerving. When my senses aren't sharp as normal I'm instinctively cautious. Better safe than sorry. I walked again for nearly an hour before supper, hoping to clear my dulled senses with fresh air and exercise. I just wish I could get more rest.

A wet start to Summer

A cool and cloudy start morning with occasional rain showers. I slept quite well, despite pain from my strained right shoulder. Even so, I felt drowsy from the medication until I went out for exercise. After breakfast I started preparing another Morning Prayer and reflection. Then Clare and I went out for a walk around Llandaff Fields together before going to Jason's greengrocers to stock up on essentials. I cooked a spicy veg dish for lunch with cannellini beans, mushrooms, onions and carrots, flavoured with a mild curry paste as an experiment. The carrot added unexpected sweetness to the overall taste. 

I wrote an email to our dental practice receptionist, after failing twice to make contact by phone. I need to book a checkup appointment, to replace the one cancelled when I was in hospital. I hope I get a response, or I'll have to go there by bus and make the booking in person. I wrote to June's friend Elaine to inquire about my sister's health as she's not responding to my messages.

It was drizzling rain when I walked in the park at tea time under my brolly for nearly an hour. Thankfully, no brolly wrecking wind.  It's the first day of meteorological summer. A disappointing start in the light of the brief heat wave we had last week. It's been raining most over the evening.

Israel is occupying more territory in Lebanon in an effort to neutralize Hezbollah, which continues to send drones and missiles across the Israeli border. Ceasefire talks have changed nothing. The Lebanese state is too weak and disunited to disarm Hezbollah, or stand up to Iran which supports and arms what is in effect a state within a state. Israel's latest land grab has led to Iran suspending peace talks with America. Under pressure from Trump Israel and Hezbollah have agreed to stop attacking each other, but how long will this last. Iran threatens to pull out of peace talks, widening the scope of the conflict and completely close the Straight of Hormuz through which select traffic is passing. 

Maintaining this war is proving very costly for America in terms of expensive military hardware losses, estimated at $20 billion, with broader economic losses varying from a hundred billion to a trillion dollars so far. How much longer can America afford to sustain such costly aggression against an enemy capable of enduring much greater hardship, and showing how smart it can be in waging war? Despite American optimism about peace talks, perhaps aimed to keep the price of oil from rising further as much as anything else, Trump's claim to have the upper hand in this conflict, on the basis of its destruction of Iranian military assets so far doesn't seem to match reality. 

Trinity Sunday Baptisms

Bed at eleven up at eight thirty, but nearly three hours of intermittent wakefulness. As Owain is with us I have the opportunity of help to fill in my tax return, provided I can find my P60 income statements. My study is not quite chaotic, but in the throes of being organised. I've simply not felt well enough to harness the mental effort to do it, and get anxious about losing control of my affairs. I think it's part of the reason for losing sleep. I walked briskly to St Catherine's for the Eucharist in an effort to wake myself up. Clare stayed behind with Owain. There was a double baptism during the service this morning, a baby and a child of Junior School age. Quite suitable for a Trinity Sunday. There were only about forty of us, including the baptism family. It's half term week and many families with children are away.

After the service I went to Tesco's to buy some breakfast porridge oats as we ran out yesterday. Clare and Owain had already eaten a snack as they were about to go to St David's Spa for a swim, but left cooked veg and tuna fish for me. After I'd eaten I focused my attention on retrieving and checking the necessary documents for compiling an income statement for the tax man. 

At midday I had a SMS reminder about the blood pressure monitor fitting appointment on Tuesday next. I'm feeling unhappy about this. I found the experience stressful previously, and now even more so, as the sound and sensation of the device working brings back memories of trauma in A&E. I wonder if I should discuss this with one of our GPs?

My aim was to obtain Owain's support to check and file the tax account. With a list of previous income entries for guidance it wasn't difficult, with the exception of finding P60 pension documents from two small CofE diocesan supplementary pension schemes from Bristol and Worcester dioceses where I worked in the eighties. The most recent pair of these had not yet sent their P60, but I was able to track payments from bank statements. 

Owain investigated and found that the management of these funds had been taken over by another company. It may be that the P60s will arrive late due to the takeover, rather than me losing them. I can check another time. At least I had what I needed for my income statement, so that's one less worry. There's no hurry, so I may just wait until the next time Owain comes so he can supervise my filling in the on-line form. This is the measure of how much confidence I've lost about doing financial affairs online, something I used to take in my stride. At five he took his leave of us, and returned to Bristol. It was so good to have his company over the weekend.

Clare made a vegetable soup for supper, with the addition of some leftover pieces of ravioli. An interesting confection. Then I went out for a walk up and down Llandaff Fields as the sun was setting, which cleared my head at last. I heard the Green Woodpecker's eerie call as I turned for home. One of the neighbourhood resident blackbirds sang at dusk, as they do also at first light. Such a calming sound at bed time.

A Blue Moon wish

Another glorious blue sky sunny day to wake up to, comfortably warm to start with, but the temperature rising to 25C during the morning, cloudy and a cooling wind in the afternoon. My shoulder is less painful today but I could have done with more sleep after half a dozen awakenings in the night. Despite this, my head was clearer when I got up, clearer than yesterday. I can't figure out what makes the difference between a bad start to the day and a good one.

Clare cooked crispy buckwheat pancakes for breakfast, then went food shopping. I exchanged messages with Sara about recovering from joint and muscle damage, reflecting on how much learning Chi Gung has helped me to maintain strength and balance since the stroke, and prevent my strained shoulder from seizing up - so far so good anyway.

After lunch I walked for nearly two hours in Llandaff and Pontcanna Fields. On my way back I met Owain carrying a bunch of flowers for his Mam, and a big pork sausage bap for me, bless him! He's in good spirits, relaxed thanks to the benefit of his recent short holiday in Lisbon. We agreed on getting a takeaway supper - just salad for me. Eating less in the evening will, I hope, enable me to have a less disturbed night's sleep.

Owain and I went for a sunset walk in Llandaff Fields. The clouds were beautifully lit in orange and pink hues. Sadly it means there's little hope of seeing the rising of the Blue Moon, the second full moon of this month. If only America and Iran, Israel and Lebanon could agree to permanent cease fire terms. That really would be a historic  'once in a blue moon' occasion.

Peace talks between America and Iran are still stalled. While there is some traffic through the Straight of Hormuz, the blockade of Iranian ports continues, and Iran is not yielding to pressure. A key issue is Iran's stocks of enriched uranium which can be used for peaceful energy production or nuclear weapons. America insists these stocks must be destroyed. It's stupid rhetoric. Radio active substances can be diluted and dispersed for secure containment in other countries willing to accept them, but not destroyed.

Neither side trusts the other and Trump is determined to force the issue one way or another. The Americans keep on saying there is progress on cease-fire talks, but nothing seems to be happening. The price of oil stays high and fluctuates every time there is a new pronouncement from Washington or Tehran. Every variation is a money making opportunity for the global energy market. Cynical commentators say it's a new version of 'insider trading'.

Whatever peace talks are going on in Lebanon, Israel continues to treat the whole country as a battlefield in its war against Hezbollah. Over three thousand have been killed and a million displaced. In Gaza over two hundred have been killed since the ceasefire and forcible displacement of the Palestinian population from their land already in ruins from war against Hamas. The Israeli government's violent ethnic cleansing policy and subjugation of Palestinian people is a moral outrage. It will do nothing to secure a peaceful future for the region, apart from adding to the reservoir of violent hatred between Israelis and Arabs. With America doing little to restrain the Israeli government, this could lead to violent revenge attacks in the United States. The belief that 'might is right' is a form of idolatry, the ideology of fools.

Musical nostalgia

I woke up at eight to the noise of hammering and drilling from loft conversion work next door but one, but dozed for another hour. One way or another, I had a good night's sleep. I felt slightly queasy rather than light headed after getting up and having breakfast. Although I didn't feel tired my head felt congested though not aching, an odd sensation. Clare and I had hairdo appointments with Chris at lunchtime. I decided to give mine a miss and not take the risk of feeling worse when I'm out and about. In the past, queasiness has been a side effect of what medications do to my stomach especially slow release capsules. Eating live kefir yoghurt generally relieves the symptoms, and is included in our regular diet, though not over the past few days, so I went out and bought some, and it had the desired result. It's disturbing to think that medications are intended to prevent strokes or heart attack undermine the healthy functioning of the digestive tract. 

While I was out shopping I bought a pack of chicken legs to cook in a casserole. In the fridge I found some uncooked new potatoes left from a change in menu yesterday, and roasted them in oil on the lid of the casserole turned up side down - a convenient way to benefit from the oven heat. I don't know why I didn't think of this before.

Kath and Anto reported with pleasure on Rhiannon's successful end of year Fashion Design show and sent us a video clip of her posing with her exhibits, a huge smile and delight shining in her eyes. She's doing well and obviously loving the course.

I recorded and edited the audio for next Wednesday's Morning Prayer after lunch, then walked in Llandaff Fields for an hour and a quarter. After supper I made the slide show video to go with Morning Prayer and uploaded it to YouTube. Then we watched Paul McCartney being interviewed in a Radio 2 special called 'Tracks of my years' reflecting on ten records which embody the influences and inspirations of his musical life story. An hour of pure nostalgia, starting from 1956, the year I started Grammar School, and first heard Elvis and the Beatles songs on the radio, or on family record players. Happy days indeed, filled with memories of a world so different in many ways from nowadays.