Eclipse missed - just

A poor night's sleep awakened at first light by my irritated gut. I called the surgery at eight and got a face to face appointment at eleven forty. It meant I could go to church beforehand. Another hot day without rain, pushing back against drowsiness to get to St Catherine's for the Eucharist with a dozen others. In the absence of Fr Sion it was celebrated by Mthr Alison Dummer, Cathedral Curate and former URC minister, like her husband Mark, who was with her in the congregation. We chatted after the service, mainly about medication. Mark has heart problems and had to retire early some years ago on that account. Inevitably ailments are one of the main topics of conversation among older people.

My GP appointment was with Dr Jordan to whom I explained my medication woes. It would have been a lot more precise if I'd remembered to take with me the notes I prepared. Anyway, she's initiating a medication review, to see whether a lower dosage or a different version would have less of an impairing impact on my quality of life.  I called in the Coop after coffee and chat, to buy kefir but there was none in stock. After a podiatry appointment, Clare was already back home cooking lunch when I arrived. She went to town afterwards, and I slept in my armchair for nearly an hour. I could have done with more.

I had a phone call from fellow stroke sufferer Kath, a school friend of our Kath. She had a disabling stroke in her forties limiting her mobility, but lives independently and adventurously, with humour and great positivity. It was good to hear from her and chat about the challenges confronting us. as we attempt to live as normal a life as possible regardless of disability. I escaped the worst effects of a stroke and made what the medics regard as 'an excellent recovery' the one concern I have is the impact of medication side effects that really impair my quality of life. I've adjusted to a slower pace of life, the limitations of travel and to some extent the amount of stimulus I can tolerate without being overwhelmed. I need to regain confidence in handling my financial affairs. This is related to my ability to concentrate and pay attention to detail. This is where I need patience and reduction of anxiety. I need to overcome my fear of making mistakes. It could simply be a matter of getting used to a familiar set of routines again to re-establish confidence. I'm not under pressure. I hope time will heal.

The solar eclipse arrived at tea time. I got glimpses of it using the black end of strip of film negative, but didn't have the means to take photos. I watched the moon move into the sun's disc, then went indoors to eat some cold chicken for supper. When I went out to look again the sun was already at the rooftops and the moon was exiting the sun's disc, so we missed the eclipse climax entirely. And all my photos were over exposed, hardly worth keeping. How disappointing. Owain sent me a good photo he took with his phone using his eclipse glasses to filter out the sun's glare.

I've done a lot of intense talking today, so early bed is a necessity.

St Clare's day shooting stars

Another bright sunny day with a clear sky. It's Clare's name day today - St Clare of Assisi.

Wales and regions of England are declaring a state of drought, there's been so little rain for so long. There have been record high temperatures in addition, and the rate at which the climate is heating up is increasing. The human race is reaping the reward of its own foolishness and greed now. Egotistical warmongers continue to push people and nations into fighting each other with no regard for the immense battle for survival of the very environment which we rely on for our existence.

 I slept fairly well and unusually the morning medications didn't make me feel very drowsy or slow, just clear headed. I had a GP surgery appointment for a blood test which I thought was at ten but turned out to be at eleven. I thought the blood test was followed by an appointment with a doctor, but something went wrong. It was alleged that I had missed the appointment, but that's not what my diary said. I was offered a telephone consultation at an unspecified time later in the day. I went home and had a coffee, then returned for the blood test. The nurse couldn't draw blood from either arm, probably as a result of the heat, even though I'd taken the trouble to drink plenty of water beforehand. 

She found however, that my blood pressure was normal, despite a brisk walk to get there punctually a second time. I don't know why surgery admin doesn't send an SMS message to confirm an appointment booking, as it would reduce the possibility of communication errors. The day passed with no call from the doctor. Did the receptionist say that I should call for a telephone appointment? Did I miss that? When someone is behind a screen speaking fast and indistinctly with a high pitched voice I may miss words. The drugs don't help, still slowing down my thought processes when I start to get tired.

Rachel posted her collection of pictures from our anniversary dinner on WhatsApp. I shared the text of my anniversary eulogy with the family. Clare cooked swordfish steaks for lunch, with blackberry crumble left over from the weekend for pudding. No wonder I slept in my armchair afterwards. Then I went to Tesco's and bought chicken pieces to cook. I haven't had any meat in my diet for a while, and thought the change would do me good.

After supper, I watched an episode of 'Gavin and Stacey, with Clare, then a short walk for some fresh air. Before going up to bed, I sat outside in the garden looking up at the sky, hoping for a chance encounter with one of the thousands of Perseid meteorites that are due to reveal themselves this evening. A high level layer of thin cloud or maybe mist robbed the sky of clarity with only a handful of bright stars visible. It was cool and quiet, but I saw nothing more than the few fixed lights of far off heavenly bodies. My memory of lying on my back watching under a dark sky in a field in Picardy fifty years ago is still vivid. It will have to do.

Parting of the ways

Another terrible night's sleep for me. I took a bed blocker in the small hours to dim the adrenaline effect on my heartbeat. Not that it made much difference to the way I feel after medication. Rachel left us for the coach station at five to eight. Clare went with her. I wasn't in a fit state so early after a bad night. 

Talyann and Rhiannon were next to leave for Manchester. Then Kath encouraged me to set up a Lasting Power of Attorney mandate, which I paid for, downloaded and printed. Two of them, Twenty two pages each. Our next door neighbour Gwydion came in and witnessed the signatures, a complex routine masterminded by Kath who possesses advanced bureaucratic skills gained from her Arts admin experience. Then Kath and Anto started their journey to Kenilworth, giving Owain a lift as far as Central station. 

Then suddenly, the house was quiet, with just Clare and I remaining to ponder on our memories of a lovely family weekend, full of laughter, good food and story telling. Lack of sleep and the toxic effect of the medication impaired the whole experience for me, slowing my reactions, isolating me, pushing me into myself when I struggled to be outgoing and responsive to this unique occasion in our long life together. After lunch I downloaded the rest of the photos I took, and shared the album with the others. By the time I went to the Co-op for bananas and yoghurt mid afternoon, my head began to clear, which was a relief. I went out again after supper and walked for half an hour as the sun was setting. I don't know what I ate that gave me the most terrible wind and mild nausea, but it discouraged me from walking further. I had difficulty swallowing a slow release capsule after eating. I wonder if it broke open early in my stomach and its content reacted with food yet to be digested. It was most unpleasant. I hate these capsules, which give me hiccups, wind, reflux and diharrea. They kill off gut flora too and I need to eat live yoghurt a couple of times a day to prevent palpitations and headache. The medication is aggressive and too strong, or is the dosage too high. I'm seeing the GP tomorrow and will report all this. I'm hoping for a better night's sleep tonight - gut permitting.

Anniversary lunch

Clare and I shared the double bed last night to make room for guests. I went to bed tired and lost nearly three hour's sleep. This made the impact of the medications even worse than usual. Before going to church I had to walk to Tesco's to withdraw cash to have money to put on the collection plate. It was an effort given how tired I was feeling, and it took a long time for my pulse to settle down once I stopped moving. I went straight home after the service, and attempted to catch up on sleep in my armchair. It didn't help much, and the rest of the day was a struggle against drowsiness.

Rhiannon and Talyann arrived from Manchester at one, then we took a taxi to Church Street in the city centre to a restaurant called 'The Botanist' where Kath and Anto were waiting for us in a rooftop bar. A private dining area was booked for the eight of us in one corner of the top floor restaurant where we had an excellent long lunch, long partly because the service was slow.  It was a struggle to concentrate with the noise of several exuberant conversations going on. It was lovely to be with the family, but I was a passive rather than active participant in table talk.

Rachel reminded us that she returns to America tomorrow. The thought of this really upset me and I had to walk out rather than disrupt the meal ending for others. Rachel and I walked home together, and we were reunited with the rest of the family for celebratory chocolate cake with dark cherries and soya cream with a cup of tea sitting in the garden. I recited a Wedding Anniversary eulogy I'd written for the occasion. It was too noisy in the restaurant, but the intimate space of Clare's garden seemed just right in the end. We sat outside until it was uncomfortably cool, then moved indoors for a snack supper and a little music making before turning in for the night after a very special family day, for which I'll be eternally grateful. 

Family reunion weekend.

A good night's sleep, feeling clear and refreshed when I got up. We had pancakes for breakfast, with batter made with spelt flour, which doesn't bind together well unless an egg is added. Clare cooked one batch and I cooked another and the result was fine. I didn't get any ill effects from the egg content. Somehow my gut, minus gall bladder, has adjusted to digesting modest amounts of dairy products. My body certainly hasn't got used to the clot dispersal medication. An hour after taking it, the usual symptom of intoxication hit me and stayed with me for the next eight hours.

Kath, Anto and Rachel arrived at half past three, after a slow journey in heavy traffic all the way, adding an extra hour to their journey. After a cup of tea, we walked in Pontcanna Fields and took a group photo with the help of passers by. Rachel and I turned back at Sophia Gardens, as I didn't have the energy to go any further. The others continued walking into town to the Park Plaza hotel where Kath and Anto are staying this weekend to make room for the rest of the family when they arrive for our anniversary banquet tomorrow.

Owain called but we didn't hear the phone ringing, as we were just sitting down to the supper Rachel cooked for us. He's got a gig in Bristol tonight, but with be with us tomorrow. Afterwards, we sat in the lounge and made music until it was time for Kath and Anto to walk back to the Park Plaza hotel. Then it was time for us to bring the day to a happy conclusion

One small achievement

I woke up to another clear bright and sunny day. I lost three and a half hour's sleep last night due to wind pains and bowel discomfort that left me lying awake, feeling anxious for no reason at all. There's been no change in my diet or bug to upset my stomach. It's a persistent pernicious side effect of the clot busting drug. I woke up feeling clear and sharp, tempted to skip the medication, but took it as usual with breakfast. On this occasion the light headedness returned but my head remained clear. 

Still pondering on our wedding, I remembered my best man Mike, who died eight years and a half years ago and phoned Gail his widow for a chat. Her eldest grandson is about to start university. Her grand daughter is a choral scholar in Salisbury. Mike would be delighted to think that musicality runs in the family genes.

I cooked sardines for lunch with spring cabbage and potatoes, then went to bed for an hour afterwards in the hope of recovering from lost sleep. I rested but didn't drop off.

Clare wanted to print a recent photo of Kath and Rachel received on WhatsApp. She couldn't download the picture directly to her phone to copy to her Linux laptop for printing. I found it had been backed up to Google Photos automatically, and wasn't given the option to copy it to a location from where I could transfer it to her laptop. I loaded Chromium browser on her laptop and found the picture in Google Photos, from where I could download and print it. But there was a snag. 

First, I had to log in to Clare's Google account where I encountered a new unavoidable security imposition. It insisted on setting up two factor log-in account authorisation, which entails entering the password and receiving a code by email to confirm the identity of the password user. Unexpected and fiddly to say the least. Retaining concentration to do this correctly in my light-headed slow thinking state was an unexpected challenge. I managed not to panic and succeeded in the task. Finding the photo, downloading and printing it from Google Photos was straightforward after that. Now we have a lovely new framed picture of our daughters on the lounge book shelf, along with another of both our granddaughters.

We went for a walk around Llandaff Fields before supper, enjoying the sunshine and the mild evening air, and I went out again as sunset approached, for a little fresh air and exercise before bed.

Wedding day recalled

Sunshine and clouds carried by the west wind when I woke up clear headed but not well rested from an average night of disturbed sleep. The effect of the medication yet again ruined my day with drowsiness and a light headedness which makes me feel faint and unsteady, though I never come close to passing out.

Sad not to be able to attend the Eucharist today. I was going to watch the Mass live streamed from St David's Cathedral, but dozed off in my drugged condition, got distracted when I woke up, and started cooking lunch instead.

On two occasions in the afternoon, I walked a circuit of Llandaff Fields in an effort to clear my head with little success, but it was reassuring to see the grass reviving thanks to rain showers over the past few days.

Sixty years married today - so many stories, so much to remember and cherish. Kath phoned on her way to work, and we had a lovely video greeting from Veronica and a phone call from Marc and Fran. I exchanged messages with Amanda and Frank Dall as well. His daughter Tania is getting married this autumn. He's afflicted with a disabling spinal condition, but is looking forward to walking her down the aisle.

We spent a quiet evening together pondering on our wedding. Very few people are left who were guests, Frank being one of them. our dear late friend David Barker took black and white photos which are among our cherished treasures. I started to write a poem about how Clare and I met. Hopefully by the time we have our anniversary lunch on Sunday it'll be worth reading aloud to our family.