Walking in darkness

A good night's rest, three minutes short of eight hours' sleep, getting up to a clear sky and a cold day. Once more I felt as if I'd woken up in the middle of the night. It took me a long time to feel fully alert to face the day. Kath called us for a chat while she was on her way to work. She's off to Barcelona soon to attend for the second time a convention about performing arts and children. It's an invaluable opportunity to meet and share ideas with EU colleagues. The only drawback is booking reliable flights at suitable times, in between peak demand seasons, as budget airlines cancel or re-schedule flights which aren't cost effective in this time of increased fuel costs. 

After lunch I went into town to visit the 'On Time' digital watch stall in Cardiff Market, to find out if they stocked digital watch straps that were compatible with my Fitbit. I was amazed to find a display cabinet filled with a couple of dozen straps of different sizes, colours and designs. The one I bought is grey with a pattern of perforations that will allow the skin to breathe, far better than the one it replaces that harboured toxic sweat and gave me painful burns if I forgot to wash my wrist and the strap twice a day. 

I then went to Santander Bank to activate my credit card with the PIN number which arrived on Monday. Clare called, as she had followed me into town, eager to shop for a new pair of boots, so we arranged to meet for a cup of tea in John Lewis' top cafe, as the sun was setting. We traipsed around several shops in St David's Centre without finding anything suitable to buy, and then headed home. 

Walking through crowded streets was not a pleasant experience. Although the streets are quite well lit my ability to see people in dark clothes walking in shadow is impaired. My eyes are slow to react to objects and movement in these conditions. It makes me cautious, uneasy. I don't walk as fast as I usually do. Clare outpaces me, and when we walk side by side in the dark, I often lose sight of her, due to peripheral vision loss. Walking in low light conditions is less difficult as long as there are no strong light sources nearby. It reminded me of the challenge I had adjusting to visual changes this time last year when I was beset with brain fog, painfully oversensitive to every kind of stimulus, audio and video. I have come a long way since then, thank God.

Armistice Day

Although I started going to bed at ten it took me a long time to get ready and fall asleep. Although I slept well, nine and a half hours in bed, I was awake for over two hours emptying my bladder. I was still sleepy when I got up, incoherent as if I'd woken up in the middle of the night. The stiffness in my back, neck and shoulders is easing so I could walk briskly to church, but I arrived late yet again. I'm not getting enough rest to recover well from the day's activity. I'd love to be able to contribute more to the worship life of the Parish, but can't rely on myself to keep to schedule. 

Today is Martinmas, Armistice Day. A dozen of us commemorated both at the St Catherine's Eucharist. I stood to receive Communion at the altar rail to avoid stressing my shoulder joint getting up from kneeling. After receiving the Host I walked away  absentmindedly without receiving the Chalice. I don't think I've ever done that before. After coffee and chat I returned home, still not feeling fully awake. 

In the morning post a letter for Clare from the Office of Public Guardian authorising her Legal Power of Attorney on my behalf. I had an email from the same source telling me to use the Government's 'One Login' app to access the OPG website in future. When I relinquished the car ownership registration to NG Motors after the stroke, I was forced to download the 'One Login' app on my phone and go through an elaborate procedure of verifying my identity. I'm still not sure if I was successful as there were some error messages I didn't understand. It gave me a lot of distress at the time. The app is on my phone, but I've not had to use it since and don't know if I was successful. As I have the OPG paper confirmation of my LPA I may not need to revisit the site unless I need to make changes to the document. The email received doesn't require me to do anything, but it leaves me wondering if the 'One Login' app works for me or not.

After lunch I walked for an hour, and was home before the light began to fade. Despite the fresh cold air and not feeling physically tired, I still felt as if I'd just woken up and could doze off again quickly. I don't understand what's happening to me. 

I spent the evening after supper watching the final episodes of Irish crimmie 'Torment' which I've followed this week. The sound of Irish Gaelic is unfamiliar, making the sub-titles essential. It took some attention before it was possible to pick out words borrowed from English and Latin. In that respect it's like Welsh. Slow moving, scenic. An organised crime story with too many people jumping to conclusions, and a few  elements of police farce, but excessive hyper-violent fights, unrealistic adding nothing to the story. 

Remote control risks

I slept well, waking up to a cold day of persistent light rain. Stiffness persists in my shoulders and neck muscles. It's hardly painful, but leaves me with mild tension and drowsiness. I need physio treatment.  Clare went to her study group in Penarth after breakfast, and I spent the morning reading the news and reflecting on current events, then cooking lunch in time for her return. 

Iranian hackers are credited with recent cyber attacks on networked digital refrigeration unit temperature controls destroying costly commercial frozen food and medical stocks in the EU and US recently. Britain's national cyber security centre has issued high alert warnings to network interface managers to update control software, and change default factory user names and passwords on 800 retail refrigeration units. 

So many everyday digital utilities are attached to the internet for convenience and efficiency which are vulnerable to being hacked - our dishwasher, for instance, can be controlled by mobile phone, a feature we didn't ask for and don't need. Remote management of domestic devices sounds an attractive space-age option, giving an added value to the illusion of control until it goes wrong or gets hacked. Beware of what you wish for. 

Two American bases in Britain have relocated fighters and bombers to air bases in the EU, in response to intelligence warnings about likely Iranian drone attacks. The Iranian military has used drones to attack targets across the Middle East where defensive drone swarms were used to bring down American military aircraft. No risks are being taken with American aircraft on UK soil. If drone attacks were to be repelled in British skies, the unwelcome risk of collateral damage on the ground would soon become a political issue.

I walked in the rain for over an hour as the sun was setting, wearing rain trousers for the first time since last autumn. My rain gear got soaked and the sleeves of my jacket. It was unpleasantly cold. Ashley and I chatted for an hour, in a vain attempt to trouble shoot emails arriving on his phone. Eventually I realised it's not something I can tackle unless I have the device in my hands so it'll have to wait until we next meet. The Owain rang for a chat, enthusing about his hike on Dartmoor with friends on the weekend.

The evening slipped past unobtrusively. Too late to watch anything on telly. Early bed instead.

Destiny Day

A good night's sleep waking up to a cold grey morning again. It's Rachel's birthday today. We sang her a happy birthday greeting on WhatsApp after breakfast. Coincidentally it's the anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989, Krystallnacht in 1938, failure of the Nazi putsch (aka coup d'etat) in 1923, and the Abdication of Kaiser Wilhelm III in 1918. No wonder Germans call it the Day of Destiny.

In the morning mail, a Tesco Club Card voucher, documents establishing Legal Power of Attorney for my affairs and a new PIN number for my little used credit card. It's taken ten days to arrive. To cap it all, an NHS letter cancelling an appointment booked for lunchtime today, which I cancelled last Wednesday after a call received that day from a nurse in UHW to check if I still needed the appointment. It seems that the cancellation had not resulted in my name being removed from the appointment list. Evidently the hospital administration has trouble keeping itself up to date.

I spent the morning reviewing and editing the Christmas Eve reflection I wrote yesterday to give it greater clarity. Sometimes this is harder than the first draft which isn't as satisfying as it first seems. After lunch I walked in Llandaff Fields for an hour and a half. Apart from stacks of barrier fences awaiting removal the only evidence of the weekend's cross country event is trampled grass marking the course. The ground has been dry and firm for weeks, the surface wasn't churned into mud. I was home again before sunset. It was cold and I didn't relish the prospect of being out at dusk when the air temperature drops further.

After supper, Clare started watching a film. Her music folder was on the dining room table. I asked her if she was going to Choir practice. It turned out she'd forgotten and left in haste, annoyed. It's the second week she's been tired having slept badly and forgotten. The problem of having a life supported by routine domesticity is a lack of varied features that challenge and help maintain alertness. Anything that distracts from reliance on habitual actions and responses can subvert memory. I enter everything I do in my Google Calendar. Although I rely on it heavily for daily medication, medical appointments and travel alerts I end up missing things if I'm unwell in the morning. The reason I gave up taking services and contributing to the parish WhatsApp Daily Prayer thread was realising that the struggle with the toxic effect of medication was making me unreliable. Delivering a Christmas Eve prayer video will put this to the test, now that I'm spared having to take that medication.

Trump has admitted he was joking about making fight impresario Dana White his press secretary. White has since declined the invitation. His so called Secretary for War Pete Hegseth faces a call for his impeachment by Republican Senator Thomas Massie for violating the American constitution by engaging in hostilities against Iran for more than 90 days without congressional authorisation. In effect, this is an open rebuke for Trump's disastrous warmongering initiatives. Who know what it will lead to? Meanwhile Trump muses on a challenge to the validity of the mid-term elections. Netanyahu has done the same given Israeli electoral results which didn't deliver a majority. Sin Bet' the Israeli security service, has examined and dismissed allegations he made. It's Eisenkot's turn to form a government, if he can. Voters both sides of the Atlantic are worse off as a result of war in the Middle East and have expressed their disapproval of right wing populist leadership that has favoured the use of force over diplomacy. 

Russia has done the same at a great cost to its people. Four hundred thousand Russian lives have been lost in its war against Ukraine. Trump has made overtures to Russia diplomatically and economically and cast doubt on supporting Ukraine and the NATO alliance. Outrageously he issued orders for Russian diesel for delivery to the American market aiming to lower prices contemptuous of international sanctions. Oil shipping companies are avoiding fulfilment of these orders, diverting tankers to other markets, unwilling to risk prosecution for breaking sanctions. He claims the Middle East war will end soon, and will no doubt claim credit for delivering peace and security.  His self belief as the most powerful among powerful world leaders endorsed by patriotic Americans, is no longer credible. His behaviour is as unpredictable as ever. How long before he is impeached?

 

Remembrance

I woke up at eight after a good night's sleep and listened to Sunday Worship from St Anne's Cathedral in Belfast before getting up. A cold overcast day, sombre weather for the annual remembrance of the war dead. The youngest soldiers to survive the war and witness the defeat of nazism are the few centenarians  remaining.

We went to the Eucharist at St Catherine's. For Guides Brownies, Scouts and Cubs it was a church parade occasion with flags presented at the altar. In addition, a special banner representing the Sunday Club was presented. I haven't seen this before, it looks new. The larger than average congregation was half and half children and adults.

On the way to the Co-op after the service one of the Sunday Club children's mums accosted me and said how much she appreciated and missed my contributions to Daily Prayer. I said I missed doing it but that doubts about my reliability to deliver were what prevented me.

Coincidentally yesterday I had a message from Ruth who coordinates WhatsApp daily prayer contributors, asking if I'd be willing to do the Christmas Eve slot. Despite my misgivings I agreed. The set readings offer a challenge. 

After lunch Clare went with friends to a study group meeting in Bristol. I walked for an hour in Llandaff and Pontcanna Fields. The all day cross country running event was still going on, so the area around the course was busy with a crowd of spectators and runners warming up or recovering from a race.

After supper I engaged with the readings for Christmas Eve pondered and promptly produced a reflection I was satisfied with. All I have to do now is record and edit it.

In today's news Israel's President Herzog has invited Gabi Eisenkot to form a minority government as neither main party won sufficient support to take power. The Arab minority parties will support his leadership, but any of them joining a coalition government is out of the question for the Israelis. Eisenkot aims to form a 'national emergency government' and has 28 days to achieve this. Only if he is successful will Netanyahu's tenure as Prime Minister come to an end. If Eisenkot fails, there will be another general election.

Running event comes to Llandaff Fields but it's not Parkrun this time

A good night's rest with less sleep time lost for a change. Another chilly grey overcast day, reminding me of Novembers in Geneva, when Lac Leman was shrouded in low cloud for weeks with the air temperature just above freezing You could see across the lake from North to South, but from West to East along its forty five mile length, the other end seemed to disappear into mist and cloud.

Pancakes for breakfast, savoury ones with fried mushrooms, or banana and Greek yogurt. I spent the morning doing little apart from reading news articles, trying to make sense of political repositioning going on in America. Now that Trump is a lame duck president, former political allies are distancing themselves from him and trying to work out which of his policies will retain populist appeal in bids to succeed him as presidential candidates. 

Trump has appointed as White House Chief of Staff, Stephen Miller whom he calls 'his most trusted advisor', the architect of Trump’s mass deportation agenda, who is described by Hakeem Jeffreys, the House of Representatives first black Democrat Speaker as 'a dangerous xenophobe and reckless extremist with American blood on his hands'. The appointment has been described as an insult to every American who has voted for change. He has offered the job of Press Secretary to Dana White, a mixed martial arts fight impresario. Is Trump deliberately setting out to antagonise voters who rejected him, in a feeble attempt to show who's boss in a political situation where both Houses of Congress can obstruct his every initiative?

After lunch I walked in Llandaff Fields which is hosting a Cross Country running event tomorrow. Tents have been erected, a course cordoned off and a commentary box installed. Preparation activity is at a stage where it's not clear whether everything is almost ready or in the process of being dismantled. The only clue is the grass of the course, which doesn't look as if it's been trampled yet by runners, and the ground is firm and dry, unlike last year's event on waterlogged ground, which left a muddy scar which was visible until well into spring.

Clare joined me walking in the park and proposed a cup of tea at the Square and Fair cafe adjoining the padel court. It closed a few months ago and has reopened since under new management and a new name. It was open for business when Clare arrived there ahead of me but nobody was serving, so we returned home for a drink and a slice of delicious home made cheesecake laced with raspberries and lemon. juice. I went out again at sunset to complete my daily distance before supper. Then we watched the first episode of 'Blue Planet III' together. I followed this by watching the finale of 'Blue Lights' which exposes collusion between Police Special Branch undercover agents and organised crime. Apparently the co-creators of this acclaimed series have decided not to continue with a fifth series, as they are writing another series about police and the political suppression of sensitive public information. The continuation of 'blue Lights is said to be under discussion.

Big tech ambition rebuked

Thanks to the new mattress I felt the benefit of a good night's sleep, despite being awake for two hours out of nine and a half in bed, fresh enough to go for a brisk walk in Llandaff Fields before lunch. It's cold and overcast today. We could well have snow as a result of conditions generated by the 'El Nino' phenomenon in the Pacific. 

The American mid-term elections revealed the strength of concern about the environmental impact of AI data centre expansion, with some candidates promising to curb their growth. In contempt of grass roots protest, doubts about return on investment and concern about the risk posed by rogue algorithms, Trump's attempt to boost investment in new technology, re-branding AI as 'super intelligence' backfired. Loss of confidence in his leadership has affected market confidence in tech stocks triggering a global sell-off. Leading innovator in the use of AI, billionaire Elon Musk, is reported to have spent four hundred and fifty million dollars backing Trump's Republican party, a huge investment failure in its own right. Hopefully  AI development in future will proceed with more caution and less enthusiasm.

After lunch, another walk around Thompson's Park, busy with parents chatting and children playing, fresh out of the neighbourhood nursery or primary school. Conversion of the old park keeper's lodge into a take-away coffee stall has turned the park gate into a stand-up social rendezvous for parents collecting children after school.

I spent the evening before bed. Watching more 'Blue Lights' episodes. It's not just a police procedural crimmie. Set in Belfast post-Troubles, it has a spy story woven into it as well.