Ending a conflict is harder than starting one

A bright sunny morning. It's slightly warmer today, fifteen degrees. I didn't take a statin last night. Today's Blood Pressure pill certainly made me feel light headed. Despite insufficient sleep, I had a fair amount of energy for a change. I hoovered the carpets after breakfast, then went to Tesco's for a heavy rucksack full of groceries, and cooked a lentil and mushroom dish with rice for lunch. 

I exchanged messages with my nephew Julian, now living in the south of Ireland, after an avionics career living in Dubai. His son's family still lives there. He shared a phone video of an Iranian drone intercepted by an anti-aircraft rocket high above Dubai City. The United Arab Emirates are among several states under bombardment, including Saudi Arabia. Iran seems to be inviting heavy retaliation from well armed Arab oil producing countries as well as from America and Israel. The Iranian government is in the throes of choosing a new supreme leader, while the country is under bombardment against a background of muted population unrest. Trump's call for regime change may not turn out in a way that suits his ambitions. If the Iranian government falls and the country descends into factional fighting or anarchy, how will a return to stability be achieved if America is involved, given the strength of anti-American feeling? It's not clear what Trump's hopes for a post-war Iran look like in an ever changing situation.

American presidential decisions made by George Bush to invade Iraq in 2003 and topple Saddam Hussein, justified partly by false intelligence, proved very costly with the loss of nearly four and a half thousand American lives. Iraqi insurgent groups evolved into Al Qaeda. It wasn't just an anti-American resistance militia but a Salafi Islamist militant movement determined to bring an Islamic state into being, with tragic consequences for the world. How to end that conflict wasn't thought through adequately from the outset. Will Trump learn the lessons of history? He's more of a tactical thinker than he is a strategist. 

Sir Keir Starmer is a Prime Minister who does think things through, considers the evidence and may well lead to him changing his mind. Good for him. His reservations about the legality of Trump's war-making, and caution about allowing the deployment of British military bases in this conflict have been openly criticised by Trump. It's encouraging to think we have a leader who stands his ground without feeling compelled to please such an unreliable leader capable of switching from ally to adversary on a whim.

When I set out for an afternoon walk in Llandaff Fields I found I could walk at a brisker pace for three quarters of an hour without flagging or becoming breathless. An agreeable surprise. Clare went to choir practice after an early supper. Rachel called and we chatted for so long that Clare returned and continued the conversation for even longer. Then another effort to get to bed early to compensate for last night's sleep loss. It's a battle I lose more often than not.

Uncertainty after an assassination

Fine weather doesn't last long. It's a return to low cloud with the prospect of drizzle again today. Last night the death of Iran's supreme leader Khamenei, along with several other key regime figures in an air strike  was reported. In Iran while some crowds are mourning, other crowds are rejoicing. Retaliatory air strikes on Israel and on Arab cities in the Gulf continue relentlessly. Iranian military targets are being bombarded with the aim of countering the aggression. Trump is calling for regime change now that the supreme leader's cruel dictatorship has ended, but a dictatorship is more than one man. 

Iranian religious and political leaders rely on resistance against common enemies. It's in their interests to maintain a brutal authoritarian status quo. Regime opponents are far from united - patriotic monarchists, secular, democrats, pro and anti-America, Islamist extremists. What kind of reforming regime can succeed in guiding the country post-war towards a consensus about the nation's future? Meanwhile the corrupt elite of the revolutionary guard will do everything it can to maintain control in the face of chaos. If eliminated, who knows what kind of violent internal power struggle will be unleashed? 

Attacks on neighbouring Arab states and their response produces another measure of uncertainty. Iran has closed the Straits of Hormuz to traffic. One tanker has already been attacked. Twenty per cent of the global oil supply passes through the straits. This will have far reaching negative impact on the world economy. Has Trump waged war without thinking through the consequences, both immediate and long term?

I slept fairly well despite the usual bladder disruptions. I was fairly clear headed and sharp when I got up and took my blood pressure tablet. Inevitably it made me light headed, but without the toxic impact or drowsiness that has plagued me for so long. This made it easier for me to get ready for church and get there on time for a Lenten celebration of St David's Day. Some of the little girls in Sunday Club came dressed in traditional Welsh hats. One of the younger teenage girls read a lesson beautifully. We defied liturgical tradition by singing the Gloria in Lent. I don't know what Dewi Sant would make of this. Celtic liturgical practice may have been varied locally in any case.

We sang several traditional roof-raising Welsh hymns. Calon Lan proved to be difficult if you didn't know it by heart, as the text on the bilingual hymn sheet was tiny and laid out in a way that was confusing to read. This was reflected in subdued singing from those who, like me, had never memorised it. In contrast, the English rendition of 'Cwm Rhondda' was loud and lusty. I got back home before Clare after the service and prepared the veggies and Salmon for cooking. 

I didn't feel I needed a snooze after lunch and wrote for a while before walking in Llandaff Fields for an hour and a quarter. Daffodils are blossoming in abundance, and the first Celandines are catching up. I took a few pictures to send to cousin Dianne in memory of my Godmother, Auntie Celandine.

 I felt quite tired towards the end of the walk, maybe because I didn't have a rest earlier. I can put up with the blood pressure medication making me feel light headed and even tired when I don't experience the intoxication that seems to be produced by the statins. 

After an early supper, Clare went to a concert given by the Welsh language band 'Brigyn' at St John's. I didn't fancy an evening of amplified music. Apart from the loudness, it's not my kind of music and my Welsh isn't good enough to follow. Clare returned half an hour later, disappointed because she got the date of the concert wrong. It was yesterday. We then sat side by side listening to different programmes through headphones on laptops. A weird opera in Welsh for Clare, and a second series of 'Casi de Teresa Battaglia', set in Udine for me. It's the first time we did that, I think.

War in the Middle East

I woke up to hear news of air attacks on Iran by Israeli and American forces. From the war of words and Trumpian theatrical gunboat diplomacy to full conflict overnight, Retaliatory air strikes on neighbouring Arab states in the Gulf and on Israel followed soon after, as the Iranian regime threatened would happen. Iran has been weakened by economic crisis and mass protests at home murderously suppressed in recent weeks, but its armed forces are capable of inflicting damage on its neighbours, and on the global economy by closing the Straits of Hormuz, an essential oil trade route. Russia and China will be taking an interest in the way this war is waged, learning from its successes and failures.

Another broken night's sleep, my intestines irritated by the effect of the clot dispersing meds. I didn't take the statin, following advice given by the medic who called on Tuesday, to reduce their frequency by half. My head was fairly clear when I woke up in bright sunshine. After taking my usual blood pressure reducing pill at eight thirty, I began to feel light headed, but this morning, the most striking difference was the absence of the toxic fog sensation in my head. The drug is still in my system, its concentration fading, but any fallout from interacting with other medications is minimal. I'm tired, yes, but not sleepy and my concentration is sharp. What a relief!

I walked for an hour in Thompson's Park after our Saturday pancake breakfast and a half hour top-up snooze. The west facing slopes are carpeted with daffodils. Bushes and other vegetation surrounding the pond have been harshly cut back. There are fewer mallards in occupation at the moment, and no sign of the resident moorhens. They are shy birds that spend more time hiding in the muddy undergrowth foraging for food than they do in open water. They make nests in a reed bed on a raft of twigs and other material including scraps of plastic sheet if they find any. I wonder where the birds are hiding at the moment? 

Baked potatoes and fish for lunch, then another hour's walk, this time in Llandaff Fields with a stop at the Co-op on the way back to buy walnuts. I enjoyed the stimulus of cold fresh air and sunshine, with my head much clearer than usual, and I felt less stressed from the effort of coping with toxins in my head  My legs were tired and stiff, but not in the same way as they are after taking a statin. I didn't push myself too hard, and relaxed when I got home watching this week's episode of 'Astrid - Murder in Paris' until it was time for supper. After we'd eaten, I recorded Morning Prayer audio for the week after next, and started getting ready for bed and taking the day's dreaded statin, wondering about its impact on me tomorrow.

Birdsong audit

We seem to alternate this winter between overcast rainy days and blue sky sunny days with afternoon showers. Today is one of the latter. I had just under six hours sleep, waking at seven, having got to bed just before midnight and losing an hour awake in the night. The impact of the meds was less pronounced and my head was clear once they took effect after breakfast and. No pins and needles sensation in my head today but sleepy enough after lunch to need an hour in bed to recover. The variability in my reaction is unpredictable. It's hard to know what I'm going to be capable of tackling as the day goes on.

The Green Party won a substantial parliamentary by-election victory in the Greater Manchester area yesterday. Andy Burnham, the popular and effective Mayor of Manchester offered himself as a candidate for a traditional Labour seat but was not selected, when it could have been won against right and left wing opponents. Losing this winning opportunity is an embarrassing own-goal for the Labour Party. Perceived as a rival leader to Keir Starmer, the excuse given for Burnham's non selection as a candidate was that he was doing too good a job as Mayor, and a mayoral by-election couldn't be afforded by the party. Methinks Starmer and his camp followers may live to regret this.

I went out to enjoy the sunshine walking in Llandaff Fields and heard the eerie cry of a Green Woodpecker in the coppice opposite Howells School. The Merlin bird app, identified this along with the song of a robin a wren, a blackcap, a blackbird, a redwing, a song thrush, a mistle thrush, a wood pigeon and a magpie. Ten different birds in the same patch of bushes and trees. I listened to the recording later in the day, but sadly forgot to save it. Such biodiversity in our parks, more than in our street's back gardens. These are dominated by crows, magpies, gulls, wood pigeons and starlings roosting in the roof eaves, and sometimes passing sparrows and tits. There's not enough vegetation cover for smaller birds where there's decking or paved patios. 

I went for another circuit of Llandaff fields after my post lunch siesta. It started to drizzle before sunset and more rain is forecast for later tonight. The roar of the Taff over the weir at Blackweir bridge was audible from the Spine Road five hundred metres away. The water level must be high at the moment.

I watched another fine episode of 'Lolita Lobosco' after supper, to take my mind off doing things I don't have energy to tackle at the moment with my 'toxic head' impeding my ability to tackle them. It's not a good place to be. I feel as if I'm not fully in control of my senses. I want to avoid slipping into panic mode and raising my blood pressure even more. Time to take refuge in sleep as best I can.

Head fog

Dull and overcast this morning. I slept until nine and felt sleepy when I woke up, before taking my usual meds. By the time I went shopping to Tesco's mid morning I felt much worse. I chatted with Ashley on my way there and outside the store, but when I went into the store the 'toxic head' sensation was so bad that I had difficulty identifying and obtaining things on my shopping list. My memory map of the store layout was working. I didn't feel faint, physically speaking, nor was I dizzy, just light headed with a sensation akin to pins and needles was so strong it interfered with my ability make decisions, like signal noise on a radio degrading the sound output, brain processes were slow. Disturbingly, the sensation reminded me of the way I felt on the day of the stroke. What on earth is going on?

Clare cooked sausages for my lunch and a veggie burger for herself. Unfortunately I didn't notice her text message asking me to buy veggie sausages until I returned home. I slept for an hour after we'd eaten, and it was raining when I started on my afternoon walk with brolly and added rain trousers. My head began to clear slowly, thanks to exercise. I'm reluctant to go walking in the park if there's rain and wind and have to push myself to go out. If I don't my head takes longer to clear.

We've now secured our Tenby fortnight's holiday booking in May. It's good to have this to look forward to, plus the train trips to take us there and back. Such a delightful journey, especially from Carmarthen down to Towy valley.

After supper my head cleared enough for me to work on another biblical reflection for Morning Prayer on another difficult passage from Hebrews, and then it was time for bed, wondering if tomorrow my head will be any better than today.

Holiday plans

A fair night's sleep. Nine hours in bed, two hours awake. I posted today's Morning Prayer YouTube link to the Parish WhatsApp prayer thread as 'Thought for the Day' was running on the Today programme. I was Clear headed and sharp waking up in sunshine with no threat of rain, but the sky clouded over anyway and so did my head after taking my morning meds. I went to the Eucharist at Saint Catherine's. We were seven this morning. Ann and Paul were there, giving an opportunity to ask if we could hire their place in Tenby for a couple of weeks self catering holiday in May. Our Ann is going to join us 

Clare was out shopping when I got home, so I cooked and ate lunch, with a deadline to arrive at Parkwood Clinic for an acupuncture session with Peter Butcher. Despite the negative impact of the meds on my brain and muscle stiffness requiring an effort to maintain a decent pace, my general energy levels remain high. Even if I get tired, I'm not being debilitated by the toxic effect. When I got back home I slept soundly in my armchair for an hour. Two things to give thanks for. I walked for another half hour at sunset, but thick cloud made it seem as if it was already dusk.

I treated myself to another episode of 'Lolita Lobosco' this evening. An enjoyable mixture of serious crime drama, romantic and domestic comedy with superb acting and laugh out loud dialogue set in Bari, modern  Italian movie story telling at its best.

Medication - a useful conversation

I got to sleep a bit earlier, but woke up earlier as the sky was bright with sunshine breaking through the cloud layer. Clare's study group arrived after breakfast for their meeting, confining me to vegetate in the lounge. Two hours sleep lost, and the meds amplifying morning drowsiness and releasing little energy to drive me out of the house for a walk. It's daunting. Daffodils in bud bought a week ago are now blossoming in a vase opposite where I sit. A welcome element of good cheer.

I had a useful follow up call from the medic dealing with the medication problem outlining several options to be considered. He suggests taking the statin every other day, which seems to be the least complicated option. In effect, this is a half dose. The pills are too small to cut in half. The aim is to see if the impact on me is less toxic. This is to be monitored with a couple of blood tests while fasting to establish the effect on my cholesterol. Sounds like a sensible plan to me. Finally I'll get the blood test I asked for five weeks ago. A morale boost for a change.

I had a surprise email from Dr Richard Johnson re-establishing contact. He's just coming up to seventy and may be about to retire. I'm not sure if he and Sue have moved house. I sent them a Christmas card and news to an address where I assumed they still live, but they may have moved from. They are coming with their caravan to stay in the Pontcanna Fields campsite in early April. He and I have birthdays close together. The last time we got together in the flesh was when they camped in Cardiff nine years ago, so quite a lot of catching up to do when we meet.

I cooked lunch after Clare's study group left, then recorded and edited together Morning Prayer and Reflection for next week. My afternoon walk in Llandaff Fields was cut short by soreness from a tiny anal blood leak due to the blood thinners. After supper, I made a video slideshow to go with the audio and posted it to YouTube. Then I went out again in the dark for a walk around the block to clear my head and complete my daily exercise quota, annoyed with myself for the earlier disruption as well as tired and ready for bed.