Escalation resumes

I woke up in the night and heard the sound of rainwater dripping from the gutter outside my window. Even so, I had a good night's sleep - not quite refreshing as it took me a while to chase away sleepiness when I got up. As part of breakfast I had a slice of bread covered in olive oil, mixed with cayenne pepper to stimulate my digestion, faced with the assault on my stomach of the medication. If this reduced the impairment of my senses and slowness of reactions, I might be able to concentrate better and be more confident in getting on with everyday life.

The morning sky was full of clouds on the move, so more rain is likely. The official drought has lasted three weeks after a longer dry spell, before summer heatwaves dried vegetation to the point that it easily catches fire. Hopefully there won't be monsoon like cloudbursts that dry ground cannot absorb, causing flash floods. 

Yesterday the sixty day period of negotiation between America and Iran expired without agreement being reached. Trump is demanding surrender. Iran has closed the Straight of Hormuz until the US lifts its naval blockade of Iranian ports, releases Iranian frozen assets and stops military threats. Trump has threatened to bomb US ally Oman if it gets in the way of American efforts to dominate the Straight of Hormuz. Oman recently helped to facilitate a safe passage for shipping through the Straight. What does Trump hope to achieve by his unpredictable coercive behaviour, especially as American polls show his approval rating is low? The conflict is escalating again. The price of oil has gone up again and America will suffer economically. American stocks of armaments are running low, and Iran still hasn't relinquished control of its geographically strategic waterway. What will happen in the mid-term congressional elections if the Republicans lose control in both Houses?

The US backed Gaza peace plan depends on the disarmament of Hamas, the withdrawal of Israeli troops and the rebuilding of Gaza under a new Palestinian civil administration, but Netanyahu obstructs progress, distrusting Hamas to honour any peace deal. Israel is now attacking Syrian targets as well. Is Netanyahu advertising his independent and belligerent stance with forthcoming elections in mind? 

I started thinking about the time I spent in Jerusalem back in 2000, wondering what happened to any writing I did when I was there. I can't remember what sort of record I made or in what format. In a digital archive of the year 2000 I found a copy of an email written as I was about to return from Jerusalem which sums up and reflects on the experience. If there's more, I have yet to locate it.

After lunch and a rest, I went to Tesco's and bought a packet of cayenne pepper, as I used up the remainder of a small spice jar at breakfast this morning. Then I walked up and down Llandaff Fields until supper time to complete my daily distance.

We watched another intriguing episode of 'Fake or Fortune' again after supper. It was about identifying a sixteenth century Venetian depiction of the pieta which had been hanging in Tunstall Parish church in  rural Lancashire for two centuries. Cleaning and restoration of the painting revealed its history and led to its attribution in another amazing piece of historical detective work to Francesco Montemezzano of the school of Tintoretto. It's now valued at £100,000. I imagine this must add considerably to the cost of church security and insurance. Glad I don't have to worry about things like that any more.

Cayenne

After a good night's sleep, I woke up to an overcast sky. A cooling breeze from the north and west brings with it the prospect of much needed rain. It's been a very demanding weekend for firefighters bringing wildfires under control across the heights of the South Wales coalfield plateau through which the Valleys were carved by the Ice Age. Seeing fires rage on hilltops above towns and villages must be a terrifying experience. A change of wind direction has driven the stench from fires north of Cardiff in an easterly direction. Even if rain is plentiful when it arrives, it will take time to extinguish upland peat fires kindled by vegetation burning above ground. The emergency services teamwork response to this widespread major incident has been brilliant, admirable.

Rachel sent me a link to a short YouTube video recommending the medicinal use of cayenne pepper in small doses to stimulate blood circulation and promote wound healing. It sounded quirky, but it made me wonder if it would help me, given that some of the side effects of the medication I'm taking is to upset my stomach and give me a mild headache. The medication was already having its negative effect, making me drowsy and faint if not dizzy. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, I thought, and took a pinch of cayenne. It must work on the stomach, as it dispersed the drowsiness and left me feeling to some extent, less worse.

We shared the cooking of lunch. I went to bed and slept for an hour afterwards, then we walked up to the Padel courts and had a cup of tea in the Square and Fair cafe next door. 

An email arrived from Alan Stott to say they'd been spared the wildfire in Stourbridge, although it broke out in a coppice not far from where he lives. He thought it was a bonfire when it started, he said.

I went out again after supper and walked up and down Llandaff Fields to complete my daily distance. I drizzled olive oil on a slice of Clare's bread and mixed some cayenne pepper into it, for an experiment. It tasted quite pleasant. Maybe I haven't been so drowsy today, but the mild background headache hasn't gone away. 

Gracelands album celebrated

A warm sunny day, following quite a good refreshing night's sleep, not that the feeling lasted long. Once I took the medication I felt the usual sensation of faintness and drowsiness combined, making everything an effort. Thankfully it doesn't affect my breathing or my heart, I just feel unwell. We went to the Eucharist at St Catherine's after breakfast with about three dozen others. Sadly attendance is low in school holidays. 

As well as selling produce from the church garden after the service, Hilary has been busy making chutney and grape jelly - the grapes are from a vine in the garden of the Robin Hood pub which backs on to the church garden. Clare bought a jar of the grape jelly. Now we have to decide which cheese meat or fish goes best with it.

We had cold cooked trout for lunch. Afterwards, I slept for an hour afterwards, then walked in Llandaff Fields until tea time. The sky was clouding over and the air cooler, but it will be several days more before there's any prospect of the drought ending. Soldiers are supporting firefighters in bringing wildfires under control in 14 places across Wales. There was a huge wildfire in Stourbridge yesterday destroying several homes. Our friends Alan and Marin live there. I sent them a message of concern and had no reply. The phone line was busy when I called. I hope they're safe.

Another short walk after supper to clear my head. The setting sun turned small fluffy clouds a salmon pink colour. Then I joined Clare watching the BBC Proms concert tribute to Paul Simon's 'Graceland' album, forty years after it was released, starring the Ladysmith Black Mamabaza choir and a couple of singers I hadn't heard of before. I had the impression the tempo at which upbeat songs were taken was faster than my musical memory recalled. Is it a reflection of an ageing 'stroke brain' I wonder? A wonderful concert.

Tragedy on the Assumption

Overcast and muggy this morning. I slept fairly well and woke up in time for an interesting reflection on the Feast of the Assumption on 'Thought for the Day'. In passing, Catherine Pepinster spoke about Pope Pius XI issuing an encyclical in German in 1937 publicly criticising nazism and condemning the  Kristallnacht pogrom in 1938. His successor Pius XII chose not to be outspoken but reticent, perhaps to avoid full scale persecution of the church. He used Vatican diplomatic networks to facilitate the rescue of Jews from the nazis, and he passed intelligence to the Allies on German military plans, and plots to depose Hitler. Both men in different ways expressed abhorrence for anti-semitism, acknowledging that Jesus was born of a Jewish mother, honoured after her death as 'Queen of Heaven' among all the saints.

Today's news reported the death by suicide of Jason Arday a young black autistic Cambridge professor of Sociology whose story of emerging from a childhood with severe learning difficulties into a brilliant scholar made him a celebrity. He was then criticised for plagiarism by other scholars and investigated, leading him to resign his post and take his own life. He had been in contact with colleague and friend Sir Simon Baron-Cohen, director of the Autism Research Centre at Cambridge, who knew and understood his situation and offered him support, exchanging messages on WhatsApp just before he died. In an interview on the BBC 'Today' programme Sir Simon spoke of Jason's vulnerability and asked what measures were in effect for safeguarding a vulnerable autistic man. Hostile criticism on social media from fellow academics, amplified by an avalanche of press reports helped create an intolerable situation for him, ending in tragedy. 

Yet again, another high status trusted public institution has questions to answer about its safeguarding policies. It's not just the church that gets  it wrong and struggles to deal with issues of concern in a society where competitive success and status is valued more than collaboration, mutual support and compassion.

The sky cleared and the sun shone as we walked to the Secret Garden Cafe in Bute Park for lunch. I had a disappointing ham and salad sandwich in a large seeded bun whose dough was so rubbery I needed a knife and fork to cut it open, let alone bite into. Impossible to do without ejecting the salad content. And it was garnished with salad cream rather than mayonnaise!

Clare called at Jason's greengrocer's on our way home, I stopped outside to wait for her by the Hot Pantry Bakery. One of the shop workers was putting unsold fresh bread and custard slices on a table outside for passers-by to take for free, as the shop was closing. She noticed me standing waiting nearby and to my surprise offered me a loaf and a couple of custard slices in a box. An unexpected tea time treat!

I needed the exercise, but the medication made my head swim, and this made walking an effort. It felt like an out-of-body experience. I went to bed exhausted and slept for an hour when we got home. I watched some of the Mass of the Assumption live streamed from St David's Metropolitan Cathedral, having been unable to find the site and logging in late. The stream was jerky and slow, buffering a lot, perhaps due to high demand. After supper I walked around the block to get some fresh air in a vain effort to clear my head. Is it just the drugs, or did my last stressful experience of A&E impede my stroke recovery in some unconsidered way?

Appreciation

A thin layer of high cloud to start the day with, warm and muggy, but not as hot as yesterday. A good night's sleep, nearly eight hours, though I still felt sleepy after breakfast due to the meds taking effect. When I woke up this morning I found myself remembering and appreciating people in times past. After breakfast I wrote an email to my friend Valdo in Aigle Switzerland. We met in Geneva thirty three years ago when he was pastor of the Parish of Bossey and Chaplain to the WCC's Ecumenical Institute. We visited Taize together skied in the Jura together, and shared an enthusiasm for tech' innovation. I felt that I wanted to thank him for being a good friend, interpreting Swiss protestant society and culture for me as we made our home in a world so different and yet so similar to mine. Although our church communities were so different pastoral life and being a pastor give us far more in common than I realised.

A thick envelope arrived from British Gas Home Care this morning with information about the services it alleges we signed up for when our fridge went through a temperature crisis last month. Clare had a talk with a tele-salesman enquiring about the service and wasn't aware of engaging in a contract as a result of the call, but it was a morning of confusion and misunderstandings with no opportunity to review the process. We unintentionally committed to a monthly direct debit of £30.35 to pay for household equipment maintenance which we don't need and are reluctant to afford. I don't know how this could happen without authorization and am very bothered about it, however well intentioned it aims to be for older people. It presumes to add this amount to our monthly gas bill, which debits our account for a similar sum for energy. Clare called British Gas Home Care and cancelled the contract, and was charged a cancellation fee of over thirty quid.

I cooked savoury chick peas and rice for our lunch. Whan I was rsting afterwards I had a phone reminder to collect my next batch of medication from the pharmacy. Then we went into town to visit Santander Bank to cancel the direct debit, but were told that the first direct debit has to go through before the cancellation can take effect, so we have to return to the bank later and check with the bank at the end of the month that the direct debit has been cancelled. I failed to grasp the nature of what is in effect an extra household 'insurance'. Drug induced slow down of my mental faculties makes it much more difficult to retain complex detail and stay in control of my affairs. Fortunately this hasn't happened to Clare, apart from memory loss. It's distressing in any case.

Before returning home, we had a drink in the John Lewis top floor cafe, where I reminisced about the days when the city centre was redeveloped and I attended the topping out and opening ceremonies for the building in which sipped our drinks. What a privilege it was to be a pastor in the city centre and witness the transformation of the heart of the city between 2006 and 2009!

We had a call from Rachel telling us about the new apartment in Cornville she's about to move into, sending us photos and a little video of her home to be. The landscape is greener, not arid, and it's cooler. While we chatted, a fire alert sounded on our phones, intervening in the call. The message was first issued in Welsh and rendered into digital speech pronounced in the most horrible anglicised Welsh. An utter disgrace. I hope there's a torrent of complaints from the public. It was as bad as satnav Welsh. No excuse for this. Or is it revealing the limits of what AI can do in the real world?

After supper, as the sun was setting, I walked up and down Llandaff Fields, appreciating the cooling breeze. Then we watched an interesting episode of 'Fake or Fortune' about authenticating two paintings by Gainsborough before getting ready for bed.

Staying out of the heat

I must have been tired last night as I forgot to switch my phone off at bed time. At three in the morning a call came in from Rachel who accidentally 'pocket dialled' me, into a conference call while talking to a third party. I got up after listening to Lucy Winkett on 'Thought for the Day' mediating on the solar eclipse and went to the pharmacy after breakfast to renew my prescription, which I should have done yesterday, but was distracted from doing so by my GP appointment. The amount of time it takes to process a request put me at risk of running out of meds the doctor insists are obligatory and life saving, despite the awful effect they have on me. Fortunately the pharmacist, knowing the vital one is in stock fast tracked the order, so I'll get them tomorrow afternoon.

It's another hot day today under a clear sky. It was about 27C when I walked to the pharmacy, 30C by the time I got home even higher later. The drought continues and with it the prospect of more wildfires. 

Fran and Marc came around for a wide ranging discussion about a presentation she's preparing about the meaning of the symbolism in the icon of the Holy Trinity. Marc will accompany her reflections with meditative violin music. It's something they've done before successfully with other icons. It is perhaps the most challenging one so far. It starts by focusing on the symbolism of the icon of 'the Hospitality of Abraham' and its mystical significance. How this works out will be interesting to see. After an hour and a half of talking I was pretty tired and slept for nearly two hours after a quick pasta lunch prepared by Clare.

As I've stopped preparing Morning Prayer videos, I've not used either of my Windows laptops for sound or video editing for several weeks, and thought I should run them to let Windows update itself. I started the Honor laptop when I sat down to listen to the Five O'clock news, and was astonished to find the updating process took an hour and a half. Perhaps it's more noticeable if updating occurs in the background while you're working. I'll have to time the updating of the Dell laptop when I next get around to switching it on.

I walked a circuit of Llandaff Fields for an hour after supper when the sun was going down and a cooling breeze was blowing. I had little energy to do anything more, it was time for early bed

Eclipse missed - just

A poor night's sleep awakened at first light by my irritated gut. I called the surgery at eight and got a face to face appointment at eleven forty. It meant I could go to church beforehand. Another hot day without rain, pushing back against drowsiness to get to St Catherine's for the Eucharist with a dozen others. In the absence of Fr Sion it was celebrated by Mthr Alison Dummer, Cathedral Curate and former URC minister, like her husband Mark, who was with her in the congregation. We chatted after the service, mainly about medication. Mark has heart problems and had to retire early some years ago on that account. Inevitably ailments are one of the main topics of conversation among older people.

My GP appointment was with Dr Jordan to whom I explained my medication woes. It would have been a lot more precise if I'd remembered to take with me the notes I prepared. Anyway, she's initiating a medication review, to see whether a lower dosage or a different version would have less of an impairing impact on my quality of life.  I called in the Coop after coffee and chat, to buy kefir but there was none in stock. After a podiatry appointment, Clare was already back home cooking lunch when I arrived. She went to town afterwards, and I slept in my armchair for nearly an hour. I could have done with more.

I had a phone call from fellow stroke sufferer Kath, a school friend of our Kath. She had a disabling stroke in her forties limiting her mobility, but lives independently and adventurously, with humour and great positivity. It was good to hear from her and chat about the challenges confronting us. as we attempt to live as normal a life as possible regardless of disability. I escaped the worst effects of a stroke and made what the medics regard as 'an excellent recovery' the one concern I have is the impact of medication side effects that really impair my quality of life. I've adjusted to a slower pace of life, the limitations of travel and to some extent the amount of stimulus I can tolerate without being overwhelmed. I need to regain confidence in handling my financial affairs. This is related to my ability to concentrate and pay attention to detail. This is where I need patience and reduction of anxiety. I need to overcome my fear of making mistakes. It could simply be a matter of getting used to a familiar set of routines again to re-establish confidence. I'm not under pressure. I hope time will heal.

The solar eclipse arrived at tea time. I got glimpses of it using the black end of strip of film negative, but didn't have the means to take photos. I watched the moon move into the sun's disc, then went indoors to eat some cold chicken for supper. When I went out to look again the sun was already at the rooftops and the moon was exiting the sun's disc, so we missed the eclipse climax entirely. And all my photos were over exposed, hardly worth keeping. How disappointing. Owain sent me a good photo he took with his phone using his eclipse glasses to filter out the sun's glare.

I've done a lot of intense talking today, so early bed is a necessity.