Coffee, coffee, coffee!

Cold and cloudy today. Early bed at half past nine last night despite the usual broken sleep, improved the way I felt on waking up. After taking the blood pressure pill I felt light headed and slow thinking until I went for a walk and had lunch. That 'toxic head' feeling wasn't as intense as it used to be. I'll try whatever change of routine makes a consistent difference. Only taking a statin every other day seems to spare me the worst of the awful sensation I've been living with since the stroke. Tomorrow morning I return to St David's hospital for a second fasting blood cholesterol test.

Radio Four's 'In our time' programme this morning was all about the element silicon, its importance in the making of the universe, its physics and chemistry and its use in semiconductors and electronics. It took me back to my time as a chemistry student sixty years ago, when fresh discoveries about silicon compounds and how to synthesise them were being made. This was just before the revolutionary innovation of silicon based products began to be commercialised. It was an exciting time to be in a scientific environment. The inquisitive and imaginative nature of scientific enterprise attracted me. I'm not sure that I would have become sufficiently disciplined and competent enough as a practitioner to make a worthwhile contribution to science, however. I was more interested in people, how they think, what they think and believe, always interested in the bigger picture, and how everything works together for good.

Clare soaked and cooked a batch of beans to make a curry with some of them for lunch. They are soft enough to use for making our own hummus as well. I fell asleep in my armchair for an hour afterwards. I didn't realise I was that tired since I slept fairly well last night, but I felt better as a result.

I walked around Thompson's Park for an hour. The old park keeper's hut, converted into the 'Lufkin' coffee kiosk seven years ago, closed last year. It's being given a makeover and is about to re-open, re-branded as 'Ground' the sixth in a small chain of local coffee and pastry shops around Cardiff and Penarth. 

Another coffee shop, one of a chain of twelve under the 'Coffi Lab' brand, has just opened opposite the Half Way pub, competing with Coffee #1 further down the street, plus 'Cafe Castan' and 'Square and Fair' in Llandaff Fields. That's a remarkable number of coffee shops within five minutes walk of each other, with two of them pitched at dog walkers. 

It will be interesting to see how long they last, given the rising price of coffee beans due to the effect of climate change, plus energy costs due to economic fall-out from war in the Middle East. Fashionable matt black is the paint colour used in the latest of these renovated retail outlets. I wonder how comfortable it will prove to be sitting indoors if we have summers of extreme heat? Pontcanna has been featured in recent news items as a top ranking trendy lifestyle residential area. I wonder how that affects local house prices?

Trump's threat to destroy Iran's energy infrastructure is meant to put pressure on negotiations to end the war. Pakistan is acting as a go-between. As a sign of good faith, Iran has let ten oil tankers pass through the Straight of Hormuz. Meanwhile, The United Arab Emirates have been attacked by Iran while Hezbollah continues to attack Israel with missiles. Russia is supplying drones to Iran in the background. No matter how successful Israel and America are at destroying Iranian weapons production and stocks, this is bound to prolong Iranian retaliation and resistance. The Iranian regime although hit hard has not collapsed. Its assassinated leaders have been replaced by other hard-liners determined to maintain the oppressive status quo. Coercion and violence have produced much suffering and death, but succeeded only in prolonging conflict and a descent into global economic recession.

I found a new Italian crimmie to watch from 'Walter Presents' called 'Blanca'. It's about a young blind woman who becomes an intern at police headquarters. She has a highly developed sense of hearing from her job transcribing courtroom audio, and puts it to use in an investigative team. A clever idea showcasing  blind people's potential to be active participants in team work. The accents caught my attention. I guessed Northern Italy correctly, as the  setting of the drama was the port city of Genoa, with obligatory mention of pesto!  Listening to it through headphones was a really good thing, as the well crafted stereo sound track made the experience of the blind protagonist come alive.

Lady Day

I woke up to a bright sunny day with a cold strong wind, feeling quite clear headed, after a good night's sleep, benefiting from getting to bed earlier. Can I turn this into a regular habit? I posted today's YouTube Morning Prayer link to WhatsApp as Giles Frazer spoke about the Divine Feminine and the inauguration of the first female Archbishop of Canterbury on 'Thought for the Day'. It's highly appropriate that it's the Feast of the Annunciation to Our Lady

In Middle East news, Iran is now allowing non-hostile shipping through the Straight of Hormuz, while retaliating against Israel as it invades Lebanon to deal with Iran's ally Hezbollah. Trump alleges that negotiations between allies and Iran are going on in the background. This is not reflected in what Iranian spokesmen are saying. Despite American threats and attacks, Iran's response is causing physical and economic damage to Saudi Arabia and the Gulf States and the Straight of Hormuz is under Iran's control. Will Arab states move from their current defensive posture to the risk of an attack that could make things worse in the long as well as short term?

By the time I went to St Catherine's to join six others for the Eucharist, the meds were causing me to feel light headed and slow as if I was in the process of waking up from deep sleep, though the usual sensation of toxicity was absent. After coffee and chat, I called at Jason's greengrocer's shop to buy some veggies on my way home. Clare cooked prawns with reheated left-over rice and spuds for lunch then I walked briskly to Parkwood clinic for an acupuncture session with Peter. I told him about my debriefing with the Stroke Association worker yesterday, and he echoed the opinion that I'm making good progress in recovery. Also  learning new lessons about myself. I walked home, as I generally do from a treatment, with a spring in my step, feeling fully awake again, despite the meds.

When I got home from church, a covid jab notification letter was waiting for me. It's the same date as my next cardio consultant appointment, in a different location and almost at the same time. It seems the various medical services offered don't use an integrated patient centred appointment diary. I had to call and rearrange the date. I was eighteenth in the phone queue, and twenty minutes waiting. The NHS app has a note of appointments pending. I wondered how it would handle the diary clash. Each department is something of an administrative 'silo' it seems to me, so maybe there's no  data handling measure that can flag up anomalies of this kind.

I went out for another walk at tea time, having noticed the rapid change in trees everywhere. The cherry blossom in trees along Penhill Road bordering Llandaff Fields has emerged spectacularly. Likewise the tall silver birch at the entrance to Meadow Street, whose leaf canopy appeared from nowhere in just a few days. A strong cold north wind takes the pleasure out of being outdoors on a Spring evening however. Early to bed again tonight.

Messages about messages

Cloudy and damp today. I slept quite well and remained clear headed after waking up and taking my pills with breakfast. My Fitbit sleep tracker reports that I sleep better with fewer interruptions in the first half of the night. Wakefulness in the second half is due to medication induced churning bowels and trapped wind. Winding down and going to bed earlier seems to be worth the effort.

I had a notification from the NHS app when I switched on my phone. On logging in, another notification stated that I would expect to receive a letter by mail from the GP surgery. It was unclear what this is about. A waiting list was mentioned at the top of the notification, but which waiting list? For what purpose?  This assumes I know I'm on a waiting list but doesn't take into account the fact that I may be on several waiting lists for different things at the same time. No matter how smart the communications technology may be, if the message conveyed leaves you guessing it's useless. Another instance of 'Garbage in, garbage out'.

Clare went to her study group in Penarth this morning and I cooked sausages and veg for lunch. She went out again by taxi straight after we'd eaten for a clinic appointment at Llandough. I stayed in to welcome the meditation group she belongs to, meeting chez nous today, double booked accidentally. There were just three of us, sitting in silence together for half an hour with the words 'love wins'. I sat with my eyes open, gaze directed without inquiring or reflecting towards a leather pouffe opposite my armchair, trying to be consciously present in the moment without turning in on myself or dozing off. No insight, no feelings. Few prayerful words. No discussion afterwards. No pasa nada.

After the session I walked in Llandaff Fields for three quarters of an hour. A cold strong blustery wind tried to blow me over. In the last stretch a heavy shower soaked my hat and top jacket, so I didn't go as far as I wanted to and reached home feeling annoyed.

Rachel rang up at supper time. She told us that Jasmine is in Copenhagen, but unfortunately she's unwell, probably 'flu. I hope it's not serious as she's a long way from family support. 

After supper, I completed writing a Reflection on the Morning Prayer passage from Colossians due to be read in a couple of weeks time, then I made an effort to get to bed even earlier, to see if it makes any difference.

Reflecting on stroke recovery

Sunshine in a hazy sky this morning. A poor night's sleep losing three hours out of ten in bed. Fortunately I didn't feel too bad once I got up, and had breakfast with my usual meds.  I felt alert enough to record Easter Morning Prayer for Easter Week, then went out food shopping and cooked lunch when I returned. 

We had a meeting at home after lunch with a couple of workers from the Stroke Association, reviewing the progress of my recovery so far. I told them the story of how I was before the stroke, what had changed as a result of the stroke, what the course of recovery had been like so far, problems with medication, and how this is related to brain fog and fatigue. From their perspective it seems I'm doing well. From my perspective, nothing abnormal was flagged up. The challenging thing was talking coherently to a couple of strangers while feeling light headed. 

My take-away from the conversation was the need for awareness of mental fatigue. It's more subtle than physical tiredness. Being more patient, not driving myself or being hard on myself when I have difficulty in getting things done, is something I need to work on. I find it hard to stop and take a step back when I'm keen or anxious to get something done properly or correctly.

The session lasted an hour and a half. The stimulus of reflecting, thinking things through and talking about them was helpful, and my head was clearer when I walked in Llandaff Fields for three quarters of an hour after we finished. I wonder if poor quality rest and mental fatigue become more evident when my blood pressure medication starts to work. More importantly, what's the best way to mitigate the effect?

News of an arson attack last night on a Jewish voluntary run ambulance service in Golders Green London. Four vehicles were set on fire. At the moment it's being attributed to Iranian agents by Jewish community security officials. Iran is firing missiles at Riyadh, threatening to lay mines throughout the Persian Gulf if its coastline is attacked, further threatening the global economy, already hard hit by the blockage of oil tankers in the Straight of Hormuz. 

With Trump threatening to obliterate Iran's energy infrastructure, Putin has weighed in, expressing concern about the danger of attacking Iran's nuclear power plant. Not much has been said about this in the news. It's interesting that Trump has postponed his ultimatum and now talks of 'constructive negotiations' taking place. What it amounts to in reality remains to be seen. It's hard to know if anything he says is trustworthy. Iran has denounced Trump's pronouncement as 'fake news' aimed at easing the price of oil. He persists in making up plans as he goes along, with no clarity about what the ending of hostilities looks like.

Clare went out to choir practice after supper. While I had the house to myself, with no distractions, I worked on editing the Morning Prayer audio for Easter week, made a video slideshow with it. and uploaded it to YouTube. Being ahead of schedule at this time of year especially means I have no deadlines other than sending a link to the Parish WhatsApp daily prayer thread, and can relax and appreciate the time of year which means most to me in the run-up to my birthday, and maybe succeed in getting to bed earlier regularly.

Coercion

A sunny start to the day, but it didn't last. Clouds took over the sky mid morning. My head was fairly clear when I woke up and the meds didn't affect me quite as badly as they usually do. I went to the Eucharist at  St Catherine's on my own as Clare opted for the Welsh language service this afternoon, after a morning spent preparing a garden bench for re-varnishing.

Trump has issued an ultimatum to Iran, threatening to destroy its power generation infrastructure unless it stops attacking ships in the Straight of Hormuz. Iran has shown that it has long range ballistic missiles and threatens to use more of them in attacking not only cities in the Gulf States but America and Israel's allies in Europe, widening the scope of the conflict. Trump is a leader who attempts to control relationships with individuals and nations by coercion. It doesn't work when others have power and confidence to push back but it creates a tense situation that could easily spin out of control. American propaganda machine videos promote support for the conflict as if it was a video game. It's what's to be expected from a former game show host, with a messiah complex, convinced might is right. General Sir Richard Barrons, former NATO commander and military defence expert, is openly critical of Trump, saying he cannot be trusted to handle this conflict without making things worse. Leaders of European nations are saying openly they don't want  to be drawn into Trump's war. 

Israel joined America's attack on Iran and took initiatives without consulting Trump. Israel's attack on Lebanon, looks like it will turn into invasion with the aim of eliminating Iranian backed Hezbollah, but it's leading to retaliatory missile strikes on Israel from Iran and its allies. On top of killing over a thousand Lebanese and displacing a million, Israeli occupation of Lebanon could provoke unintended reactions and sow unmanageable chaos. How is this going to be brought to an end? 

After lunch and a snooze, I worked on an Easter Week Reflection and recorded it, then walked in Llandaff Fields, somewhat quieter than yesterday, as the weather was dull and cold. I edited the audio after supper, and watched an episode of 'Patience' to finish the day. 

European romance

Yet another lovely day waking up to sunshine and a clear blue sky after a fair night's sleep with a clear head which remained quite clear after taking my meds with our Saturday pancake breakfast. I received a message from Veronica saying she had heard from a local church leader that a new Costa Brava Chaplain has been appointed. It seems my visit to celebrate the Eucharist with the congregation at Madremanya last May was remembered, and that I would be welcome to join the congregation for the licensing of their new pastor. It would be a lovely pretext for another visit, but given the uncertainty about my condition, plus the fast rising cost of travel and insurance it's not a prospect I can envisage. I'll be living off happy memories of ministry on the Costas and my locum photo albums in future. 

I felt sleepy after lunch and slept in bed for half an hour before going for a walk in Llandaff Fields, busy with children playing and family groups enjoying a post-Eid picnic. I found it an effort to sustain a modest pace. I wasn't breathless, my legs felt leaden, but not painfully stiff. I don't know why. It rather spoiled a pleasant hour in the afternoon sun.

Military installations overlooking the Straight of Hormuz have been destroyed by American forces. Iran has retaliated, firing missiles which didn't succeed in hitting their target, the Anglo American base on the Indian Ocean island of Diego Garcia. Britain's military bases are being used by American warplanes as a contribution to the defence of Gulf States, the Straight of Hormuz and UK military bases. 

British resistance to being sucked deeper into a conflict it didn't start and is slipping out of control with far reaching economic consequences, will be made clear by Parliament voting to endorse the government's defensive initiative and its justification. Trump ordered attacks on Iran unilaterally without formally presenting war aims for endorsement by Congress. He has criticised and insulted NATO allies for not following suit. His potential allies are less than willing to trust his judgement because he is unpredictable.

After supper, I watched another feel-good episode of 'Lolita Lobosco', a delightful mix of crime thriller, domestic comedy and romance. The final scene was set on the quayside of Bari's ferry terminal with a huge ship with the 'Piraeus' written on its stern. It awakened the memory of taking a ferry back in 1967 to Piraeus from Brindisi, seventy miles south of Bari after a day and a night's train journey from London to Athens with a pioneering student travel business taking us to a month's backpacking holiday in Greece. The romance of that adventure and the wild beauty of my first rural Mediterranean country was for us a treasured life changing experience, the beginning of my love affair with the rich diversity of European life and culture.

Spring Equinox

Waking up to a sunny spring Equinox morning, what a pleasure! Despite insufficient sleep the impact of the meds wasn't as bad as I feared, even if it did persist all day.

The world continues to reap the whirlwind of economic chaos from Netanyahu and Trump's belligerence towards Iran. The number of allied nations reluctant to respond to Trump's call to arms to take the offensive to keep the Straight of Hormuz open to tanker traffic is notable. Gulf States continue to  suffer bombardment from Iran and its allies. It's not only Trump who capitalises on uncertainty with his threats of assault on his enemies. Iran is waging economic war on western nations with its own brand uncertainty about when and how its retaliatory drone and missile strikes will affect Middle Eastern oil and manufacturing industries and its clients in the wide world.

In church news this morning, the appointment of Rod Green, Archdeacon of Llandaff as Suffragan Bishop of Stepney was announced. The former Bishop June brought him in from the Diocese of London. It will be interesting to see who Bishop Mary appoints as his successor. 

I started preparing the text of an Eastertide edition of Morning Prayer, prior to thinking about a brief reflection on the mystery of the resurrection in 1 Corinthians 15. Then I cooked a lentil, mushroom and courgette dish for our lunch, and dozed in my armchair for an hour after. On my afternoon circuit of Llandaff Fields the aroma of barbecued meat hung in the air near a tent with a banner celebrating Eid al-fitr, with family groups sitting on the grass nearby, and ball games being played by adults and kids. 

In a stand of trees opposite Howells School, the haunting sound of a green woodpecker calling. I could hear when it changed position but couldn't spot where it was, to photograph it. On the way home I called in the Coop and bought a pair of iced cinnamon buns for a teatime treat. After supper I spent the rest of the evening writing long emails to friends. Then I went for a ten minute walk in the dark around the block to clear my head before getting ready for bed.