A psychaiatrist's take on sin

Awake at half past seven, listening to the news and Thought for the Day, then up and taking photos of the rising sun through a veil of orange cloud, an awesome start to the day. After breakfast the second Reith Lecture about violence by Dr Gwen Adshead. Interesting discourse and debate about the nature of evil in which she proposed that it's more helpful to consider evil as an adjective describing a state of mind which  can drive human behaviour in reaction to a variety of negative circumstances, bearing in mind we have a choice about whether or not to act on the impulse to violence. 

Ability to control such negative impulse can be impaired by both social and individual influences; poverty, abuse, drugs, dehumanising ideology etc. Spending time ruminating on greed lust anger envy and pride, whether alone or on social media is the kind of activity which could edge the most 'normal' person towards an evil state of mind. 

Harbouring evil thoughts and impulses can be related usefully to dwelling on of the seven deadly sins. Pride leads to egotism and denigration of others. Gluttony and lust are about selfish appetites and emotions out of control. Greed and envy arise from questioning if there's enough to go round. Extremes of inequality can give rise to unjustifiable violence. Sloth is the ultimate in not caring about anything, disengaging from the world. It can driver despair, a risk factor for suicide and even homicide.  Anger is a reaction to pain and fear, a response that can protect and save life if enacted in the right circumstances, but can lead to hatred in an evil state of mind and to violence . Nobody is immune to the effect of sin. Everyone must be awake to its influence and cultivate a mindset of goodness, compassion and gratitude to protect protect themselves from evil influences.

I found this a most engaging interpretation for a diverse secular audience of moral and spiritual teaching that resonated through different religious faiths. It is of course based on the experience and life's work of a woman committed to healing broken people with the ability to see herself in them. I downloaded the audio of the lecture and listened to it again, to make sure I had taken it all in. 

Meanwhile, Clare went off to her study group in Cowbridge, and I made lunch for when she returned, later than usual. I spent some time writing a letter, then went for a walk. Again I got back after sunset. The sky looked beautiful but the temperature had dropped by nearly ten degrees by the time I returned. Very chilly. I had supper early with her, as she was going out again to meditation group. I wrote for a while and then watched two more episodes of Lykkeland until it was time for bed.

Faulty switch

I woke up about half past seven, dozed until Thought for the Day, then got up to make breakfast. The sky was mostly clear with cloud patches on the horizon as the sun appeared just before eight so I grabbed the nearest camera I could find in my office the HX300 and took a few pleasing photos. 

It's sad there's a lens sensor fault which displays a persistent error message on screen making it tiring to use for any length of time, as the fault has made no difference to lens quality. Getting it repaired would be more expensive than buying an equivalent new one. Such a pity.

Housework after breakfast, then I spent the rest of the morning recording and editing another Morning Prayer and Reflection for a week Wednesday. Editing took me a little longer than usual, and I had to finish the job after lunch. It's just as well that Clare had already planned a meal and was cooking. 

An electrician she hired came at eleven to repair the bathroom light switch. Recently, when pulling the cord the light came on and flickered. If you held the string for long enough it might turn on properly, or not as the case may be. It wasn't a matter of adjustment, but an unusual fault in the switch mechanism, the electrician said. It needed replacing, fortunately it wasn't too expensive. For him it was only ten minutes work.

It was gone three by the time I went out, first to the Co-op for the weekly heavy load of shopping and then for a walk in the park. Having started an hour later the sun set, was I was walking along the river bank. It felt very chilly and I was glad that I'd changed top coats after doing the shopping, for the long fleece lined one bought in last year's sale. It's heavy and has no useful inside pockets, but it's warm. I may get away with wearing something lighter underneath, perhaps even a big sweater. We'll see.

After supper I watched three more episodes of the Norwegian drama 'Lykkeland' before turning in for the night. It's so well written and well paced it sustains interest and is compelling to watch. No wonder it's won 12 movie industry awards and 11 nominations besides.

Advent awakening recalled

It rained in the night, but cleared for a while in the morning and the sun broke through the clouds. A good eight hours sleep, following an early night. I benefit from going to bed early but struggle to change my routine, as I enjoy remembering reflecting and writing while I relax at the end of the day.

I drove to St German's for Mass for a change and joined a congregation of thirty for a traditional Advent Sunday Liturgy. Fr Jarel didn't preach, as a Parish bring and share lunch was going to follow the service, combined with a group conversation envisaging the next ten years in church life, leading up to the 150th anniversary celebrations. I didn't know this was happening and didn't consider staying on. I am after all part of the past fourteen years of St German's and may not live long enough to see the day. At least the sun shone during the service, always a consolation in such a beautiful light filled building. 

I set out for home half an hour earlier than I normally would. The traffic across the city centre was very slow and took fifteen minutes longer than the journey there. I arrived earlier than Clare expected, so she'd been late starting lunch, not that it mattered., I opened a bottle of Italian Merlot that I won at the Christmas Fayre last week and listened to the news once I laid the table. 

The sky clouded over again by the time I went for an afternoon walk in the park. There was a lot of water on the roads from earlier showers and my lower half got soaked by a car driving through a water filled pothole. Later on there was a ten minute shower of rain, soaking my top jacket. Although my trousers dried out while I was walking, they needed washing as roadside puddle water is inevitably dirty water.

After an early supper we went to St Catherine's for the Advent Carol service. Nearly four dozen people attended. There was meant to be a bidding prayer at the start of the service, but it didn't happen. I suspect nobody reminded Fr Sion that he needed to provide his own text for this. There is a suitable one in the Oxford Carols for Choirs, which needs to be provided for the officiating cleric, or they need to be told in advance so that they come prepared. I've been nearly caught out by this before and glad that I'm no longer responsible and facing the congregation for worship.

Being in the congregation for Advent Sunday holds a special memory for me. In my first term as an undergraduate, I attended a silent retreat at a convent in Salisbury which catalysed a spiritual awakening in me that opened a way to contemplate the mystery of God. As a child I went to the early Communion service with my mother and this made an impression on me. I connect these two experiences as markers on my journey which set me in the direction life has taken me. 

Fifty seven years of active participation in the church's mission and ministry later, in response to a call which first came to me through others, I still wonder if I made the right choice. I never felt comfortable about being in the social role of a clergyman and it took time to feel completely at ease acting as a priest and preacher representing the church before God, and God's Word to the church. It's a matter of learning to pray all over again when performing the priestly role. When you no longer occupy the role it's a matter of re-discovering if not learning, how to pray as an individual member of the Body, blessed with the time and space in which to do so.

And now, another effort to get to bed earlier and change my habit!