Non-communication

Such a relief to wake up under a blue sky today. I got up and ate breakfast listening to Sunday Worship on Radio Four, celebrated the restoration of Notre Dame de Paris, and its spiritual significance for the city and for the wider world. The cathedral choir sang French Christmas carols and anthems, and the service was led by Dr Isobel Hamley, Principal of Ridley Hall Cambridge, an Anglican born and bred in France. An unusual broadcast service for the first Sunday of Christmastide.

I was in the bathroom getting ready for church when I received a text message notification from OpenReach reminding me of tomorrow's engineer visit, the one that I got confirmation of cancellation on Friday afternoon. I contacted TalkTalk again via Direct Message and went through the same 40 minute cancellation procedure as yesterday. The call handler confirmed actions were taken yesterday but there was a 'technical issue' at their end which meant the message had not been sent or maybe wasn't delivered. 

I received a second confirmation of cancellation from TalkTalk, having requested they ask OpenReach to send me confirmation of cancellation. I also registered a complaint about this procedural failure and was only just in time for church, having had to conclude the message exchange on my way into church. At least I have an audit trail if an engineer turns up tomorrow, and OpenReach decide to penalise me for a call out for which I requested cancellation - screenshots of the relevant Direct Messages and acknowledgement of my complaint.

I slipped into St Catherine's, drained by the effort of all that concentration on the screen keyboard, and with a sore wrist. There were just thirty of us for the Eucharist. I was grateful to receive Communion after what was for me the disappointment of Christmas Day without Communion. We had a delightful family time at Black Patch, though cycling through all the festive season popular songs, and a few carols crooned sentimentally was just a reminder that my sense of duty and devotion to the liturgy of the church isn't shared by my family any more, if it ever was. 

I was reminded of a similar sense of estrangement in church when I heard there will be no Eucharist on New Year's Day, just as there was no Eucharist on St John's Day. It's one of Canton churches Patronal Festivals. My offer to cover services so parish clergy can take a break was not taken up. There seems to be an unspoken change of policy about public worship offered by the Parish. Retired clergy have no say in these affairs unless they are asked personally what they need, and what they have to give. Complaining or politicking over issues of change does nothing to support church leadership, it's just an embarrassing unwelcome nuisance. If I'm angry, resentful, or disappointed about anything, it's up to me to find a way to deal with my heavy heart.

I was in no mood to stop for a drink after the service. We did some shopping at the Co-op, then went home for lunch. I went for a long walk in the park afterwards, checked the verges for snowdrops - just in eight days there are many more appearing and about to flower, but none of them are as large as the plant near the campsite. A single daffodil with a developed bud on it has appeared on the verge near the stables. I got home just before sunset.

There was nothing of interest to watch on telly after supper. I said Evening Prayer then fell asleep in the chair until bed time, though I didn't feel especially tired. This Day of Rest seems to have drained rather than refreshed me.