Anxiety at reversing a decision

The sky was clear when I woke up, but clouded over mid morning. More rain to come. Last night's sleep was less worse, thanks to eating less  at supper time, though I still needed to drink plenty of water when I got up to avoid a foggy head. I had porridge and bacon for breakfast to  compensate for blood sodium loss. Admittedly I peed half as much volume as I have been doing this last couple of months, an improvement, but was still awake for nearly three hours out of ten in bed. I'll have another blood test on Wednesday. I'll find out then if there's been any change at all. 

I can't seem to escape worrying about this commitment we've made to install solar panels. Even though the offer looks sound, I have nagging doubts I can't quite put my finger on, and am getting distressed by them. When I went for a walk after lunch I talked with Owain about it. He understood, and reassured me that if I was having misgivings it was possible to pull out of the contract. Clare had been in touch with the company about changing our combi gas boiler to an electric boiler, which it seems can be done for little or no added cost as part of the deal. It seems there are grants for doing this. 

Owain was doubtful about what this would achieve as electric water boilers are notoriously expensive to run, and would reduce the benefit from home solar generated power export to the grid. A casual remark about solar power use in our area led me to inspect roofs in our neighbourhood when I was walking around. I couldn't spot any. Maybe this is due to the alignment of houses along a northeast-southwest axis. Hardly ideal for solar panels unless they are state of the art high efficiency ones. Few houses in our area may have roof surfaces optimally oriented, and that may explain the reason there's scant evidence of roof top solar panels around us. Are we ready to be early adopters of new kit yet to live up to the energy production claims made for our neighbourhood in all good faith?  By the end of the afternoon Clare too was having misgivings, so we decided to cancel the contract, and hopefully have our deposit refunded without any hassle. 

Perhaps I felt so bad about Saturday's decision to proceed as it's something we both want to happen. I was unable to get a grasp on appropriately informed questions at the presentation session. I was feeling poorly and thinking too slowly and disjointedly to think critically.

Anyway, I'm less anxious and agitated about it now that my instinctive risk aversion and caution have had their impact.

Clare had supper even earlier than me as she was going to choir practice. I recorded and edited this week's Morning Prayer and Reflection while she was out, thankful I could concentrate on the task after an emotionally topsy turvy anxious day in which I hardly recognised myself. 

Now the decision has been taken, I think I shall sleep better tonight after a light supper again, as that's what seems to suit me now.

Going for solar

Overcast sky, cold and rain today. A good night's sleep, seven and three quarter hours, best sleep quality in months, and less volume of pee overnight, two days after stopping the 'booster' hypertension meds whose toxic impact on my body is diminishing. I woke up feeling a little hazy. Saturday breakfast pancakes with honey or marmalade soon cleared my head. My blood sugar must have been a bit low as well. At eleven a representative of PlanetBloom arrived. It's a solar panel installation business. 

Clare had arranged a visit for a sales presentation. It's a matter we explored a few years ago, at a time when solar panel efficiency was far less than it is now. We didn't pursue it as it was too costly to be economically viable. Given the recent advances and lowering of prices as more households adopt solar power the situation has changed, and we are in a position to save money on our total energy costs. 

We decided to go ahead and order an installation. When it came to paying the deposit, I must have made a mistake with the on-line bank transfer. We paid by card over the phone. Then I found myself locked out of our joint bank account and had to go through a long security check to establish my on-line banking credentials. I had to look at bank statements and receipts to establish account ownership successfully. It was very unnerving, but the person answering the helpline was most patient with us in the midst of all our confusion and chaos. I don't need this level of stress while I'm recovering from the medication nightmare of the past couple of months.

After a late lunch I walked in Llandaff Fields until dusk and completed my daily step goal. Clare cooked spinach and vegan cheese pizza for our supper. Both Owain and Rachel phoned for a chat. Kath and Anto are in Barcelona for a conference about children and theatre, part of Kath's research in preparation for the next Sonrisa Arts project. It's a pity they can't meet up with Veronica and John, as Veronica is recovering from her knee joint replacement surgery and still in hospital learning how to walk. Another early night for me tonight, no telly.