Demoralised

I woke up to clear blue sky and sunshine, with my head fairly clear.  Kath called while she was driving to work and we chatted for twenty minutes. She's just booked a trip to Denmark to attend a children's theatre conference, part of her Arts Council funded research into work with young children. I told her how mental slowness makes me struggle to retain coherent concentration, affecting my confidence dealing with some on-line tasks though not all, strangely enough. She works with old people, and listens with understanding when I moan, bless her!

I resolved to prepare the documents I need to file my tax return, starting with downloading my CofE P60 pension statement. Clare sat with me while I did this, just for reassurance and to check I did it correctly. So many routine habitual mental tasks I did confidently before the stroke I still remember how to do, but it's as if the chain of actions in any procedure has to be reassembled and made into a routine. Medication that slows my thinking and concentration undermines my ability to do this. It reminds me that I'm not good at being patient with myself. 

Anyway, I accessed the pensions website and retrieved the document without error or confusion.  I delayed taking my blood pressure pill until we had eaten a big pasta lunch, cooked by Clare while I went out for some fresh air in Llandaff Fields. The effect of taking the pill later in the day  wasn't as pronounced as usual, maybe slower to absorb on a full stomach, it persisted for longer, slowing me down mentally and physically.

I walked for another half an hour before supper. My head cleared enough for me to be able to transcribe another day's worth of notes from my Jamaica travel diary. I turned in early for the night demoralised by fatigue, both physical and mental, due to the effect of the meds, and the difficulty I have getting things done, particularly my journals. I long see stories of my travels completed while I still can. Sometimes I wonder if I can get some satisfaction from doing this before my time is up.