Bloody hell again

I went to bed at eleven and was awakened by a nose bleed at one.The carotid artery in my left jaw was trapped by a firm pillow when I fell asleep. I accidentally switched off the power extension for my bedside lamp and had to grope around in the dark to find the nain light switch holding a bucket in my hand to catch the blood. Amazingly There were no blood drops on the floor. It  was unstoppable and Clare called a taxi to go to UHW at three. My worst fear repeating itself. 

The A&E doctor who treated me was gentle, thorough and considerate. The nostril needed an inflatable plug - my horror from last time, but use of a suitable snalgaesic made the pain bearable. 

I spent the night in a kids' treatment room. All that was available. Clare returned home once she kniw I had been stabilised. I slept very little and missed the breakfast trolley. A patient sleeping iin the kids's room wasn't flagged up. Breakfast caught up with me two hours later - cheese and ham sandwiches. Then I could take my meds without distress to my stomach. I dozed on snd off until moved into a room to wait for arrangements to be made to relocate me to the short stay surgical unit to assess the outcome of the nose plug. It was teatime before this happened. Clare had visited with clean clothes and other things on my emergency hospital list texted to her. 

I'm tired stressed out with interrogation by nurses, and my blood pressure is so high they are worried.

Who knows what tomorrow ill bring?

Dangerous heat

A good night's sleep, waking up in glorious sunshine with a cloudless sky, 30C rising to 35C. Medication leaves me feeling light headed and drowsy. It affects my hand-eye coordination too, judging by the typos I have to correct. I stayed indoors and gave my feet some attention - hard skin on the ball of my foot and toe nails in need of trimming. I can still bend down to do this, though some muscle groups threaten to go into spasm unless I take plenty of time and care when twisting and bending down. It saves me the hassle of making a podiatrist appointment. Advice about side effect of using Dipyridamole indicates it may reduce blood pressure, accounting for disconcerting symptoms I have to put up with daily. High blood pressure and nose bleeds were the bane of my life for decades. I used to be at risk from nose bleeds while bending down to cut my toe nails, but so far so good.

Amnesty International has denounced Israeli military actions in Lebanon as war crimes, given the number of unarmed civilians, women and children, murdered in the IDF's war against Hezbollah. Equally disturbing are the attacks on Palestinian West Bank villages by Israeli settler gangs protected by the IDF. Ethnic cleansing by any other name. 

Wildfires in Almería Province have killed at least a dozen people with double that number missing. A couple of people were found in a burned out right hand drive car at Los Galliardos, 10km from Mojácar. It's an area I remember from locum duty stays ten years ago, with a sizeable resident community of ex-pats as well as holidaymakers. 

Clare fell asleep when she returned from shopping. I had been writing while she was out and didn't notice the passage of time until I started to feel extra light headed rather than hungry. I hastened to make a lunch of couscous with frozen veg and prawns, almost dizzy with slow reactions. Luckily I didn't make a mess of cooking and it turned out as intended. It bothers me that the medication has such a drastic impact on my ability to cope. So glad I don't have to drive any more.

I walked in the heat for half an hour before supper and walked again for three quarters of an hour after supper when the air was cooling at sunset in an attempt to clear my head, which has been dull and foggy for much of the day. I can't tell if this is due to the heat alone or the effect of medication and heat. I drink plenty of water and tea, but tired legs seem inescapable. I drop off to sleep a couple of times during the day if I sit down and relax for a while after a period of activity. My heart rate isn't noticeably high or low during exercise, but at the end of the day I feel like I've run a marathon and don't stay awake for long once I get into bed. I wish I could make sense of all this.

Defiant in grief

Another hot sunny day with a clear sky. I  slept fairly well despite being woken up several times by gut pains, possibly from eating too much acidic sauerkraut. Shoulder pain is not so strong now. I remembered to use anti inflammatory gel before getting into bed. The clot busting meds continue to make me feel unwell, drowsy, slow reacting and stiff. I don't think the heat improves matters. I make an effort to stay active mentally and try not to push myself too hard physically.

After breakfast, I started recording audio for next week's Morning Prayer while Clare was out shopping. It's rarely quiet by day in our neighbourhood as the background sound of power tools or hammering from building or maintenance projects plus vehicle noises is annoyingly pervasive. it would be better to record at night, but I'm too tired late in the day. Anyway I was able to record and edit out most background sound while Clare cooked lunch, and then made the video slideshow for uploading to YouTube after we'd eaten.

I went out for a long slow walk in the shade of the trees in Llandaff Fields The temperature was 31C and there was almost no breeze. After an early supper I went to St Catherine's, as choir practice was taking place at seven, giving me an opportunity to go into church and hunt for my missing spec's. A thorough search of the chancel, choir and side aisle where I may have dropped them yielded nothing. So where else might I have dropped them? I retraced my steps home, feeling drained by the heat, no sight of the spec's anywhere. Then when I stepped through the door I thought - what if they fell out of my pocket when I put the jacket on when I left for church? And that led me to find them, lodged out of sight in one of Clare's ankle boots in the shoe rack! What a relief!

Millions attended the burial of Ayatollah Khamenei at the shrine of Imam Reza in Mashhad in Iran. Meanwhile Iranian missiles have hit Jordan, Bahrain, Qatar and Oman in retaliation for American strikes on Iranian targets following Iran's assertion of control over the Straight of Hormuz. Determined defiance regardless of the cost.

The air cooled a little as the sun neared the horizon, so I went out and walked around the block to get a breath of fresh air before getting ready for bed.

Truce over

A comfortably warm good night's sleep and I woke up feeling clear and sharp, but again the medication made me feel drowsy, slightly unsteady. I posted today's WhatsApp link to Morning Prayer on YouTube before getting up for breakfast. I left for the Eucharist at St Catherine's in what I thought was enough time to be punctual I arrived a couple of minutes late, despite walking at what I thought was a brisk pace. Does this drowsiness affect my sense of pace as well as slow down my reactions? 

We were a dozen at the service. I bought courgettes grown in the church garden afterwards. I made an effort to walk home at a brisk pace and noticed I wasn't quite so drowsy when I got home, so I took charge of cooking lunch - fish with a big yellow courgette along with new potatoes and carrots. You can't get much fresher than that!

Rachel called us at lunchtime, and we chatted for an hour. She was driving north on a desert road at first light. She's investigating a possible move to Washington State for a live-in carer's job that will enable her to perform gigs when she's off duty. It's so hot in Arizona that the hours before sunrise are the coolest time of day for safe driving. It's cooler up north, the climate will suit her better. I hope it works out for her.

After church I couldn't find my reading spec's despite searching high and low for them. I found the case for them hanging from my sleeveless jacket top pocket, and deduced that when I knelt for Communion I was holding on to the Communion rail as my legs were stiff and unsteady, I may have expelled them from the pocket without realising. I called Clive to borrow a key to retrieve them, but he insisted on hunting for them himself as he lives close by. Two other pairs of reading glasses were retrieved from the choir stall where I was sitting, but neither of them belonged to me. They are probably hiding in plain sight on the sanctuary floor. I'll pick them up tomorrow when the church is open for choir practice.

I went out for exercise late afternoon and called in Tesco's to buy some flowers for Clare. It was just about bearable at 30C. I don't know how Rachel copes in 40C heat, it's not her natural environment. She prefers real fresh air to air conditioning. I went out again after supper and walked and down Llandaff Fields. The warm evening air was pleasantly fragrant with the scent of lime trees and mown grass.

Ships using the Straight of Hormuz have been fired on. America has retaliated by striking coastal targets in Iran. Truce talks have stopped and war has resumed with Trump declaring the cease-fire is over, the aim being to degrade Iran's ability to prevent shipping from transiting the Straight. I don't suppose it will be long before American allies in the Gulf are attacked again by Iran. How long before Congress reacts to the huge expense of this aggression by refusing to approve further military action? How long before the price of oil rises and exacerbates the economic crisis already precipitated by Trump's war?

 

Patronage under scrutiny

Another warm day under a clear blue sky. I slept for long enough though not well enough to improve sleep quality. I forgot to rub my strained shoulder joint with anti inflammatory gel before bed. It hurt each time I got up for a pee in the night and as I returned to sleep. Getting started after breakfast and medication was daunting due to drowsiness that's hard to shake off. Concentration becomes an effort. Clare's study group meeting this morning was thrown into chaos as Fran fell and broke her wrist and needed to go to A&E. It meant others couldn't attend, who usually get a lift from her, except Ruth who came with her own car. 

The Council's digital parking permit app, proved unworkable on Clare's phone, likewise the telephone payment service. Clare emailed the parking permit office to report this. This digital permit system discriminates against any person who has difficulty using phone apps for whatever reason, and there is no alternative. It is possible to park 5-10 minutes walk away in a place where there's a physical parking meter, but this  discriminates against people with mobility limitations. It's scandalous.

I went to Tesco's for groceries after lunch. It was hard going with a loaded rucksack, walking with stiff legs in the heat. It was 23C this afternoon and likely to continue warm for days to come. The drowsiness and slight unsteadiness on my feet didn't leave me until mid-afternoon. I was ready for a walk by then, and walked for nearly an hour before supper. It wasn't enough to complete my daily step goal, so I went out again afterwards, ostensibly to buy some bananas, which I forgot about earlier. I feel I have to push back against the awful lethargy the medication produces, even if it means being patient with myself and waiting until my head clears enough for me to feel safe on my feet.

Nigel Farage has been under public scrutiny over financial support received for his political campaigning from Christopher Harborne, a crypto billionaire investing in military technology. It now emerges that Harborne was also quietly generous to Boris Johnson during his time as a parliamentarian. He had vested interests in advocating Brexit as well as being a stake holder in the defence industry. 

Farage resigned his parliamentary seat intending to stand as a Reform candidate in a by-election he forces, anticipating a populist show of support by being re-elected. The other political parties have declared they won't stand against him. If he is returned to Parliament, he cannot evade being held to account over the issues that face him at present. He may end up being deprived of his seat anyway. Another of his financial backers has been convicted of fraud. Farage frames himself as an anti-establishment candidate, but will voters see through his posturing and endorse his effort to ensure a wealthy elite retain power without accountability in the shady background of public life?

 

Foolish Meddling

A cloudy day with a mild wind. I slept well having got to bed earlier than usual after reading for a while. I wasn't spared the medication impact however. I read about the way the Dipyridamole clot dispersal drug acts. It seems it lowers blood pressure and can cause dizziness. It makes me feel drowsy if I've slept badly, light headed not quite dizzy, but more like it's interfering with my sensory awareness, detaching me from my environment. It's unnerving and unpleasant. 

I didn't feel like going out, and spent the morning exchanging emails with Sara about sleep quality. Clare made curried veg with chick peas and rice for lunch. I made an effort to fight drowsiness and not doze off after lunch, preparing the Wednesday Morning Prayer text for the week after next, before going for a walk, thinking about a biblical reflection on Luke's account of the Jesus' apocalyptic teaching, which I committed to writing after supper while Clare was out at choir practice.

Trump has turned his attention to meddling in the disciplinary affairs of the football World cup, after an American player was penalised then suspended from playing in another game. World football authority FIFA has lifted the suspension after Trump expressed his opinion that it was 'unfair'. Adherence to the rules of the game is essential to honourable football matches. Not that players don't try and bend the rules or find other ways to get away with breaking them. Fair play relies on respect for the referee's authority and the agreed rules convention. 

He places himself above the rules, he thinks of himself as the ultimate arbiter. I don't suppose there are many prepared to challenge him while World Cup football is based in the Americas, too much is invested in the success of this sporting spectacular. It will be interesting to see what happens when it's all over and nobody feels the need to appease this fake messiah any longer. I hope that by that time, it's possible the mid term elections deliver a verdict on him which will drain him of all authority to play messiah, in every sphere of influence he thinks he has, one way or another.

Millions of Iranians have rallied for the funeral of Ayatollah Khamenei in Tehran, an immense show of solidarity despite all the country has suffered. Iran still has the strategic advantage, despite Trump and Netanyahu's four months of warmongering. 

There's no doubt that the Islamic Republic is a cruel tyrannical regime. If anything, regime change has resulted in an even more hard line regime dictating terms to the world and Iran's people, not just America and Israel. This war has cut off fertilizer supplies through the Straight of Hormuz to some of the world's most needy countries, threatening harvests for 45 million people. Will Trump brag about this to his MAGA supporters?

Losing track

A warm and windy day under a thin layer of cloud. I slept well, over eight hours and don't understand why I was left feeling drowsy. We went to the Eucharist at St Catherine's after breakfast. Yesterday's Summer Fayre raised over three thousand pounds we were told, and the turnout was remarkably good, helped by the fine weather. A young girl about eleven years old read the Epistle, a difficult passage to make sense of, from St Paul's letter to the Romans. She did well, and despite stumbling on one really tricky sentence, she stopped and corrected herself without faltering. I was impressed, and told her so over coffee afterwards.

A quick visit to the Co-op for wine and kefir on the way home, then we had tasty filleted sardines poached with a little olive oil for lunch. I couldn't shake off the drowsiness and dozed in my armchair for half an hour while my smart watch charged. When I went out for a walk I forgot to put the watch back on and had to resort to my phone's pedometer app to check how far I walked. I try to cover five miles each day to make sure I make the physical effort on those days when my leg muscles are tired and stiff or drowsiness and lethargy deprive me of motivation to exercise. I walked in Llandaff Fields and in Thompson's Park with a tea break in between. I know how much I need to keep moving for the good of my heart and physical mobility. It's hard to get back if you lose the habit.

After supper, my head cleared sufficiently enough to read another chapter from 'El Amor in los Tiempos del Colera'. It's slow going. Sometimes I need to savour the humour and insight of Gabriel Garcia's Marquez writing, looking up as few as possible words I don't know. I'd rather do that than buy an English translation. This way it's more of a voyage of discovery.

Another anniversary day to recall

A warm day 21C with a breeze from the west driving clouds across the sky. Shoulder pain robbed me of an hour's sleep again. Despite the heat I don't sweat enough during the day to reduce the frequency of having to get up to empty my bladder. I long for a really decent night of uninterrupted sleep. 

It's Kath and Anto's 34th wedding anniversary today. Lovely memories of a big family gathering in Pontyclun. It was the first time a video of such a family occasion was made by Brian the husband of my cousin Ros. It wasn't long before Clare's mother died in that year when we moved to Geneva. How few of the people in that video are still alive. I found the digital album of photos taken with my old Praktika SLR camera. Lovely photos showing how sharp photos taken with a post war Zeiss lens and Kodak Ektachrome film could be.

Niece Veronica posted video of a wildfire in her district of Catalunya. A concert performance her choir was about to give had to be cancelled, along with the meal for a hundred to follow. Bomberós crews fighting the fire benefited from the banquet instead. A nice touch.

It's St Catherine's Summer Fayre today. Clare baked a fruit loaf and a cake yesterday, and took them down to church before lunch. We went to the Fayre mid afternoon. The church grounds were busy, noisy with kids being entertained, a good atmosphere. I wasn't best equipped to enjoy the event as brain fatigue sensitized me to the chaos of sound and movement and stressed me out, so I went home and tried to rest. Later I walked in the quiet of Llandaff Fields and tried to clear my foggy brain with little success. 

We had a chat with Rachel after supper, which cheered us up. I made a video slideshow for next Wednesday's Morning Prayer and uploaded to YouTube, then got ready for bed, hoping for a better night. 

Schism

Cloudy and mild to start the day, but a warm wind blew away the clouds and sent the temperature up to 23C. It wasn't humid overnight. I slept quite well and woke up with a clear head. If only I could succeed in getting a succession of good nights of sleep I think it would boost my recovery. Often I feel as if I'm at a standstill just treading water but not sinking so to speak. Having said that, others say they notice an improvement in me. It's a battle against physical and mental tiredness. Making sure not to skimp on sleep time and quality is vital.

Yesterday the Vatican declared the traditionalist Catholic faction known as the Society of St Pius the tenth (aka SSPX) to be in schism and excommunicate for ordaining four bishops without papal mandate. Pope Leo appealed to the group not to do so for the sake of Christian unity, but they went ahead anyway. Based at Econe in the Swiss Valais, SSPX started as a fraternity of traditionalist clergy who opposed the liberal drift of second Vatican Council teachings, rejecting the Missa Normativa in favour of the old Tridentine Latin rite of Mass. 

Pope Benedict didn't suppress SSPX but made concessions to avoid schism, and appease conservative Catholics. Fifty years later, the traditionalist Bishops associated with SSPX are dying off. New bishops were needed to continue a mission extending beyond conservative clergy to a growing group of laity. Unilateral action by SSPX establishing independent leadership sets up a 'church within the church' an act of schism.  

It's interesting to note that Switzerland was one of the places where there was schism in reaction to the declaration of the dogma of Papal Infallibility in 1870, leading to the foundation of the Christian Catholic Church of Switzerland and the Old Catholic Church of the Utrecht Union. Both are strongly associated with the Anglican Communion. Conservative evangelicals within Anglicanism, having taken a strong position against liberal theology, oppose gay marriage and women's ordination, some of them siding with Anglo-Catholic traditionalists, but for different reasons. Maybe schismatic moves are inevitable on the long term journey of Christians learning to live together with differences in a world whose agenda is different from how it was in centuries past. Adherence to religious faith and support for historic institutional churches continues to decline. Is this exacerbated by lack of unity and consensus in witness and mission? At least Christians aren't persecuting each other under state patronage any longer, with a few exceptions maybe. 

Christian factions today may or may not discuss their differences in a way that commends faith to others. Seekers after a life of faith may fail to find the discussion relevant, meaningful or attractive. Our world is going through a huge phase of cultural upheaval, questioning and redefining meaning and purpose in all kinds of ways. Can Churches and interpreters of Christianity engage constructively in dialogue in this secular materialistic ethos, and move beyond talking among themselves about things that are of little concern to others? 

Clare cooked tagliatelli with a veggie sugo for lunch. I don't know why, but I started to feel tired after the meal and slept for half an hour. It didn't do me much good however. When I walked to the Post Office to bank a cheque I felt a bit unsteady. My balance and strength were OK but my legs felt wobbly, as if I was close to the end of a long distance run. I sat down to rest and dozed off for another twenty minutes. I've been sleepy headed all day for no reason I can understand. It's perplexing and frustrating.

After supper, I watched another couple of episodes of 'Panda', uninspiring detective romantic comedy fiction. Then bed. 

Inconvenient shopping

A warm day with a blue sky. I didn't sleep well as my strained right shoulder was painful when I moved in bed, disturbing my rest. At least my head was clear. I had a dental appointment at ten, and took a taxi to get to Llandaff North as I wasn't prepared to rely on buses. The taxi deposited me at the dental practice in good time, and I was seen immediately. I had to report to the dentist about my stroke medication. Apart from de-scaling, my teeth didn't require any other attention. I didn't have to wait long for a bus to take me to Llandaff Fields, but it took me twice as long for the return trip, as temporary traffic signals were in use adding to rush hour congestion. 

Owain returned to Bristol shortly after I returned, needing to make the most of his few remaining days of leave. It's pleasing to see him in good form at the moment, enjoying his job and success with his techno record label. He's involved with his apartment block tenants association in a technically difficult to navigate situation regarding property management. His analytic skills acquired as a civil servant are proving useful, and giving him confidence in supporting a tenants' initiative. I'm proud of him.

Clare cooked a chick pea curry for lunch. I went to Tesco's afterwards to buy a few items on her shopping list. She wanted some baking powder, and although she showed me the empty container, it was a challenge to locate it on the 'Baking' supplies shelf. Sometimes I have difficulty identifying products if shelf position or label design has changed. If I've seen something I usually remember it. Today I came across a printed label on a shelf, but no baking powder visible behind it just a space which looked empty but wasn't in fact. The cardboard tray holding half a dozen packs appeared empty until I bent down and peered into the void behind the label. The sole remaining pack was there, right at the back of the shelf, and I had to pull out the almost empty tray to retrieve the remaining one. 

Little details of stock shelf management like this can add to the frustration of shopping, especially if you're visually impaired or have problems bending down to look. I've had similar issues in small Co-op stores where products are packed on shelves at levels that make it difficult to identify what you're searching for, due to the way they are arranged. It must be hard for wheel chair or buggy users to go shopping. People have to stand and stare, maybe bend down and block aisles that are too narrow. It's not a spacious big supermarket issue, but a disadvantage of mini-markets and convenience stores.

I walked in Llandaff Fields for an hour before supper and afterwards watched the last couple of episodes of 'Blanca'. An interesting idea, to have a blind police woman with extraordinary skills in listening and detecting what is happening. The background story however, was convoluted, increasingly melodramatic adding nothing of real interest to the story of a highly functional disabled woman in an all male workplace. The acting was wooden, more an exercise in posing before the camera in scenic settings with anguished faces. It was followed by the first ever episode of 'Astrid - Murder in Paris'. Oh no, not again! It must be time for bed. 

Birthday visit

A warm day, clouds and sunshine. I woke up in time to hear 'Thought for the Day', then posted today's link to my YouTube Morning Prayer video on the Parish WhatsApp prayer thread. It's Owain's 48th birthday today so I sang 'Happy Birthday' to him on WhatsApp. Another night of broken sleep left me feeling half awake and unwell with a foggy head. It was an effort to get myself to the Eucharist at Saint Catherine's after breakfast. There were six of us today. 

When I got home I cooked rice, butternut squash and carrots with mackerel for lunch, then I walked to Parkwood Clinic for acupuncture with Peter which cleared the brain fog, but didn't entirely disperse that 'toxic head' sensation. I've no idea what I do differently to cause me to have such bad days when I'm getting plenty of rest, if not proper sleep.

Owain arrived at tea time to spend his birthday and stop with us overnight. Clare produced a surprise candle bedecked chocolate cake and a glass of Cava to welcome him. Later, we went out to supper at Stefano's. Owain watched World Cup football on the Chromebook until he started to fall asleep. Then it was time for bed for all of us. 

Reflecting

Cloudy and humid at 20C today with the promise of rain. I hung a load of washing in the bathroom after breakfast, but rain didn't arrive until after lunch. I had a good night's sleep and started the day with a clear head. After taking the clot dispersal medication I noticed the light headed sensation develop. I previously associated this with tiredness or a clash with other medications. I think it's due to the impact of the slow release capsules on my stomach whether I've eaten or not.

Clare went by taxi to her study group in Penarth. With the house to myself, I recorded and edited Morning Prayer and Reflection for the week after next. It was impossible to escape intrusive background noise from vehicles in the street and banging from a loft conversion job going on a couple of doors away. This seems to have been going on daily for several weeks now. Audacity's noise reduction filters reduce some but not all of the background noise, unless you're an expert user, which I'm not, but I have found a way to remove the worst of it.

When Clare returned, she cooked a fish pie for lunch and then went out to a meditation group. I continued with the essay I started yesterday, then walked for an hour and a half before supper, finished writing it afterwards and sent a copy to Ali Gray. Goodness, that day passed quickly, it's sunset already.

A lifetime perspective on the environment

Cool and cloudy this morning. I slept fairly well though not well enough for me to feel clear headed when I got up. The irritating effect of clot dispersal medication on my bladder and bowels was worse than usual. It may be to do with a change in the rate at which blood cells disperse from the occipital lobe clot, due to heat or variation in blood pressure. The medication reacts to prevent these stray cells from degrading blood circulation. There may be no way to avoid the mildly toxic side effects which slow me down and take half a day to clear from my head.

I had a phone call after breakfast from one of the Stroke Association support team to inquire how I'd been during the red alert hot days. We discussed an assortment of matters relating to life in the aftermath of a stroke and reflected together on them. She thinks I've made progress in coming to terms with life that has a different set of limitations. It hasn't stopped me from being impatient with myself and constantly feeling that I'm running out of time to set my life in order. It's a side effect of running out of control I guess.

America and Iran keep exchanging strikes in the Straight of Hormuz. The number of ships passing through went down from seventy to forty one over the weekend. Truce talks are said to be continuing as the agreed Memorandum of Understanding contains a detailed agenda of issues on which negotiation between Iran and America is required. A change of location for the talks from Switzerland to Oman was announced by America stating it was at Iran's request. This was disavowed by Iran. American and Lebanese armies have agreed to work together to disarm Hezbollah in Israeli occupied south Lebanon. it's a precondition of Israeli withdrawal. This move has been denounced by Sunni Lebanese as a surrender to Israeli and American demands. No alternative proposal is offered to end the occupation or reunite the country.

Clare went shopping this morning and I attempted to finish a brief autobiographical essay I'm writing on the environmental legacy of the coal mining industry, I grew up with, and what this has to teach us. She called me when she was on her way back, giving me an opportunity to cook veggies for lunch so the fresh hake from Ashton's she brought home with her could be poached swiftly in olive oil to complete the meal with perfect timing.

I found walking was an effort when I went out to the park mid afternoon, my legs were stiff and tired and took a long time to warm up. I didn't push myself hard and wasn't breathless, but I needed to stop and sit on a park bench until the resistance in my muscles subsided. I may not be getting enough physical rest at night to recover from the previous day's activity. I'm not sure what to do about this. I'll talk to Peter about it at this week's acupuncture appointment.

I spent the evening checking and adding to the essay I started yesterday, reflecting on the destructive impact on the planet of industrialised mineral extraction. A slow job. It was dark by the time I finished, and definitely time for bed.

Futile escalation

A cooler night, making it easier to sleep, but my strained shoulder kept me awake more than my bladder. I didn't sleep for long enough and had to contend with persistent drowsiness into the afternoon. Maybe it's the restorative quality of sleep that's lacking. We went to the St Catherine's Eucharist. Fr Rhys celebrated the anniversary of his ordination anticipating the feast of St Peter the Apostle the traditional ordination day. The congregation was unaccountably half its usual size. There's no extreme heat warning today, it's breezy, 20C with bright sunshine delivering a mix of strong heat and cool gusts. It reminds me of alpine weather in early spring, thirty years ago. Glaciers melt more rapidly now as winter snow covering ancient ice doesn't last as long. 

Fighting has broken out again in the Straight of Hormuz, after an Iranian drone attack on a commercial vessel, asserting its control and ownership of the waterway, America responded by bombing oil export infrastructure and military targets in a vain attempt to force Iran to accept truce proposals. Iran retaliated by attacking Kuwait and Bahrain, where the US Navy's Middle East Headquarters has been significantly damaged. It's Iran's response to Trump's claim that future control of traffic through the Straight is in his hands. Confronted with Trump's bellicose rhetoric, Iran demonstrates its defiance militarily, adding to the anxieties of America's Gulf State allies. Escalation and threats of escalation can only undermine cease fire negotiations in the light of Iran's strategic advantage, possessing the Straight of Hormuz as its border.

Meanwhile, Israel has instigated a process involving the Lebanese army in disarming Hezbollah militias as part of returning full control of the country to its government. Will this work, after Israeli troops have displaced a million people, destroyed homes and killed more than eight thousand? The Lebanese government is too weak and divided to disarm Hezbollah on its own, but trusting Israel which has so forcibly deprived Lebanese people of their sovereignty is a lot to ask in these circumstances.

We had falafel with red cabbage and new potatoes for lunch. Afterwards I slept soundly for three quarters of an hour in my armchair but it didn't entirely dissipate the drowsiness, not even after walking in Llandaff Fields for another three quarters of an hour. I spent the evening until bed time watching a couple of episodes of 'Blanca' as I didn't have the energy for writing.

Interpreting

It's not quite so hot today at 24C but it's humid and cloudy. I didn't sleep so well as shoulder pain made it hard to relax into sleep, and get started after waking up late. Clare had already cooked pancakes and gone out shopping when I had breakfast. 

I spent the morning watching a video of the speaker Ali Gray at the Ty Mawr Associates Day conference with 'Eco-Anxiety'. She spoke about the climate crisis and the practical faith response that's possible for disciples of Christ. The audio responses from her listeners weren't loud enough to follow unfortunately. It was good that conversations and story telling were bound to emerge from such a group of participants. It led me to spending much of the day writing about my journey into understanding and helping others to understand about environmental concerns and human development.

Clare cooked ravioli for lunch. Afterwards I walked a couple of circuits of Llandaff Fields while thinking about what I wanted to reflect upon in telling my 'environmental' story. I've never seen myself as an activist, but as an educator interpreting scientific insight to people with little understanding of how scientific method works. This absorbed my slow thinking brain for the rest of the day until it was time for a breath of fresh air before bed.

Cooling down

Another hot and humid night soaked in sweat, sleeping in fits and starts, needing to drink plenty of water and slow to get started when I got up at nine. The sky is clear, the sun fiercely bright, it's 28C and rising. Blinds and curtains down, windows closed to prevent the in-flow of hot air as much as possible. Gulls cry out from the rooftops as if they are complaining about the heat. I trimmed my goatee as short as stubble when shaving this morning, hoping this will let my chin feel the benefit of the breeze if we get any today.

I cooked a savoury veg and lentil dish with rice for lunch, and then had a siesta to appease the tiredness that accumulates over a series of restless nights. Before going for a walk I finished reading John Doyle's novel 'Communion'. It segues between being the story of a lonely failed seminarian working as a steel works security guard at the time of the Port Talbot Passion Play in 2012, and a crime drama in which he is manipulated by a girl friend from his teenage years into being a 'useful idiot' in bomb plot logistics. 

She tells him her plan claiming the confidential seal of the confessional (though he isn't ordained and isn't licensed to hear confessions. He avoids betraying her confidence and extricates himself from her plot by destroying surveillance video and equipment in which they appear, then dumps his keys in the river while disguised as a character in the passion play, wearing liturgical vestments brought home from seminary. 

We are not told if the bomb goes off in the closed down steel works? We're not told if the security lodge gets blown up eliminating evidence of his action. He has found a way to do the right thing but we are offered no clue as to whether he finds satisfaction or fulfilment in this. The basic premiss is annoying, relying on a flawed idea about the discipline of the confessional. It's annoying not to find out if there's any possibility of relief proposed from loneliness or inability to make meaningful relationships. It's a bleak portrayal of existence in a world without hope that anything can ever change for the better.

There was a cooling breeze from the west, driving hot air eastwards, bringing welcome relief from the humidity, but remained warm inside a house that takes a while to cool down again after a week of hot weather. I

Double Earthquake in Venezuela

Despite the heat I was able to sleep and was awake in the night only for an hour, but I didn't feel rested after nine hours in bed. The lowest temperature in Bute Park last night was a record breaking 23.5C and higher daytime temperatures are expected above 35C today. Clare bought a couple of cheap fans to use. 

In the morning news, reports of a double earthquake in Venezuela with hundreds killed. Since Trump's removal of President Maduro from office, American emergency aid will be made available quicker than it might have been otherwise. Both houses of the American Congress have opposed continuing financial support for Trump's war against Iran. The impact on the American economy and huge military expenditure concerns Democrats and Republicans alike. Peace talks continue during the sixty day truce. Iran calls for Israel to withdraw from Lebanon, but Netanyahu persists in waging war against Iran backed Hezbollah, ignoring Trump's criticism of his action for putting the truce at risk. The Israeli American alliance is under strain while America and Iran negotiate, regardless of what Israel gets up to. Netanyahu's defence policy relies on attacking Iran and its allies. He relied on Trump's support for this, but making war didn't lead to regime change or Iranian defeat. Will Netanyahu survive much longer politically? The mess this war has made for Middle Eastern countries allied to America is leading them all to reassess relationships with Iran, America and Israel.

We stayed indoors this morning and went out after lunch, walking in the shade of the trees in Thompson's Park for half an hour. There was a breeze, which was cooling in the shade, but gusting hot in exposed streets, I couldn't stay out for long. 

A fledgling gull found its way into our garden. Not the best place to forage or take refuge. I opened the back gate and shooed it out of the flower bed into the lane with a sweeping brush. 

I went out again after supper and walked slowly for an hour stopping at benches often as my legs were unaccountably stiff. It was 31C after sunset. It's supposed to cool down over the next few days. I hope so. The persistent high humidity has made yesterday and today unpleasant,

Midsummer heat feast

A humid night, losing a couple of hours of sleep, but feeling none the worse for this. I seem to adjust easily to higher ambient temperatures, and find I'm sharper, more alert. All I have to do is avoid unnecessary exertion and exposure to sun and wind that would cause me to overheat. Heaven knows why, but I'm grateful to feel less worse due to sleep loss than I might do otherwise.

I posted today's YouTube Morning Prayer link to WhatsApp when I got up at eight. St Catherine's was pleasantly cool for today's celebration of the Nativity of Saint John the Baptist. Cancellation of the service I was due to celebrate at St John's left me free to attend the St Catherine's Eucharist, celebrated by Fr Colin. There were six of us altogether. By the time I was on my way home from coffee and chat following the service, the temperature rose from 25 to 31C.

Work on the loft conversion next door but one must be nearing completion, a fully loaded builder's skip was taken away while I was out this morning. I imagine little work can be carried out safely on roof tile replacement or loft conversion jobs in weather as hot as this. It's the hottest June day on record apparently.

Clare cooked fish and made couscous to go with it for lunch, not so heavy on the digestion in this weather. I ventured out to post a letter, then dozed in my armchair for an hour, and ventured out to buy fruit - short spells outdoors, cooling off in between. The same in the evening too. The humidity is inescapable. When I went out for an evening walk there a concert by 'The Cure' was taking place in Bute Park. The volume of heavy sound from bass and drums echoing a mile away from the concert stage was unpleasant and obtrusive, the singer and cheering audience in between numbers were hardly audible in comparison.

Later when it was quieter, I recorded and edited the audio for next Wednesday's Morning Prayer, made the video slide show and uploaded it to YouTube, relieved to find concentration to work on it despite the heat, Slowly after sunset the air cooled down, so it was possible to keep the bedroom window open at bed time. So far I've avoided using the dehumidifier. It's not a welcome noise when you're trying to fall asleep.

Coping with the heat

Another good night's sleep. As it's warmer now, it doesn't take so long to drop off again after getting up to empty my bladder. It's humid today with the temperature rising above 30C. Yesterday's thunder storms caused Bristol airport's radar and air traffic control systems to malfunction, so the airport had to close. Increasing frequency of extreme weather events and the element of unpredictability is likely to have an impact on air travel the world now relies on, even more lasting than bouts of conflict.

Peace talks between America and Iran are continuing in Switzerland. Marine traffic through the Straight of Hormuz slowly builds up, the blockade of Iranian ports is lifted and inspection of Iranian nuclear facilities is said to be agreed, but contradictory statements are issued by each side about what is actually happening. Trump is notorious for making public statements that keep people guessing. It seems Iran is willing to play the same game. Israel continues deadly strikes against Hezbollah in South Lebanon. America is trying to mediate in talks to end fighting that threatens progress in talks between Iran and America. Hezbollah isn't included.

Fran arrived for a study session with Clare mid morning, but she was the only one. I hope the parking restrictions in our area aren't acting as a deterrent. Other group members may be away, or reluctant to go out in the heat. I had a call from Eileen who holds the key for St John's. I'm booked to celebrate the Eucharist there tomorrow, but it seems the congregation of regulars, all elderly, are reluctant to venture out while there's an amber/red heat warning, so we agreed to cancel and I announced it on WhatsApp.

I cooked sausages for lunch, with sweet potatoes and new potatoes plus carrots, then I walked for an hour in the shade of the trees in Llandaff and Pontcanna Fields. I can tolerate this kind of humid heat without ill effect. It's a legacy of time spent on locum duty in the heat of the Costa del Sol. I slow down, drink plenty of water, seek the breeze and shade, take every opportunity to linger in cool places and always wear a sun hat outdoors if the sun is high. The parks are quieter than usual, fewer picnickers, runners or cyclists, a handful of people sunbathing in the afternoon heat.

Last Saturday when I walked in Pontcanna Fields I came across a large Holm Oak that lay across the path running beside the boundary wall of the cricket ground. Since then it's been made safe and its huge fallen limb cut into sections. Will these be taken somewhere else and used, or simply left to rot in situ? As often seems to be the case. It's unsightly in my opinion, making the park appear less cared for than it really is.

I spent the evening reading the novel 'Communion' by John Doyle, a writer from Port Talbot, which Clare gave me for my birthday. He portrays the life of a working class Catholic living in the shadow of the steel works in this present era of conversion from coal fired steel making to electric arc furnaces with the social upheaval and industrial relations issues involved for the community and its workers. At the same time it portrays the staging of the Port Talbot community's Passion Play under the leadership of the actor and local boy Michael Sheen. I'm glad I saw a video of that production ten years ago, as it gives the real life context for the drama going on in the background at the heart of the story. The writer uses a plethora of short sentences not only for conversation but for describing a scene in poetic detail, or evoking a mood, a bit like a pointillist painter. On times this makes reading slow going. Maybe it's because I'm getting tired, or just finding this device tiresome.

A dignified resignation

A good night's sleep as it was comfortably warm. The house interior is cooler than outdoors where it's 30C today. I spent the morning reflecting about the place we call home home in an email exchange with Sara. 

Sir Keir Starmer announced his resignation as Prime Minister in an honourable dignified way. He accepts his leadership no longer has support from his colleagues and promises to support Andy Burnham who is returning to Westminster as heir apparent having won huge popular support at the ballot box with mass media attention spotlighting him for weeks past. He's capable and has been effective as Mayor of Manchester, but it remains to be seen how he will fare juggling roles as a leader on the international stage and crisis managing the government. Boris Johnson was a media darling too and the last election was lost under his leadership.

Clare cooked a veggie pasta dish for lunch and after we'd eaten I went to Jason's green-grocery to stock up on veg supplies. Then I went out for a mid afternoon walk under my brolly in a drizzle of light rain which cooled the air initially but drove up the humidity. The hour I was out in Llandaff Fields was accompanied by distant rumbles of thunder from the south west. Bristol and Somerset have been hit by heavy storms and flash floods. Who knows what will happen in South East Wales on top of the extreme heat expected?

Warming up

It's the longest day today - summer solstics. As I walked in Pontcanna Fields yesterday afternoon I felt the air warming as heat wave conditions slowly moved northwards. Under a clear sky today the temperature increase is more noticeable. I slept fairly well but shoulder pain bothered me. I could have done with more sleep. 

We went to the Parish Eucharist at Saint Catherine's after breakfast. Fr Rhys celebrated. He's back in action but limping, not fully recovered from surgery on his foot. After the service, Clare went to the Castle where the 20th 'Tafwyl' Welsh music festival is taking place this weekend. I returned home and cooked veggie pasta dish for my lunch. Clare arrived tired an hour later as there was little or no seating, let alone shelter in the Castle grounds. She had to settle for a pizza picnic sitting on the grass, when she got home she spent the afternoon in her garden lounger under the sun shade. I stayed indoors where it's cooler and read until I dozed off. I walked in Llandaff Fields for an hour, taking advantage of shade under trees wherever possible. It was 26C this afternoon and will rise to 30+ in the days to come.

With nothing better to do, I spent the evening watching episodes of 'Les Invisibles'. It's a French police investigation series about identifying crime victims with complex back stories of key characters and a police corruption scandal undercover investigation woven into it. Crimes get solved but a solution is often delivered at a pace that the build-up and reasoning are not beyond criticism. It may be that the fast thickly accented northern French is hard for me to follow or check against the sub-titles but it's not the only French crimmie in which I've found the procedural outcome questionable. Or maybe I'm tired enough to be losing my attention span, and should be going to bed

Repair Cafe

It's slightly warmer today, but overcast. A heat wave is approaching from southern Europe and the threat of extreme heat is being talked about in the news. I noticed the air temperature gradually rise during the afternoon as the cloud lifted and dispersed.

I had a good night's sleep with fewer disturbances than I'm used to, and felt the benefit from that with a clear head and sharper senses until the clot dispersal meds took effect and robbed me of the improvement. How come the medicine that's meant to reduce the risk of something really serious happening actually makes you feel worse?

After breakfast we went to Chapter Arts centre with three pairs of garden shears for sharpening at a busy session of the Repair Cafe Wales in the foyer. A team of volunteers register people sort out their requests and direct them to other volunteers with expertise at diagnosing and fixing things which no longer work, whether mechanical, electrical or a combination of both. Some items can be fixed by soldering a broken connection or replacing a readily available component. Others are unfixable, fit only for recycling. It's a great public service, run by skilled enthusiasts and people concerned about the environmental impact of waste generated by industrial society. 

A taciturn guy called Dave took our sets of shears outdoors to where an electric grinding wheel was set up for sharpening. The secateurs he sharpened by hand with a suitably tool. It reminded me of watching my father sharpening his garden shears when I was a boy. He had tools to use for maintaining his own equipment and the skills to use them. A few of these are still there in our domestic tool kit, a small family legacy. To my shame, I doubt I have the skill or experience to use them properly, let alone the confidence.

Clare cooked lunch while I was out. I walked for an hour  afterwards. I was charmed by a little girl as she rode ahead of her mother singing to herself "I'm riding in the park!" It reminded me of moments like that with our children at the same age. 

Since I last walked down to the end of the camp site nearest the cricket stadium, a large Holm Oak has been brought down by the wind, blocking the path. Alongside the Pontcanna Fields boundary wall is an avenue of these trees. A few others have shed large branches in recent years, probably weakened by spells of drought. They are heavy limbed evergreen trees, that flourish around the Mediterranean. They produce acorns and are quick to colonise any place where they are transported, making them an invasive species.

We had a long chat with Rachel on WhatsApp after supper. She's recently started doing gigs as a wedding singer recently, an interesting musical challenge. We're looking forward to her coming over to celebrate our diamond wedding and Clare's 81st birthday.

Ships passed through the Straight of Hormuz again today. Then Iran declared its closure in response to Israel bombing Southern Lebanon despite the cease-fire declared between Israel and Hezbollah. Contradictory messages are coming from America and Iran about what's happening on the ground. Trump meddles in a situation over which he has no control, declaring America will charge a 'guardian angel' toll to escort ships through the Straight. America hasn't delivered the change his warmongering promised, only stiffened Iranian resolve to resist. Peace talks continue in Switzerland, but can progress be possible while the situation in Lebanon is volatile and so violent as to cause outrage and non-cooperation from Iran?

The Israeli government is hostile to deal making going on, as it's considered to make concessions to Iran. Netanyahu is uncompromising in his determination to defeat Iran and destroy its power, contemptuous of diplomacy to end the war. Strikes by Iran and Hezbollah on Israel feed a national sense of insecurity. Netanyahu's resistance to appeals by Trump asserts that America doesn't call the tune in Israel's war. His extreme aggressive stance towards Iran and Hezbollah promotes himself as Israel's defender. As long as he's considered electable he avoids prosecution for corruption. He is motivated to be awkward in dealing with those he entered into an alliance with.

Meanwhile, Andy Burnham Mayor of Manchester, has been elected as MP for Makerfield with a majority big enough to see off all the right wing contenders. He's had a lot of political exposure in this past few months as a potential Prime Minister. Media criticism of Sir Keir Starmer has moved parliamentary Labour party colleagues to call for his resignation and effectively promote Burnham instead. He is popular and charismatic as a regional leader, though nobody knows how well he is likely to perform given the complexities of national leadership. The public, however, are unlikely to forget how these MPs deal with each other and switch loyalties pragmatically if not cynically. 

Slow motion

It's good to see more blue sky than cloud to start the day. I slept well again, though I'm slow to get going, even if I'm alert, as the medication seems to blunt my reactions and compels caution as a self protective instinct. The more sleep I get, the less worse I feel, but I'm still awake for two hours a night, emptying my bladder, not because I drink excessive amounts of liquid but my body is eliminating the irritating by-product of medication. It impairs quality of life, that's for sure. Clare's inflamed hip muscle is still painful, taking its time to settle down.

I didn't feel like going out this morning, so I started work on another Morning Prayer and Reflection. Then I made a savoury veg and canelli bean dish for lunch, and afterwards went to Tesco's to buy weekend groceries. Quite a heavy load to carry home slow and steady. We're both in slow motion today. I walked in Llandaff Fields before supper under an overcast sky. So disappointing when we're so close to the longest day.

Urged by Trump, Israel and Hezbollah agreed to a cease-fire, in order not to endanger peace talks between America and Iran. Israel still occupies south Lebanon, and striking targets in response to attacks after the cease fire was meant to start. Relationships between Netanyahu and Trump are even further strained. Israel resents being told what to do, and pushes back against American pressure to restrain its lethal response. Over 3,700 civilians have been killed in Lebanon in the past four months and a thousand killed in Gaza during the so-called cease-fire with Hamas. 

I daresay it's difficult to control Hezbollah units embedded in their own country when they are being hounded by the Israelis and not necessarily communicating well with their Iranian sponsors. The flare up in fighting has led to a meeting cancellation between America and Iran. For the moment marine traffic through the Straight of Hormuz is still flowing, blockaded Iranian ports are open, but there's no certainty this will continue as long as the impulse to retaliation and revenge by all parties to the conflict controls the magnitude of the chaos.

Pink clouds decorate the sky at sunset as I bring my day to a close.

Nuffield clinic visit

I slept fairly well, and thanks to Clare, usually getting up before me and phoning the surgery on my behalf I was given a mid morning appointment with Dr Dyban, in which I was able to discuss the impact of my medication regimen and how to mitigate this by spacing differently ones with combined side effects that affect my quality of life. She reported back to UHW cardiology that I had been too poorly to attend for the fitting of a 24/7 blood pressure monitor, due to the effect of the clot dispersal medication, just in case the letter I sent had not been read and noted. It was a good conversation with no added prescription to take away with me, just a suggestion to take the blood pressure medication after lunch. My head is fairly clear, even if my blood pressure is high. As long as I relax and don't drive myself hard when I exercise I won't be making things worse. My shoulder joints have improved since my physio session with Clive yesterday. The numbness and tingling in my left arm hasn't gone away but doesn't vary in intensity so much as it did, perhaps because there's less pressure on nerve endings from stiff muscles. The strained right shoulder isn't so painful either.

America and Iran have signed a peace deal, but Israel continues to attack Hezbollah targets in Lebanon despite the Memorandum of Understanding stating that Israel's occupation of Lebanon will not continue. Shipping may be moving through the Straight of Hormuz and the American blockade of Iranian ports may be lifted at the moment, but for how long? Israel isn't safe from attacks by Iran's allies whatever moves it makes. America and Israel did not succeed in sparking a successful revolt against the Iranian regime. The regime change they achieved resulted in a more hard line leadership, daring to resist Western might. 

Despite the destruction of much of its military hardware and infrastructure, Iran is still able to fire missiles at any American supporting Gulf state, and still holds the geographically strategic asset of the Straight of Hormuz. Leading Democrats assert that Trump didn't start the war with any plan of how it would end. Diplomatic negotiations are finally taking place, but America is now in a weaker position, having failed to think things through thoroughly, with Trump treating the whole affair like a deal making game show, relying on uncertainty, making things up as he goes along.

While I was out at the surgery Clare went shopping. I made a seafood paella for lunch on her return. It's the first time I've done that for a long while. My head was swimming, as is often the case late mornings, due to the impact of medication on my stomach. I feel better as soon as I start eating, but never feel hungry, just more light headed than usual. 

Once I added the mixture of fish pieces at the end of cooking the rice and veg, I 'irrigated' the paella with a generous dose of Sauvignon Blanc, as I didn't have a whole lemon to use. It tasted good. I allowed myself a glass to drink with lunch as well, thankfully without ill effect. It's pleasing to know I've not lost my touch in cooking one of my 'signature' dishes.

Again, I took my blood pressure pill after eating and noticed less ill effect than when I take it with the other meds in the morning. That's an encouraging finding confirming the value of Dr Dyban's suggestion.

Clare and I took a taxi to the Cardiff Bay Nuffield clinic at tea time for an appointment about her increasingly painful hip joint. Dr Mohenty the surgeon who did her hip replacement examined her and established that there was inflammation in the lining of a group of muscles at the top of the hip bone. He injected the area with a mixture of anti-inflammatory and anaesthetic drugs, and prescribed her more physiotherapy sessions. We missed a number nine bus that would have taken us to the bus interchange in the city centre, and ordered a taxi to take us home, just too late to hear 'The Archers' live, so we listened on BBC Sounds as we got supper ready.

I watched a couple of episodes of 'Panda', the rather eccentric downbeat family comedy detective series, with love stories, confusing to follow on times. I'm still not sure what to make of it. Lightweight escapist entertainment, observing relationships in a quirky way. And so to bed.

Election news

Another damp overcast day, but I had a good night's sleep, and posted today's YouTube Morning Prayer link to WhatsApp when I got up at nine. I went to the Eucharist at St Catherine's. There were a dozen of us this morning. I collected my medication prescription on the way home and cooked a savoury veg and tuna dish for lunch. Afterwards, Clare went to Peter for an acupuncture appointment and I went to Clive for an osteo-massage appointment. Somehow an element of chaos crept into the situation, starting with the fact that Clare had double booked herself for both. I took on her appointment with Clive as I was intending to have a treatment on my strained shoulder joint. So far so good. I turned up to his place, rang the bell but got no answer. I called him to check if I had the time right, got his answering machine and left a message explaining that something had gone wrong, then walked home. 

Half an hour later he called and offered me an appointment in half an hour's time. I retraced my steps, rang the bell and got no answer a second time. I realised something else must be wrong and called Clare again. Only then did I discover I had the incorrect house number in my appointment diary, and my Contacts file had no address for him at all! Anyway, this time he was expecting me, and gave me a treatment which was beneficial to both shoulders. His practice website is marked as closed. I think he may be winding down towards retirement and isn't taking any new clients.

When I returned I found Clare in bed. Her hip is giving her a lot of pain despite this afternoon's treatment. I took supper upstairs to her on a tray. I felt a bit nervous about doing this as I was feeling light headed, and a bit unsteady. Maybe it was just tiredness after quite a physical treatment. It's made a difference to my shoulders, that's for sure. Hopefully I'll feel better after another good night's sleep.

Traffic is moving through the Straight of Hormuz. Global oil reserves are critically low and will take months to replenish, also for the industrial economy as a whole to recover from shortages of other raw materials and export commodities. The US blockade on Iranian ports has  been lifted, and Iran has agreed to abandon its nuclear weapons programme. Negotiations about the destruction of its enriched uranium stocks overseen by the International Atomic Energy Agency will take place during the sixty day truce agreed in the 'Memorandum of Understanding' as the context for peace negotiations. Details are being slowly released, but it won't be signed until Friday. 

Things could still go wrong, and meanwhile Trump issues coercive threats to Iran to 'behave'. It's such foolish and demeaning talk when Iran has shown it still can close the Straights and perform retaliatory attacks to paralyse American supporting states in the Middle East. Uncertainty continues to prevail, as it has done for months.

The election of the Dean of Bangor Manon Ceidwen James as the next Bishop of Bangor was announced this evening. She was instrumental in the establishment of the St Padarn's Institute for ministerial training in the Church in Wales, the successor to St Michael's College in the same buildings in Llandaff. Following a troubled period in the life of Bangor Cathedral and Diocese she was appointed to help restore the Cathedral's reputation. She is now elected to the same role for the diocese, regarded as a safe pair of hands no doubt, entrusted to the sensitive task of rebuilding trust and confidence after a period of contention and dismay over the failure of leadership and erosion of authority in recent years.

Resilience

Another overcast and warm day. I failed to get a good night's sleep as painful trapped wind woke me up at first light. I took the platelet dispersal medication with breakfast and delayed taking the blood pressure pill to see what difference it made. Any time I don't get enough good sleep I expect to feel worse after taking all my meds. I was certainly aware this morning of how strong the ill effects of the former are, taken on its own. I took the blood pressure pill after lunch, and this didn't make me feel worse, just light headed with  thinking and senses less dulled than previously. 

I walked in Llandaff Fields for an hour. I saw a heron flying down the Taff and an egret wading near the weir. It's been a while since I've seen either bird and I was starting to wonder if they'd deserted us. A large tree trunk rests on the top edge of the weir. It was uprooted during winter storms and carried downstream when the Taff water level was very high. The water washed its roots clean of all soil within a short while of landing there. I thought it was dead and being leached of its sap by the water, but I noticed today that in several places on the trunk twigs have sprouted and bunches of young green leaves are flourishing. Such natural resilience!

When I got back home I slept in my arm chair for another hour. By supper time my head was even clearer. Rachel called. We chatted for an hour and a quarter on WhatsApp, and then it was time for bed.

Formalities relating to the truce between America and Iran will conclude with the Memorandum of Understanding due to be signed on Friday. Details of the content have not yet been released, much to the annoyance of Trump's critics. There's no clarity about how peace talks will work out. Trump is clear that Iran will not have nuclear weapons or the means to manufacture them. Details of the disposal of Iran's stock of enriched uranium are yet to be worked out fully, but at least the reinstatement of traffic through the Straight of Hormuz can proceed, provided that clearance of mines from the waterways can be achieved safely. Oil prices have dropped, and the price of related stocks has risen, but it will take time for the status quo ante to return. Trump has openly rebuked Netanyahu, as Israeli forces continue to bombard Beirut in its attempt to defeat Hezbollah. Iran regards this as violating the cease fire, adding continued uncertainty to a process overshadowed by mutual distrust.

Hormuz unblocked

Cloudy today, but warmer. I slept fairly well and woke up clear headed but that didn't last after taking my meds. The Prime Minister has announced a ban on social media for children under sixteen, in the light of the established harmful effects of addictive algorithms on young minds. It's about time this happened in my opinion. Every aspect of internet communication is capable of being exploited to hijack attention and make money from information gleaned about our interests and concerns. We're being manipulated by programming technology over which we have little control and even less accountability. 

AI puts us all at even greater risk of unforeseen unintended consequences from erroneous information and deliberate falsehoods. The spread of disinformation via 'fake news' on social media to deliver propaganda and  stir up unrest is already playing a part in cyber warfare. Recently a research team demonstrated the danger, planting fictional medical information with nonsensical citations from fake source material. It was picked up by AI bots and presented as authoritative without question. Painstaking verification of authentic data takes time, and the poison of misinformation spread by the internet can be potentially damaging and even dangerous meanwhile.

Iran and America signed the 'Memorandum of Understanding' agreement in Geneva, the immediate result of which will be the opening of the Straight of Hormuz to maritime traffic and the blockade of Iranian oil exporting ports will end. There will be a sixty day truce during which peace negotiations will take place, but there is little detail about what the talks are intended to achieve.

An estimated 750 ships are still trapped there since the war started with an estimated 20,000 seafarers between them. The agreement is being declared as a win for both sides. Iran has demonstrated its power to resist American might. Trump claims he's delivered a solution to a problem which his foolish ill-judged and very costly aggression caused. Israel's occupation of southern Lebanon continues and Hezbollah targets in Beirut are being bombed despite the the cease-fire. Will this 'Memorandum of Understanding' make it possible for a cease-fire to take hold and stabilise the situation? It remains to be seen.

Clare wanted to turn the big mattress on the double bed this morning and asked for my help. It turned out to be much more difficult than anticipated. The weakness of my strained right shoulder and aged muscles made heavy lifting too risky. We had to settle for turning the mattress around on its vertical axis instead of flipping it over horizontally. I hate getting old and losing the ability to do things I once took in my stride! When my brain clouds over with fatigue or the impact of medication, I notice how my cognitive function slows down. I make more typos, and when it's really poor, stop what I'm doing completely out of caution against making mistakes. It slows down anything I'm trying to get done, although my mind seems to continue to work at its usual pace, disconnected from the exterior world.

We had chickpea curry for lunch. I dozed in my armchair after eating, then walked for over an hour to clear my head. Clare had supper early and went out to choir practice. I watched a couple of episodes of 'Panda' and after that got ready for another early night.

Geneva in lockdown

A good night's sleep, waking up clear headed and refreshed to sunshine and warmer weather. After breakfast and taking the meds my head went foggy again. Is it something to do with the combined effect of the different drugs? I went to St Catherine's for the Parish Eucharist, while Clare and Kath went into town to check out a venue to hold our Diamond Wedding anniversary family feast. 

This afternoon, we had a phone call from our dear friend Gill Howie in Geneva to tell us she's moved into a retirement home in Grand Sacconnex. It's the first time we've spoken for a year. She couldn't get through to exchange greetings with us last Christmas because of the mess TalkTalk made of transferring our phone number to British Telecom. She said there'd only been an on-line service at Holy Trinity Geneva today as Geneva is on lock-down due to Trump's visit with the expectation of potentially violent protest against the war. 

Just as the cease fire was due to be signed between America and Iran in Geneva, Israel bombed Hezbollah targets in Lebanon again despite the ceasefire supposed to be in effect there. Inevitably this will delay the conclusion of the negotiations Trump has been touting for months. Trump has openly urged Netanyahu  not to attack Lebanon at this pivotal moment, but is he being listened to? A former Israeli ambassador to the USA expressed the view that Trump's annoyance with Israel reveals his recognition that Netanyahu is trying to undermine him. Whether it's true or not, it suggests he's not taking Trump seriously and misled him into making an alliance against Iran that has not delivered the success anticipated. Iran has emerged from the war stronger and more emboldened, while Israel now faces a less favourable regional balance It sounds to me like a retired diplomat speaking who disapproves of his country's leadership.

Kath left us for Kenilworth after lunch. Clare and I went to the Co-op to buy some coffee and kefir as we'd run out of both this morning. Then I walked in Llandaff Fields until supper time and resisting the temptation to watch telly, I got ready for bed early. 

Kath for the weekend

It seems I need to be in bed and ready for sleep before ten, just after sunset at the moment, to be sure of a good night's sleep.  First light is just before five at the moment, and the sky is often bright so I've taken to wearing a blindfold early morning in an attempt to prolong sleep time. Clare was up before me cooking breakfast pancakes. It takes me an hour or so for my head to clear, wake up properly and get on with the day. Sometimes it takes much longer. The morning just ebbs away with little achieved.

Details of the peace deal between America and Iran are being revealed, but Israel continues bombing Hezbollah targets in Lebanon, America again exchanges fire with Iran in the blockaded Straight of Hormuz. Trump keeps promoting promised progress. Is there any substance to his assertions? Trump claims there will be a signing tomorrow, but the Iranians are reluctant to commit, resisting Trump's efforts to control the narrative, which he's been trying to do from the outset. Damage to the American economy due to paralysis of trade through the Straight of Hormuz is resulting in American opposition to the war increasing and unpopularity for Trump whose cheerleader tactics further undermine his credibility.

Kath arrived at lunchtime, having spent last night catching up with her friend Emma. We had lunch in the sunshine under the garden umbrella. Then Clare and Kath went to see a dance performance at Chapter Arts, while I walked in Llandaff and Pontcanna Fields in a vain effort to clear my foggy head with fresh air. We had delicious swordfish steaks for supper. I risked drinking a glass of red Bordeaux wine to go with it, the first wine I've drunk since Christmas. I enjoyed the taste, and am crossing my fingers that it won't mess with my digestion tonight. I walked for half an hour after the meal, then we spent the rest of the evening chatting and planning the celebration of our diamond wedding when the family gathers for our sixtieth anniversary on the sixth of August. It's hard to grasp that we've been together that long - actually it's sixty three years since we met. Am I really that old? The answer is yes. These days I need to go to bed so much earlier, even before sunset, and suffer if I don't.

Truce talks announcement

Another dull overcast day. I woke up at first light and heard the garden blackbird singing. I benefited from getting to bed earlier somehow, but was awake for three hours  out of nearly eleven in bed. Bladder and bowel irritation in the night is inescapable and daunting. The impact of medication after I get up makes it hard to get started. Even if I don't feel tired, my senses are dulled, reactions slow, I'm not fully alert. I find it unnerving.

Artist David Hockney has died. His varied body of creative work embracing photography, stained glass, theatre design and painting invites people to notice things and see them in a new light. It's one the most important contributions any creative person can make. It's no wonder he has enjoyed popular acclaim.

Trump has called off strikes on Iran, claiming yet again that a peace deal to extend the cease fire and open the Straight of Hormuz is imminent. During the day, Pakistani mediators confirmed an agreement has been reached. Possibly this will be signed in Geneva while the G7 summit takes place in nearby Evian. That would be a suitably theatrical occasion for Trump to claim success. Israel's assault on Hezbollah in Lebanon continues unabated. If Netanyahu ignored Trump's calls for restraint, Iran would persist with retaliatory strikes against Israel, halting peace talks again. Netanyahu is facing criticism at home for doing Trump's bidding, as well as open criticism of his unilateral actions from Trump himself. It remains to be seen whether a 'memorandum of understanding' setting the agenda for future talks, will help de-escalate the situation or do anything to bring Israeli occupation of Lebanon to an end.

This evening we went to Chapter Arts centre for the launch of Diana Morgan's new book 'Sojourn with Ice Cream, the second in a trilogy she's writing about an elderly widow who is an intuitive listener to others in need of quiet understanding and support. She spoke about her main character and read passages to her audience. Several people were present whom we have as mutual friends.

Thankfully my head was fairly clear. We were home again by nine, and aiming for another early night.

Xenophobia

Overcast with light rain all morning after a cold damp night. It's quite unlike summer. I had a poor night's sleep in which it took longer to settle back into sleep due to the chill in the air after getting up hourly to empty my bladder. After breakfast I took my morning medications, returned to bed with my senses dulled, and slept until midday. Clare went out shopping and when she returned just before one, we made lunch together with frozen veg, couscous and cod.

Following a violent knife attack in North Belfast made by a Sudanese refugee, there have been two nights of racially motivated riots with the homes of ethnic minority people set alight and police officers injured. Behind the mob of angry masked men terrifying citizens, social media exchanges have turned complaints and protest toxic. People wind each other up into rage, due to media algorithms that highlight and spread negative views amplifying anxiety felt when violence occurs in their neighbourhood. Vigilante groups set themselves up to 'take action'. Trust and good will between those in authority, responsible for maintaining public security, stability and community health, and the majority of citizens, is being eroded by anxious often angry criticism from those who think they know better, but only know what social media feeds them. Mixed communities of Republicans and Unionists in Northern Ireland learned to organise themselves in self defence against each other during the Troubles. Now innocent black people and Ukrainian refugees are persecuted as if they were all foreigners, due to the ability of social media to track people.

There are always difficulties when people of different cultures and ethnicity live alongside each other, but resentment against immigrants and refugees is being politicised in Britain by those wanting to blame anyone but themselves for society's failings. Learning to live together with our differences is a moral and spiritual challenge of the highest order, especially if we don't have faith or culture in common.  Resistance to making an effort to be compassionate and hospitable neighbours to strangers leads to people to avoid each other under the pretence of  'live and let live'. The feeling that differences are threatening can easily be distorted into xenophobia with evil consequences. 

Social division for whatever reason, undermines the unity of Britain at a time when threats to security from Russia and Iran are of increasing concern. Trump's contempt for NATO allies  adds to European vulnerability. Government prevarication over defence spending is a bone of political contention in the context of rising costs of health and social care. Britain is failing to generate adequate wealth to match expenditure needs. It's a phenomenally complex situation during a period of radical change when there's a debilitating war going on in the Middle East. No wonder it's taking time to make sustainable decisions in the national interest. The Prime Minister's leadership is under challenge, but would a new leader really make that much of a difference? For the moment, the restoration of law and order at home must be a top priority, along with finding remedies that counter the toxicity of social media, and nurture good will. I just wish that Trump and his acolytes would keep their ill informed comments to themselves instead of making things worse for all who are victimised by the opinion of others.

Mid-afternoon I walked for an hour in the drizzle, choosing a route that would minimise gusts of wind driving rain from west to avoid getting completely soaked. Much needed fresh air and exercise didn't clear my head or sharpen my senses altogether so I went out and walked again after supper and ended up getting ready for bed early.

Forgotten pole

Despite rain in the night, a bright sunny start to today.  I posted today's Morning Prayer YouTube link to WhatsApp just after eight, before getting up for breakfast. There were a dozen of us at St Catherine's for the Eucharist celebrating St Ephrem. This prompted me to remember my brief sojourn and encounter with Syriac Orthodoxy in the Metropolitan Cathedral of St George in Aleppo thirty two years ago. 

Ephrem was a deacon and hymnodist ministering to refugees driven west by the Persians from Edessa in the fourth century. His lyrics meditated on the mysteries of the incarnation and redemption expounding poetically on the teachings of the Nicene Creed. 

When Syriac Christians were persecuted and driven out of Turkey in the early twentieth century, the community exiled from Edessa settled in Aleppo, one of Syria's oldest and largest cities. It's tragic that resistance to the Assad regime in the Syrian civil war resulted in extensive destruction and thirty one thousand deaths. There was an earthquake in 2023 but reconstruction was under way already. Due to persecution, diaspora communities of Syriac Christians thrive in America, Sweden and Germany. The Indian state of Kerala has had an indigenous Syriac Christian church community since the fourth century, arising from trading links between Mesapotamia and the western coast of India. It's a remarkable history of resilience and vitality stretching back fifteen centuries.

We had lunch at midday today as Clare had an early acupuncture appointment. Falafel balls, sweet corn and spinach, an unusual lightweight combination. I followed up with a stodgy custard doughnut left over  from yesterday to fill the gap. Then I did a circuit of Thompson's Park to see how the juvenile moorhens are getting on. Several motor driven lawn mowers were busy filling the air with the scent of cut grass. The noise of the machines was inescapable, robbing the park of its usual peace. Then I went down to Tesco's to buy chamomile tea bags. At the junction of Romilly and Llandaff Roads is a corner house with a hedge of beautifully scented white lilac bushes, thanks to the recent warm and wet weather, now overgrown. Again more noise as a couple of guys with motor driven hedge trimmers cut back the luxuriant growth robbing them of their beauty and most of their scent - until they re-grow. Clare was having a flute lesson when I got home, and being complemented for making progress in producing a good consistent sound.

After her lesson, Clare went out shopping. When she returned, she was in a panic, as she left the house with her walking pole and returned without it, having visited two local branches of the Co-op in search of frozen food items. She parked her pole next to the freezer while extracting what she wanted to buy and left the pole behind, but in which store, she couldn't remember. Walking back without the pole was painful and exhausting, so I went to both, a circuit of about a mile, and retrieved it from the second one. What a relief!

After supper I finished editing the Morning Prayer audio for the Office of St John the Baptist's Day, and made the video slide show, then uploaded it to YouTube. 

There have been more exchanges of fire between America and Iran today. An American helicopter was shot down in the Straight of Hormuz and there have been more Iranian strikes on US Middle Eastern bases, breaching the ceasefire and halting negotiations. Trump has returned to threatening more strikes on Iran, to pressurise Iran into resuming talks. The Iranians and their allies are bound to retaliate. Trump's bullying tactics and lack of strategic clarity have resulted in his inability to gain control of the situation. He really is the 'elephant in the room' trashing relationships between Middle Eastern states and the West. How much longer can he retain authority by making a mess of everything he turns his hand to? And why do so many Americans trust their fortunes to him and his false promises?

My Madeleine moment

I had a good night's sleep, although I woke up for no reason I can think of at first light, and was awake for an hour before dozing off again. Sunshine with clouds driven by wind from the west. My head was clear when I got up but after breakfast and medication, it was as if my brain clouded over. Clare went off to her study group and I stayed in as we expected a lunchtime delivery of a convertible chair bed. It didn't turn up until gone three. I occupied myself with recording and editing a reflection for St John the Baptist's Day, I  cooked lunch with a foggy brain and mis-timed the baked potatoes and the frozen beans. It wasn't my best effort, but not quite a disaster either.

Two men arrived in a large white delivery van and carried several large cardboard boxes in, containing the components of the chair bed. They unpacked it and then had to work out how to assemble it from a sheet of instructions. Then it was a matter of working out the best place to put it in the front room that already contains a smallish three piece suite. The bay window seemed the best place. Book cases and telly needed repositioning. The chair's furnishing fabric is the same as the three piece suite. The shape is different, but the most important thing is that it's comfortable, and there's no problem about converting the chair into a bed that fits in the length of the room. The delivery men worked quietly and did a good job, having driven from Swindon, but they were finished by four with an hour's return drive ahead of them. They even took the cardboard boxes away with them. Tomorrow is our rubbish and recycling collection day. I was relieved not to have to deal with them.

Putting the bins out was my chore for the day. Then I walked to the Coop to buy almond milk. I spotted a discounted pack of doughnuts stuffed with custard and bought them for sentimental reasons. Sixty years ago, the year we graduated and got married, I was a night shift worker in a bakery at the bottom of Ashley Hill in St Paul's Bristol, putting trays of bread into a conveyor belt oven and removing scalding hot at the other end. I didn't get to fry the doughnuts, but injected jam into them when freshly cooked, dip them in sugar and put them in rows on a tray, ready for packaging. When I looked at the custard filled version I ate with a cup of tea, there was a hole in the side of the bun where the injection nozzle had been inserted, only this time to deliver custard not jam, probably in an automated process these days. Such a vivid memory, my equivalent to Proust's 'Madeleine moment'. I also remembered how tired I was at four in the morning, tired enough to fall asleep at the injection machine for long enough to cover the outside of the doughnut with jam, not the inside, and being teased by Italian migrant shift workers from whom I learned a few of their swear words, well before I learned any Italian.

I went out and walked again in Llandaff Fields after supper remembering the night bakery. I recall on one occasion removing a freshly baked loaf from the conveyor belt. It was scalding hot. I couldn't hold it and dashed it to the floor in a fit of temper. One of the Italians reproached me in a half mocking way and said in broken English. "Eeet's no way to treat the body of Christ." I think I may have told him that when I finished University I was going to train to be a priest. The fresh air cleared my head somewhat, though not entirely. It's so frustrating.

Israel launched deadly attacks on the ancient city of Tyre this morning. The UN Secretary General Antonio Gutierrez insists that cease-fires in Iran, Lebanon and Gaza must be respected. Netanyahu's actions are in contempt of cease-fire agreements. nine hundred have been killed in Gaza during the cease-fire. He clearly isn't listening to anyone but the extremists in his own government. Border crossings into Gaza have been closed, no humanitarian aid can be delivered. This makes it even more difficult for America and Iran to complete a peace deal. Retaliation by Iran against Israeli attacks on Lebanon boosts the determination of Iranian hard line military leaders to take more risks and escalate the conflict. Iran still controls the Straight of Hormuz, Bab al Mandeb and the flow of maritime traffic, determined to make users pay for it.

Unfamiliarity in a familiar place

The return of blue sky and sunshine this morning after what felt to me like a cold night of broken sleep. It left me tired and muddle headed, struggling to collect information from bank statements to use on my tax return. Clare cooked salmon and veg for lunch. Afterwards I went to the Kings Road pharmacy to order my next prescription medications in good time, and collected Clare's, which was handed to me confirming her name without needing to be asked. The assistant probably saw us together in the pharmacy before and remembered our names! That's nice.

I set out from there to visit the city centre and managed to miss two 61 buses in succession by walking and standing in between two different bus service stops, aiming to catch the first that arrived. I wasn't at all alert this morning. I went to Santander Bank to ask for a copy of my certificate of taxed interest earned, and was told about a new credit card issue which has no account fee and offers cashback. I'm not a fan of credit cards and would rather do without the one we have, except that using it for on-line purchases does offer a degree of extra security. I'm less of a fan of digital commerce than I was as an early adopter of new technology at the turn of the century. It's the impact mild visual impairment has had on me, that I now find the intense concentration required to deal with numbers on-screen leaves me distrustful of my perception. Despite years of habitual use I feel like I'm in foreign territory. So I do as little as possible unless I can get someone to check what I do. 

It's strange that this doesn't apply in the same way to writing text. I never learned proper touch typing and make typos thanks to my poor level of accuracy. It's always worse when I'm tired and stressed. But writing doesn't make me feel unsure of myself. Maybe correction of typos and spelling errors calls on an area of memory which remains relatively fast, exhaustion permitting,

The experience of  shopping in town is the same. I know where I am and have no problem recognising and remembering places, navigating my way to them but it doesn't change the feeling that I'm in an unfamiliar place. I worked for eight years in the city centre and know the area very well. Memories of experiences of the place return somewhat slowly, but the feeling of being there as if for the first time still prevails. It's an experience I associate with becoming familiar with the streets of a new city when I'm on holiday or living there on locum duty.

I returned home on a 61 bus in time for tea and a slice of lemon cheesecake. Despite necessary care over consuming dairy products, just in case they upset my digestion, I've found that I can enjoy this without consequences. Clare went out to choir practice, and I went out for a walk in Llandaff Fields enjoying the evening sunshine, while listening to 'I'm sorry I haven't a clue' and 'The Archers' on my phone. 

Israel's recent strikes on Lebanon in its war on Hezbollah resulted in Iran firing ballistic missiles at Israel undermining cease fire-talks and threatening further and wider escalation of the conflict. Iran's attacks on Israel have ceased but will resume if Israel continues striking Lebanon. Iran's allies are able to halt traffic in Bab al Mandeb the gateway between the Mediterranean and the Indian Ocean, and the Straight of Hormuz.

Trump called on both sides to stop firing at each other, and return to negotiations, but is anyone listening to him? He was backed by Netanyahu when he started waging war with Iran, and it hasn't worked the way they presumed it would. Trump is openly angry that Netanyahu is waging war in Lebanon without regard for the conflict escalating, or for jeopardizing peace talks between America and Iran. It seems that Pakistan's diplomatic efforts at mediation have made progress. All this could be lost in the volatile and sensitive situation surrounding marine traffic through the Straight of Hormuz. America and Israel have the military power to enforce but not the wisdom and foresight to master a situation in which their adversaries hold essential territory and waterways which cannot be taken from them without making things worse for everyone.

Both Trump and Netanyahu are unpopular because of the impact of the war on their countries they cannot bring to an end, politically or diplomatically at the moment. Iran has survived regime change and is united in determined resistance to Western powers, likewise Hezbollah in Lebanon, both sustained by Shi'a Islamic spirituality. It seems to me that despite Iran's cruel and tyrannical regime, the people's strength and resilience has been underestimated by the West from the start.

Time now for early bed. I wish this would result in a better quality of sleep. I have suffered brain fatigue for most of the day.