Good bye Polo

Another eight hours in bed but only five hours sleep. Another overcast day. I had a shower and washed my hair after breakfast. I think that's the first time since the stroke put me in hospital I've had the energy to shower as well as shave. Peter called from NG Motors to arrange the collection of the Polo with its JKK number plate. So sad to part with it, as it entails such a change of lifestyle for us. It's been happening piece by piece anyway with Clare using taxis when I've been unable to take her to an appointment that can't be reached easily by public transport or walking. 

We've had the Polo for seven years, and paid only £1,600 for it. It'll be driveable until legislation or taxation make it unusable on public roads. Being 19 years old despite low mileage it's worth only its scrap value now, £50. At least I don't have to pay to get rid of it. We'll save £600+ a year on tax and insurance, between £500 and 1,000 on MOT, servicing and spares, £700 on fuel based on current usage, roughly £2,000 a year. It's been really cheap motoring with such a reliable car.

It'll be interesting to see how much we spend between us on taxis. I can't see myself returning to driving no matter how well my vision recovers. Even if I obtain a medical certificate that qualifies me to be a license holder after recovery, I don't see the need to drive if an affordable change of lifestyle is possible.

Peter arrived at lunchtime. I signed the Poko over to him and took a photos of the farewell moment when it was driven away. Then I cancelled the insurance policy. Nearly half of the insurance premium refunded will be refunded. I went to the DVLA website to report the sale of the car, but was required to submit to a lengthy procedure to set up a new secure account login to government sites. It took ages, and involved a face recognition scan to compare with a scan of my driving license. It was straightforward, thorough, step by step, but I was tired and already stressed out because my mobile phone reception is flaky, with the line dropping, or user i/d not displaying, phone ringing with no means to answer the call being displayed. This is a real problem when some of those calls may come from MSDEC medics or the GP surgery. I don't know what I can do about it. I don't know if it's my equipment or an EE network outage. Owain says this new secure login procedure is a precursor to a bigger digital i/d and card regime being implemented.

I didn't know what to do about the car tax and DVLA so I called Peter at NG Motors and then found his email and sent him a message. I had a helpful reassuring reply within the hour to say that his completion of ownership transfer on-line would complete the process and I'll get the car tax refunded.

No longer a car owner or user after fifty eight years is a unique experience. A whole set of responsibilities and material worries set aside, but wondering about how I'll adjust to a car free lifestyle. We won't be hiring or leasing at our age, having a driver's license is useful as a form of photo i/d, but visual impairment deters me from driving again, even if I did get through the new mandatory eye test. Clare's glaucoma puts a stop to her driving again.

Following the stroke, it's another significant milestone day in the journey through old age to life's end.

Giving up the car after 55 years

A cool and cloudy day. Woke up just after eight. Weeping from my repaired nostril has dried up. This is reassuring, in the light of the clot busting meds I'm taking! I just have to be very careful not to avoid any anxiety or effort that will cause blood to go to my head. Not easy for me. I've been driven with a tendency to be over active for many years, taking advantage of good health and fitness. All is now up for review.

Listened to an excellent 'Thought for the Day' about how our legal system works, and how it reflects the diverse cultural origins of our language, then got up for pills and breakfast. While I was eating I had a briefing call from Callum at Occupational Therapy where we talked about what I can and can't do, and need help with, to facilitate rehab. My recourse to past learning from Chi Gung and Alexander technique when I was admitted to the stroke emergency ward enabled me to walk steadily and safely, aware of co-ordination blips, I understand how important Tai Chi is going to be to regaining full confident movement, so I'll soon be engaged in a class with a group of other stroke patients. I also had a clarifying email from King's Road surgery, setting my mind at rest about Blood Pressure checks.

Trump and his team have exerted enough pressure on Israel and Hamas to agree a cease fire and follow up plan which will secure the release of hostages and hostage bodies and the release of 250 Palestinian prisoners in Israeli jails and 1,700 detainees from the Gaza offensive. Further negotiations are pending in the disarmament of Hamas and withdrawal of Israeli troops from Gaza. A surge of humanitarian aid is now expected into Gaza where a state of famine has existed for several weeks. Will this cruel nightmare now come to an end at last? I hope and pray it will.

We've discussed getting rid of the car for the past year. Even slight visual impairment is enough for me to give up driving after 55 years as a motorist. I no longer enjoy driving, it's too demanding and stressful, and Clare's glaucoma prevents her from seeing well enough to drive. We must let go of our dear VW Polo which has my initials in its registration plate. Given that it's nineteen years old, and would no longer be acceptable as a legal road vehicle a few years from now, despite being sound and reliable, its scrap value is only £50. I phoned NG motors who sold it to us and they have agreed to take it away and hopefully find a new owner for it, perhaps a learner driver, who will be able to get a few more years of use from it before it is no longer legally usable on the road. One of the team will collect it and do the admin in a few days from now.

I needed a snooze after lunch to clear my head. Then I got dressed and went out with Clare for a walk. We got separated when I stopped to send a message from Owain and chat to Nick from church who stopped to ask me how I was recovering, and I couldn't spot her anywhere. She was OK and walked home separately from me, but I found it distressing to lose track of her. I went to the top of Llandaff Fields and back. Joints are a bit stiff but warmed up as long as I kept a steady pace and didn't push myself. It wasn't exhausting. The fresh air and exercise did me good. I feel walking benefits my blood circulation. It reduces tingling in my left hand, which is I think a tell-tale stroke symptom in my case.

Owain called MSDEC and got some information about what it means to be a 'virtual ward' patient. I have an appointment there in a week's time at UHW to measure blood pressure and a meeting with the cardio consultant for a briefing and a heart monitor fitting. Heaven knows what this is all about and where it leads. Owain left us at tea time. We won't see him for a while as he's off for a week's respite in Berlin's techno community. It's been marvellous having him here for a few days. Clare and I are back on our own this evening. We're both holding our own, not getting worse, maybe improving a little, conscious there are friends and family close at hand whom we can phone if we need to.

Recovering from lockdown

A necessarily early start today, with the car to deliver to NG Motors in Splott by eight thirty for a service and MOT test. Fortunately the traffic was lighter than I expected, so I was on my way back home on foot by a quarter to nine, walking across the city centre as far as Westgate Street, to catch a bus for the rest of the way. A round trip of an hour, with three quarters of an hour to spare before going to the surgery for a blood test and blood pressure reading. Thankfully, it's not as high now as it was a couple of weeks ago, even after a couple of demanding days plus an early start after a late bed time.

I've been pondering on what leads to a period when my blood pressure seems to surge frighteningly for a prolonged period. Just before we went to Aberaeron I had a demanding week with three funerals in two days. We had a lovely relaxing week there, but it was our first outing under covid since last summer. Then two weeks after returning we had our family gathering in Oxwich, again relaxing and enjoyable, no really unusual demands or stress. Both outings represented a substantial change from our habitual daily routine over a period of a year, and the underlying adjustment required, getting used to something different, may well be a source of hidden stress. Now that most restrictions are lifted, we're having to adjust to greater freedom in using our time from day to day. We have a greater choice of habit, something to get used to, like a prisoner in the time after release. Being older, adjustment takes longer.

I was aware yesterday, driving to Weston for the first time in several years of being slightly nervous at first but the longer I spent behind the wheel, the more relaxed as well as alert I became. Taking Owain back to Redfield in Bristol rush hour was pretty demanding, but by then I was into my fourth hour of driving and had adjusted to stop start traffic and changing lanes with increasing ease. I'd expected to be exhausted and tense by the time we got home but I wasn't. I went for a late walk and slept well, though not long enough. 

It's a matter of adjustment, reclaiming from mind and body memory old patterns of behaviour learned half a century ago, but unused for a couple of years. I remember a similar experience of adjusting to the change when getting into a car after arriving from UK in Spain. The steering wheel is on the opposite side of the car, and you drive on the other side and you look in different directions for safety checks. It's almost fifty years since I first drove abroad, long before living abroad. Swapping between UK and EU was un-nerving anf challenging initially, but adjustment to the change gets easier once you have both habits. Stress in the face of change may be inevitable. The more you change it seems the easier it gets, as happens when when exercising physically, it wakes time to warm up physically and move at optimum efficiency. The same with the brain.

After the surgery visit, I dropped in on Emma for coffee and a chat. It's the first opportunity we've had to catch up face to face for ages. He two small children are a delight to watch at play around the house, even if they clash and cry and need a cuddle from Mum, Dad or Grandpa. They're both very active, and a day of intermittent showers confines them to the house, which is frustrating for them, especially when the big people are preoccupied and busy. The family are getting their first proper holiday together since Eleanor was born next week. Thank heavens, they deserve it.

I spent the afternoon working on next week's Morning Prayer assignment, so I don't have to do anything but upload it while we're away in Felixstowe with Ann. Then, this evening we watching the recording of Wednesday's live performance from memory of Stravinsky's 'Firebird' suite by the Aurora ensemble. It was beautiful to watch, emotionally powerful, filled with resurrection vitality. In a word - thrilling. 

A return to the altar

This sunny morning, when I joined the congregation at St John's for the Eucharist, it was an occasion with special significance for me. It was the first time for me to lead worship with nine people from God's altar for the first time since March 8th. Fr Benedict was there ahead of me to open up and keep an eye on me as I went through the safety procedures for the first time under the 'new normal' regime. For the most part it was just like any other service I've taken at St John's. It was just a matter of observing anti-contamination measures correctly. It's easy with a few communicants, and would be more difficult on a Sunday with three or four times the number, not to miss anyone out when distributing Communion to people in their places. 

I had resigned myself to not being called upon to take services again, due to my age and vulnerability. The concern has been highlighted by the CofE, but less obviously stated in the Church in Wales. Since I've been back in Wales I've taken two funerals and have a third booked. As long as it's deemed permissible, I am happy to be called upon when need arises. In the meanwhile, I remain content to be a worshipper with the people, instead of always leading the people. My sense of being part of the Body of Christ, and all that it means in relationship to God, has, I think, deepened this past six months of idleness.

Mark arrived and joined us for the service. He said he might come by to check out the venue for a music and iconography project which he and Fran are hoping to put together this autumn. As he was on his way to a gig rehearsal, he had his violin with him, so asked if he's like to play something to test the acoustics, which he then did, playing by heart three different movements from Bach solo instrumental pieces. It was a sweet sound, as the church acoustics are very good, especially with fewer chairs laid out, as is the case at present. What a lovely treat. Fr Benedict was there and when we explained about the project in hand, he expressed his enthusiasm for the idea, especially as it's something that can be done well on a small scale, which is really what's possible under current regulations. Watch this space!

Again, I intended to go shopping in town after lunch, but ended up walking to Splott the other side of the city centre to retrieve the car from its MOT test, once more successfully, thank heavens. It took an hour and twenty minutes to get there, a bit longer than I had expected. I think I was walking slower than usual as my energy level was down. I suspect that I still have a low level wound infection my body is trying to fight off, as I go through periods when I feel tired and foggy, and times when I am my usual self. When I took my blood pressure it was worryingly high, and not much changed from what it was a few weeks ago. After supper I wrote to my GP, to inform her of what's happening, requesting a telephone consultation, and then I took the letter around to the surgery.

It's odd. The afternoon tiredness had worn off, and it was no effort to walk to the surgery and back. When I checked my daily walking distance, I found that I'd walked thirteen and a half kilometres, thirty per cent more than what I usually cover. I simply don't know what to make of this, and hope the doctor will.

Birthday girl

This morning I felt able to sit comfortably enough to get the 61 bus to Splott to collect the Polo from the garage and drive it back again. It was a pleasure to get out and do this. The window winder and door locking fault seemed something of a mystery to the mechanic who worked on it. They had a spare driver-side winder mechanism from a comparable scrap car, and it worked a treat, activating the central locking system perfectly, instead of acting as it it was a passenger side winder and lock mechanism. Perhaps at some time or another it had been swapped over, but finally broken. Anyway, it's been fixed now, and very kindly at no cost to us.

After stopping at Lidl's to stock up on a few items I missed out on earlier in the week, I went home and cooked a stir fry for lunch. John our plumber came by to see what he could do about the short plastic overflow pipe under the sink which has cracked as if perished in several places. How this occurred in a confined space where it's subjected to no movement stress and not exposed to sunlight is inexplicable.

I walked to Riverside Surgery for another wound dressing this afternoon, while Clare was out at a physical therapy appointment. Both of us require regular maintenance outings to keep us functional these days.

Sister June is eighty four today. I rang to sing her Happy Birthday and we chatted for ages. I think she's in better shape than the Edwardian building she lives in, long ago converted into flats, showing its age, and suffering from a selection of owners or sub tenants who seem indifferent to problems with the property's condition, or everyday safety and security of its occupants. 

I wish she'd move, but she's determined to stay and complain to the property management company about discharging their contractual obligations, wit well informed and detailed emails. Working on drawing up plans for engineers and architects for much of her career means that she has acquired a fair amount of technical expertise about buildings, expertise she still relishes using, since her mind is as sharp as ever. 

Thankfully, she can still get out and walk to the shops, although she's not quite as fit and spritely as she'd like to be since having replacement knees. Wandsworth Common where she lives, is a fairly safe area, but life is made precarious for elderly pedestrians by the presence of cycle riders with whom they are obliged to share the sometimes narrow and uneven pavements. It'll be a long while before public realm areas are reshaped by the local Council to accommodate safely both cyclists and walkers. Meanwhile it's elderly and vulnerable people who have to suffer, and cyclists who get the media attention.

New car arrives home

Mid-morning yesterday I had to visit the GP surgery to have some blood taken to test for infections. It's never an easy experience, as even the most skilful phlebotomist can spot my veins, but has trouble getting into them. It general takes two or three goes and leaves me feeling like a pin cushion.

Then, at lunchtime I went again over to Splott on the 61 bus to pay for and collect the car. With the MOT certificate done, having insured it last night, there remained only the tax to be paid. It was not possible to do this on-line as the paper documentation of change of ownership had only just been signed, but it was possible, thanks to a bar code attached to the registration document to visit the Post Office in Splott Road, and pay for it there, knowing this would immediately be registered if I should get stopped on my way home. 

After a brief introduction to the car's layout from Phil, I took to the road and drove across town. It's the first time I've driven for seven weeks in any country, so I needed to go carefully. I wasn't pleased that the space outside our house was still occupied by a car that occupied space carelessly, so that another smaller car could squeeze in behind it, which could have been possible if this car had parked closer to the one in front of it. This often happens in our street: un-mindful parking. So I had to park a little further down, so I can't look out of the window and admire it. Here it is!

Today I had an early appointment with my regular GP Dr Jordan, and basically we reviewed all that had happened in recent weeks, and my treatment. Where we proceed from here depends on success in dealing with the abscess. My blood test result had already been logged on the practice network. Very speedy! I'll have another one next week to see if the remaining traces of infection are eliminated by the penicillin I'm currently taking. It seems that apart from this my vital signs are normally healthy, which is good news. And so on it goes, getting fully fit for purpose again.

Today is the 49th anniversary of my ordination to the Diaconate and the start of my full time public ministry. so went to the usual Thursday Eucharist at St John's to give thanks. How blessed I felt, to be one of a dozen congregation members, on the receiving end for a change, and to feel I'm back home in the Parish I call home. Afterwards, I had a chat with Emma our new priest. She expresses her delight at being in Canton enjoying the people of the three churches, and settling into a lively community and making a new home here. I'm so pleased for her and her family. On my way back, I bought one of those foam doughnut shaped rings to sit on. It'll protect my healing wound from excess pressure, and make life less uncomfortable when sitting. This really makes me feel my age!

I cooked lunch for us, then later we went out food shopping together. Clare's been laid low with a virus this past few days, so it was her first proper outing since Monday. We had nothing better to do than watch different TV programmes in the evening, me live streaming an episode of 'Vera' with an app on my tablet, something that wouldn't have been possible in this household three years ago. How times have changed!

  

Goodbye Golf

I walked to the doctor's surgery before eight yesterday to queue for a 'book on the day' appointment, and got one for ten forty with a young doctor, Dr Mullaney, who I think has joined the practice fairly recently, as she shares a consulting room with Dr Dyban, and has a name plate on the door. I gave her a summary of Friday night's little drama, and as a result, she booked me in for a blood test. Also she ordered an appointment for an ultrasound scan of my gall bladder, about which I should hear in the next few days, hopefully. It's a good idea to get as early an assessment as possible so a treatment plan can be made.

Phil of NG Motors got in touch to say that the VW Polo the garage has for sale is ready to be seen by us, now a small amount of remedial work has been done. He arranged for a couple of his mechanics to drive over with a spare charged battery to get the Golf working and drive it back to their place. It will save me lots of hassle. These guys are so kind and helpful. With a live battery plumbed in it burst into life with gusto, as it usually does. I admit I felt a small pang of regret at letting go of it. This car I've kept longer than any other I've had in fifty years of driving, and it's certainly been the best value to us, scruffy or not. Here's the Golf, taking its leave of us.

If we're happy when we've seen the Polo, Pil will MoT it and take the Golf in part exchange, rather than dispose of it or send it for scrap. I arranged to take a look today, and went over to Splott at noon today, all the way on the 61 bus. I was surprised by its good looks. Even more surprised by the fact that its number plate ends JKK - my initials. It has my name on it, evidently!

The car is twelve years old, with one owner, looked after by the garage for most of its life. It's in immaculate condition for its age, and in a stylish metallic slate grey. It only has thirty nine thousand  miles on the clock. It's a bargain at £1500 for someone like me who prefers a car that isn't internet connected, with lots of advanced technology. Having said that, it does have electric windows and central locking, I think. It has a 1.2 litre engine, so it's in a lower tax bracket and does 50mpg at 50mph. Adequate performance for me, with no need to commute to work, or drive great distances non stop any longer, and best of all, it's economical.

I transferred ownership of the Golf to the garage, and will take ownership of the Polo when I return tomorrow to with the money to complete the exchange. I only sat in the car, to make sure, as Clare insisted, that it was big and comfortable enough for me to sit in and drive. At full stretch I'd take someone with legs three inches longer than mine.

Mission accomplished, I returned home via the city centre, on the 'clockwise' city centre circle number one bus, making the same mistake as last time, as it went a time consuming roundabout way back to the centre, from thence I caught the usual 61. I can't yet identify where to pick it up over in Splott. Next time I must try the anti-clockwise circle bus instead.

Back home, after a very late lunch, I modified my Aviva car insurance policy to cover the new car, using the excellent  MyAviva app on my tablet. The change only cost me seven quid, which was most pleasing. The rest of day, I lay low, watching catch up episodes of NCIS on My5.

Remember you are but dust

Monday morning I took the car to NG Motors in Splott, to see if anything could be done about the broken heater. The journey to and from the garage is now much more convenient, as the route of the nearest of our buses the sixty one now stretches across town, all the way to Pengam Green in the far east of the coastal plain.

We started Shrove Tuesday with pancakes for breakfast. In the afternoon I had a bereavement visit to make in North Road Cathays, and walked there across Pontcanna Fields. I received a text message from Ashley on my way there to tell me that finally a Blackberry Motion ordered for me to replace the work phone I've had for three years had arrived, so I took the bus into town after the visit and met him in the CBS Office. It took a couple of hours to charge when I returned home, but by mid evening it was fully functional with my existing BT SIM card. It's well engineered, and runs Android. During the set up routine it installed all the apps from my personal phone, and transferred the data, which includes work account related stuff. Very slick.

Wednesday morning we had a phone call at half past eight to say that our mutual friend from Bristol days, Mike Wilson, best man at our wedding, dropped dead in their local Post Office yesterday. It's so hard to take it in, such a shock, just as I was readying myself to offer the Ash Wednesday Eucharist at St Catherine's. Apparently Mike had collapsed the previous day at home, but this was attributed to a recent change in blood pressure medication, as can happen when a GP is prescribing by what for the most part seems to be a 'trial and error' basis. If there was anything leading up to this which went un-noticed by the doctor, or undisclosed by Mike.

Lent starts with a symbolic reminder of mortality in the Ashing Ceremony. It's that time of year when I expect to be officiating at funerals, indeed, I have two next week. When it's a contemporary, with whom we've shared all the passages of life over the past fifty five years, it's a body blow. I can't help thinking - me next? There's no way of knowing, really.