A clearer head

After a good night's sleep, the longest I've had since taking note of it, I woke up to blue sky and sunshine feeling clear headed, and the effect of the meds wasn't as unpleasant and hard to cope with as it has been this past few months. 

We went to the Eucharist at St Catherine's. Sunday school has re-started so after Communion, a group of exuberant under tens rejoined the congregation. We were introduced to Beth, our new ordinand on pastoral placement who conducted the Ministry of the Word with Siôn preaching. She spoke about herself at the end of the service against the background of kids being noisy, which made her barely audible - partly lack of experience with the lectern microphone, partly my diminished ability to hear high pitched voices clearly. Practice makes perfect hopefully. 

We learned that Jeremy our previous ordinand on placement is stuck in Indonesia where he went to get married last month. An eruption of the Mount Anak Krakatoa volcano has closed the airspace. Let's hope he can return in time to be ordained Deacon at Michaelmass.

After lunch and a rest we walked around Llandaff Fields. It's noticeably warmer this afternoon, and another heat wave is promised this week. We  went in search of a functioning ATM to withdraw cash. They are fewer and further between these days. The one in Kings Road Co-op was out of action as usual, but Clare was able to get cashback when she bought a few food items there.

After supper, a chat with Owain at the end of his long weekend in Nerja, then a short walk at dusk, enjoying the mild evening air with my head almost clear of the medication side effects.

Improvement

A better night's sleep, waking up to blue sky and 20C temperature, leaving me clear headed, less impacted by the meds than I usually am. Clare made the usual Saturday pancakes for breakfast. I made a paella with Ashton's fish pie mix for lunch. I took advantage of feeling sharper to collect, sort and file bank statements accumulated over the past year. All too often my concentration has been too poor to deal with them and put them away properly. Just one of several dimensions to chaos in the aftermath of the stroke.

A top Israeli official Israel Katz says that Palestinian inhabitants of Gaza should be removed. The Israeli army has already forcibly displaced much of the population into restricted areas, killing more than 900 during a so-called cease-fire in the face of resistance from remaining Hamas militias. Israeli settlers are driving Palestinian settlers from West Bank land under the gaze of the army. Altogether it's nothing more or less than ethnic cleansing. Religious extremists claim from Hebrew scripture the right to resettle in the promised land by driving out its present inhabitants. How can any good come out of this for anyone?

A walk in Llandaff Fields for nearly two hours after lunch, then in the evening we were invited to Clive and Hilary's golden wedding anniversary party with their friends and church members. The atmosphere was very convivial but I found it tiring having to cope with being in a crowd of people, many of whom I didn't know feeling slightly light headed, so we didn't stop until the end. We returned home at half past nine and started getting ready for bed straightaway. Better not to overdo it after an improved day.

Gracelands album celebrated

A warm sunny day, following quite a good refreshing night's sleep, not that the feeling lasted long. Once I took the medication I felt the usual sensation of faintness and drowsiness combined, making everything an effort. Thankfully it doesn't affect my breathing or my heart, I just feel unwell. We went to the Eucharist at St Catherine's after breakfast with about three dozen others. Sadly attendance is low in school holidays. 

As well as selling produce from the church garden after the service, Hilary has been busy making chutney and grape jelly - the grapes are from a vine in the garden of the Robin Hood pub which backs on to the church garden. Clare bought a jar of the grape jelly. Now we have to decide which cheese meat or fish goes best with it.

We had cold cooked trout for lunch. Afterwards, I slept for an hour afterwards, then walked in Llandaff Fields until tea time. The sky was clouding over and the air cooler, but it will be several days more before there's any prospect of the drought ending. Soldiers are supporting firefighters in bringing wildfires under control in 14 places across Wales. There was a huge wildfire in Stourbridge yesterday destroying several homes. Our friends Alan and Marin live there. I sent them a message of concern and had no reply. The phone line was busy when I called. I hope they're safe.

Another short walk after supper to clear my head. The setting sun turned small fluffy clouds a salmon pink colour. Then I joined Clare watching the BBC Proms concert tribute to Paul Simon's 'Graceland' album, forty years after it was released, starring the Ladysmith Black Mamabaza choir and a couple of singers I hadn't heard of before. I had the impression the tempo at which upbeat songs were taken was faster than my musical memory recalled. Is it a reflection of an ageing 'stroke brain' I wonder? A wonderful concert.

Geneva in lockdown

A good night's sleep, waking up clear headed and refreshed to sunshine and warmer weather. After breakfast and taking the meds my head went foggy again. Is it something to do with the combined effect of the different drugs? I went to St Catherine's for the Parish Eucharist, while Clare and Kath went into town to check out a venue to hold our Diamond Wedding anniversary family feast. 

This afternoon, we had a phone call from our dear friend Gill Howie in Geneva to tell us she's moved into a retirement home in Grand Sacconnex. It's the first time we've spoken for a year. She couldn't get through to exchange greetings with us last Christmas because of the mess TalkTalk made of transferring our phone number to British Telecom. She said there'd only been an on-line service at Holy Trinity Geneva today as Geneva is on lock-down due to Trump's visit with the expectation of potentially violent protest against the war. 

Just as the cease fire was due to be signed between America and Iran in Geneva, Israel bombed Hezbollah targets in Lebanon again despite the ceasefire supposed to be in effect there. Inevitably this will delay the conclusion of the negotiations Trump has been touting for months. Trump has openly urged Netanyahu  not to attack Lebanon at this pivotal moment, but is he being listened to? A former Israeli ambassador to the USA expressed the view that Trump's annoyance with Israel reveals his recognition that Netanyahu is trying to undermine him. Whether it's true or not, it suggests he's not taking Trump seriously and misled him into making an alliance against Iran that has not delivered the success anticipated. Iran has emerged from the war stronger and more emboldened, while Israel now faces a less favourable regional balance It sounds to me like a retired diplomat speaking who disapproves of his country's leadership.

Kath left us for Kenilworth after lunch. Clare and I went to the Co-op to buy some coffee and kefir as we'd run out of both this morning. Then I walked in Llandaff Fields until supper time and resisting the temptation to watch telly, I got ready for bed early. 

Nobody is winning, some are profiting

Another overcast day with occasional drizzle, still feeling tired after an average night's disturbed sleep. We went to the Eucharist at St Catherine's. Sunday Club is back in session so the congregation was back to its usual size with forty adults and a dozen lively children. 

Clare's prosthetic hip joint was giving her pain, as it does when she stands after sitting for a while. The design and positioning of the pews too close together leaves only a narrow gap at floor level. On stepping out of the pew  It's necessary to manoeuvre carefully to get into the aisle without tripping.  I find this difficult, but it's harder for Clare as the required movement proved very painful. She needed support to walk to the altar. Sheila noticed her limping and kindly gave her a lift home. I stayed a little longer then walked back. Clare had started cooking by the time I arrived. I was grateful for this as I wasn't feeling well, lacking in energy. I slept for half an hour after lunch, then walked in Llandaff Fields for an hour. The light rain forecast for this afternoon didn't materialise.

Israel continues to pursue Hezbollah, attacking its strongholds in Southern Lebanon and Beiruit suburbs. No progress has been made on peace talks between Israel and Lebanon. Iran is firing missiles at Israeli targets. Israel's air defences may prevent most drones and missiles from hitting their targets, but air raid warnings are issued by mobile phone urging people to shelter from falling shrapnel as well as from drones and missiles which may get through. Palestinian mobile network SIMs to not receive these warnings only Israeli ones. Gaza and the West Bank are left vulnerable to attacks, whether successful or failed. but not Israeli settlers. Does Iran know or care about the consequences of its retaliations?

Ceasefire talks between America and Iran are still at a stalemate, and no wonder as Iran and America are exchanging fire in the Straight of Hormuz. It's now a hundred days since Trump's vain threats to topple the Iranian regime turned into what is in effect an undeclared war of questionable legality. The regime hasn't fallen and the consequences have been far reaching for the global economy and the whole Middle East. Trump came to power promising Americans "no more forever wars". His inconsistent and unpredictable leadership is delivering the opposite. Nobody is really winning apart from those profiting from armament sales and high unstable oil prices

Bed even earlier tonight to combat accumulated fatigue.

Creative defence

I woke up at half past eight  to the sound of hammering and the whine of an electric screwdriver from the loft conversion work next door but one. Then the sound of torrential rain, which sounded like someone was spraying the bedroom window. I had a good night's sleep despite the usual disruptions nevertheless, but I didn't feel much benefit from it. When I was preparing to post today's Morning Prayer YouTube link to the Parish WhatsApp group, I noticed a typo in the title. I couldn't figure out how to edit this on my phone, so I got up and corrected it on my Chromebook before posting.

Despite the sun shining through the clouds, there was a drizzle of rain when I walked to St Catherine's for the Eucharist, and a downpour when I set out for home afterwards. There were eight of us this morning. Jean spotted that my face was drained of colour and asked if I was all right. I admitted that I wasn't. The clot dispersing medication I take upsets my bowels badly from time to time and drains me of energy. I didn't realise it was noticeable to others.

Clare cooked fish for lunch. I had a siesta afterwards, then went for an hour's walk in Llandaff Fields. It was very windy, but it didn't rain again, and I didn't feel so unsteady on my feet as I did earlier in the day. 

Despite peace talks in the Middle Eastern conflict and Trump claiming progress is being made, the reality makes him look foolish, and he faces mounting criticism as the mid term elections draw near. America has disabled a tanker exporting Iranian oil from the Straight of Hormuz. Iran has retaliated with missile and drone strikes on US supporting Gulf States including Kuwait Airport and Bahrain. 

In the past six months or so, news from conflict zones has been dominated by reports about military use of drones. Ukraine has succeeded in containing Russian advances in the Donbass region in a way that has been very costly to Russian casualties and equipment. The use of remote controlled drones to observe and fire on adversaries has advanced remarkably on both sides, benefiting defenders more than attackers. Into the fray now, remote controlled armed vehicles are appearing. The development and use of artificial intelligence in deploying aerial drone swarms is making a significant difference to what can be achieved on the battlefield tactically and strategically. 

Ukraine's ability to hit Moscow targets is dispelling the popular illusion of Russian invincibility. A drone strike on an oil terminal and a warship in St Petersburg last night occurred while an international economic forum opened in the city. A confident message from Ukraine that nowhere under Russian rule is safe. Last winter Ukrainian energy infrastructure and the city of Kyiv were bombarded by Russian and drone attacks at the coldest time of year. Ukraine's capability to hit long range targets, especially oil and munitions production facilities undermines Russia's ability to wage war, draining its resources. Putin's 'special military operation' led to courageous and determined resistance by Ukraine. Not only that, but it led to a surge in technological creativity and military innovation. Ukraine's experience and expertise in drone warfare is now being sought by those coping with conflict in the Middle East.

Israel continues to attack Hezbollah within Lebanese territory it has invaded and occupied. Talks between  the governments of Israel and Lebanon continue, though it's hard to see how progress can be made when Lebanon is fragmented and not strong enough to disarm Hezbollah, when under duress from Israel with Iran backing Hezbollah. The situation is unstable and chaotic to the benefit of Iran with its own expertise in drone warfare capable of wreaking havoc regionally. Despite the American blockade, it's still Iran that effectively controls traffic in the Straight of Hormuz, propagating an economic crisis that is affecting the world, especially poor underdeveloped countries.

Hopefully when a stalemate in conflict is reached that is too costly and unsustainable for all parties, with warmongers and demagogues discredited and support lost, there will be no alternative left to seek peace other than by dialogue and diplomacy. That's a day I pray will arrive soon.

Mona's thoughts on the Haj

A hot and sweaty night, though I managed to sleep fairly well, but didn't feel as if I'd slept enough, and felt physically tired. It wasn't brain fatigue, my head was clear enough, if a little slow thinking at first. A cooling wind from the west brought the temperature down below 30C today. Meadow Street was noisy again when I got up with the sound of scaffolding being erected and the workers' loud conversation. A loft conversion is under way a few doors down from us. 

I posted the YouTube Morning Prayer link to WhatsApp just after 'Thought for the Day' Mona Siddiqui reflected on the significance of the annual Haj pilgrimage to Mecca which started last Sunday night. Saudi Arabia has been under attack in recent months from Iranian allies like other America supporting Gulf States. She remarked on the presence of anti-missile defence batteries around the holy city protecting the 1.5 million pilgrims arriving in even greater numbers this year despite Trump's war. She interpreted this as expressing the people's faith in God defying their own fear, and refusing to let themselves be defined by uncontrollable chaos and anxiety unleashed by regional conflict.

Despite getting up in good time, I arrived five minutes late at the St Catherine's Eucharist, detained at home by my irritable bowel which runs on a timetable of its own. There were ten of us this morning, including Pam who's been housebound for months. It was good to see her looking well, and happy to be among friends again. I settled accounts with Ann for our Tenby stay and she brought me home in her car to collect the key to their Sandy Reach apartment.

I prepared the veg to cook for lunch, and Clare cooked ravioli stuffed with ricotta and chicken or spinach, bathed in our best olive oil. It was a pleasant change, and good to find that a pasta enriched with egg and a cheesy filling didn't give me indigestion. Then, a stimulating acupuncture session with Peter, one which literally made my feet tingle. Despite the stress and sleep losses of the past couple of weeks my body has responded well to the ups and downs of changing routine. I won't need a session so often from now on.

Clare also had a session with Peter this afternoon as well, but got muddled about her destination and went first in the opposite direction to the clinic where we have osteo massage treatment with Clive. Fortunately Peter didn't have another client at that time and all ended well. 

I had a rest when I got home, though I didn't sleep, and went out for a walk before supper. Banners for an orienteering event had been planted in Llandaff Field, marking the start and finish points for the day's course. It made me think of Sara and Gunnar as they are keen on orienteering in the countryside outside of Gothenburg. I took a photo and sent it to her.

Having completed my daily mileage quota, I started getting ready for bed before sunset, hoping for extra rest. Sometimes I feel as if I'm wearing myself out, as I rarely feel fully recovered after a night of broken sleep.

War that nobody wins

Bright sunshine and clear sky to wake up to. I posted the YouTube link to WhatsApp for today's Morning Prayer video then got up. The meds really slowed down my thinking and reactions after taking them with breakfast. It wasn't dizziness, and I didn't lost my sense of balance. It was just a disturbing light headed drowsiness. 

Although it's nearly a month of polling day in the Welsh Senedd elections, I thought I'd better deal with my postal vote. This arrived a few days ago. Clare has made hers and has been reminding to do likewise to reduce the risk of losing the envelope. I opened the voting pack, thinking I would recall from last time the procedure involved, but looking at the instructions stopped me in my tracks. My drowsy head was so slow in processing the instructions and acting upon them that I needed to ask Clare's help to complete the task. This is cognitive impairment, whether caused by medication or insufficient sleep.

A walk to church for the Eucharist cleared my head, but not completely. Nobody apart from Fr Sion and I turned up, but we continued as usual. Instead of a homily we discussed the scripture readings for the day. It was a refreshing change. Afterwards we made ourselves coffee in the church hall and chatted until it was time for Sion to leave for the service at St John's.

I returned home and cooked lunch while Clare was out shopping. I didn't feel hungry or slightly faint with low blood sugar, as I sometimes do when preparing lunch. The light headed sensation diminished as we ate. Then, a walk to my acupuncture appointment on Cathedral Road with Peter at two thirty. I think it helped stabilise me. I felt more awake and sharper as I walked home. 

Clare had an appointment with Peter following mine. She was about to leave for it as I arrived home. Ten minutes later, a panicked call from her, walking up and down, unable to identify the clinic. It's not easy as  house numbers are poorly displayed and variable in their visibility. I had the same problem finding it, the first few visits I made there. Parkwood clinic has a big blue panel sign in the garden which you can only see when you're about fifteeen metres from it. Clare didn't have the house number written down, only 'Parkwood Clinic'. My fault, as the sign outside says 'Parkwood Chiropractic Clinic'. I recognised it by the fact that it was big, coloured blue with white lettering. I memorised it imperfectly. Ooops! She arrived  one minute late.

Trump announced an extension of the cease-fire between America and Iran whilst maintaining a blockade of its ports. He says that it might be possible to resume peace talks in the next few days. Meanwhile Iran is attacking and seizing ships in the Straight of Hormuz. Both sides are trying to assert control  by pulling economic levers. It's a a nobody wins situation.

Israel's war against Hezbollah in Lebanon has so far cost 2,300 lives with over a million displaced, homes destroyed and land seized to create a buffer zone with Israel. A cease-fire and peace talks are taking place between Israel and Lebanon, aiming to engage Lebanon in disarming Hezbollah. Meanwhile two UNIFIL soldiers have been killed by Hezbollah fighters. The United Nations Interim Force in Lebanon has served as peace keeper during the cease-fire in the civil war between Christian and Shi'ite militias in Lebanon since the war ended, and Israel withdrew from Lebanon in 1978. Concern is being expressed about rising tension between factions leading to civil war again. All parties distrust, hate and fear each other. Israel is determined to neutralise the threat from Iran backed Hezbollah, regardless of the suffering and death of its Arab neighbours.

Nothing I wanted to watch on telly so I made the Morning Prayer video slide show I started yesterday, uploaded it to YouTube and then went up to bed noticing how brain fatigue slows if not stalls a normally coherent thought process. 

An afternoon with the WNO

Cool and mostly cloudy today. I slept fairly well but woke up early with irritated bowels, denying me a lie-in. I'm coming to the conclusion that it's the combined effect of the slow release medication capsules and too much high-fibre bread that's triggering irritation and diharrea. When I took my daily blood pressure pill after a lower fibre breakfast the unpleasant sensation of intoxication was minimal my head was clearer my thinking was less sluggish and stayed like that for the rest of the day.

We went to the Parish Eucharist at St Catherine's. Ordinand Jeremy preached well on the Road to Emmaus story. As he spoke about the disciples realising that the risen Christ was making himself known in the breaking of bread. This reminded me of the day thirty years ago when I was in Syria, travelling by shared taxi from Aleppo to Damascus. We stopped at a village bakery to collect several kilos of fresh baked pitta bread. Its aroma filled the minibus, and the man who brought it on board began tearing off strips of it to share with fellow passengers. After saying shukran, all ate in an appreciative silence as we drove on. A similar moment of realisation for me in a predominantly Muslim country, a moment I treasure.

We did some shopping  at the Coop before returning home for lunch. We both snoozed for a while before a taxi arrived to take us to the Millennium Centre for a matinee performance of Wagner's 'Flying Dutchman. I wondered how I would cope with my first outing to this familiar much loved venue. It was busy with people on the move. I was reminded that visual impairment has affected my spatial awareness by the nervousness which accompanied navigating my way through the crowd. My impression of the auditorium was that it's smaller than my recollection of it. My hearing seems more sensitive since the stroke. The sound of a thousand people chatting before curtain-up I found disturbing and difficult to adjust to. The loudness of the orchestra however, didn't bother me. The singers' German diction was excellent and added extra emotional power.

The minimalist staging of the performance was clever but hardly nautical. The heroine's back story was presented on stage in a striking visual way during the overture, but the significance of this was squandered by the absence of any reference in the synopsis to this key element in the entire drama. While there is a mysterious element to this maritime story, I don't think it helped that is was inadvertently mystifying. This was the final opera to be conducted by Tomáš Hanus, who is now moving on. I wonder who will replace him?

A crowded number six bus was waiting outside when we left the Millennium Centre, which took us to the town centre bus station where a number sixty one was waiting to take us to Pontcanna. We were home for supper just after the Archers started. I went for a sunset walk in need of exercise. After spending much extra time sitting down on a hard theatre seat my buttock muscles were stiff! 

Digital deprivation of liberty

Clouds and cloudbursts punctuating the day, but the air is warmer. Typical April I suppose. I slept fairly well but not long enough despite my new mattress. It's hard to shake off the sleepy light headed sensation the blood pressure meds produce, but I posted today's YouTube link to the Parish Daily Prayer thread on WhatsApp before getting up.

I had a red patch on my left wrist beneath the wrist strap of my Fitbit. As sweat accumulates beneath it dries out it becomes very acidic and leaves a sore mark on my skin. After processing medications the body exudes toxins through kidneys and bladder to eliminate them and through sweat. What comes out burns.

I went to St Catherine's for the Eucharist with half a dozen others. Over coffee afterwards Paul told us of his encounter with the new EU electronic entry and exit system, which is causing chaos all around fortress Europe with long queues and missed flights due to the electronic fingerprint recognition system's inability to read so many individuals' prints, particularly people whose ageing skin conductivity is low. Anto had this problem in his last encounter with EU passport control. Reports suggest the vast networked passport system is prone to crashes, not surprisingly if there's a large volume of read errors in scanning devices.

Nearer to home, new parking regulations are obliging us to pay for a visitor parking permit, which obliges users to register a vehicle and their eligibility by residence to apply and pay via a phone app or by SMS. Double yellow no-parking lines and white parking bay lines have recently been painted and yesterday new poles were installed displaying an information panel about the regulations. The regulations will be in force from the first of August. It's a far more complex arrangement than the existing physical permit for display in a vehicle windscreen. The text display in the 'mi-permit' phone app is tiny and contains far too much information poorly displayed. You can pay over the phone, or by SMS to use a free parking space if you can find one. I can imagine the system getting overwhelmed when a big sporting event takes place in the city centre. 

Increasing dependence on impersonal digital systems to manage every aspect of our lives with the promise of greater efficiency causes me much concern, as it's all too easy to get excluded from the digital world by complex demands to self-identify, or inability to use digital devices due to physical impairment. The impersonal element facilitates fraud, system hacking can steal or destroy vital data. The rapid expansion of AI capability adds another layer of vulnerability and threatens to reduce control over our lives.

After lunch I walked for and hour in Llandaff Fields and got caught in a heavy downpour, as I did on my way home from Mass earlier. I avoided the worse sheltering under a tree but then rumbles of thunder made me nervous, so I stepped clear of the tree instead of leaning against it. Fortunately the rain stopped soon after and the gentle breeze was a little warmer.

I recorded and edited Morning Prayer with a Reflection for the last Wednesday of the month after supper. As I can't tell in advance how well I will feel to tackle the task if my thinking slows down, and impairs my concentration I aim to prepare them well in advance so that all I have to do is post the YouTube link to WhatsApp. It's not been a particularly good day for me today, but the after-effects of medication diminish following exercise, and I can focus well enough to work in the evening. I just have to be careful not to keep working close to bed time or it will affect my sleep quality.

Museum of the Moon

 I slept a good seven hours last night. The double bed is far more comfortable than my single one. I was more relaxed and Clare and I didn't disturb each other much at all. I enjoyed the company. I felt lonely sleeping on my own, when I was unwell after rounds of bum surgery seven years ago. Even more so over the past six months.

A cold cloudy day with occasional sunshine. After a family breakfast I went on my own to St Katherine's for the Eucharist, with about forty others. With so much to give thanks for, I just couldn't stay home and miss the service, so I took them with me in heart and mind. lunch was ready when I got back as I'd stayed chatting for a while after the service. After lunch Owain, Kath and Anto walked into town to the National Museum of Wales, while Clare and I waited for a bus to take us. The other were already waiting for us when we arrived.

The museum was crowded, busy and very noisy, enough to make me wonder if I'd cope with the intense stimulus of the moment. Well, it took time, but I did adjust to it. There's a big model of the moon hanging beneath the central dome of the entrance hall, the space branded as 'The Museum of the Moon'. You can to walk around it at ground floor and gallery level - a perfect photo opportunity for many, including Kath and Owain. I contented myself with watching and enjoying being there with them enjoying themselves. We spent time in a quiet gallery looking at some of the collection of Turner paintings. Clare and I resolved to return for the current Gwen John exhibition of painting another day. Clare and I then went to a Coffee#1 on the Friary for a cup of tea while the others looked at an exhibition of fossils and reconstructions of prehistoric creatures, and joined us later. Owain then took his leave of us and went for a train back to Bristol. Kath and Anto walked back while Clare and I took a very crowded bus back to Canton to walk home.

A young mum wearing a burka and a face mask kindly offered me the folding seat her small boy was sitting on. He was looking a bit overwhelmed by crowd. I thanked her and declined, as I had acquired an overhead strap plus a nearby pole to hang on to. We chatted briefly. She sounded as if she'd been raised and educated in Britain, and was at ease and confident about chatting to a male stranger on a crowded bus. It was a brief moment of courteous respect and humour, which lifted my spirits.

Kath and Anto arrived home after we did. Having already packed the car, we said our goodbyes and waved them away on their journey back to Kenilworth. What a lovely couple of days. They passed by so quickly. Now the house is quiet again, with a tinge of sadness and a few tears. I uploaded photos of the weekend wrote for half an hour then headed for bed, wishing we all lived closer together.

Easter under the clouds of war

A sunny day despite clouds and cold wind. Despite a good night's sleep, I had a hard time getting going, unable to shake off accumulated tiredness from yesterday. Despite this, my head is clearer and my attention not so blunted by the effect of medication.

I listened to the Sung Eucharist from Canterbury Cathedral on Radio 4 before getting up. Archbishop Sarah preached a fine sermon both pastoral and poetic, around the text 'While it was still dark'. The fact that she called for prayer that the war in the Middle East would come to a speedy and just end made the day's news headlines. Nothing was reported about the actual content of her sermon apart from this. The Cathedral choir sang a Latin Mass setting so full of dissonance it verged on being irritating. The congregation sang hymns half heartedly. No wonder, at eight o'clock in the morning. Pope Leo's 'Urbi et Orbi' address also appealed for an end to the war. It was good to learn about the exchange of greeting messages between Rome and Canterbury. Ecumenical dialogue and co-operation will continue as churches globally learn to live with their differences. A positive example in a conflict ridden world.

Trump continues with bullying rhetoric, now foul mouthed, to threaten the obliteration of Iranian energy and industrial infrastructure unless the Straight of Hormuz is re-opened. Iran promises equally devastating retaliation, which it has already shown it can deliver with far reaching consequences. Trump is being publicly reminded by international legal experts that such actions constitute a war crime. Argument weak shout louder on Trump's part. There is little trust between Iran and America for pursuing peace talks in the light of the US and Israel attacking Iran while negotiations were going on. Rescue of a missing American airman has been a success which will no doubt be dramatized in a movie eventually. It's been a costly success in terms of aircraft losses, but avoids the embarrassment of a hostage crisis.

We attended the St Catherine's Eucharist with a congregation of over eighty adults and children, pleasing to all who have been concerned about a decline in attendance which hasn't fully recovered since the pandemic. There has been a turnover in the local population in the past few years with young families moving into the area, and the welcoming nature of the church's ministry to them suggests attention is being attracted to a well looked after, well presented traditional Parish church.

We had a quiet lunch on our own. The Owain, Kath and Anto are coming next weekend for my birthday, but we had phone conversations with them during the day. Clare baked an apple pie with puff pastry to follow our usual salmon and veg for Sunday lunch. The leftover pastry she filled with custard for a tea time treat. No simnel cake this year.

My afternoon walk in Llandaff Fields was physically hard going, there was no spring in my step and the cold wind didn't help. After supper I watched another episode of 'Blanca'. It's an interesting idea, to have a blind person with highly sensitive hearing and sense of smell participating actively in police investigations, but if the resolution of the story is poorly presented, it lacks plausibility. 

Motherfest

Overcast and drizzly today. A poor night's sleep, three hours awake out of eight and a half in bed. Clare and I went to the Eucharist at St Catherine's. Owain took over the cooking and made a fuss of his mother. The girls called her and organised wee gifts as well.

Jeremy our ordinand on Parish Placement preached well. During the Creed after finishing his sermon, he fainted without a hint of a warning. Ruth, an altar server who was sitting beside him and Jean one of the sides-persons, both trained nurses,  took charge of him without a fuss and discreetly looked after him until he was stable enough to walk from the church and be taken back to his accommodation in St Padarn's. The service continued without interruption as it was clear Jeremy was being well cared for in a safe place while worship continued. The congregation, aware of what happened, prayed for him quietly. I was reminded of the way I was looked after by congregation members the Sunday I had a stroke two months ago. 

After the service we went outdoors to bless the church garden. The rain held off until it was time to head for home after coffee, and then it rained, every step of the way. Owain cooked us roast veg, ratatouille and baked salmon with lots of lemon. Then he took Clare out for coffee and cake, and took his leave of us when the two of them returned. His parting gift to me, a large sausage roll. Bless him! 

For me the legacy of sleep lost was mild drowsy light headedness. I stayed home and slept in my arm chair for three quarters of an hour. It helped to clear my head enough to go for a walk down to Blackweir bridge. A strong cold wind blew in gusts with occasional showers, parting the clouds to reveal the sun low on the horizon. A huge tree fell into the river several months ago. It got stuck over the weir fish ladder when the level of the Taff was very high. Finally it's been cut up for removal. Two sections of the trunk remain to be taken away. Much of it was partly immersed in running water. This has the effect of stripping off the bark over time, and its colour has changed from dark grey to yellowish white. The trunk becomes waterlogged and will sink if it can. As the bark softens it peels away, minerals leach out. This preserves the wood and prevents it rotting. Very useful for preparing timber for use in construction work.

I don't understand why, but light headedness hasn't diminished as it usually does in the afternoon. It's been a struggle to retain focus and concentrate. Is this merely fatigue? Bed early, in any case.

Fond memories of Switzerland

Overcast again but no rain. It's Rhiannon's 22nd birthday today. I sent her the photo video I made of pictures taken over the course of her life so far, with Stevie Wonder singing 'Happy Birthday to you' as the sound track. It was hard work with a fuzzy head going through the family photo archive to select photos and build a timeline, but fun to make.

The clot dispersal drugs provoked diarrhea without warning as I was washing and shaving. What a mess. The usual sleepy light headedness followed from taking the blood pressure meds, but a brisk walk to St Catherine's to get to the Eucharist just on time did clear the toxic fog to a degree. Clare didn't come with me as there's a Welsh Eucharist to attend this afternoon. No children in church as it's the second weekend of half term. There were about forty of us. Mother Sue celebrated and preached, Fr Sion is away this weekend.

After lunch and an armchair siesta, I walked in Llandaff Fields for two hours. I was aware of being mildly breathless. My pulse wasn't racing and I didn't need to stop to recover. If I stopped to take a photo or sit for a moment to view an incoming phone message my breathing settled down quickly and naturally. When I reflected for a few moments, fond memories of cross country skiing at 1,200 metres in the Swiss Jura returned to me, and the healthy breathlessness brought on by aerobic exercise. I remembered ascending Mont Blanc by cable car and mild breathlessness at 3,000 metres waiting for the gondola to arrive. Then I remembered the ten minute ascent to from Le Chable (820+ metres) and Verbier (1,500 metres) and the same sensation on arrival. Llandaff Fields is hardly 50 metres above sea level! I've never had this before when out walking in the park, except after increasing my pace for aerobic exercise, going up the slope up to the main road. I'll mention this to the medication specialist when he calls me on Tuesday.

After supper I prepared the text for Wednesday's Morning Prayer next week and wrote a reflection to go with it. As I can't be sure of how well I'll feel, it's important to make the effort in advance, rather than post a last minute apology if I can't make it. I was certainly ready for bed by the time I was satisfied with what I had written.

Kath on the case

Another damp and overcast day, but not much rain. I slept badly, losing sleep rehearsing things I needed to take care of today, but eventually woke up clear headed and sharp to start with. I posted today's Morning Prayer YouTube link to the Parish WhatsApp prayer thread when I got up for breakfast at eight. 

The toxic impact of the meds was not as pronounced as has been before until I started to tire in the afternoon. i made a start on writing a Reflection for next week when it's Ash Wednesday and completed it late in the day. I went to the Eucharist at St Catherine's. Eleven of us at today's service. I cooked lunch while Clare was out shopping, then went for a walk in the park after eating. I asked Kath's help in contacting TalkTalk to ask for a copy of our final account bill, which I think may need challenging. She certainly succeeded in getting results I despaired of getting. While I was walking in the park at sunset. She tracked the TalkTalk equipment return parcel to its destination from the Post Office receipt. I'd been unable to figure out how to extract this info. 

She obtained screenshot evidence that parcel delivery had been fulfilled. She then set about contacting TalkTalk accounts, logging into their website and using their default direct messaging app to pursue her request for a final account closing bill. The login process using my personal credentials established on their system, rejected my password to hinder the process of gaining access. Exactly the same frustration I had with it that led me to close my user unfriendly TalkTalk account.

Kath did get through and accessed the Direct Messaging app. She was able to download the record of exchanges which I was unable to do. I'm promised a paper bill in a week or so, but am unsure I'll receive a .pdf version as well. I'm promised a phone call from their accounts office about the final account bill.  Kath has found the necessary evidence to support our demand for an explanation of the large direct debit. There's a strong likelihood this call will happen before I have a copy of the bill to scrutinise.

Ashley and I had a long conversation about this affair and he said there were several breaches of consumer legislation in the way this issue has been dealt with by TalkTalk giving grounds for legal action against the company, and these would support a complaint made to OFCOM. Processing all this information, given  how tired I am today, was overwhelming. I need a respite from thinking in order to recover and prepare for whatever comes next.

After supper I watched a couple of undemanding episodes of 'Patience' to relax before bed. All round medical examination first thing in the morning. Stayed up too late again. 

Quiet healing

Rain in the night, lighter showers this morning. I woke up early, and despite not sleeping long enough, felt fairly clear headed, and listened to 'Sunday Worship' on Radio Four before getting up. It was a recorded service of Morning Prayer for Candlemass from St Giles' Parish Church in Wrexham, with Froncysyllte male voice choir contributing several items. It certainly wasn't Choral Matins as we know it, but the parts recited together were clear and coherent. The homily was about the nature of waiting. 

I was slow sorting myself out after breakfast, as I had a shower and washed my hair.  I was annoyed with myself for failing to put my fitbit back on when I got dressed afterwards. It means having to guesstimate when I've had enough exercise for the day. Clare left for church before me, and was waiting for the service to start, and for me to arrive when I caught her up in St Catherine's. On time, just! The brisk walk was refreshing and helped clear away the side effects of the meds.

We were about forty adults and kids. Ordinand Jeremy preached about waiting, starting from an anecdote about the loyalty of pet dogs waiting for their deceased masters to return. Fr Sion apologised for the lack of Lent books ordered for an ecumenical study session,  but not yet supplied. 

The idea crossed my mind, of recording a chapter each week for circulation to people signed up to order the book for the course, as and when it arrives. This would give them an opportunity to prepare the session in advance. I mentioned it to Sion who agreed it would be a useful thing to do. Fortunately Fr Andrew has a copy of the book in question, and agreed to lend it to me, so I can get busy and record a reading of the first session in good time.

After lunch I went to bed and slept for a refreshing hour instead of sleeping in my armchair. Then I went for a walk as far as Sophia Gardens and back along the Taff to Llandaff Fields. The sound of a Song Thrush duetting or competing for attention with a Great Tit was enchanting, I called in to the Padel courts 'Square + Fair' cafe through the side entrance to use a toilet. While I was in a cubicle the external shutters descended noisily without me realising. It was a surreal dreamlike experience. When I came out of the toilet I found myself in a strange darkened corridor with metal walls, and wondered where I was, but didn't panic. I went along the corridor to where light was shining through a glass door. Mercifully it was open, and I entered the cafe, just about to close at sunset. 

I was reminded of the sensation of disorientation I experienced after the stroke, unable to identify where I was in surroundings familiar but unrecognisable. I felt so good about coping without bewilderment that I laughed out loud telling the barista what happened. My brain was reacting at almost normal speed to an unexpected change and I didn't panic! A healing dimension of my stroke recovery seems to be revealing itself quietly - a gift to thank God for indeed.

Before supper Fr Andrew dropped off the promised Lent book: Retrieving Jesus - the way of love, by Bishop Marianne Edgar Budde. Time to set up a laptop with my digital microphone and find out how easy it will be to configure the kit for making a good clear voice recording. This took the rest of the evening until it was time for bed. 

Wet solstice

Overcast and light rain for much of this the shortest day of the year. We were about forty for the Eucharist at St Catherine's. The Sunday Club children sang 'We wish you a Merry Christmas' in English and Welsh to the congregation at the end of the service. After lunch and a fruitless effort to snooze, I wrote cards to take with me for church members, then it was time to return to St Catherine's for the Ministry Area service of lessons and carols, attended by about a hundred people. On the way there I noticed two other sets of church doors open and the buildings lit up to welcome worshippers. It was dark for nearly an hour before we arrived.

At St Catherine's there was a live nativity tableau with the children singing 'Away in a Manger' and girls from the local ballet school danced angelically to 'Silent Night'. It's what always happens, carried out with love and devotion. The kids have quiet fun. Hopefully in later years they will recall a shared experience that helps define who we are as an Anglican Parish congregation. After the blessing, Sunday Club children again led the singing of 'We wish you a merry Christmas' in Welsh and English by choir and congregation. Then we had a mince piece and a glass of mulled wine in the church hall before walking home with Jayne who has an apartment in St Winifred's nearby. I went out again later in the rain to complete my daily step quota. It was still drizzling and needed all my determination not to be deterred by miserable conditions. The longest possible night's sleep tonight.

O Wisdom

Overcast and drizzly on this first day of the week of countdown days to Christmas. I had a fair night of sleep, even if not long enough to feel properly rested, but more relaxed in the light of my conversation with the Cardio consultant yesterday. I held back on taking a blood thinner until lunchtime, just taking my habitual blood pressure med and statin when I got up after posting today's YouTube link to WhatsApp, after 'Thought for the Day'. I guess my blood pressure must have been high, as I could sense the change in the half hour after I took it, with my head becoming clearer, but not feeling quite right. It'll be interesting to observe the change when I take a blood thinner after lunch.

There were nine of us at the St Catherine's Eucharist. Jeremy assisted Sion and preached the homily. Over coffee afterwards he talked about his experience of converting from being a Pentecostal church member to an Anglican. He'll be ordained and serving his first curacy in Fishguard this summer, a rural coast ministry area with fourteen churches, all different. I told him about my experience of black Pentecostal worship and ministry when we were in St Paul's. Exposure to different Christian communities and cultures influences our spiritual development more than we may realise until we have reason to reflect on it.

I collected this week's veggie bag from Chapter on my way home. A freshly picked stalk of Brussels sprouts was among this week's special winter veg treats it contained. I met neighbour Rob on the way home standing inside his garage about to take his car out, or returning it. He's a network specialist working from home, unable to socialise at the moment as he's suffering from a bad dose of 'flu. We chatted about our neighbourhood and shared appreciation of long term residents who know and support each other in the same way as church parishioners do.

I took my blood thinner tablet after lunch and was relieved not to have a negative reaction to it. I stayed clear headed all day and the meds didn't make me feel poorly. A big win from my point of view. When we were clearing up after lunch, the kitchen strip light got dislodged from its rather unstable mounting. It took so long for Clare and I to fix it that I didn't hear my phone reminding me that I was due for an acupuncture appointment. I phoned Peter and fortunately was able to reschedule for an hour later as Peter had a slot available. I walked to the clinic and enjoyed a fortifying session with insightful conversation. Altogether good for morale together with yesterday's session with Dr Hughes. 

Owain arrived at supper time to spend a couple of days with us and brought me a special food supplement that will help me improve my focus in connected thinking. I am as Peter said during this afternoon's treatment, recovering from exhaustion during the first traumatic week I spent in A&E.I believe I am on the upward path now and welcome anything that will help me establish a new 'normal' I can live with.

I spent the evening writing a reflection on the opening chapter of Colossians, for New Year's Eve while Owain and Clare watched an old episode of 'Strike'

New Telly installed at last

Cold, bright and sunny with frost on car windows when I posted today's YouTube link to WhatsApp Daily Prayer thread, but another night of sleep loss, making for a miserable start. I was delighted to see an Instagram posting from Kath, showing the cover of the Heart of England Community Foundation annual yearbook which features her successful Sonrisa Arts production 'Dance in the Dark' with an accompanying article about the show aimed at families with early years children. Impossible not to feel proud of my daughter's innovative artistic work with children, and on other occasions with old people too.

I went to the Eucharist at Saint Catherine's. We were seven this morning. After coffee and a chat I collected this week's veggie bag from Chapter and cooked rice, savoury veg and prawns for lunch. Clare was shopping in town. I couldn't shake off the tiredness and needed a couple of hours sleep in the chair to rid myself of the drowsiness. Then I walked down Cathedral Road to Parkwood Clinic for an Acupuncture appointment with Peter Butcher at half past five. Another good session, so walking home was less effort than walking there. He said the tiredness I was experiencing could well be the body's natural response to a lower level of adrenalin, the genuinely physical call to convalescence, more rest, a slower pace and so on. People tell me to take it easy but it's not easy when you have a lot that needs sorting out to get your affairs in order. I admit I'm prone to frustration and panic if I feel I can't get things under control.

As we were relaxing after supper, Owain turned up, straight from work to spend a couple of days 'working from home' here. Hopefully he can help me get a few things sorted out when he's off duty. In fact, he made a good start by setting up the new Sony Bravia Android internet telly which has been in its box since I bought it a fortnight ago. I haven't felt confident about doing this with poor concentration and fatigue haunting me for months. Owain unboxed it and ran the set-up routine. This requires use of a phone or laptop to sign into the channels we have an account with. Owain did this for me as fatigue was slowing down my perception and thought processes causing me unwanted stress. It only took half an hour with him in charge. I would have taken far longer if I'd been muddling through on my own and struggling to read small print text on screen or paper.

We enjoyed watching an episode of 'Shetland' and the ten o'clock news and then it was bed time, and more much needed rest.

Advent recollection

A sunny start to the day, a good night's sleep though not really long enough. I woke up feeling refreshed but the combination of meds I'm taking still made me feel woozy until I'd eaten breakfast and started my walk to church in the fresh air. 

I love Advent Sunday, its readings and hymns. It has been special for me since I was a first year student on my first retreat with St Paul's CofE Society organised a Chaplaincy retreat in a Salisbury convent run by a small community of nuns. That Advent Sunday was the climax of my first 48 hour weekend in silence, aged 18. It was an initiation into the mystery of keeping vigil during hours of darkness, sensing the divine presence, discovering the Word in silent stillness, wonder and even quiet humour, an invitation to look at the world in a different way. It awakened me to priesthood and a call to become an ambassador for Christ present in our midst, while still coming to meet us, in the natural world, in each other and the majesty of the cosmos.A time of quiet joy vividly recalled sixty years later. Though not as intense as Easter Day, it shed light on the risen Lord's affirmation - "Lo I am with you always, to the end of time." 

After lunch I slept for three quarters of an hour, then went out feeling refreshed and walked until dusk. I started recording next Wednesday's Morning Prayer when I returned, while I had the energy to do so. Then we went to the Ministry Area Advent Carol service at St Catherine's. We were about fifty in the choir and congregation combined. Numbers were less than expected as there was a concert in St John's this evening. I don't understand how a date clash like that can occur. It's not much of an advertisement for collaborative ministry,

After the service I felt tired. I had a headache, and was in need of food as I did when I got up this morning. Low blood sugar maybe? I felt chilled and needed to stay wrapped up warm. Is it the onset of 'flu? I hope not. Rachel called after supper and we chatted for an hour, until it was time to go to bed, wondering what's going to happen next.