Resignation

Another uneventful routine start to the week, cooking lunch, walking around the Fields in the afternoon and watching telly n the evening. I feel I should be using free time more creatively, but am finding it hard to concentrate on completing my long novel. I can't sit and relax for a good long stretch to be able to focus as much as I need to. The interplay of wound condition, high blood pressure and medication whose side effects have more impact than the symptoms intended to relieve, all make concentration elusive. It's quite distressing. Without the op nothing is going to change. I'm in a safe secure, stable environment being loved and cherished by my darling wife.  I just have to 'keep calm and carry on', entrusting myself to God whether or not I survive this vicious cycle.

More dire warnings today from government and public health experts about the need for more restrictions, as coronavirus contagion continues to spread unchecked in many parts of the country, and across Europe too. I'm making an effort to walk more of my daily exercise quota indoors, to get used to this, frustrating though I find it. If my op goes ahead four weeks from now, I'll be back in self-isolation two weeks hence. If it's delayed any longer because of hospital crisis management, we may anyway have new restrictions imposed on outdoor mobility as well as socialisation. 

I believe you can train yourself to cope with most things life throws at you, mentally and physically, if you know what's happening. Uncertainty, lack of understanding and knowledge all generate undermining anxiety. In Britain lack of clarity and frequent changes poorly communicated generate anxiety, resentment and resistance to doing what's in everyone's best interests. In America Trump works frenetically to convey certainty and confidence, contrary to what top expert advisors recommend, and sometimes in denial or distortion of the truth. The November elections promise to reveal whether or not his lies are believed.