Eye test verdict

Another grey overcast day. Another night with three hours of sleep lost, so getting started when tired is an effort. I had a phone call from Rufus after breakfast to check I was in so he could call in for a chat. It was good to see him again and learn about developments in his ministry as Mission to Seafarers Chaplain in Wales. A few years back Rufus suffered a TIA commonly called a mini stroke - Transient Ischemic Attack on two occasions. As a result he made adjustments to his lifestyle, more conscious of how to live with any potential risks to his circulatory system. Recovery took him nine months. That's something I needed to hear. At the beginning the word 'stroke' adequately described what I was going through. On one occasion I heard a medic describe my condition as a TIA and wonder if he got it right. I've not been paralysed and am recovering my ability to notice and recognise things I see, even if my brain is still slow sometimes making the connections. Seeing how energetic and capable Rufus is now both reassures and warns me not to take risks pushing myself too hard if I feel tired or stressed.

While Clare was out shopping for Christmas gifts I cooked savoury butter beans with rice for our lunch. I had a rest before setting out for a four o'clock eye test at the University School of Optometry in Cathays. I glanced at a striking looking dog resembling a husky standing in undergrowth at the side of the footpath, as the sun went down. After I looked away momentarily the dog simply vanished, leaving me wondering if I was hallucinating. Then I heard the dog's owner call after it in exasperation from the path. The dog then reappeared walking with the owner just ahead of it, and then lagging behind, as if they were playing some kind of game. I was amused but also reassured to find that I wasn't hallucinating in semi-darkness.

Ceri the optometrist ran though the standard eye tests with me. I don't need new glasses, but a cataract op to replace the one I had to cancel remains desirable. It will have to be planned around abstaining for a few days from the clot busting medication I need to take, since the drugs used to prepare the eye for surgery can produce unwanted side effects in combination with them. The field of vision scan result told me what I suspected. My vision is impaired, but not just in the corner of the left eye, but in the left corner of both. And it's lasting damage I'll have to learn to live with. There's no question of me driving a car again. It may be inconvenient and make life difficult and more complicated without personal transport, but it's a release from stressful duties and responsibilities. I could pursue registration as a vision impaired person to receive help and support, but do I need this? I need to train my awareness to be more alert in noticing movement at the periphery of my vision on the left hand side in order to stay safe and not put others at risk. I can see to read and type, but there's a pattern to my habitual typos relating to the visual impairment. Can I retrain myself to overcome this. Only time will tell.

It was past five when I left the eye clinic to make my way to the nearest bus stop opposite RWCMD to take me to the bus station for a number sixty one back to Pontcanna. I'm sad to think that stroke damage  to my optic nerve, though limited, is irreversible, sad that as a strongly visual thinker I'll never be as sharp in making connections, recognising what I see, and making my way in the world, as I have been during my four score years on earth so far. Still, I'm grateful for all I have seen and wondered at.