bloody hell

Working at logging medical appointment dates in diary after lunch and a nosebleed started. Unstoppable. Msdec sAid ring A&E. Long ambulance wait. Rang around for a lift. Nigel Parsons.  taxied me to UHW at 1400. Interrogated,

nose plugging ensuite slowed but didnt stop blood flow. Blood tests. 

Three attempts to fit canula failed. 

Kath came. There were many things I needed to share with her, access codes to digital assets, instructions etc. I was warned in a dream of all things to get my affairs in order the night before, and had just set my mind to reviewing and completing the task.

In reception area all afternoon, waiting, bleeding. Slept in a recliner chair like last time my nose bled, then moved to the short stay surgery ward where emergency patients are treated in operating theatre bed chairs. It was after midnight . A horrible night, feeling poorly, blood pressure scarily high, wondering if this was what my dream warning was pointing to. ward noisy too many wake ups. Hard to sleep, so distressing. Only the simplest of memorised prayers possible now and then. 

Kath returned to Meadow Street to sleep at two in the morning, having been a gentle tower of strength and reassurance. She is so calm, kind and determined as an advocate for the best interests of a patient. Clare already in bed, Owain deejaying in London. 

Although alone and wondering I would die, it was the sadness I felt at losing or maybe leaving behind Clare and the kids rather than fear that grieved me, but I did feel held in life, disappointment at the loss. It brought tears to my eyes, along with involuntary tears of fatigue and painful pressure from the nose plug. With all the stimuli of a ward at night about its routine checks to disturb sleep I survived, thank God, what I'd call an irritable night .