Learning patience

Another day of cloud and sunny breaks, with occasional assaults from heavy downpours and bursts of wind, so unpredictable it's impossible to guess what the weather is going to be like when you go outdoors.

Despite the usual interruptions, a relaxing night's sleep with nothing to report about symptoms on a check sheet that accompanies the heart monitor. I felt sleepy again after breakfast, maybe because I am relaxing as I recover from the stress of emergency hospitalization on top of the stroke itself. I went back to bed and slept another hour and twenty minutes. Then I went out to Tesco's for some food shopping. Stiff joints and legs made the walk slow hard going on the way home with only ten kilos in my rucksack. Clare cooked lunch while I was out.

As I've not spent much time using them lately, both Windows laptops need updating and re-charging. I got around to it after we'd eaten, More time wasted machine minding if you're using an app subjected to updating. Despite its limitations Chromebook updates just happen when switching on or off. Maintenance free in effect. I've discovered that one wireless mouse no longer works and the wi-fi dongle for another is missing, heaven knows where it's hiding.

I was conscious of the nights drawing in earlier when I went for a walk in Llandaff Fields at five, armed with my brolly to fend off short bursts of rain. It was a precarious experience with gusts of wind. Low cloud seemed to accelerate the fading of the light. On my my home through familiar side streets, low light gave me difficulty navigating my way and I made a couple of wrong turns. It was as if I'd lost my sense of direction. What would be automatic way-finding for me wasn't working normally. Visual cues from my surroundings weren't functioning properly in my slowed down brain to register my location on an habitual memorised route. Quite disconcerting. I begin to understand what it's like for Clare whose sense of direction is impaired by her advancing glaucoma.

After supper, I listened to 'The Archers' and the previous behind the scenes podcast. Always interesting and entertaining.

People tell me all the time to take it easy. Initially I was anxious to learn what damage the stroke might have done and work at restoring what physical functions I risked losing: physical coordination, balance, memory paths, just by exercising them. Walking, typing, speaking, seeing, general resilience after an excess of stimulus, all needed to be worked on, put to the test. I need to find out how I am now, and adjust. I'm overwhelmed by tiredness if I push myself too hard physically or mentally. I have to slow down. Rest claims me now, I don't resist. I'm learning to be patient with myself and not fight against my body. Trouble is I'm not good at this, and easily get frustrated.