Worries

It's warmer today, sunshine and clouds but no rain. I was awake for over an hour in the night, worrying  about how I'm going to cope on our fortnight's holiday in Tenby next week. My head is clearer, but the combined effect of the meds often blunts my senses and leaves me feeling less alert. I'm not sure how well I'll cope with the stimulus of a change of environment and routine. My memory works but sometimes it's slow and my concentration lapses if I'm distracted. Am I going to feel out of control in a place I remember well in general, but am unfamiliar with in detail? Am I going to be at risk of an accident? These thoughts go through my head when discomfort in my bladder and intestines wake me up at four in the morning.

We went to the Parish Eucharist at Saint Catherine's after breakfast. There were about forty of us present and half a dozen children. Next week is ordinand Jeremy's last week with us on placement. I promised him some books. As I forgot to take them with me today, I must take them with me to Mass on Wednesday for him to collect next week. We didn't stop for coffee and chat after the service but came straight home. I lost sight of Clare in the street outside. I waited for her outside the Co-op but couldn't see her anywhere, so I walked home on my own. I can imagine this happening when we're in Tenby after a concentration lapse on my part. 

After lunch I slept for an hour in my armchair, and then went for walk along the Taff in Pontcanna Fields. I got a photo of a female cormorant in breeding plumage, standing on a rock in the river stretching her neck upwards to the sun, and another of a pair of mallards swimming down river with a brood of six ducklings, almost fully fledged. This year I missed seeing the newly hatched yellow fluffy offspring altogether. I suppose that reflects a change in my habitual walking routes since I started recovering from the stroke. I don't walk as often along the river these days.

I made the Rogationtide Morning Prayer video slide show and uploaded it to YouTube before supper, and watched a new episode of 'Panda' after we'd eaten, while Clare watched 'Call the Midwife' on telly. There were a few other chores I should have done, but I didn't have the mental energy. That's what happens when worry adds to sleep deprivation. It adds to the unfinished business I need to tackle - a vicious cycle.

Talking of vicious cycles, Peace talks between America and Iran have led to a plan to end the war being proposed by Iran. Although under review, Trump says it's unacceptable. Industrial supply chains disrupted because of the closure of the Straight of Hormuz will have a far reaching economic effect. Uncertainty over the outcome is driving inflation, and it will take months for production cycles to return to normal if marine traffic does return to normal. This will make Trump and his coercive tactics even more unpopular. America's alliance with Israel continues, undermining and devaluing partnership with Arab allies. Trump is withdrawing US troops from Germany in response to EU criticism of his war. This weakens NATO's defensive posture toward Russia. I wonder how long it will take for Russia to take fresh advantage of this?