Messages about messages

Cloudy and damp today. I slept quite well and remained clear headed after waking up and taking my pills with breakfast. My Fitbit sleep tracker reports that I sleep better with fewer interruptions in the first half of the night. Wakefulness in the second half is due to medication induced churning bowels and trapped wind. Winding down and going to bed earlier seems to be worth the effort.

I had a notification from the NHS app when I switched on my phone. On logging in, another notification stated that I would expect to receive a letter by mail from the GP surgery. It was unclear what this is about. A waiting list was mentioned at the top of the notification, but which waiting list? For what purpose?  This assumes I know I'm on a waiting list but doesn't take into account the fact that I may be on several waiting lists for different things at the same time. No matter how smart the communications technology may be, if the message conveyed leaves you guessing it's useless. Another instance of 'Garbage in, garbage out'.

Clare went to her study group in Penarth this morning and I cooked sausages and veg for lunch. She went out again by taxi straight after we'd eaten for a clinic appointment at Llandough. I stayed in to welcome the meditation group she belongs to, meeting chez nous today, double booked accidentally. There were just three of us, sitting in silence together for half an hour with the words 'love wins'. I sat with my eyes open, gaze directed without inquiring or reflecting towards a leather pouffe opposite my armchair, trying to be consciously present in the moment without turning in on myself or dozing off. No insight, no feelings. Few prayerful words. No discussion afterwards. No pasa nada.

After the session I walked in Llandaff Fields for three quarters of an hour. A cold strong blustery wind tried to blow me over. In the last stretch a heavy shower soaked my hat and top jacket, so I didn't go as far as I wanted to and reached home feeling annoyed.

Rachel rang up at supper time. She told us that Jasmine is in Copenhagen, but unfortunately she's unwell, probably 'flu. I hope it's not serious as she's a long way from family support. 

After supper, I completed writing a Reflection on the Morning Prayer passage from Colossians due to be read in a couple of weeks time, then I made an effort to get to bed even earlier, to see if it makes any difference.

Reflecting on stroke recovery

Sunshine in a hazy sky this morning. A poor night's sleep losing three hours out of ten in bed. Fortunately I didn't feel too bad once I got up, and had breakfast with my usual meds.  I felt alert enough to record Easter Morning Prayer for Easter Week, then went out food shopping and cooked lunch when I returned. 

We had a meeting at home after lunch with a couple of workers from the Stroke Association, reviewing the progress of my recovery so far. I told them the story of how I was before the stroke, what had changed as a result of the stroke, what the course of recovery had been like so far, problems with medication, and how this is related to brain fog and fatigue. From their perspective it seems I'm doing well. From my perspective, nothing abnormal was flagged up. The challenging thing was talking coherently to a couple of strangers while feeling light headed. 

My take-away from the conversation was the need for awareness of mental fatigue. It's more subtle than physical tiredness. Being more patient, not driving myself or being hard on myself when I have difficulty in getting things done, is something I need to work on. I find it hard to stop and take a step back when I'm keen or anxious to get something done properly or correctly.

The session lasted an hour and a half. The stimulus of reflecting, thinking things through and talking about them was helpful, and my head was clearer when I walked in Llandaff Fields for three quarters of an hour after we finished. I wonder if poor quality rest and mental fatigue become more evident when my blood pressure medication starts to work. More importantly, what's the best way to mitigate the effect?

News of an arson attack last night on a Jewish voluntary run ambulance service in Golders Green London. Four vehicles were set on fire. At the moment it's being attributed to Iranian agents by Jewish community security officials. Iran is firing missiles at Riyadh, threatening to lay mines throughout the Persian Gulf if its coastline is attacked, further threatening the global economy, already hard hit by the blockage of oil tankers in the Straight of Hormuz. 

With Trump threatening to obliterate Iran's energy infrastructure, Putin has weighed in, expressing concern about the danger of attacking Iran's nuclear power plant. Not much has been said about this in the news. It's interesting that Trump has postponed his ultimatum and now talks of 'constructive negotiations' taking place. What it amounts to in reality remains to be seen. It's hard to know if anything he says is trustworthy. Iran has denounced Trump's pronouncement as 'fake news' aimed at easing the price of oil. He persists in making up plans as he goes along, with no clarity about what the ending of hostilities looks like.

Clare went out to choir practice after supper. While I had the house to myself, with no distractions, I worked on editing the Morning Prayer audio for Easter week, made a video slideshow with it. and uploaded it to YouTube. Being ahead of schedule at this time of year especially means I have no deadlines other than sending a link to the Parish WhatsApp daily prayer thread, and can relax and appreciate the time of year which means most to me in the run-up to my birthday, and maybe succeed in getting to bed earlier regularly.

Coercion

A sunny start to the day, but it didn't last. Clouds took over the sky mid morning. My head was fairly clear when I woke up and the meds didn't affect me quite as badly as they usually do. I went to the Eucharist at  St Catherine's on my own as Clare opted for the Welsh language service this afternoon, after a morning spent preparing a garden bench for re-varnishing.

Trump has issued an ultimatum to Iran, threatening to destroy its power generation infrastructure unless it stops attacking ships in the Straight of Hormuz. Iran has shown that it has long range ballistic missiles and threatens to use more of them in attacking not only cities in the Gulf States but America and Israel's allies in Europe, widening the scope of the conflict. Trump is a leader who attempts to control relationships with individuals and nations by coercion. It doesn't work when others have power and confidence to push back but it creates a tense situation that could easily spin out of control. American propaganda machine videos promote support for the conflict as if it was a video game. It's what's to be expected from a former game show host, with a messiah complex, convinced might is right. General Sir Richard Barrons, former NATO commander and military defence expert, is openly critical of Trump, saying he cannot be trusted to handle this conflict without making things worse. Leaders of European nations are saying openly they don't want  to be drawn into Trump's war. 

Israel joined America's attack on Iran and took initiatives without consulting Trump. Israel's attack on Lebanon, looks like it will turn into invasion with the aim of eliminating Iranian backed Hezbollah, but it's leading to retaliatory missile strikes on Israel from Iran and its allies. On top of killing over a thousand Lebanese and displacing a million, Israeli occupation of Lebanon could provoke unintended reactions and sow unmanageable chaos. How is this going to be brought to an end? 

After lunch and a snooze, I worked on an Easter Week Reflection and recorded it, then walked in Llandaff Fields, somewhat quieter than yesterday, as the weather was dull and cold. I edited the audio after supper, and watched an episode of 'Patience' to finish the day. 

European romance

Yet another lovely day waking up to sunshine and a clear blue sky after a fair night's sleep with a clear head which remained quite clear after taking my meds with our Saturday pancake breakfast. I received a message from Veronica saying she had heard from a local church leader that a new Costa Brava Chaplain has been appointed. It seems my visit to celebrate the Eucharist with the congregation at Madremanya last May was remembered, and that I would be welcome to join the congregation for the licensing of their new pastor. It would be a lovely pretext for another visit, but given the uncertainty about my condition, plus the fast rising cost of travel and insurance it's not a prospect I can envisage. I'll be living off happy memories of ministry on the Costas and my locum photo albums in future. 

I felt sleepy after lunch and slept in bed for half an hour before going for a walk in Llandaff Fields, busy with children playing and family groups enjoying a post-Eid picnic. I found it an effort to sustain a modest pace. I wasn't breathless, my legs felt leaden, but not painfully stiff. I don't know why. It rather spoiled a pleasant hour in the afternoon sun.

Military installations overlooking the Straight of Hormuz have been destroyed by American forces. Iran has retaliated, firing missiles which didn't succeed in hitting their target, the Anglo American base on the Indian Ocean island of Diego Garcia. Britain's military bases are being used by American warplanes as a contribution to the defence of Gulf States, the Straight of Hormuz and UK military bases. 

British resistance to being sucked deeper into a conflict it didn't start and is slipping out of control with far reaching economic consequences, will be made clear by Parliament voting to endorse the government's defensive initiative and its justification. Trump ordered attacks on Iran unilaterally without formally presenting war aims for endorsement by Congress. He has criticised and insulted NATO allies for not following suit. His potential allies are less than willing to trust his judgement because he is unpredictable.

After supper, I watched another feel-good episode of 'Lolita Lobosco', a delightful mix of crime thriller, domestic comedy and romance. The final scene was set on the quayside of Bari's ferry terminal with a huge ship with the 'Piraeus' written on its stern. It awakened the memory of taking a ferry back in 1967 to Piraeus from Brindisi, seventy miles south of Bari after a day and a night's train journey from London to Athens with a pioneering student travel business taking us to a month's backpacking holiday in Greece. The romance of that adventure and the wild beauty of my first rural Mediterranean country was for us a treasured life changing experience, the beginning of my love affair with the rich diversity of European life and culture.

Spring Equinox

Waking up to a sunny spring Equinox morning, what a pleasure! Despite insufficient sleep the impact of the meds wasn't as bad as I feared, even if it did persist all day.

The world continues to reap the whirlwind of economic chaos from Netanyahu and Trump's belligerence towards Iran. The number of allied nations reluctant to respond to Trump's call to arms to take the offensive to keep the Straight of Hormuz open to tanker traffic is notable. Gulf States continue to  suffer bombardment from Iran and its allies. It's not only Trump who capitalises on uncertainty with his threats of assault on his enemies. Iran is waging economic war on western nations with its own brand uncertainty about when and how its retaliatory drone and missile strikes will affect Middle Eastern oil and manufacturing industries and its clients in the wide world.

In church news this morning, the appointment of Rod Green, Archdeacon of Llandaff as Suffragan Bishop of Stepney was announced. The former Bishop June brought him in from the Diocese of London. It will be interesting to see who Bishop Mary appoints as his successor. 

I started preparing the text of an Eastertide edition of Morning Prayer, prior to thinking about a brief reflection on the mystery of the resurrection in 1 Corinthians 15. Then I cooked a lentil, mushroom and courgette dish for our lunch, and dozed in my armchair for an hour after. On my afternoon circuit of Llandaff Fields the aroma of barbecued meat hung in the air near a tent with a banner celebrating Eid al-fitr, with family groups sitting on the grass nearby, and ball games being played by adults and kids. 

In a stand of trees opposite Howells School, the haunting sound of a green woodpecker calling. I could hear when it changed position but couldn't spot where it was, to photograph it. On the way home I called in the Coop and bought a pair of iced cinnamon buns for a teatime treat. After supper I spent the rest of the evening writing long emails to friends. Then I went for a ten minute walk in the dark around the block to clear my head before getting ready for bed.

Hairdo, long overdue

I woke up early on another bright and sunny day. Getting to bed earlier to compensate for losing sleep isn't easy for me, a creature of habit. Kath called and chatted on her way to work. I was clear headed but slow thinking, and took my blood pressure pill with breakfast an hour later, to see what difference it made to everyday light headedness. It was slower to develop this morning and not as intense. A brisk hour's walk in the spring air before lunch to get my circulation going was refreshing. Still a bit light-headed, but I didn't feel any worse. 

After lunch we took a taxi to visit Rumney for hairdo appointments with Chris. His shop front has been rebuilt at last following last year's attack by a local ram raider. It looks very smart and has reinforced steel rods planted in concrete in a row across the shop front to protect it against further aggression. I walked around Parc Tredelerch, while Clare was having her hair trimmed, enjoying the mild weather and the sight of prolific white blossom on hawthorn bushes around the lake. Traditionally known as 'May Blossom' it's March blossom nowadays.

I saw two peacock butterflies in separate places, their vivid colours standing out against the creamy colour of the reed bed. Unfortunately I wasn't quick enough with my camera to take a photo. Then it was my turn for a haircut, the first since my stroke six months ago. Chris kindly drove us home afterwards in rush hour traffic afterwards and I walked for half an hour in Llandaff Fields as the sun was setting before having supper. All afternoon I felt slightly light headed, but this didn't impair my enjoyment of chatting with Chris or the sunny afternoon.

In the news, bombing of military sites in the Straight of Hormuz and the assassination of Iran's security chief has led to more revenge attacks on Gulf States industrial infrastructure. It will raise the price of gas and oil, depressing the global economy even further. In addition to attacking Hezbollah in Lebanon, Israel has attacked Iran's energy production facilities without telling Trump in advance. Is the Netanyahu regime taking a leaf out of Trump's playbook by acting unilaterally? Is it a sign that there are differences between allies about how the war is meant to end, and what it aims to achieve? Escalation of the war seems to be the only outcome.

After supper I watched the last two episodes of 'Gli Indagini de Teresa Battaglia' set in the mountains of North Eastern Italy near the border with Slovenia. I was pleased to find how much of the Italian dialogue I could understand, given that it's fifty years since I learned the language and rarely had the opportunity to use it since - the last time was when I did a locum in Taormina fourteen years ago. Since then I've learned Spanish from scratch, and the similarities of the languages make understanding them both easier. And now bed.

Concentration lapse

I woke up to a clear blue sky and a mild spring day, and posted today's Morning Prayer YouTube link to WhatsApp at seven. Although I slept fairly well, until then, but couldn't get back to sleep. I just don't sleep for long enough to avoid foggy head again, and it gets worse when I take my blood pressure meds. I needed to take an aspirin with my clot dispersal capsule when I got up. The prescription aspirins finished yesterday and there were none left in our medicine box. 

Oddly enough, we have several packets of paracetamol and ibuprofen accumulated from the time when Clare was having a lot of hip joint pain. While I struggled to wake up properly, eat breakfast and get myself going, Clare popped out to the shops, called at the King's Road pharmacy and collected my prescription, bless her. Then I went to the Eucharist at St Catherine's. There were eight of us today.

I returned home and started cooking lunch as Clare was out shopping. Although I received an acupuncture notification on my phone while I was busy cooking, I dismissed it and forgot the appointment altogether. It was only after doing the washing up and sitting down feeling drowsy after eating that I realised, far too late to get there. 

I called Peter immediately to apologise and we re-scheduled for next Wednesday. It's one of those days when my concentration and speed of responses affect my ability to remember coherently and I'm easily distracted. I feel powerless, out of control. Is this the effect of the medication or inadequate sleep, or just mental deterioration? People talk about having good days and bad days in recovery. It seems so random to me. I can't think of anything different I'm doing in my daily routine that could lead to such a change in my alertness and ability to think coherently. I've noticed this state of mind wears off towards the evening. It must be something to do with the meds. 

By the time I went out for an hour's walk at four, my head was starting to clear and my cognitive cohesion returned. In the coppice at the top end of Llandaff Fields, the Merlin Bird app identified seven different birds in the vicinity, one of which was A Great Spotted Woodpecker. Its call was distinctive enough to work out where the bird was on a tree branch above me, and I got a photo of it at the camera's maximum magnification. It wasn't sharp, but a minor achievement given the brain fog. It was such a lovely afternoon to be out walking. I saw neighbour Rob on his crutches near the Penhill Road shops, feeling frustrated at being confined to home, but glad to be outdoors in the mild Spring air.

After supper, I spent the evening relaxing, watching a couple of crimmies. 'Astrid - Murders in Paris' and 'Gli indagini de Teresa Battaglia'. It's the nearest I'll get to going abroad until the random brain fog stops sabotaging my days. 

One small step in the fog

It was good to wake up to sunshine breaking through the clouds this morning. My brain wasn't as foggy as it was yesterday, but still slow after a fair night's sleep. Clare went out to her study group meeting. I spent the morning making a Passiontide Morning Prayer video slideshow and then cooked lunch in time for her return.

News of key figures in Iran's military and security leadership being assassinated by the Israelis. Trump is using threats about the future of the NATO alliance in an attempt to coerce other nations to back America in fighting for control of the Straight of Hormuz. Trump wants to fight but nobody else does it seems.  He behaves like a bull in a china shop.

The impact of closure is having big repercussions for the world economy as well as that of the Gulf States. The effect on the American economy  Reluctant responses to anything Trump proposes are to be expected. His leadership is regarded as unreliable, his unilateral launching of attacks on Iran without a declaration of war is deemed illegal by many. "This is not our war, we have not started it" said the German Defence Minister. Britain retains a defensive posture and is discussing with allies how it may be possible to get the Straight open to traffic again. Diplomacy rather than threat of force is preferred. 

Israel, backed by America wages war on Iranian backed Hezbollah displacing a million people from their homes, killing over 880 in attacks around Beirut - 5,200 have been killed in Lebanon since the October 7th attack two and a half years ago. It's like a repeat of the war on Gaza. Iran retaliates with drone attacks on Gulf States wherever it can undermine welfare and security. In the background, Russia supplies drones and target intelligence to Iran. Both countries are subject to heavy sanctions and have a close military and economic alliance.

Today's Radio Four programme 'Inside Health' had an article about the rise of antibiotic resistant bacterial infection. Medical research identifies a link between heavy metal pollution weakening the body's immune system reaction to bacteria. This has been noticed in war zones where munitions with armour piercing tungsten hardened tips are in use. The modern battlefield is a very toxic environment. Bacteria travel far and wide in contact with humans. So do heavy metal toxins. Concern has been expressed recently about atmospheric pollution generated by rockets and satellites burning up on re-entry, raising the concentration of lithium in the air. The carbon footprint of industrial scale computer data processing servers used for AI is also a growing cause for environmental concern given the increasing pace of global heating and climate instability. Modern warfare, industry and technological progress are achieved at the cost of mother earth. One way or another, human beings are in danger of destroying the planet and making themselves extinct.

I walked around Thompson's Park and Llandaff Fields after lunch. Our neighbour Rob was out walking in the street again, a few days after a hip replacement operation. I saw him again later sitting on a park bench in Llandaff Fields, enjoying the sun and fresh air after a few days of confinement. Muscle stiffness made going up the occasional gradient a bit laborious and left me mildly breathless. Unusual for me.

When Rachel was here after Christmas she worked on the guitar that belonged to my late niece Kay. One of the tuning keys was broken and needed replacing. Clare purchased one several months ago but I've not got around to fitting it until now. It was a slightly tricky job as there was a small square hole in the key and the end of the tuning peg was round and slightly larger than the hole. An effort to insert the key forcibly would risk shattering it. A month ago, I discovered a set of tiny drill bits of different sizes used by Clare in making jewellery. A few of them were small enough to make it possible to widen the square hole in the key just enough to accommodate the end of the tuning peg. It meant using a heavy electric drill on the key wedged into a jewellery vice, using one of the tiny abrasive drill heads. Although I was uncertain that my concentration would hold for long enough, I succeeded in making a tiny circular hole in the key that was a right fit for the tuning peg, without breaking it. Good for my confidence. One small step in the brain fog!

Fogged up

Damp and overcast yet again. Although I slept fairly well and my head was quite clear and sharp when I woke up, after taking my morning meds my brain slowed down and clouded over and stayed like that all day. I walked for an hour before lunch but my head didn't clear. It was a real effort to concentrate and complete recording and editing the audio for Passiontide Morning Prayer and Reflection, but I did over the day. 

I went shopping at Tesco's after lunch and found concentrating on the task in hand a struggle. It's a bit more demanding than the narrow focus of working on a digital screen. 

Sara sent me a picture charting the assortment of brain fog symptoms. It fitted well the way I was feeling. I don't know what I've done or not done to this set back to occur.

Clare went out to choir practice and I had supper on my own. Then Rachel called having finished reading and enjoying 'Jack's Tale' . She spotted half a dozen typos and we spent two hours on WhatsApp making corrections. She's thorough and perceptive. I thought I'd already corrected the text before I had the stroke, but it shows my concentration on detail back then wasn't as good as I thought it was. I was tired when we finished, but went for a short walk to clear my head to finish the day .

Motherfest

Overcast and drizzly today. A poor night's sleep, three hours awake out of eight and a half in bed. Clare and I went to the Eucharist at St Catherine's. Owain took over the cooking and made a fuss of his mother. The girls called her and organised wee gifts as well.

Jeremy our ordinand on Parish Placement preached well. During the Creed after finishing his sermon, he fainted without a hint of a warning. Ruth, an altar server who was sitting beside him and Jean one of the sides-persons, both trained nurses,  took charge of him without a fuss and discreetly looked after him until he was stable enough to walk from the church and be taken back to his accommodation in St Padarn's. The service continued without interruption as it was clear Jeremy was being well cared for in a safe place while worship continued. The congregation, aware of what happened, prayed for him quietly. I was reminded of the way I was looked after by congregation members the Sunday I had a stroke two months ago. 

After the service we went outdoors to bless the church garden. The rain held off until it was time to head for home after coffee, and then it rained, every step of the way. Owain cooked us roast veg, ratatouille and baked salmon with lots of lemon. Then he took Clare out for coffee and cake, and took his leave of us when the two of them returned. His parting gift to me, a large sausage roll. Bless him! 

For me the legacy of sleep lost was mild drowsy light headedness. I stayed home and slept in my arm chair for three quarters of an hour. It helped to clear my head enough to go for a walk down to Blackweir bridge. A strong cold wind blew in gusts with occasional showers, parting the clouds to reveal the sun low on the horizon. A huge tree fell into the river several months ago. It got stuck over the weir fish ladder when the level of the Taff was very high. Finally it's been cut up for removal. Two sections of the trunk remain to be taken away. Much of it was partly immersed in running water. This has the effect of stripping off the bark over time, and its colour has changed from dark grey to yellowish white. The trunk becomes waterlogged and will sink if it can. As the bark softens it peels away, minerals leach out. This preserves the wood and prevents it rotting. Very useful for preparing timber for use in construction work.

I don't understand why, but light headedness hasn't diminished as it usually does in the afternoon. It's been a struggle to retain focus and concentrate. Is this merely fatigue? Bed early, in any case.

Clear headed six months after

Ah! The return of sunshine and blue sky, with pancakes for breakfast to lift the spirits. An average broken night's sleep, but I woke up with my head clear. Taking the meds didn't leave me feeling light headed or as slow thinking as I've come to dread this past couple of months. I've no idea what's changed to give me a  respite from my usual morning ordeal. I went out just after eleven and walked in Llandaff Fields for two hours, enjoying the sunshine and the subtle scent of Spring on the mild morning air. New leaves bursting through blossom on bare branches, such a blessing.

While I was out, Clare had a message from UHW about attending an outpatient clinic after lunch. It's not clear what this is all about. Her attempt to contact the relevant outpatient unit to find out ended in failure. Not enough weekend staff to answer calls? I googled the unit mentioned in the appointment message and  conclusioned that it's about  the outcome of a colorectal scan she had. A brief descriptive remark by the caller would have sufficed to eliminate confusion from the communication. Is any training given to messengers, human or digital, about how to deliver content intelligibly? After an early lunch, she took a taxi to UHW. Nothing new to report. She's been discharged now.no further treatment required.

After lunch I started work on Morning Prayer for Wednesday in Holy Week and wrote a reflection about reactions to uncertainity among characters portrayed in the Passion story. Then I went out for another walk in Llandaff Fields to make the most of the late afternon sunshine and my clear head. While I was out, a Mothering Sunday bouqet of flowers for Clare arrived from the children, and so did Owain. 

After supper he was most helpful in the process of making a complaint to TalkTalk which charged me a hundred quid severance fee for quitting at the end of contract after I had advised the company that I wanted to leave and did not intend to re-negotiate my contract up for renewal due to the poor quality of service provided. I have been putting this off for ages but feel I can face doing it now. 

I've had a good day. It's six months today since my stroke. It's said to take nine months for the brain to recover and adjust to any permanent damage. I'm tired now and ready for sleep, but my head feels no worse than it would after a disturbed night in bed. It is something to give thanks for. 

Trump's dangerous game

Sun broke through the clouds briefly several times after I woke up. I could have done with another hour's sleep. As I started breakfast, a spectacular shower of hailstones started, lit up by sunlight. My Olympus PEN delivered a few interesting shots.  Hailstones captured at a hundredth of a second looked like white rods ten centimetres long.

The WhatsApp Daily Prayer thread announced that Archdeacon Mark Preece has been appointed as an honorary King's Chaplain. In his former role as Rector of the Canton Team Ministry, three parishes of the present Ministry Area were drawn together into a United Benefice by his quiet relaxed diplomacy. There are diplomatic and pastoral elements attached to this new role in public life that call on him to engage with political, military and civil leaders in hospitality as well as in ministry of the Word. A safe pair of hands.

In the news about the Middle East, more about Putin meddling, providing intelligence support to Iran's retaliation on America and Israel. America is meddling with the global oil market in a crowd pleasing effort to mitigate the impact of the price rise. It's now at a hundred dollars a barrel. 'Temporarily' lifting sanctions on Russian oil in an effort to lower market prices will boost Russia's flagging economy and ability to wage war on Ukraine, as if this was of little concern to anyone else. Whose side is Trump on? The UK and EU have reacted with strong criticism. Britain has refused to lift its embargo on Russian oil. 

Trump's gesture aims to boost his flagging popularity and win votes in mid-term elections that could influence the balance of power between the two main parties in a way that would make it much harder for him to push through his policies. Trump's belligerence from the outset and the violence of the attacks on Iran, in the hope of precipitating regime change have yielded instability and chaos, with Iran and it's allies steeling themselves to resist by disrupting in any way they can not only the Gulf states, but the global economy. Having been told they have everything to lose by not surrendering to America's iron will, Iran will make sure the price to be paid will be high in the long term.  Questions are increasingly being asked of Trump and answered vaguely, causing even more dissatisfaction. How and when this war will end has been unclear from the outset. Has Trump lost his grip on the situation?

Ashley called and we chatted about our ailments and medical treatment regimens for nearly an hour and a half. It took my mind off the brain slowing, concentration impairing impact the meds are having on me. I'm not having a good day today and worried about the effect this is having on my everyday activity.

After lunch, I walked in Thompson's Park. I was pleased to see a moorhen had returned to the pond, having been driven away by the pruning of bushes and vegetation around the pond a few weeks ago. Shoots of the grasses and water lilies emerging from the muddy debris are already a foot tall. It won't be long until there's enough leaf cover to provide hiding places where the moorhens can rebuild their nests. A couple of fellow bird watchers said that a heron had put in an appearance at the water's edge just before I arrived. I could hear but not see a green parakeet perched in a weeping willow covered in a fuzz of pale green leaves nearby. 

I noticed yesterday that I only have a week's supply left of the clot busting meds. Rather than placing  a prescription order using the NHS app, which I'm unsure of doing correctly, I popped into the King's Road pharmacy and made the request in person. It seems the drug in question is not common enough for stocks to be held routinely and has to be ordered. My prescription details are held electronically, and I can phone or ask in person for a new supply. It's cutting it a bit fine, but I can pick up a new supply on Wednesday when I attend the Eucharist at St Catherine's

I walked to Llandaff Fields and did a circuit, returning home at sunset. A cold wind was blowing, and I didn't fancy being out with the threat of rain showers as the sun reached the horizon. Owain phoned while we were having supper to let us know he's coming to stay for this weekend's Mothering Sunday. He may be able to help me with some digital troubleshooting. I'm not alone in having trouble with the Government One Login app, on top of the public annoyance with the imposition of digital i/d for employees needing to access public services. What a shambles!

I fancied watching a new episode of 'Astrid - Murder in Paris' after supper, but I was too tired for entertainment and finished the day an hour earlier than usual. It's happened to me several evenings recently. Somehow the effort to cope with the impact of the meds is draining away my spare energy.

 

NHS on my phone

Another dull overcast day with occasional showers and strong gusts of wind. Kath phoned on her way to work, and we had a chat while I was still in bed. She told me of Rhiannon's tech hassles at University. For some reason, she is obliged to do course work on an Apple Mac using Adobe's 'In Design' app, which is used on campus. It's not easy for her to work at home using her new iPad. She has a Mac Book Air. It needed an operating system update to match the software requirement but it's under-powered in any case. Fortunately, Kath has a Mac Mini from her technical work on the 'Dance in the Dark' show. After an operating system update and 'In design' app installation, all Rhiannon needs is a monitor, keyboard and mouse for a home based work station. The cost of hardware to engage fully in course work must make course participation highly expensive and potentially deter talented students. It's outrageous that education is now so expensive that students are indebted for decades after graduation.

I think I benefited from getting to bed last night an hour earlier, even if I woke up earlier. On taking my blood pressure pill, the light headed sensation and drowsiness weren't as pronounced as usual. Maybe that's something to do with sleep quality. 

After breakfast, I installed the NHS app on my phone for the first time. It offered face recognition as an alternative to an email login, but this refused to work for me, although I now use face recognition to open my phone. The app content is comprehensive. I can order repeat prescriptions, but I found this to be a bit complex. Maybe it's my slowed down brain.

Fears rise about the Middle East War spiralling out of control, as the Iranian choke hold on oil traffic through the Straits of Hormuz, results in price inflation and shortages of domestic fuel gas supplies The rambling inconsistency of Trump's interview commentary on the war is a matter of concern as it could trigger reactions from Iran and its allies that would make things worse than they already are. His tactic of keeping his audience guessing about his war plan is confusing and seems aimless. Is he just making it up as he goes along? Or is he failing to grasp the realistic assessments of his military and economic advisors? One thing is certain - high oil prices will benefit the American oil industry.

I spent the morning working on the Wednesday Morning Prayer video for the week after next, then cooked lunch. It was windy and drizzling rain when I went out for a walk late in the afternoon. As the temperature is a bit warmer too, buds on the trees are swelling. It won't be long before they burst into leaf. Some trees are showing both blossom and leaf a couple of weeks early this year.

We had a long conversation with Rachel after supper. She's in the throes of selling up furniture and other goods and chattels in preparation for moving back home and settling in Wales. She faces much uncertainty about her future and is having a tough time making ends meet and disengaging herself. We'll do whatever needs to be done once her exit plan takes shape. Naturally, nuestra casa es su casa.

NHS SMS Mystery

I woke up early after a poor night's sleep, and posted today's Morning Prayer YouTube link to the Parish WhatsApp prayer thread before 'Thought for the Day' started. This is the first day under the new regimen to miss taking a statin at bed time an alternate days. My head was clear and sharp before taking my blood pressure pill. Then I became light headed. My reactions, thought processing and concentration were much slower. I didn't have the usual 'toxic head' sensation, and retained a clear awareness of my condition. Is it simply a result of sleep loss? I felt as if I floated to St Catherine's for the Eucharist. There were eight of us today. I was steady on my feet, not dizzy, but a bit apprehensive about my concentration failing and leading to an accident. 

After coffee and chat I called into the Coop to buy porridge oats. There was a single packet remaining on the shelf, but when I picked it up, the contents leaked from a small hole in the packaging all over the floor. I had to double back and buy a packet in Tesco's before going home.

I had a text message from the Local Health Board notifying me of a digital letter awaiting my attention on the NHS Mail Portal, with a clickable link to the site. It must be something new. I'd never had a message delivered like this before, and wondered if it was genuine, so I didn't open it. After lunch I went to the GP surgery, showed the staff the message and asked if it was genuine. It was quickly apparent that I'd received other medical SMS notifications from the number displayed. I accepted the reassurance given that it was an authentic message and safe to open. I should have double checked, as it's easy for a number displayed to be false. 

I tried unsuccessfully to open the link on a computer when I got home. I don't know why, as I couldn't make sense of the error message. I opened the link on my phone by accident. It led to a genuine web page that delivered a cardiology appointment letter on the day before my next birthday, and placed a copy of the details into my Google Calendar. Clever stuff. It would have been reassuring to be forewarned of an unsolicited SMS using the new delivery format. It arrived faster than snail mail. It was unexpected and attracted security scrutiny because it was unusual. I mentioned this to the surgery staff when showing them the message. You can't  be careless at a time when cyber attacks are increasingly commonplace.

Mark dropped by for tea and a chat. We went out for a circuit of Llandaff Fields as the sun reached the horizon in a cloudy sky. So much more pleasant than when it was overcast yesterday.

Shipping is coming under attack again in the Straights of Hormuz and in the Gulf States, disrupting traffic not only in oil but in other ship borne commodities, sending shock waves through the global economy. Stocks of oil held in reserve are being released to market in an attempt to curb price rises while the Straits are under attack. The UN reports that 950 missile and 2,500 drone attacks have been launched by Iran and its allies so far. Trump's belligerence and his ill-considered war aims and objectives make him increasingly unpopular and a target for criticism. Israel continues to wage war against Hezbollah in Lebanon, in response to missile attacks against Israel. So far, over six hundred killed and a million people displaced. Israel has turned their home territory into a battlefield.

Early to bed tonight in an effort to counter sleep loss 

A medical fast

Waking up again under an overcast sky today after a fairly good night's sleep, although uneasy, conscious of the need to prepare myself when it would be time to get going for my fasting blood test at St David's Hospital, wondering how to manage taking the morning medication I'm meant to take with food to prevent it distressing my stomach. I drank a pint of water with my blood pressure pill and took a banana and black bread with me to consume after the blood test. It worked out fine thankfully. A 61 bus arrived in Romilly Road as I reached the bus stop, so I reached the phlebotomy clinic shortly after nine, and was fourteenth in a blood taking queue which moved quite quickly. I returned on another 61 bus and got home at ten. 

Clare's study group was arriving at the same time, and I was confined to the kitchen to finish breaking my fast. By then the meds were causing their usual brain slowdown. I finished my letter of complaint to HMRC, and printed a couple of pictures of the account information required to confirm my identity and ownership of my tax account while Clare was cooking lunch after the group departed. I took the letter to the Post Office to send recorded delivery, to be on the safe side.

Clare had booked us both appointments for toenail cutting after lunch at Step Podiatry near the Cowbridge Road Co-op. It's only the second time I've ever had this done to me. Although I can still bend down and cut my own toes. I worry about a blood pressure surge making an effort while bending so low and causing a nose bleed courtesy of the clot dispersal meds. The lesions in my nose are healing but they are fragile. The longer I can go, without subjecting them to unnecessary additional pressure, the better. The first session cost me fifty quid. The touch screen card reader threw an error message first go. I think it may be due to a sensitive touch screen not responding to my aged fingers, less able to transmit heat or relay a microscopic electrostatic charge to the screen. Kath told us how Anto's fingers couldn't be detected by an electronic fingerprint reader at an airport immigration control gate. Digitizing everything possible for the sake of speed and efficiency is a recipe for disaster in my opinion.

As sunset drew near, time to take out the recycling bags, it started to rain, turning a routine chore into an annoying damp one. It rained for the rest of the evening, so I paced up and down indoors to complete my daily step goal after supper. Then I spent the rest of the evening preparing the Daily Office text for the feast of the Annunciation and writing a reflection about the mystery.

No statin to take before bed tonight. After today's blood test I switch to month's regimen of alternate days with a blood test at the end to assess the impact on my blood cholesterol level. Having inadvertently done a practice switch a few weeks ago, I'm hoping that the same alleviation of toxic symptoms will occur again. It's been terrible to live with this 'toxic head' for the past  six months unabated.

Locked out

Another inadequate night's sleep. Another overcast day. Kath was up early, not just getting ready to return to Kenilworth, but contacting the HMRC and waiting half an hour to reach the help line to try and sort out my tax account lock-out. She's a skilful negotiator and advocate, and was able to engage with the official in question after being given the run around by the direct messaging 'bot'. We were unable to reinstate the account however, as we were asked for account history details which are locked into my tax account. 

One stumbling block was the date and amount of a tax rebate for which I received a cheque. I had no means of determining the details from HMRC emails received. I found the email of my first on-line tax submission receipt, but no confirmation of exactly when I registered to pay tax on-line. Nothing in my tax file papers. So no account reinstatement. I felt helpless, out of control of my life, and had a prolonged panic attack. I found the relevant cheque stub for the tax refund a couple of hours later among my pension documents. It left me feeling terrible. I needed an hour's walk before lunch to calm myself and went out again at sunset in another effort to clear my befuddled head.

Owain helped me with a draft letter of complaint to HMRC technical support giving them the information needed to sort out the issue, hopefully. I'll post a printed copy of this to their team tomorrow. It will take a while to resolve, and in the meanwhile I will download a copy of the tax declaration form which I fill in,  print and send. There's another month before the submission due date in case the issue isn't fixed.

I had a phone call just before five from Sil the Clinical Pharmacist, to clarify the procedure for monitoring the statin dosage change with a couple of blood tests. Sil is Greek named after St Silouan a Russian hermit saint who lived on Mount Athos in the early 20th century. I told him that I knew Silouan's famous saying was 'Keep thy soul in hell and despair not.' I think he may have been a bit bemused by that in the middle of a medical scientific conversation. I couldn't resist it.

Clare went out to the Canna Capella choir practice after an early supper. While I had the house to myself, I finished recording and editing audio for next week's Morning Prayer video, and uploaded it to YouTube. Iran has announced that the country's new Supreme Leader will be the son of the assassinated Khameni. The Israelis will target him as they did his father. He is also a hard liner admired by the Revolutionary Guard Corps. 

America's destruction of Iran's military capacity continues unabated. So does retaliation on the Emirates and Saudi Arabia, both of which have settled for defensive action rather than escalating conflict. Iran's allies are striking strategically at desalination plants and oil production facilities Attacks on Cyprus, Turkey and Azerbaijan are an effort to widen the conflict and increase regional chaos. This will affect tourism and expat communities, creating uncertainty. ir will destabilise the Gulf States economically, even if American military action succeeds in keeping the Straights of Hormuz safe from random attacks on shipping. Russia is now supplying military intelligence to Iran. Ukraine's experience and expertise in drone warfare is being recruited to defend Gulf States from attacks. Trump's heavy handedness in waging war with no clear strategy for what it can achieve or how it will end, despite his rambling rhetoric, makes everything more chaotic and risks igniting World War Three. Heaven help us. 

What a frightful day it's been. Can't stay awake much longer.

Endangered world

I paid a heavy price for eating a spaghetti bolognaise takeaway supper last night. Four hours sleep lost, not from indigestion, but emptying my bladder. I felt terrible when I got up. Kath helped me to make the on-line payment of my outstanding tax bill, which I had been worrying about while awake in the night. I still have to tackle the problem of logging in to my tax account to make this year's declaration. The whole system is about to change as HMRC is pushing everyone to use a third party accountancy app linked to one's tax account. Part of their 'Make tax digital' campaign. It's going to cost tax payers to use the app and create a lot of problems for small businesses and self employed people. I don't yet know how it will affect pensioners, but I sense trouble ahead.

Clare and Kath went to the St David's Hotel spa after breakfast. I went to church, suffering from such a bad night's sleep. I felt tired and stressed out after the service, skipped the coffee and chat, and returned straight home to recover in bed. As Clare and Kath were still out, having a drink and a snack after their spa session, I thought I should prepare the veg for lunch and lay the table. I got in a muddle about cooking paella for lunch, not realising until they got back that they wanted to have a cooked meal later in the day. I gave up in despair and went back to bed again. I slept for a while, had a snack lunch of mackerel fillets and leftover sweet potato chips from last night's takeaway supper, then went for a walk in Llandaff Fields to clear my head.

Clare made a fish pie for supper. I didn't do much for the rest of the day, feeling drained of energy after last night. We watched the first episode of another series of 'The Capture' after supper, about deep fake video, and the politics of national security, with relentless fast paced sound track reflecting the anxiety of the theme, and a whistle blowing female police whistle blower threatened and endangered by a false evidence conspiracy. I found it contrived, melodramatic, a mix of police action thriller and improbable hi-tec sci-fi. Improbable, but maybe not impossible. 

Meanwhile, in the real world the US and Israel continue to batter Iran, and Iran's allies react in ways that are likely to spread the conflict further. There are protests in America and Europe against the illegality of Trump's declaration of war without clear aims, regardless of consequences. His popularity rating at home has slumped. International leaders are expressing concern about the danger of this developing into World War Three.

More new trees

Overcast and cold again today. I slept well enough, and woke up clear headed and sharp but the combined effect of the meds had their usual ill effect as the morning continued. Clare cooked buckwheat pancakes for breakfast, then I went out and walked in Llandaff Fields for almost an hour to clear my head with no success. I noticed that half a dozen new saplings had been planted along the avenue of chestnut trees since yesterday, identifiable by fresh soil around the base that hadn't yet dried out. Two large old chestnut trees on the avenue have been felled because of storms last autumn. The transition to smaller climate resilient trees continues apace, and will eventually provide more shaded areas to benefit park users.

The Iranian president apologised to neighbouring Gulf States for attacks on them, and says Iran would not attack them unless attacked first. The Shi'a hard line Revolutionary Guard Corps promises to continue to defend itself, determined to go down fighting. Although its frequency of attacks is further reduced, they haven't stopped. Dubai Airport was closed again for a while this morning by a drone attack. The president of Iran is more moderate, implying he is open to negotiating an end to hostilities but may be over-ruled by hard liners among the elite leadership.

Trump is determined to pursue a destructive course with no idea of what the eventual outcome may be, if his variable public utterances are anything to go by.  He demands 'unconditional surrender'. If the regime capitulates, or does collapse and Iran becomes ungovernable, civil war may follow.  Trump seems to think he and his cronies can manage a situation in which America is regarded with hatred not only for its malign influence but also for the deaths of over a thousand people, in addition to the supreme leader and his team. Subjugation of people willing to interpret fighting to the death as a heroic triumph is not a path to peace. 

Military escorts for tankers using the Straights of Hormuz won't necessarily ensure the flow of gas and oil exports will continue. One tanker in transit has been hit by a drone today. Oil production was shut down as storage capacity filled up. The price of oil is rising, and this will have a big impact on the global economy. Putin is in contact with Iranian leaders. Who knows what mischief he is getting up to?  Russia, hit by oil export sanctions depriving its economy of revenue to wage war with, will benefit from oil price rises from the cargoes which get through the blockade.

Kath arrived to spend the weekend with us after lunch. We walked in the park and had a take-away supper from Stefanos. I didn't fancy eating out as it's often noisy with an overlay of Italian muzak combining to make it hard to talk at the table with my concentration impaired by the drugs. The portions were generous, and more enjoyable for sitting in the peace and quiet of home. We spent the rest of the evening chatting until bed time.

Keeping account of my day

A cold dry cloudy day after an inadequate night of sleep. The impact of taking a statin before going to bed wasn't quite as intense after taking my blood pressure pill. I suppose this is because it's been in my system for nine hours. The effect when I took the meds after a couple of hours apart from each other was worse. Even so, getting myself going requires mental effort more than physical. To my shame, remembering to say the Daily Office gets relegated down the priority list until I'm sure I can cope with everything else I need to do. And it can sometimes be at midday.

The war against Iran is costing thousands of lives. Its military assets are being devastated by American and Israeli attacks, but the rhetoric of resistance continues. Though the frequency of retaliatory strikes of all kinds is diminished, attacks continue across the Middle East wherever Iran has allies. The element of uncertainty persists. It's now safe enough for repatriation flights to take place for thousands of expats and visitors caught in places under attack. The first flight out was delayed 'for technical reasons', unexplained until today.  Not aircraft being unready but crew 'out of hours'. There's a safe flying time limit for pilots as there is for truck drivers. It's bound to happen if regular schedules are upended by cancellations and delay or aircraft not being in the right place when needed. It was like that during covid as I remember, trying to return from Ibiza via Barcelona to London.

I needed to talk to the clinical pharmacologist about the change of medication frequency and blood tests he proposed, having realised that the timing plan in his letter wasn't going to work. The letter he sent didn't take into account a ten day delay from writing to reception. Results of tests ordered wouldn't be available the day of my next consultation. I phoned the UHW switchboard and reached the Clinical Pharmacology unit secretary without a long delay. I explained the problem I'd uncovered, and received a sympathetic hearing. The pharmacologist in question was on leave but I was promised a call back after the weekend, to revise the arrangement proposed, and clarify whether or not it was meant to be a fasting blood test.

Clare went shopping in town this morning. I walked in Llandaff Fields for an hour to try and clear my 'toxic head' but with little success. Then I cooked veg for lunch, with pork sausages for me and veggie ones for Clare which I left her to cook when she got home, as I wasn't sure how she wanted them done. 

I slept for nearly an hour after eating and then completed writing a rather difficult Reflection on a passage for Hebrews about sacrifice - the sacrifice of praise, and obedience to God's will. Then I went out for another walk under an overcast sky making it seem nearer to sunset than it actually was. I forgot to take my Fitbit off charge before I left, so I used the phone pedometer app to count the distance covered when the Fitbit wasn't logging my steps. A small exercise in mental arithmetic, to counteract slow memory and wandering concentration, and tell me when my daily step goal was achieved, regardless of whether it's recorded by the Fitbit app or not. Making an active effort to walk and think seems essential to me at the moment, when the drugs I'm obliged to take are impairing my cognition and confidence, leading to occasional confusion and panic attacks. 

Remembering the day and its detail is an important exercise to keep me grounded in reality and not in my imagination. No matter how miserable life can be, given this awful drug haze, it's good for mental and spiritual health to remind myself of how much I have to give thanks for by the end of each day.

Panic

Last night I forgot to take the statin I'm supposed to take every other day, so I took it when I woke up this morning. After taking my blood pressure pill the light headed effect was worse than it was on previous days and it was not easy to think straight and get on with the day. In the post, a couple of copies of report letters sent to the GP surgery by the Advanced Clinical Pharmacist, who discussed medication with me last week, plus a couple of blood sample mail bags for me to take to St David's hospital for blood tests on separate days next week. All well and good, but I felt I needed to query an instruction with the Pharmacist.

I went to St David's hospital after breakfast to find out how I could contact him. I thought I took the letters with me, and panicked when I arrived there to present the contents of the letter with my query and couldn't find one of them. I'd left it at home inadvertently. I wanted to know about making an appointment, and how to go about it, and I wanted to check I had understood what I was meant to do, given that I'd already reduced the frequency of taking the statins. The instruction read as if I was still meant to be on the daily dose for the first blood test, and then reduce it for the second. Very confusing. The staff member who dealt with me was unhelpful, and unconcerned that I was in a state because I thought I'd lost a letter. I still don't know how I can contact the Pharmacist as it's not clear from the letters received whose team he belongs to and how he can be contacted. I walked home disconcerted, my leg muscles stiff and reluctant to relax, due to the statin.

The other letter for me in the post was from HMRC, stating that I had an unpaid tax demand from last year's tax return as the system was unable to take the amount owing via the tax coding, perhaps I don't earn enough taxable income to cover the amount outstanding. I set about paying my due through the HMRC website, only to find that accessing my account has become more complex than before with extra layers of security for registration for a Government Gateway account. This is where I came unstuck. I don't know why. Not understanding how to proceed put me into panic mode for a second time in the day, the stress pushed up my blood pressure and my nose started to bleed, so the tax bill is still unpaid. Owain was helpful, and referred me to a live support line for help to get the job done. With slow memory and a swimming head trashing my concentration,  I find it so distressing if I don't understand or lose my way in a complex process.

Clare had an eye appointment this morning in UHW followed by a post hip replacement check-up down the Bay. I started preparing vegetables for lunch when I got home, and didn't notice veggie sausages waiting to be cooked in the fridge. Instead, I took a couple of haddock fillets out of the freezer and thawed them. It took far too long, but that didn't matter, as Clare hadn't arrived home. I left a plate of cooked veg on top of the steamer pan, and the uncooked haddock stayed in the fridge to continue thawing. A rather chaotic way to serve lunch, made worse by the chaos in my head from low blood sugar and fatigue. It was late afternoon when I went out for another walk to clear my head and calm down before supper. At least it wasn't raining and it was neither cold nor windy.

In the evening news, Britain is sending fighter jets to Qatar, and HMS Dragon to Cyprus to help defend against Iranian missile and drone attacks. Britain is being criticised for its poor military contribution in any case. Years of under-investment in the UK's armed forces is exposed by its inadequate response to this current crisis. The Prime Minister continues to field criticism about Britain's cautious response to taking military action. 

Trump chose to initiate a conflict with Iran. The US Congress debated whether to endorse the President's action. The vote was in Trump's favour. Just. Starmer dared question the legality of acting without a formal declaration of war, but if attacked, military action in defence of Britain's interests can be taken. There has to be an agreed understanding of war aims above and beyond defence, to justify a commitment to armed conflict. It's not clear what Trump's war aims are. He seems to be making it up as he goes along. Enough to confuse allies and adversaries alike. The Iranian elite is about to anoint Khamenei's son to succeed him as Supreme Leader. Trump says he wants to pick Iran's new leader. It's laughable but also sinister. Israel is still attacking Hezbollah in Lebanon, as well as joining America in destroying Iran's ability to defend itself or attack, and thousands are dead as a result.

The drone factor

Clear blue sky and a bit warmer when I woke up to post the Morning Prayer YouTube link to WhatsApp at eight. I slept quite well, but not well enough to spare me the light headedness the medication causes.

American and Israeli forces continue to pound Iran in a huge effort to degrade its ability to wage or or defend itself. Iran continues to retaliate against Gulf Arab states. An Iranian warship has been sunk by an American submarine in the Indian Ocean with at least 80 people killed out of a crew of 180 and about fifty missing. Twenty Iranian naval vessels have been sunk so far and a naval headquarters destroyed according to an American official, with the aim of making the Straits of Hormuz safe for oil tankers. It remains to be seen if the threat to sea traffic from ballistic missiles and drones can be eliminated. Reports are suggesting however, that the frequency of drone attacks is reducing as stock piles rapidly diminish. Drone launch facilities and storage bunkers in Iran have been destroyed, but Shahed drones are now manufactured in Russia as well as Iran, for use against Ukraine, but if any of them are being fed back into the Iranian conflict it could have unforeseen consequences in further widening of the theatre of war

The maritime transport industry is very risk averse, and insurance premiums increase accordingly in these conditions. Thousands of visitors are stuck in Gulf cities under attack, waiting for repatriation flights, uncertain when it will be safe to return home, within the region or further afield. Dubai is a major intercontinental air transport hub, so there are people from all over the world as well as aircraft and crew stuck there. Iran's capacity to destroy enemies may be severely depleted, but its ability to disrupt global travel networks in the meanwhile can have a big economic impact on top of the rising cost of oil and gas. 

Meanwhile Israeli forces are attacking Hezbollah bases in Lebanon, attempting to eliminate the threat on its border, displacing hundreds of civilians. It's still not certain how or when this conflict will end. Iran and its jihadi allies, no matter how hard they are hit, will go down fighting, inflicting as much damage as possible on their foes, encouraged by the promise of reward in Paradise. Iranians may want to see the end of Islamic clerical rule in their country, but toppling the regime with excessive force and bloodshed won't end the hatred many Iranians feel towards America, any more than it did among many Iraqi Arabs after the the toppling of Saddam Hussein.

Talking of insurance, I had a notification from Staysure stating that my multi-trip travel insurance with the company will be renewed automatically in a month's time. I don't ever recall agreeing to an option that will if not acted upon, debit my account with another annual premium. I visited my online account to view the policy and engaged with the site's chat bot to terminate the policy not renew it. The bot wanted to know the reason, which I thought was rather impudent. Its reaction to my information light response was to propose alternative policy options. I had to insist I no longer needed anything and eventually received an email confirming that I had opted out of automatic policy renewal. First the bot asked if I had any claim outstanding to be settled. At that point it struck me I didn't need to cancel a policy about to finish. All I had to do was opt out of automatic renewal. Commercial legal language is a foreign tongue to me.

I went to the Eucharist at St Catherine's with seven others. Clare was shopping in town, so I cooked a savoury veg dish with black beans for lunch. I slept in my chair for three quarters of an hour afterwards, then walked for an hour in Llandaff Fields as the sun was setting. Clare went out to sing at a Canton Chorus rehearsal, as she fancied trying a more musically demanding repertoire. 

Finally I got around to looking at material provided by Kath and Owain to fashion a formal complaint to TalkTalk about the way I was treated by TalkTalk over the account switchover. Getting to grips with this has been difficult with my thinking and responses affected by the medication. I must be improving a little to face up to making the effort. I still don't cope well with additional stress of any kind. I had a long chat with Owain on the phone. He's in good spirits at the moment, enjoying his work and being part of a HMRC communications team that works well and does satisfyingly useful stuff.

General Jumbo's Model Army remembered

High cloud today so it's not quite so gloomy. A fairly good night's sleep too, so I wasn't affected quite so badly by the morning meds. Clare went out early to her study group, leaving ingredients and instructions for making a veggie mince pie. I made the Morning Prayer slide show video for next Wednesday, prepared lunch ready for cooking, then walked in Llandaff Fields for an hour. Since I last walked the footpath that connects Llandaff Fields with Pontcanna Fields, fifteen tall flowering cherry trees have been planted along its length. They aren't young saplings, they don't each need a supporting stake beside them. They will add to the shade as well as springtime colour in years to come. What a delightful surprise!

Iranian missile and drone strikes continue to rain down on Israel and Gulf state cities. I read an interesting article interpreting Iran's military tactics and strategy, making use of 'drone swarming'. In recent years we have been entertained by scores of drones with LED lights painting pictures in the night sky, thanks to fast multi-tasking processors. The same technology can serve as a weapon of war if drones carry an explosive payload. For a generation of fighters skilled with playing computer games, this has changed the nature of front line fighting in Ukraine.  

When I was a keen eight year old reader of the 'Beano' kids comic there was a regular comic strip called General Jumbo's Model Army, about a kid with a regiment of robot toy soldiers remotely controlled by his smart watch, combating evil doers. Very prescient on reflection. It's now become part of present reality.

Iran manufactures cheap easy to make Shahed drones on an industrial scale, supplying them to Russia and anti western insurgent groups. Hi-tech anti-missile systems have a high success rate destroying individual drones in the air, but attack by a remotely controlled air force of multiple drones is a different issue. The cost of anti-missile systems is higher, depleting supplies if used up faster than they can be replaced. The success rate drops and sophisticated weapons system costs escalate. It's the equivalent of using soldiers as cannon fodder without bloodshed, unless there is collateral damage. 

Russia recruits imprisoned criminals and  third world soldiers to fight in Ukraine. Russian military losses are staggeringly high. Such recruits are deemed expendable. It's been compared with losses in the battle of the Somme in the first World War. 

Iranian strategy is different. The growing expense of eliminating deadly drones along with rising oil prices while oil tankers are prevented from using the Straits of Hormuz, will have far reaching economic consequences the world doesn't need or want. Share prices and stock markets are already reacting in a volatile way to the uncertainties surrounding the news. 

In the Vietnam War fifty years ago, cycle riding Viet Cong guerillas disrupted the American war machine with all its sophisticated military hardware, neutralising the US technological advantage in the campaign to halt the spread of Communism. The simplicity and effectiveness of Viet Cong soldiers defending their homeland with their lives earned North Vietnamese communist leaders the right to negotiate for peace and a stake in determining the future of an ideologically divided country. 

Trump's impulsive if not illegal declaration of war against Iran looks like it has let the genie out of the bottle. Not one genie, but a host of man made pests, like a plague of hornets, much more costly to eliminate. Didn't Trump and his advisors see this coming? So far, Arab states that have been targeted are yet to respond militarily. What will happen next?

After open criticism by Trump of Britain's refusal to allow its military bases to be used for opening attacks on Iran, the Prime Minister has defended his decision to Parliament.  "That decision was deliberate." he said. "We believe that the best way forward for the region and for the world is a negotiated settlement in which Iran agrees to give up any aspirations to develop a nuclear weapon and ceases its destabilizing activity across the region. That has been the longstanding position of successive British governments. President Trump has expressed his disagreement with our decision not to get involved in the initial strikes, but it is my duty to judge what is in Britain's national interest. That is what I've done and I stand by it."

It's a firm principled stance, even if it is derided as weakness by British politicians echoing Trump's views. Starmer has since ordered the use of UK bases to defend against the threat of Iranian drones and missiles, after a Cypriot military base was attacked. A measured response, not an impulsive reaction.

I went out late for an afternoon walk down to the Taff. It's good to have eleven hours of daylight with sunset just before six now. It's full moon tonight, known as the 'Worm moon'. The southern hemisphere will have a total eclipse with the earth turning dark red in the shadow cast by the sun. A so-called 'Blood Moon. After supper, tiredness caught up with me, amplified by the meds. It seems that I need more rest and sleep than I think I need as my recovery quietly progresses and I become more active. I try not to push myself, but it's hard not to take advantage when I feel like I have a spring in my step. It's hard to discipline myself to go to bed early.

Ending a conflict is harder than starting one

A bright sunny morning. It's slightly warmer today, fifteen degrees. I didn't take a statin last night. Today's Blood Pressure pill certainly made me feel light headed. Despite insufficient sleep, I had a fair amount of energy for a change. I hoovered the carpets after breakfast, then went to Tesco's for a heavy rucksack full of groceries, and cooked a lentil and mushroom dish with rice for lunch. 

I received a letter for an appointment with Dr Tom Hughes in response to my request for a second opinion several weeks ago. It's at the end of April. I could be much better or dead by then!

I exchanged messages with my nephew Julian, now living in the south of Ireland, after an avionics career living in Dubai. His son's family still lives there. He shared a phone video of an Iranian drone intercepted by an anti-aircraft rocket high above Dubai City. The United Arab Emirates are among several states under bombardment, including Saudi Arabia. Iran seems to be inviting heavy retaliation from well armed Arab oil producing countries as well as from America and Israel. The Iranian government is in the throes of choosing a new supreme leader, while the country is under bombardment against a background of muted population unrest. Trump's call for regime change may not turn out in a way that suits his ambitions. If the Iranian government falls and the country descends into factional fighting or anarchy, how will a return to stability be achieved if America is involved, given the strength of anti-American feeling? It's not clear what Trump's hopes for a post-war Iran look like in an ever changing situation.

American presidential decisions made by George Bush to invade Iraq in 2003 and topple Saddam Hussein, justified partly by false intelligence, proved very costly with the loss of nearly four and a half thousand American lives. Iraqi insurgent groups evolved into Al Qaeda. It wasn't just an anti-American resistance militia but a Salafi Islamist militant movement determined to bring an Islamic state into being, with tragic consequences for the world. How to end that conflict wasn't thought through adequately from the outset. Will Trump learn the lessons of history? He's more of a tactical thinker than he is a strategist. 

Sir Keir Starmer is a Prime Minister who does think things through, considers the evidence and may well lead to him changing his mind. Good for him. His reservations about the legality of Trump's war-making, and caution about allowing the deployment of British military bases in this conflict have been openly criticised by Trump. It's encouraging to think we have a leader who stands his ground without feeling compelled to please such an unreliable leader capable of switching from ally to adversary on a whim.

When I set out for an afternoon walk in Llandaff Fields I found I could walk at a brisker pace for three quarters of an hour without flagging or becoming breathless. An agreeable surprise. Clare went to choir practice after an early supper. Rachel called and we chatted for so long that Clare returned and continued the conversation for even longer. Then another effort to get to bed early to compensate for last night's sleep loss. It's a battle I lose more often than not.

Uncertainty after an assassination

Fine weather doesn't last long. It's a return to low cloud with the prospect of drizzle again today. Last night the death of Iran's supreme leader Khamenei, along with several other key regime figures in an air strike  was reported. In Iran while some crowds are mourning, other crowds are rejoicing. Retaliatory air strikes on Israel and on Arab cities in the Gulf continue relentlessly. Iranian military targets are being bombarded with the aim of countering the aggression. Trump is calling for regime change now that the supreme leader's cruel dictatorship has ended, but a dictatorship is more than one man. 

Iranian religious and political leaders rely on resistance against common enemies. It's in their interests to maintain a brutal authoritarian status quo. Regime opponents are far from united - patriotic monarchists, secular, democrats, pro and anti-America, Islamist extremists. What kind of reforming regime can succeed in guiding the country post-war towards a consensus about the nation's future? Meanwhile the corrupt elite of the revolutionary guard will do everything it can to maintain control in the face of chaos. If eliminated, who knows what kind of violent internal power struggle will be unleashed? 

Attacks on neighbouring Arab states and their response produces another measure of uncertainty. Iran has closed the Straits of Hormuz to traffic. One tanker has already been attacked. Twenty per cent of the global oil supply passes through the straits. This will have far reaching negative impact on the world economy. Has Trump waged war without thinking through the consequences, both immediate and long term?

I slept fairly well despite the usual bladder disruptions. I was fairly clear headed and sharp when I got up and took my blood pressure tablet. Inevitably it made me light headed, but without the toxic impact or drowsiness that has plagued me for so long. This made it easier for me to get ready for church and get there on time for a Lenten celebration of St David's Day. Some of the little girls in Sunday Club came dressed in traditional Welsh hats. One of the younger teenage girls read a lesson beautifully. We defied liturgical tradition by singing the Gloria in Lent. I don't know what Dewi Sant would make of this. Celtic liturgical practice may have been varied locally in any case.

We sang several traditional roof-raising Welsh hymns. Calon Lan proved to be difficult if you didn't know it by heart, as the text on the bilingual hymn sheet was tiny and laid out in a way that was confusing to read. This was reflected in subdued singing from those who, like me, had never memorised it. In contrast, the English rendition of 'Cwm Rhondda' was loud and lusty. I got back home before Clare after the service and prepared the veggies and Salmon for cooking. 

I didn't feel I needed a snooze after lunch and wrote for a while before walking in Llandaff Fields for an hour and a quarter. Daffodils are blossoming in abundance, and the first Celandines are catching up. I took a few pictures to send to cousin Dianne in memory of my Godmother, Auntie Celandine.

 I felt quite tired towards the end of the walk, maybe because I didn't have a rest earlier. I can put up with the blood pressure medication making me feel light headed and even tired when I don't experience the intoxication that seems to be produced by the statins. 

After an early supper, Clare went to a concert given by the Welsh language band 'Brigyn' at St John's. I didn't fancy an evening of amplified music. Apart from the loudness, it's not my kind of music and my Welsh isn't good enough to follow. Clare returned half an hour later, disappointed because she got the date of the concert wrong. It was yesterday. We then sat side by side listening to different programmes through headphones on laptops. A weird opera in Welsh for Clare, and a second series of 'Casi de Teresa Battaglia', set in Udine for me. It's the first time we did that, I think.