Another awful night of lost sleep, despite going to bed early. I was light headed and drowsy by the time I'd eaten breakfast, taken my meds and got to St Catherine's for the Eucharist, fighting the feeling of being unwell, needing the holy normality of receiving the Sacrament at Sunday Mass. A senior churchgoer asked me how I was. I said how I was feeling. "Then why did you come?" I was asked.
If you don't know why you commit yourself to give God thanks for everything at 'all times and in all places', There's no answer to that. Feeling well, or feeling in the mood doesn't come into it. Life is hard going at the moment, but it's still to be received with gratitude from God.
Fr Rhys gave us a lift home after church, giving me a moment to update him on my condition. After lunch I went to bed for an hour, not that it did me much good. Shoulder pain kept me awake. Then I walked down to the Half Way and back for some fresh air, but it didn't do anything to clear my head. I went out again after supper and walked around the block for ten minutes. Still no change. I sat in my armchair and dozed some more until it was time to go to bed properly, defeated by this strange mental exhaustion.
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