Guitar memories

That was the worst night's sleep I've had since I was in hospital. Getting to sleep was the problem. No bad dreams or digestive grumbles, but every time I relaxed and drifted off I was jerked awake, not by noise or physical discomfort but by that imperceptible signalling from heart muscle to brain called 'sleep apnea'. I remember a cardiologist telling me that I had a faulty electrical signal in my heart and that I'd need to have a pacemaker fitted eventually. I didn't connect it with random episodes of sudden wakefulness at the time, however. I think it may happen sometimes when I'm dozing in my armchair too. I noticed it last night as the beta blocker worked to mute the volatility of my blood pressure. I drifted through the night breathing deeply on the edge of consciousness, as this seemed to help. When I didn't breathe deeply I'd drop off for a second and wake up suddenly. I began to wonder if I was going to last the night. It drove me to get up in the early hours, make a pass code checklist, and find my bank account details, to give me peace of mind, and make it easier for someone else to deal with the chaos unleashed if I didn't survive the night.

Needless to say, I was half asleep all morning. The only thing I did was to write a note to my GP reporting what had happened and request another telephone conversation. Clare and Rachel went to Screwfix in the business park by Tesco Extra in search of Bidet pipe adaptors. I took the letter I wrote to the GP surgery and had a short walk on my way home.

After supper, Rachel got her 'cello out and I got my guitar out and we played together, while reminiscing about the family. I've rarely felt motivated to play on my own in recent years. Playing guitar was part of my public ministry from early on. I didn't perform for the sake of it or for fun as I did when the children were growing up. In empty nest years and in retirement, I've placed less and less. I guess music making has always been a social thing for me. After the stroke, I found that my ability to play hadn't been impaired, it was a matter of being out of practice. Hand-eye co-ordination was initially an issue due to my peripheral vision being affected, but fingering the frets to make chords is mostly a matter of feel for positions and this has to be recovered by practice, the fingers reminding you of what you learned. Having Rachel with us has inspired me to return to playing, and remembering wonderful family times.